Don’t Eat the ‘Magical’ ‘Pepperoni’.

Today’s strip is finally up.

“Waterlogged comics! Mixed with moldy discarded pizza toppings! And mildew! That’s our hero.”

Darin stares blankly at Pete.

“It emerges from the basement: a sentient mass in the vague shape of a man, but grotesque and lumpy. An abomination of pulped paper, and smeared three-color inks, held together by black mold and marinara.”

Darin doesn’t speak.

“But there’s this beautiful woman, see and she is entranced by his doughy nature, his strange charms. Even though they can’t be together in a traditional sense, she is willing to do anything, try anything, to feel in every cell of her being the deeper spiritual connection pulsing between the flawless woman and the eldritch Comicmuck Thing! All in a homage to Swamp Thing 34! You know, Alan Moore? Rite of Spring?

Darin reluctantly puts his pencil to paper… “Okay Pete, if you’re sure you’re okay with us using your love life that way.”

 

Advertisements

13 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

13 responses to “Don’t Eat the ‘Magical’ ‘Pepperoni’.

  1. The Nelson Puppet

    #TimesUp Dead Skunk Head John

  2. Oh, yes. Not only does their cipher have to have a stupid name, a lame gimmick, a silly costume, no motivation and a dumb arch-enemy, he also has to have a ridiculous origin. It’s the only ‘right’ way to do things.

  3. spacemanspiff85

    What exactly is Darin drawing, if they haven’t come up with any characters yet?

  4. Amidst all the inanity, inconststency, and tedium of this arc: I will say that Darin’s response (“If you’re asking me to connect the dots, I’m gonna need more dots”) is…not terrible.

  5. DOlz

    Issue #1, “It Came From Montoni’s”, featuring the Clammy Comix Creature. In this issue he (has to be a he in FW world) faces off against his dreaded enemies Continuity King and The Editor.

  6. billytheskink

    “You remember when one of our good friends suffered thousands of dollars in property damage that he couldn’t claim to the insurance company because he did not realize that flood insurance had to be purchased as a separate policy? That’s our character!”

    That’s a Batiukverse superhero origin story if I ever heard one.

    • Epicus Doomus

      It’s perfect. A superhero derived from ruined comic books…the Batiukian symmetry boggles the mind.

  7. Professor Fate

    So the hero is Wet Paper Man or Wet Comic Book Man? (and wouldn’t those books have lost all resale value after the basement was flooded?)
    It’s looking like this will be the stupidest super hero of all time – except, perhaps, for Mystery Science Theater 3000’s Coatimundi Man, and that was intended to be stupid.

  8. Gerard Plourde

    So is the character going to rise from the amalgamation of characters in the ruined comics? Behold the birth of SuperAquaBatGreenFlash! A lawsuit waiting to happen. Where’s Dead St. Lisa to provide legal defense?

  9. timbuys

    So, let’s go over some more typical origin stories:

    Extraterrestrial origin
    Radiation exposure
    Genetic Mutation / Splicing / Engineering
    Wizards
    Science!
    Science accident
    Vigilantism
    Gamma (!) Radiation
    Bug / snake / animal bite (Add points if Radioactive)
    Time travel / polydimensional shenanigans

    But Pete here, he came up with minor urban flooding of an obscure Komix store in Northeast Ohio. If the joke is just how terrible of an idea this is, well, I guess I have to credit that Batiuk did come up with a truly terrible idea.

  10. Rusty Shackleford

    Oh groan, not another sideways pile of crap. How does he do it? Batty needs to update his blog with more info on his “secret sauce”.

  11. spacemanspiff85

    Actually it’ll probably just be some loser like Pete who’s driven mad by losing his comic collection and becomes a vigilante.