Beep Beep! Beep Beep NO!

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Epicus Doomus
February 17, 2019 at 11:57 pm
There are sadder-sacks in Westview for sure, but no character embodies sheer exhausted defeat quite like Linda does. Wry in a weary sort of way, sardonic, skeptical, beaten, demoralized, miserable and OK with that…that’s Linda’s whole character.

Sooo Bull’s become more unstable, though he seemed pretty fine at the Hall of Fame indictment, uh, induction. Maybe the “minor car accident” occured on the way home from the ceremony? No doubt there are some among our readership who’ve had to deal with a loved one whom, due to age or infirmity, must be persuaded to give up driving. It’s a delicate discussion, to be sure. Much easier to take advantage of the loved one’s enfeeblement, and simply hide the keys in the drawer with the good scissors, and allow him to search for them in vain until finally, it no longer matters.


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

20 responses to “Beep Beep! Beep Beep NO!

  1. Epicus Doomus

    While there’s no cure for CTE, some researchers do recommend bullshitting the patient as a sort of palliative therapy. Likewise, some CTE patients exposed to joyless sourpusses have shown marked improvement, with some of their symptoms becoming slightly zanier and more hilarious. So with Linda on the case Bull is certainly in good hands.

    Coming soon: Linda’s decision to lock up the guns but not the swords and knives leads to a humorous situation involving Bull and Montoni’s new delivery driver Adeela. Adeela reveals her past as Afghanistan’s third-best female punter and an unlikely new friendship is formed. Buck commits suicide (Sunday strip).

  2. spacemanspiff85

    Um, putting the keys in a drawer and then leaving the drawer open so the keys are obviously displayed doesn’t seem like hiding so much as toying with a sick person.

    • Epicus Doomus

      From the Mid-Central Ohioian CTE (MCOCTE) Foundation’s 2017 pamphlet, “So Your Spouse Has CTE…”:

      “As the patient become more unstable and forgetful, hiding his or her personal items can become a fun game and welcome diversion for the CTE caretaker. Wallets, car keys, insulin, sending the CTE patient on a goose chase can entertain the caretaker while providing the patient with much-needed exercise”.

  3. I envision the laughs in the second panel done in the style of Tim Curry, from the original version of “It.”

  4. Gerard Plourde

    “He’s become more and more unstable”. The line to insert when you have no idea what symptoms your character should exhibit. It does appear that Bull is on the fast track to having his ashes accidentally dropped on the Westview football field,

    • Rusty Shackleford

      if he is getting unstable, then shouldn’t they look at putting him in a home? I knew someone whose wife developed Alzheimer’s . He came home one night and she freaked out and hit him over the head with a bottle thinking he was an intruder.

      So if Batty wants to discuss big boy topics, then at least show how to responsibly handle the situation.

      • comicbookharriet

        If she puts him in Bedside Manor it’s a pretty much guaranteed cure. The only downside from Linda’s perspective is the rampant casual sex.

  5. ian'sdrunkenbeard

    “So I hid Bull’s keys where he can’t find them. Do you want to hear something funny? For some reason he thinks you took them, and he wants to beat the crap out of you. At least he can’t drive to your house. Hmmm… Maybe I should hide his bicycle, too.”

  6. billytheskink

    Les, who has known Bull since childhood, who worked with him for over two decades, who coached daughter Summer to tremendous success and a college scholarship in basketball, and who was his regular tennis buddy for years and years, has not spoken to Bull in 28 months. In fact, he didn’t even ask about Bull in this week’s arc, Linda brought him up. We haven’t seen much of Les lately, but we should never forget that he is the worst of the worst, the most disgusting of the disgusting.

    Also, tell. Don’t show. Never show.

    • Epicus Doomus

      Yep, good points all. He actually saved Summer’s entire career by acting as her free physical therapist, thus saving Les an untold sum of money too. Also remember that during Bull’s retirement ceremony his “friend” Les sat there smirking and cracking wise the entire time, like the bearded dick with ears he is. What a scumbag.

