Charity Case for Second Base

Link to today’s strip

Hello Funkysnark Fans! Comic Book Harriet here. And I am soooo honored to be with you this week! This is my first time driving the bus! But as long as I don’t go careening off any cliffs like a drunk on prom night, I think we should be okay.

And for my first strip we have an almost ‘Mark Trail’ set up, with a building cheerfully spouting expository dialogue. I do have to applaud the scene setting in the first panel. We know we’re in Beverly Hills because a vapid looking, overly skinny, socialite, in a back-exposing top has wandered into traffic and is about to get mowed down by a blue Porsche. It could use some topical Hollywood harassment, but these strips are written months in advance.

Boy Lisa, and the person who exists so Boy Lisa has someone to talk to when Droopy Eyes McSadWriter isn’t around, are gearing up for the only thing that really matters in Funkyverse: Comic Book Cancer (Charity Action).

I am totally baffled by Mrs. Flowers in The Attic saying the title of the auction as ‘Covers for the Cure.’ It seems to be followed by BoyLisa suddenly realizing they forgot to promote this event. Or maybe that ‘Covers for the Cure’ would be a better promotion than whatever they chose. Which is probably something like’ Starbuck Saves Second Base!’ But why would the young Miss Darling say it in the first place if it wasn’t the title of the event?

Are you excited for a week of fictional strips that serve as cheap advertising for a real life auction for a real life charity that honors the tragic death of a fictional character? Because I sure as heck am!

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25 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

25 responses to “Charity Case for Second Base

  1. Epicus Doomus

    Way to sledgehammer that premise home there, Tom. I mean wow, that is lazy even by FW standards. Isn’t it funny how much he sucks at these self-promotional arcs? He somehow manages to make these events seem even less fun than they probably are, which is both totally baffling and entirely in character.

    Note to new guy: while it’s always been OK to improvise while drawing Boy Lisa, you gotta try harder than that. He looks like he was just hit in the face with a truck tire. Again, that’s just piss-poor even by FW standards. “Comic covers for the cure”…yeah, that’s a riot all right. If FW was 1% as clever as Batom thinks it is we’d all have permanent smirk lines on our faces from all that daily wryness. I hope the bidding maxes out at ten bucks and Les is forced to recycle last year’s shirts at the 2018 Cancer Fun Run.

    • Comic Book Harriet

      Remember when Boy Lisa had an incredibly long nose? I think Comics Curmudgeon hypothesized it was nose cancer?

  2. The sheer weight of exposition threatens to crush the building.

    • Epicus Doomus

      The sad thing about it is that the character uttering this ridiculous dialog is speaking to his own wife, who surely a) knows where they are and b) why they’re there. “It’s hard to believe”…the absolute laziest way to start that sentence. What’s so hard to believe about it? A planned auction is taking place as scheduled, big deal. “I still can’t believe Phil left me his original artwork!”…now that would make a bit of sense. Or, “I can’t believe I’m doing ANOTHER comic book-related thing today!”…or, “I can’t believe how much time I spend on comic books!”…or, “I can’t believe we’re still married after I donated thousands of dollars worth of valuable artwork to Les Moore’s charity!”.

      • comicbookharriet

        See the last one could have been used for cute wry character humor… That would have been too compelling.

  3. countoftowergrove

    Why is it hard to believe that we’re in Beverly Hills? Is there a wall at Hollywood?

  4. Double Sided Scooby Snack

    Clunkiest.

    Fucking.

    Exposition.

    Ever.

    “It’s called ‘writing,’ you beady eyed nitpickers.”

  5. Double Sided Scooby Snack

    Oh, come on, BatHack. Just get it over with and draw YOURSELF into the comic strip. You can show yourself auctioning off your dreck. You can show everyone lining up from Beverly Hills all the way back to Ohio, just to get a glimpse of the great Tommy Batyuck, and maybe shake his hand or kiss his ass.

    I’ll bet the next time you have an old couch or used air conditioner to sell, you advertise it in an episode of this stupidass comic strip.

