Confirmed Bachelor

Link to Today’s Comic.

There was very nearly a joke in today’s strip. A wordless panel of both Chester and Darin giving Pete weird looks might have actually elicited a chuckle from me.

A quick Google search shows that these rings were apparently a real thing.

So here’s a question: Which way does Chester’s door swing? When he steps up to bat, which side of the plate is he standing at? The only indication we’ve ever gotten, one way or another, was the time he bought the ‘Babes of Batom‘ one shot issue. Other than that, he’s a fifty to sixty year old single man with no romantic history and no expressed romantic feelings.

Some might see this as indicating asexuality, or perhaps a man so deeply closeted he has rendered himself neuter. However, I look at his fickle perfectionism and abrasive personality and see a dead ringer for Professor Henry Higgins from Shaw’s Pygmalion. Chester is just the sort of man that, if he could train or design a woman to meet his exacting standards, that woman must, by those same standards, reject him. If she accepted him as her mate, she would no longer be perfect. And so his heterosexuality is more in theory rather than in practice.



Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

23 responses to “Confirmed Bachelor

  1. countoftowergrove

    Chester is wearing the ring just for Kix.

    • Kix just keep getting harder to find.

      • The Nelson Puppet

        Nice Paul Revere and the Raiders reference, TF. I hope one day the band will be inducted into the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame along with their peers, The Banana Splits, The Bugaloos, and the guys whose songs played during “Scooby-Doo” chase scenes!

        • bobanero

          Paul Revere and the Raiders, despite their kitschy name and even more kitschy outfits, actually produced some really good music, and shouldn’t be considered in the same class as The Banana Splits or The Bugaloos.

          • ian'sdrunkenbeard

            I liked the music for Jonny Quest. Hoyt Curtin was the composer. The band used for the sessions was a jazz ensemble consisting of four trumpets, six trombones, five woodwind doublers, and a five-man rhythm section including percussion. I read somewhere that some of the music was so fast that the trombones could not physically play it!

          • Maxine of Arc

            Jonny Quest was a staple of high school jazz band competitions when I was in that milieu. Our band attempted to essay it. We were not a very good jazz band to begin with, and that piece changes meter and key about a dozen times.

  2. The Nelson Puppet

    “Les Luthor” is like all Batiuk male characters: They love comic books more than women (or in DSH John’s case, children)

  3. Epicus Doomus

    Oh for crying out loud, not another spaceman ring. Bet you twenty bucks that Pete proposes to Mindy with one of these. His utter fascination with very specific 1940s-50s comic book-related trivialities is as baffling as it’s dull. One old comic book novelty ring arc every forty-six years is already too many.

  4. ian'sdrunkenbeard


  5. spacemanspiff85

    You know, even if you were interested in this old-timey stuff Batiuk is obsessed with, which I actually kind of am to a degree (not the silly rings and stuff), you’d probably want to actually read and collect the original old-timey stuff, and not read some horrible, drama- and humorless comic strip that makes references to old-timey stuff.
    Also, the noses in this strip literally nauseate me.

  6. billytheskink

    Pete doesn’t know how engagement rings work. SHOCKING!

    And where are these “gentlemen” Chester is addressing?

  7. ComicTrek

    Darin looks decent today, but that schnoz on Pete is becoming a supervillain in itself!

    • The Nelson Puppet

      You’re right. This is the first Darrin strip in which I haven’t had the urge to comment, “SAY! WHY THE LONG FACE?”

  8. So his target demographic is Mort Winkerbean?

  9. Any chance that ring has radium on it and is slowly killing everyone in the room?

  10. DOlz

    From “The Comics Curmudgeon” site:

    Guillermo el Chiclero wrote: FW: Radioactive kids toys? So that’s why eveyone in Westview gets cancer.

    I’m so jealous that I didn’t think of that.

  11. Professor Fate

    Sheesh – The Lord of the Rings was less obsessed with Rings.

  12. hitorque

    1. Oh, right… I keep forgetting that “old-assed men playing with antique kiddie trinkets and expecting their other classmates, I mean friends to be jealous” is a Funkyverse cornerstone…

    2. Oh, right… I keep forgetting that “old-assed men dropping one-liners you’d hear in an elementary school lunchroom” is a Funkyverse cornerstone…

    3. Is there any doubt that instead of a coffee/snack table, this office has an Ovaltine/Tang table with boxes of Froot Loops, Coco Puffs, rice krispy squares, SweeTarts and a make-your-own-s’mores bar? Do they keep some vintage 80s BMX bikes chained up outside? Is there a rope swing with a trampoline on the top floor? Is there a swing set and a skateboard half-pipe in the parking lot? Where are the faux-vintage arcade games and pinball machines? The “No Girls (Except One) Allowed” sign on the front door? The IntelliVision hooked up to a 26-inch Zenith TV from 1984? The framed Lamborghini Countach 5000 poster? The extensive library of 80s action movies on VHS which they should have picked up on the cheap when Blockbuster Video got liquidated? The road signs and that traffic signal light from Mr. Rogers? Where is the slot car track, the Hot Wheels stunt track, the Transformers, the He-Mans and G.I. Joes? Where’s the stack of board games like Sorry!, Candyland and Hungry Hungry Hippos? Actually, this would be a pretty kickass place to work, wouldn’t it?

    4. Minus 10 points for the mildly homophobic quip, and minus one zillion points for the person making the remark being a 38-year-old antisocial virgin geek who is too stupid to see that the *ONLY* reason he finally found a woman willing to touch his peener is because she wants that guaranteed attached meal ticket out of Cancer County, Ahia…

    5. The real sad part is if there was a comic strip about old-assed man-children jizzing their pants over obscure vintage video games and dropping esoteric one-liners and ranting about how today’s games have everything wrong, I’d be all over it because that’s my life on any given weekend…

    • Hitorque

      6. So they made those for adults, or does Chester have kiddie size fingers?

      7. Since all vintage comics memorabilia is literally priceless in the Funkyverse, no doubt Chester paid six figures or more for this at auction. Isn’t he greatly diminishing the value by wearing it?

      8. Why the hell did he have to go back for the ring anyway when he could have just told them about it?

    • timbuys

      5.a. Ever read Penny Arcade?