      If I remember correctly Bull was already peeling out and driving dangerously way back in 2016. Linda just took away his keys NOW?

  7. ComicTrek

    But did she simply hide the keys from Bull, or did she tell him outright that she was taking them away? Because if you’re hiding an object from someone, of course they’re going to think they lost the thing…

  8. Paul Jones

    What will Les treating him like a leper because he thinks it’s contagious and Linda treating Bull like an idiot child, it’s as if we’re seeing a PSA about how NOT to treat a victim of dementia.

  9. Rusty Shackleford

    Heard outside Batty’s studio door:

    Let’s go where the misery goes, but we will call it art. We will see which way the winds blow and that’s the direction we’ll take.

    We’ll use big words—lots of them—and tell, but not show. We will call it writing.

    But one thing, I will never forgive those sportos, never! They’ll pay. They’ll pay.

  10. Rusty

    The worst thing about Linda as a character is that massive head wound she calls a part in her hair.

  11. Charles

    Too late, Batiuk. You’ve already blown it. You’re not getting any awards from this. So just have Bull die and be done with it.

    He really did miss a plum opportunity here with Bull and his lingering football head injuries. If he really wanted to win awards, here’s what he should have done.

    People who are suffering from CTE lash out violently from minor setbacks. Bull loses to Les in tennis in some bullshit fashion. Les smugly makes some pun about Bull losing and Bull goes apeshit, breaking both of Les’s legs and feet.

    Later, Bull goes into the faculty lounge but forgot why. Les is there in a wheelchair with his crushed legs in casts. Bull mentions how upsetting it is that he can’t remember why he came to the lounge. Les tells him that he doesn’t know true torment, torment of the sort Les learned after his experience in Hollywood. Bull flies into a rage and breaks both of Les’s arms and hands.

    We next Bull visiting Les in the hospital as Les is in traction laid up with his broken legs and arms. Bull’s CTE symptoms cause him to feel nothing but apathy for Les. He expresses trepidation and shame in not caring about his friend. Les tells him that that’s how Les has managed all his relationships his entire life. Bull flies into a rage and breaks Les’s pelvis, shatters his spine and neck and crushes every single one of his ribs.

    Next we see Les at home in a full body cast. Bull comes over and asks Les for his percocets since Bull is now abusing drugs due to CTE and has run out of doctors to write him bogus prescriptions. Les smirks, telling him that he’s not taking percocets. He’s taking Vicodin. Bull flies in a rage and breaks Les’s skull, face and jaw.

    Les is sitting at school with Linda and Bull. His body is now totally broken and he can only communicate through puckering his asshole. In-universe God realizes that Les has now achieved apotheosis and assumes him into the afterlife. Bull is wracked by guilt and pain from CTE, so he produces a shotgun and plans on eating it. At the last second he switches it to his chest, tells Linda to save his brain and blows himself away. Linda feeling forlorn over the loss of the Bull, who she was always able to feel superior to, and Les, who she was always able to smirk with about those damn kids today, swallows all of Les’s vicodins. She realizes that she wasn’t able to make some smug dick comment to some student before expiring and dies without a smirk.

    Jinx, Keisha and Summer join the Westview staff, taking over the positions of Les, Linda and Bull respectively. Jinx frequently visits Summer in her office to mock her for her dumbassedness.


    I mean, this story’s got everything! It’s got CTE! It’s got opiate abuse! It’s got death! It’s got suicide! It’s got religion as Les is assumed into heaven as a talking butthole! It’s got Les being beaten to death in installments! And it nicely sets up the next generation taking over the reigns of the strip, allowing for the same stupid jokes!

    Only with Les, Linda and Bull being gone, that just ensures we’d get more weeks devoted to Atomik Comix for fuck’s sake. Forget I said anything.

    • Charles

      Oh, and scientific analysis reveals that there was nothing wrong with Bull’s brain. Puckered Anus Les meets Lisa in the afterlife. Lisa sees him, immediately eats a Glock 9mm and gets sent straight to hell.