As our always astute readers have been pointing out all week, Darin’s got many options for sending his “I Care” package besides the USPS. Some of which don’t even require taking time from work to stand in line and trade quips with a guy in uniform, and most of which deliver as fast or faster. But then, we wouldn’t have This morning’s wacky feature.
22 thoughts on “Post Haste”
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Son of Stuck Funky 
Yeah, Priority Mail overnight delivery has been a thing for years now.
Clearly the Post Office really pissed off TB at some point in his life, so big kudos to the USPS for that. I’m considering taking a day off work sometime just to high five my mail carrier.
Just print out this week’s strips and leave them in the mailbox along with our URL. If we can score an official endorsement from the USPS we’ll have gained a powerful, powerful ally! And it’ll really piss him off, too.
This week is real cutting edge stuff. I absolutely love the way Tom Batiuk is taking down the post office. I hope he goes after the DMV or airline food next.
Coming next week: the nine week long prestige arc about four hour long baseball games at long last begins.
You forgot Fungy got his license renewed last year. Oh the hilarity when the DMV clerk saw that his client’s name was actually Funky. That Mort, almost as funny as Major Major Major’s dad!
Sheesh- layoff the USPS will ya, Bat-Boy?! What did they do- lose your Bubber Bingle decoder ring 60 years ago?!
Wow, it’s becoming very obvious that the ordinarily milquetoast BatYak REALLY has a SERIOUS grudge against the USPS. This is downright subversive by FW standards, just a scathing full-frontal attack. One can only speculate on what “real-life” event and/or mishap prompted this tirade. A mistakenly delivered Fingerhut catalog? Did his neighbor get his AARP magazine by mistake and vice versa? Did his bi-annual fan letter arrive all dog-eared and bent? Did a clerk give him the stink-eye when he started complaining about the price of stamps again? The mind reels.
He probably tried to mail copies of trilogy using a single samp, only to have them returned for additional postage. Those greedy USPS employees don’t realize what a treasure they have in local resident Tommy.
Imagine this as an editorial cartoon, with Dullard labelled “Butter Brinkle storyline” and you have one heck of an own-goal.
“Golly gee whillikers, mister. Californy is a powerful long ways away. And what with th’ snows on th’ Sierra Madres and all, I cain’t rightly say how long it might take us to git yer package out there. Geez, pal, who do you think you’re dealing with here? Pony forking Express? Priority Mail. Two days. Twenty bucks. Geez!”
The Funky Winkerbean – Hootin’ Holler crossover I didn’t know I needed.
Once again, harmless people are savaged because they don’t treat a vain halfwit with the deference he thinks is due to him. I am reminded of someone doing an interview with Lynn Johnston and being sickened and horrified by her lying gratuitously about how she was being served in order to get a waitress fired for treating her like a nondescript white woman when she should be honored to be in the presence of Lynn Motherfucking Johnston.
You know she’s been retired for over a decade, right? You can stop beating that dead horse any day now
Take it easy, Lynn!
I’ll stop when I no longer hate men who are named Anthony, not before.
Batty’s trolling us big time, and I took the bait. In FW, you have young people acting like old people, in Crankshaft, you have an old man acting like a young man.
In FW, a young man goes to the post office to mail an old fashioned package of goodies to his sweetheart, in Crankshaft, Ed apparently has an iPhone set up with “Find Friends” enabled and spends his afternoons cuddling kittens at the animal shelter.
Well played Tom.
BWAWHAWHAWHAW! Tomorrow Todd redefines “going postal” when Durward shoots Bernie’s dad!
I know I’m taking this far too seriously, but the fastest way possible is overnight shipping, which the postal service does, just like UPS and FedEx, so he’s not “in the wrong place” unless the clerk, like Darin, thinks The Flash can deliver it.
Flash Express. When it absolutely, positively has to be there before I’ve finished saying the slogan.
Anyone who had an ounce of care or respect for their business would say “okay!” and run off a bunch of options for whatever the customer wanted to do.
Nobody in the strip-world does have an ounce of respect for their business. Even people working in the holy art of making comic books diss their business.
Oh, wait, I think Mason Jarre is pretty serious about acting. Maybe that’s why the strip treats him as if he’s a bit simple.
If Darin sends these ‘I CARE’ packages often enough for it to be a standing joke for Pete, wouldn’t he already know all the options?