Or You Could Just Die, Either Or

Link To Today’s Thing

Once again BatHole’s vast “writing” ineptitude is on full display. If you were reading the events of this story in novel form you’d have laughed and casually tossed it into the fireplace already, just to spare yourself the embarrassment of having it in your home. So just like that this Flash guy is leaving? Does he work there or was he just brought in specifically to wish Pete well with his new job? It’s such a weird and inexplicable tangent, all for a really sad and pitiful payoff too.

“Hello, Flash? This is Chester Hagglemore. I own a new comic book company based on Batom Comics. Do you remember the ol’ Eaton Building where you used to work? Well, I bought it and…”

“What? Hello? (buttons on keypad being pressed)”

“Mr. Flash, I bought that building and one of my employees is a big fan of your old work and I thought…”

“What? Hello? Who’s this now? Comic books?”

“Yes sir, I was wondering if you’d let me stash you in the building to surprise this Pete fellow, it’d really mean a lot to him and…”

“Hello? Brady Wentworth, now THERE was a REAL SCUMBAG! Still OWES ME MONEY!! Hello?”

(phone rustling noises, yelling)

“This is Mr Flash’s nurse. You’ll have to call him back, the “Diagnosis: Murder” with Tim Conway and Harvey Korman is on. After dinner is fine, say 3:15 or so.”

I mean come on. And Pete has been in the comic book game for years now, while being flattered by McFlashowitz’s praise is all well and good that grotesque star-struck look on his face is way out of proportion with the events that just took place.


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

18 responses to “Or You Could Just Die, Either Or

  1. countoftowergrove

    As always for me to see the strip where the week’s splash panel is revealed is the payoff. It certainly isn’t in the writing. Did you see what I said, Todd?

  2. Gerard Plourde

    A storyline I’d love to see would be one where Hagglemore actually detests Pete’s work and is staging this elaborate prank (resulting in no actual job) to destroy his career. Being from Centerville, he’s aware of the self-sabotaging streak possessed by all Westview residents, and gambled that Pete would willingly give up his well-paying and extremely laid-back job at the studio for the opportunity to return to Westview like a homing pigeon. Even more satisfying would be if the studio was aware of the plan.

    I’d even root for an homage to Poe’s “Cask of Amontillado” ending, with Pete and Darrin walled up in an obscure corner of the abandoned building yelling, “For the love of God, Hagglemore!”

    • Jimmy

      That’s actually a pretty good idea. I find myself pulling for the “villains” in this comic strip.

  3. erdmann

    Yes, Pete. You can die happy, but this is the Funkyverse, so you probably won’t.

  4. spacemanspiff85

    This is way, way happier than Pete’s ever been with that girl he’s seeing, and I’m sure it’s way happier than he’ll ever be depicted with her. Heck, I’d be kind of shocked if he musters more than a smirk when he inevitably proposes.

    • Epicus Doomus

      Absolutely…a decoder ring hidden in a slice of pizza and a wry wisecrack about finally having a ball and chain like Darin does as Jessica looks on sarcastically, followed by a free movie at Mindy’s job.

  5. Weird. He’s found out that his idols consist of an artist who’d rather have spent his life handing out towels in a whorehouse and a writer who saw the whole thing as a sort of flypaper for idiot children but a fake-sincere compliment delights him.

    Meanwhile, Batiuk is enraged because the stunted fungus people turn into Worf and tell him “Then do so.”

    • redsnifit

      Every time I see “fungus people” I have FBOFW flashbacks and remember how much the author loathed her readers.

      We savage Batiuk mercilessly here, but at least he mostly seems to be a good sport about it.

  6. Chyron HR

    I’d say that Batiuk hired this new artist as research for a “cartoonist has a stroke” prestige arc, but that would imply that he does research.

  7. hitorque

    FW: So Chester dragged ‘Flash’ out of whatever nursing home or golf course he was loafing around at, just so our heroes could smother him with ass-kissing praise and lob a couple of inane questions his way? Couldn’t they have done this over the phone?? I’m not going to say this is far and away dumber than the dumb, shallow questions all the legacy cast members were asking their future selves during the reunion time warp fantasy, but it’s close…

    FW 2: It’s funny because if Pete showed half this much enthusiasm writing the goddamn Mr. Sponge, he’d still be employed in the comics industry… Of course means his magical mystery tour of Hollywood Superstardom never would have happened…

    FW 3: How many days of the year does Batiuk waste on “comics industry guys and/or geeks handjobbing each other”… 200? 250??

  8. billytheskink

    So Flash is just up and leaving now? He agreed to hang out in this rotting building for who knows how long because Chester asked (paid) him to meet these two, he clearly doesn’t have anything important to do. Yet, here he is begging out of the conversation as soon as there is an opening… suggesting that he considers wandering the streets of west Cleveland and having to return Chester’s check to be better alternatives than continuing to talk to Pete and Durwood.

    • Epicus Doomus

      I’m baffled too. I assumed he’d be working there, but apparently he was brought in just to meet & greet with Pete, which is just downright peculiar. I guess he was like Cliff, after his brief moment in the sun he shuffled off and lived in total seclusion until a few comic book fanboys dragged him out of retirement long enough to wallow in his old nostalgic accomplishments. It’s so depressing.

  9. hitorque

    FW 4: It’s funny because two weeks have passed and they still have yet to discuss hiring a full staff, or even what kind of new comic they plan to create…