Darin Blows

Ha. I just spent several minutes Googling what being an assistant cinematographer entails. It doesn’t seem to be a very common job title. The closest listing I could see was just someone posting looking for someone to assist the cinematographer by carrying heavy cases and cameras for them. Which I do think Jess is more qualified to do that than anything involving actual camera work. The actual cinematographer oversees all lighting and cameras for the entire film, so there’s no way Jess is even close to qualified for that.
I do think it’s pretty hilarious that Cindy recommended Jess for that job. Either Mason is doing the hiring, or Cindy just walked on to the set and told the producer to hire Jess, or maybe Buddy Blog is actually making the sequel themselves. None of those would surprise me.
This strip really is kind of amazing, though. Batiuk brings up a dilemma-will Jess take the job?-and resolves in a single panel. I can’t remember the last time he didn’t drag this kind of thing out for days.

26 Comments

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26 responses to “Darin Blows

  1. Epicus Doomus

    That’s right, ladies, if you have children you’re just gonna have to choose between “dream career” or “family” because you cannot have both. Your HUSBAND can, but not you. Sorry but that’s just the way it is, gals. Remember: aim low, always give up and never, ever try.

    Jessica’s entire “cinematography” career consists of having pointed a camera at Plantman and Cliff Anger, but apparently those major Hollywood superhero films aren’t particularly choosy where the actual filming is concerned. Maybe it’s time for ol’ Tommy Gunn to slow his roll with these two idiots and the increasingly insane dream jobs, as it’s not just stretching credulity so much as it’s blasting through it like a machete through tissue paper. Are we to believe that Cindy just strolls on to the set of her husband’s films and starts recommending people for jobs she knows nothing about?

    “You need a smugness coordinator? I know JUST THE GUY!”

    “A one-armed music conductor? Hold on!”

    “Why as a matter of fact I DO know someone easily startled by loud noises!”

    “A fat unhealthy recovering alcoholic with mother-in-law issues? Yeah, I might be able to help with that.”

    “A food truck? Hmmmm, wait! I DO know a guy!”

    I mean come on already. Cindy does online interviews with one hundred and thirty-five year old actors, she’s not a Hollywood power broker. Either give these characters their stupid dream jobs or don’t, the back and forth is really getting annoying.

  2. Doc

    There’s no such position. The chain of command is: cinematographer AKA director of photography or DP; camera operator; first camera assistant; second camera assistant; loader. She’s not qualified for any of them. Come on Tommy, do some research!

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      In my day, anyone without a specific title was Prod Ass – production assistant.

    • spacemanspiff85

      I have a feeling Batiuk was going to have it just be the cinematographer position, but realized that would be too unbelievable, even by the standards of this strip.

    • It’s possible he meant “second unit cinematographer,” but 1-she’s not qualified for that, either, and 2-it shows Batiuk really can’t be bothered with doing the research he touts so often.

  3. billytheskink

    Cindy’s a producer on the Starbuck Jones sequel now? It could win an Emmy!

  4. Gerard Plourde

    Darin’s expression suggests to me that he’s not happy with that revelation. Is it possible that Jessica’s Hollywood job is actually paying the bills? Highly likely since Darin is working at a small startup comics publisher.

    • Epicus Doomus

      I think he’s supposed to be relieved, like “whew, thank God my wife turned down a lucrative dream job, as I’m just too stressed already”.

  5. Dullard’s expression in that last panel is totally “thank goodness, my wife has abandoned any pretense of being a real separate person. Looking forward to the hot chocolate at my job being hot and fresh.”

    • Epicus Doomus

      This Boy Lisa/Jessica dynamic is providing way too much insight into how The Author thinks and, as always, it’s not pretty.

    • William Thompson

      “And at last we will have a reliable, experienced bathroom cleaner! Our current hire is too busy picking the correct shade of Caucasian for all our human characters.”

    • Charles

      I mean, yeah! Darin’s the only one in this marriage who can make significant life decisions without consulting his spouse!

      This is reminding me of when Darin took the Atomic Comics job and it’s appalling how much of a shithead he was/is.

  6. ian'sdrunkenbeard

  7. Paul Jones

    The “fun” thing about today’s punchline (Because I didn’t want to humiliate you by making more and being more socially prominent) is knowing that Batiuk is going to turn around and whine about bullies and stunted people calling him a misogynist with Mommy issues.

    Perhaps he can sue us for Definition of Character.

  8. Ray

    My thought is that in the last panel Durwood is looking towards the heavens and whistling in amazement as his mind is furiously racing to figure out how him and Peet will be able to carry on their shenanigans if indeed this means Jessica is coming back to Ohio.

  9. Banana Jr. 6000

    Well, this makes perfect sense. It must be difficult for a major motion picture to find a cinematographer in Hollywood.

    Seriously, for people who are supposed to live in the dead-endest of dead-end suburbs, these characters sure do get a lot of unsolicited glamorous job offers. Les Moore is probably still cashing the checks he got for being such a prat that “Lisa’s Story: The Movie” couldn’t be made.

  10. Rusty Shackleford

    If you want laughs, you have to read Batty’s blog, cause you won’t find any in his comic strips. Well, occasionally, Ed Crankshaft generates a chuckle, but even then I feel that these are accidental slips of humor.

    Isn’t there some new illness or problem that Batty can exploit?

  11. louder

    Because camera / editing work on a documentary (using only one camera at that!) and major movie with special effects are so alike, easy transition. Heavens above, is Blondie even a union member?

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      “Heavens above, is Blondie even a union member?”

      I wondered that myself. Hollywood is very union, and it’s hard to reconcile these amateurs and their laughable Butter Brickle documentary (which was still being edited a couple days ago) with now being major motion picture players.

      Because we all know that goddam Starbuck Jones is the biggest thing in the Batiukiverse. And IIRC this is the first we’ve heard of a sequel. Ugh. I guess we can expect to hear that lame name every five panels for the next two years.

      • I think there was talk of a sequel, but the talk centered around both films being shot simultaneously. But you know, “research” and “continuity” are not in the quiver of an award-nominated cartoonist.

  12. Maxine of Arc

    Production assistant, MAYBE. I don’t think Jess has experience operating anything other than a handheld direct to consumer video camera. She’s certainly never touched a Hollywood rig, and if she knows anything about lighting anything other than a sit-down talking-head with a million year old man, we haven’t seen it.

  13. Jimmy

    I’m starting to think I know at least as much about the entertainment industry as Batiuk.