Every Day the Paperboy Brings More

And I recommend that you
Stop watching the news
Because the news contrives to frighten you
To make you feel small and alone
To make you feel that your mind isn’t your own

Morrissey, “Spent the Day in Bed

So Funky’s rationale for staying sober is that, even if he drank all the alcohol in the world…in the whole world…that the “insanity” of life would continue. Isn’t that setting the bar (no pun intended) a little high (still no pun intended)? Couldn’t he just drink enough to stay drunk and not care so much about the world? If he finds the news each day to be so upsetting, why doesn’t Funky just stop watching the news each day? Once again Batiuk attempts to tackle a serious subject and buries himself and the rest of us under “the weight of substantial ideas.”

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16 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

16 responses to “Every Day the Paperboy Brings More

  1. Epicus Doomus

    “Everything sucks so much that I can’t drink enough to block it out, so I figure why drink at all?”…yet he’s overweight (there apparently IS enough food to keep his mind off the insanity of life) and he’s constantly working out (why bother if you’re just gonna gain the weight back anyway). Thus we can once again safely conclude that our old pal Funky is indeed a babbling asshole. Now go home, bitch at the TV and eat another pie, you fat bastard.

  2. Funky, if you’re so damned depressed that you can’t take it, why not consider suicide? Because I bet “Funky’s Suicide” would be an arc that would have a sweet scent about it…a scent, dare I say it, that smells like Pulitzer?

    Couldn’t hurt to try, right?

  3. billytheskink

    Well there’s a riot in the courthouse
    There’s a fire in the street
    There’s a sinner bein’ trampled
    By a thousand pious feet
    There’s a baby every minute
    Bein’ born without a chance
    Now don’t that make you want
    To jump right up and start to dance?

    – Tonio K. “The Funky Western Civilization”

    In case you were wondering if this story arc was the best world-weary grumble about the state of modern society that also involves the word “funky”… it is not. It is very very much not.

  4. Count of Tower Grove

    Fungy looks like he wants to wear a chasuble. Les vobiscum.

  5. spacemanspiff85

    Um, so Funky wasn’t depressed or worried at all until he watched the news? Running one of two successful businesses in a town full of cancer and tragically ironic injuries didn’t get to him at all?

  6. “Sir, this is the meeting of the old-time radio appreciation society.”

    “Oh. Well, while most casual readers think of `kryptonite’ as a fixture of the comic books it was actually introduced in a prototype form as the mysterious `k-metal’ in a storyline on the Superman daily serial program, starring Bud Collier … ”

  7. comicbookharriet

    It’s like after all the relative ‘happiness’ of Starbuck Jones and endless successful Lisa fundraisers, and double weddings and the like….Tom Batiuk suddenly realized he had boxes and boxes of depression sitting in a back room and figured he’d shove it all in one week here and get it out before it expired.

    I mean DAMN. I thought that talking about Elvis dying on the toilet was depressing…but it wasn’t preachy, self-righteous AND nihilistic.

    In other news, Funky’s head is collapsing on itself as he slowly morphs before our eyes into an aged Dinkle, a man at least AT MINIMUM 15 years older than him.

  8. What we’re looking at here is something called a dry drunk. He’s as big an asshole as he was when he was on the sauce but his blood alcohol level is lower.

    • Saturnino

      In my experience, lots of folks seem to get worse after they stop drinking. You begin to miss the harmless drunk who never showed up or showed up late v. the nasty vindictive POS that now sits in front of you…………

  9. Rusty

    Funky needs AA meetings whenever an overwhelming urge to lecture people can’t be ignored. The recipients of his diatribe should be applauded for their self-restraint. If it goes on into Sunday’s strip, however, all bets are off.

  10. timbuys

    Could someone please pass Funky a joint or three? Maybe a couple of Fentanyl patches?

  11. Funky is visibly different today from the first of the week. This artist is terrible. And Smokey McCig just kills me – the long ash several times this week clearly intended to signify desperation, booze withdrawal, etc. Why does TB always have to resort to cliches and stereotypes that insult his readers’ intelligence?

  12. ALSO, Smokey McButts does not wear glasses, so why did he have glasses in yesterday’s strip? Check the silhouette of the smoker in that one. The lack of consistency here happens so often that you can’t help but marvel at the sheer laziness TB demonstrates. It appears to have rubbed off on the artist, too.

  13. Hannibal's Lectern

    Funky (and maybe Todd as well) just needs to floss, and everything will be fine.

    (If that made no sense, check today’s “Pearls Before Swine“)

  14. Charles

    What a facile imbecile, and to draw Funky waving his arms around as if he’s saying something profound…

    Batiuk’s either lazy, craven, or both. He either can’t be bothered to come up with anything specific for Funky to be concerned about, or he’s terrified that if he comes up with something more concrete than “everything is bad”, he’ll provoke a hostile response. Funky’s statement is nothing. It’s a blank sentiment of no meaning whatsoever, phrased in such as way as to sound profound. Look any deeper and the characters’ philosophy is revealed as nothing more than simple tautology: “Things suck because things are bad.” It’s a statement of no value whatsoever.

    And the sad thing is I bet Batiuk believes himself some brave seer because he wrote this crap.