  6. billytheskink

    Art Auction for the Antidote
    Subpar Sketches for the Solution
    Tepid Tracings for the Treatment
    Insipid Inkings for the Immunization
    Pathetic Prints for the Prescription

    Or how about “Pen Strokes for Stroke Sufferers”, because Durwood’s father’s affliction might be worth raising money for as well…

  7. Charles

    “It’s hard to believe that we’re in Beverly Hills already for the Heritage Auction of the Batom Comics Covers for the Lisa’s Legacy Fund.”

    There is no other appropriate response to this than “What an odd thing to say.”

  8. “It’s hard to believe that we’re in Beverly Hills, a city in Los Angeles County, California, incorporated in 1914 on the site which had once been a ranch on which lima beans were grown by investors who hoped to find oil, already for the Heritage Auction, a method of purchase and sale of items in which a set of inspected goods are bid upon competitively and sold to highest bidders, of the Batom Comics Covers, large pieces of graphic artwork designed to entice purchasers of bound visually-based storytelling often made available at the counters and spinner racks of pharmacies and grocery stores before the real-estate-based collapse of the distribution networks caused a retreat of their distribution networks into specialized comics shops, for the Lisa’s Legacy Fund, considering we are a mere couple of people from Ohio, the first of the states carved out of the Old Northwest territory per the Northwest Ordinance of 1787, one of the most significant pieces of legislation enacted under the Articles of Confederation, the first and generally unsuccessful attempt to make a federal governing body for the United States, the organization of which provided the first substantial test of the new nation’s ability to organize responsible governments for areas beyond the former Proclamation Line of 1763, established by King George III after the conclusion of the war known in North America as the French and Indian War but actually a major conflict arguably among the first truly worldwide war considering it saw significant action in North America, Europe, and Asia, a continent which Webster’s Dictionary defines as … ”

  9. The banal, leaden expository dialogue distracts from the real problems:

    1) Durwood’s aggravating need to slobber over someone who was at best an incidental figure in his life until he found out she gave birth to him while shutting out the people who raised him because Helen Kimble from the Fugitive is right and adoption is a lie.

    2) Batiuk’s aggravating need to savage comic book collectors who don’t savor funny books the ‘right’ way.

  10. Gerard Plourde

    So the purpose of this strip has devolved into publicity for the author’s various side projects.

  11. Hannibal's Lectern

    I’m teaching Senior English (AP) today… maybe these guys can diagram that first-panel sentence. I know I can’t…

  12. bobanero

    Flaccid Frames for Filler until the Fiftieth

  13. louder

    “It’s hard to believe that we’re in Beverly Hills already for the Heritage Auction of the Batom Comics Covers for the Lisa’s Legacy Fund.”

    So poorly written, that it seems longer than the final sentence of “Ulysses”.

  14. DOlz

    Ok this explains why FW is still in the newspapers. TB isn’t being paid for the comics, instead he is paying the newspapers to run his self promoting ads.

  15. The Dreamer

    Maybe the ghost of St. LIsa is going to show up to try to bid up the items so they make the most money. Then Mason wins but ends up paying twice as much because he was unknowingly bidding against a ghost

  16. Don

    I can see it now: “Hey, I never knew Lisa’s Legacy was part of the Susan G. Komen Foundation! How else could it get away with using ‘For the Cure’ without looking like a bunch of wannabes trying to leach from ‘legitimate’ cancer organizations?”

  17. Double Sided Scooby Snack

    Ooooooooh, NOW I remember what this is! Dillweed inherited these (heeyuk heeyuk) “valuable” Comix from Phil Layshio Holt. Instead of putting the money toward his family’s needs, he’s giving the money to Goatee Boy’s rat hole charity.

    I expected Blondie McBighair to put the brakes on THAT hare brained idea from the git-go. Something like, “Darvon, shouldn’t we talk about this first?” Ah, but no. For one thing, she’s a BatHack woman. An absolute doormat. For another, NOTHING on this Earth is more important than the Dead Saint Lisa Rat Hole.

    Now she’s cheery as can be, watching Skyhook’s college fund, or that house down payment, go up in smoke. Because Lisa.