Pointless precognition.

Link to today’s strip

You didn’t sit down before answering! You sat down after answering! At most you sat down WHILE answering. And do you always narrate everything you plan to do? And then do you immediately fail to do the thing you plan?

Cayla is confirmed as baked out of her mind, only able to repeat what she heard last. No judgement here, whatever gets her through the day.

Epicus pointed out yesterday that Summer has been in college for seven years of real time. Even if we accept a ‘comic book time’ that allows for a year of Funkyverse to take more time than a calendar year in the real world…It’s baffling that Tom Batiuk would drop her character like that.

What do you figure Summer’s big bombshell is? I still have a longstanding bet that she the secret student from behind the Big Gay Castle. But maybe I’m unfairly stereotyping female basketball players with pixie cuts. It was probably Chullo head.

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23 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

23 responses to “Pointless precognition.

  1. spacemanspiff85

    I have a feeling you lose whatever brownie points you get by having your in-strip avatar marry an African-American woman by having her regularly baffled by three letter words.

    • Rusty Shackleford

      It doesn’t help when her supposedly cute nickname is based on the name of a monkey.

      She’s just another one of Batty’s gimmicks in pursuit of Pulitzer Pokémon Points.

  2. billytheskink

    HEYOOOOOOOOOOOO! YOU ARE CORRECT, SIR!

    Les is like Carnac the Magnificent… if Carnac the Magnificent was dental surgery.

  3. Jimmy

    I would like to know if anyone here has ever uttered those words: “Are you sitting down?” I suppose it’s a trope, but I’ve never heard it.

    To CBH’s point about stereotypes, I have a very close friend who played college hoops and now teaches phys ed. I don’t know how to really articulate this. She’s straight and now has three children, but she always laughed about being part of a stereotype.

    Don’t know what my point was other than one can laugh at a situation.

    • Rusty Shackleford

      Nah, never heard those used on normal conversation ever. But then again, none of the dialog in FW ever makes sense.

      The clumsy phrases are the result of Batty trying to pretend that he is a wordsmith. His stuff is as unreadable as a journal paper on intersectional feminism.

    • The “Are you sitting down?” thing usually indicates that the speaker is about to say something so surprising that the listener may faint, or otherwise lose control of himself, and the sitting is to prevent injury.

      I’m going to bet the “revelation” is a cheap nothing, and Batiuk is using today’s strip to str-e-e-e-e-e-e-tch the thing out.

  4. The Nelson Puppet

    Calling my shot here…”I just got offered the head basketball coach’s job at Westview High!”

    • Gerard Plourde

      I suspect that you’re right. But that would reveal yet another plot hole. Shouldn’t Les know that Summer applied for the job already?

  5. ian'sdrunkenbeard

    It’s like Less has EST or something. He’s psychotic.

  6. Epicus Doomus

    No one tells a story like Batiuk doesn’t. Man, this strip used to be wall-to-wall Summer, all the time and let me tell you, she was almost as annoying as Les is, no joke. Now she only appears by phone and not even video phone, mind you, but a f*cking LANDLINE. My how the gritty have fallen, huh?

    • Rusty Shackleford

      Right. Summer doesn’t have to be a cheap gimmick, she could have been an interesting character. Lots of stories are possible. But no, Summer was used for cheap sentimentality in order to boost St Lisa.

  7. One of Batiuk’s bigger problems is that he just can’t let Les go. The worst character in history just leaves his stench everywhere in the strip.

  8. Max Power

    “Funny’s Mother-in-Law is moving in with him.”

  9. Miskatonic Sophomore

    The “are you sitting down” gag was lame the first 87,000 times T-Bats used it, but I suppose it’s always useful to pad out a week of phone conversation strips by at least a day.

  10. Buckeye Feculence

    Sit…Stay…Good boy, Les!

  11. “Before I answer this, I’d better sit down and smirk.”

    “Hi Dad, are you sitting down? Are you smirking? Good, I’ll tell you my news after three more days of terrible jokes.”

  12. Paul Jones

    Watch the great big news be something like “I just realized that my first name could confuse people so inebriated, lighting a match could cause them to explode.”

  13. The great news will be something comic-book related. “I’m quitting school so I can do the lettering at Atomik Komix!!!!”

  14. Double Sided Scooby Snack

    Characters RARELY call each other in this strip. They usually just drive over and knock on the door when they want to talk somebody. But when they DO call, they always ask if you’re sitting down. (See Hulky and Flunky.)

    “Are you sitting down?” is BatCode for “this helps me add filler and drag this dumb story out at least one extra day.”

    “Are you sitting down?”

    “Yeah, Kiddo! How goes the shocking and surprising thing you’re going to tell me, anyways?”

    “Holly’s mom is going to live with Holly and Funky!”

    “Anymore, why should I sit down for that?”

    “Oh! Wrong script…….. Hey, daddy-o! Me an’ Karneesha eloped!”

    “I sat down for THAT? Nobody’s surprised about that. In fact, we thought you got married years ago. Listen, I gotta go. I think that woman who hangs around my house has been stealing my silverware. I gotta go watch her. Talk to ya in another year, Kiddo!”

  15. The Dreamer

    are you sitting down? The retiring Linda Bushka has recommended Summer to take her place as Math teacher and Uncle Bull has recommended her to take over as basketball coach. “Dad I’m coming back to Westview after graduation! Tell Pete to dump his girlfriend!