Well, Cliff, you want a new language? Wow–aren’t you the lucky one! Turns out that there’s a person right there who happens to be The Lord of Language! I’m sure he can help you turn your stifled yawns, underbreath mutterings and defeated scowls into a language you’ll be proud to speak. And at such reasonable prices!
Oh, um, (cough) but before you go off to meet him, Cliff, your fake beard is melting off in panel one. Better go adjust it so you can look great with your new frown-talk language. Keep fidgeting with your fake beard, Cliff, and it turns people off. Glue it on good, though, man, trust me, it drives the ladies crazy! Also, and think about this–Santa Claus gigs at the local mall. You’ll want to terrify those tots as your beard is pulled apart by those tiny sweaty palms. Then you can do a Bela Lugosi laugh and cause all kinds of childhood trauma, which, trust me, is big in certain comic strips.
Seriously, is Rick Burchett trolling Tom Batiuk to the same degree that Tom Batiuk is trolling his readers? The artwork lately has given off a huge “It’s due in five minutes and no one cares, so let me scratch something out and hit ‘Send’ vibe.”
Honestly, this stuff is just awful and I can’t imagine someone who cares signing off on this and saying, “Great work, man.” I’m sure the response is more in line with “Eh, it fits the space, so sure, it’s fine.”