The Case of the Case of Scotch

Link to today’s strip.

You know, if I saw a couple of teenagers hauling a mattress toward my house, I’m not sure I would deduce that they are 1) high school students and that 2) they are selling mattresses to raise funds.   (I’m not sure what I would make of it, to be honest.)  That this guy has correctly deduced all this makes him much more of a detective than either Bernie or Thatsnought; thus, he has every right to ignore the “wit” offered, pivot on his heel, and slam the door in the faces of these inept salesmen.  Something I’d honestly like to see happen more often to the regular cast, followed of course by dumping vats of boiling oil over them.  I’ll stop there, because I could probably go on for page after page of Funky Winkerbean cast humiliation, and I’d never get any work done.

Is it my eyes, or is that mattress getting smaller and smaller?  They should just sell them as pet beds, because no human being over the age of six is going to spend a comfortable night on one of those.  That is, if “comfortable night” is a possibility in this strip.

I…I’ve got nothin’

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14 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

14 responses to “The Case of the Case of Scotch

  1. Epicus Doomus

    So a Jewish kid and a black kid walk into a guy’s yard carrying a dirty mattress. The guy says “hey, you guys doing a band fundraiser?”. And the Jewish kid says “yeah, want one?”. And the guy says “sure, just let me tidy up for a second. And the black kid says “no problem, we wouldn’t want to get your DUST RUFFLED”. Get it? It’s BED-RELATED! Because MATTRESS.

    A funny thing about visiting this site every day: when you get so sick of typing a particular word or phrase that you just want to die. “Lisa’s Legacy”…”Starbuck Jones”…”decoder ring”…”bandbox”…comic book”…”tramp steamer”…”the Valentine”…”Les” and of course MATTRESS, my new favorite least favorite word. I bet you that after this week I won’t type the word “mattress” more than six times over the next ten years, if that. Yeah it’s an abnormal thing to think about but it beats the hell out of finding new ways to describe how bad this arc is. No one beats a dead horse to a pulp like the Ban Man can, when he’s finished there’s nothing left but glue.

  2. spacemanspiff85

    There’s a real pattern in this strip of people insulting/mocking their customers or audience, and then being upset when they’re not properly appreciated.

    • Double Sided Scooby Snack

      What would you expect from a guy who calls his readers Twitter tots, internuts, and beady eyed nitpickers?

  3. billytheskink

    Just yesterday Bernie was whining about a potential customer’s bedding puns, and now he’s dishing them out? Hypocrite.

    And did William Daniels really need work this badly?

    • Saturnino

      “Just yesterday Bernie was whining about a potential customer’s bedding puns, and now he’s dishing them out? Hypocrite.”

      When you work for the Procrustian Bed Company………..

  4. Jimmy

    Is it my eyes, or is that mattress getting smaller and smaller? They should just sell them as pet beds, because no human being over the age of six is going to spend a comfortable night on one of those. That is, if “comfortable night” is a possibility in this strip.

    That reminds me of a recent trip to IKEA. We saw a sofa with a cool little pull-out bed underneath it. When we checked it out, my too-short-for-his-age 8-year old couldn’t even fit in it. Very few Swedes would fit into it.

    I guess I’m trying to say this was a better joke on their part than I see in FW.

  5. There’s a reason Mad Magazine did that “Snappy answers to stupid questions” thing: they knew that people are obliged not to hurt other people’s feelings pointing out how stupid they think they are. Batiuk simply forgot that this is a quarter of an inch from reality again.

    • Eldon of Galt

      Yes, this was set up just like one of those “Snappy Answer” bits. However, the snappy answer becomes much less effective when one is doing something so stupid, any other person would be rightly confused by it.

  6. Rusty Shackleford

    Crankshaft: also a very stupid bit. Why didn’t she present the rum balls to her hosts when she arrived?

  7. Doghouse Reilly

    This is why I always keep a cauldron of boiling oil on my roof.

  8. Double Sided Scooby Snack

    These two idiots schlepp the unsold “Albatross Brand” mattress to yet another door.

    Realguy McMustache: “Yeah, what do you want?”

    Bernie: “Oy vey!”

    Thatsnaught: “Shiiiiit, maaaaan. That honky muf’ be messin’ mah old lady… got to be runnin’ cold upside down his head, you know?”

    Realguy: “I’m a cranky old guy in Ohio, and thus don’t speak jive. What are you doing with that mattress?”

    Bernie: “Oy, gevalt!!”

    Thatsnaught: “Hey homey, I can dig it. Know ain’t gonna lay no mo’ big rap up on you, man!”

    Realguy: “I see. So are you trying to sell that mattress to me, or do you need directions to the dump?”

    Bernie: “Oy! Oy, meyn toochas!!”

    Thatsnaught: “Hey, you know what they say: See a broad to get dat booty yak ’em… leg ‘er down a smack ’em yak ’em!”

    Realguy: “Hmmff. Okay, that sounds swell. Now get off my lawn before I call the cops. I gotta go now. I need to call all my friends and tell them Todd Baliuk finally drew me into his cartoon.”

    ***SLAM!!!***

  9. Count of Tower Grove

    I’m wondering if Wilson is waiting until Dennis is in band before buying a mattress.