Slow Children Ahead.

Link to Today’s Comic.

If anyone took the time to glance at some of the pictures of actual Atomic Bomb rings, the line-art is a close approximation, but the colors are wrong. All the rings I saw had a silver top, a red bottom, and a bronze colored band. Why are these brown? At first I thought it was because they didn’t want to do different colors on the details, but they made the BAND two toned, but not the BOMB. It doesn’t look anything like a bomb, it looks like Chester has a tiny chibi cigar on his finger.

Is it because the Starbuck Decoder rings were also shitstain brown?

Panel three is really exciting though. Chester, finally confirming that the two men in his employ have the hearts of children, now feels the time is right to reveal to these innocent souls his true form: an ageless sentient Mr. Potato Head. He first will remove his bulbous nose, as a display of his powers. Then he will don the porkpie hat, and they can gambol gaily, as he once did with his first young owner, long dead. How he has ached for this moment, the joy, the release, which will soon be his.


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

16 responses to “Slow Children Ahead.

  1. spacemanspiff85

    Oh, lord. Atomic Ape rings in cereal boxes. Because that’s what makes comic companies successful in 2018.

    • Epicus Doomus

      Yes, what better way to win over “these kids today” than with a seventy year old promotional item that has less than nothing to do with apes, scuba cops or paper pulp? His bizarre fascination with these very specific totems of his comic book-drenched childhood remains as baffling and stupid as ever. Sigh.

      • spacemanspiff85

        Seriously. How much of this stupid strip has revolved around damn Starbuck Jones, and yet he has never shown a single bit of an actual Starbuck Jones story, or given the slightest detail about him. I’m sure that’s entirely because he knows he can’t come anywhere close to telling an interesting story with him, but it’s really amazing that someone could be so obsessed with this stuff that he’d think “Hey, it’s time for another arc about toy rings from over half a century ago!” and yet not actually put in the effort to do more with his obsession than just do the equivalent of saying “hey, old timey stuff is cool, huh?” in 99% of his strips.

      • batgirl

        The weirder thing to me is that these aren’t the tokens of TB’s childhood, He was born in ‘47, the same year these rings came out. By the time he was reading comics, it would have been brine shrimp (I mean, um, Sea Monkeys) and X-Ray Specs, not decoder rings and Ovaltine. I guess it goes with the way that Jeff apparently spent his childhood watching movie serials that would have been made a couple of decades before he was born.

        And the appalling thing is that the characters (and author) are behaving as if atomic bombs and nuclear radiation had no negative connotations like megadeath and radiation poisoning and displaced populations and environmental devastation and …. No, it’s all Our Friend the Atom.
        I guess there were no ban-the-bomb or anti-nuke protests in the Funkyverse?

  2. The Nelson Puppet


  3. ComicTrek

    When you’re so frustrated you try to rip your own nose off. We’ve all been there.

  4. Working a bit too hard for that tax write-off, aren’t we, Chester?

  5. Gerard Plourde

    Wait – Does TomBa really want to make Son of Lisa dumb enough to assume that the ring’s purpose was to promote the character? This is, I assume, a Kix cereal Lone Ranger Atomic Bomb Ring which was an attempt by General Mills to bootstrap on to the Lone Ranger’s popularity to sell more cereal.

  6. bobanero

    So, I’m guessing that TB is going for some old school FW humor reminiscent of the WKRP turkey promotion, but instead of bombing Cleveland with turkeys, he’ll be giving radiation poisoning to thousands of children and young adults. I can hear Chester now, saying “As God is my witness, I thought Polonium was safe!”

  7. billytheskink

    Durwood left an apparently steady job in the film industry to join a comic book startup in northern Ohio… What does he know about promotions?

  8. Professor Fate

    What the hell they going to do? Tape a ring to each comic book? I mean they make some sense in a cereal box where you just put the prize in a box but I can’t for the life of me figure out how this is supposed to work.
    And as others have noted the author’s nostalgia for gimcrack pop culture trash is utterly mystifying.

    • hitorque

      If it’s anything like Starsuck Jones, Chester is going to publish an ad with some hidden code or reference in every daily newspaper that will have 70-year-old dudes from coast to coast sprinting to their attics to dig up their original rings, fly to Cleveland and assemble like some half-assed senior retired Green Lantern Corps…

      Then they’ll feast on Necco wafers, Cheerwine and grilled bologna sandwiches with cheese, and give Pete+Darrin+Chester an award for being so awesome and Cindye Sommerse-Winkerbeane-Jarre will just happen to be passing by so she’ll livestream it to and just like that, Masone has an idea for this next BILLION DOLLAR MOVIE that will be better than “Infinity War Teams Up With Star Wars As They Challenge The Golden State Warriors, Vol. 1-6”

  9. Maxine of Arc

    I really need to make a macro for “Tom Batiuk hasn’t been in a comic shop for 30 years.”

  10. Buckeye Feculence

    Pete looks kind of sleepy-eyed in the first two frames. You know it’s a boring storyline when a integral character starts dozing off

  11. bayoustu

    The last two days we’ve been “treated” to close ups of: 1.) Pete Ratajkowski’s ludicrously pendulous nose and 2.) Durwood’s fingers. I shudder to think what’s in store for us tomorrow.