Consolation Prize

Link to today’s strip

Ugh. Ugh ugh ugh! This is awful. The only possible more awkward engagement involves a shotgun in one hand and a pregnancy test in the other.

Pete was going to propose tonight? On a night they just sort of randomly decided to go to the fair because Mindy wanted to? He wasn’t going to wait to plan a more meaningful or romantic date? And he was either going to propose without a ring, or he’s got a ring in his pocket, bought off credit, that he now has to return.

And his response to losing his ring money is just awful and pathetic. He just offhandedly tells Mindy this. It’s worse than a non proposal. It’s a non-proposal proposal. “I was going to ask you to marry me, but now that I’ve wasted money I would have spent on gold and jewels that retain some monetary value in the long run I’ve instead wasted hundreds on a stuffed tiger worth 5 bucks. But I still want you to marry me, so I’m basically asking the question in the form of a passive statement.”

My sister was going to get proposed to over Christmas. She and her boyfriend had traveled to spend the holiday with our whole family, and her boyfriend had the ring mailed to my parents house so he could propose on Christmas morning. The ring arrived damaged. SO HE DIDN’T PROPOSE THEN. He didn’t even tell her. He waited to get the ring fixed and then set up a date to propose to her later at the place they first met. He eventually told her the story about what happened over Christmas, sure. Because it’s a funny story. But telling her ON CHRISTMAS MORNING, would have gotten him run out of the house.

You can’t tell someone, “I was going to ask you to marry me, but…” Unless the ‘but’ is something along the lines of “I don’t actually want to marry you.” Otherwise it’s a proposal.

I miss Chien. You remember when they sort of implied Pete and Chien had some attraction during High School? That girl was sassy, and snarky, and smart. She was a stereotyped goth-chick, sure, but in a sea of skinny blondes she would have stood out. And she wouldn’t have squeebled over a stuffed tiger. She would have given Pete a dirty look, and then a piece of her mind. I wish Pete was marrying Chien. Mindy is dumb as a box of rocks.


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

20 responses to “Consolation Prize

  1. This episode is jaw-dropping.

    1. Apparently, they went to the fair and spent THE ENTIRE DAY at this one stand.

    2. A. Pete was going to buy Dimny a very nice ring, but he spent several hundred dollars and failed to win a stuffed tiger.

    B. Pete was going to buy Dimny a cheap crappy ring, but he spent fifteen dollars failing to win a stuffed tiger.

    C. Dimny is okay with both scenarios.

    3, Pete was going to propose, but instead of offering a ring, he was going to promise a future ring. This has happened more than once, as Rachel happily accepted a ring made of a post-it note.

    4. The women in the Funkyverse are way, way beyond brain-damaged. I cannot see any way that a female would see this as “endearing” unless they were very mentally challenged.

    Tom Batiuk needs to go back on his meds and see a therapist really soon.

  2. CRM114

    What??!! thought CBH liked Chien. Wishing anyone on Mopey Pete is terrible, I tell you, just just terrible.

  3. Jimmy

    Holy Fistf**k, Batman! This is just terrible.

  4. spacemanspiff85

    “I was planning to propose to you tonight . . . but then I remembered you weren’t Darin!”

  5. Epicus Doomus

    Lest we forget, Pete is a world-renowned comic book writer who just recently worked on a huge Hollywood superhero blockbuster movie. Yet somehow he’s dead broke after playing a carny game at a local county fair. This either says a whole lot about Pete, a whole lot about the comic book business or (sigh) both. BatHack seems to have this thing where every single new(ish) couple, regardless of their back story, is a struggling young couple “just starting out”. But Pete ISN’T “just starting out”, he’s been at the pinnacle of the comic book industry for DECADES now. So what the f*ck?

    And Mindy is just Jessica with more well-mannered hair, a borderline imbecile who thinks everything Pete does is adorable. No personality of her own, just another female character who’s a convenient prop to set the stage for cornball tropes. Blech.

    • billytheskink

      I think Pete is making monthly payments on that Flash treadmill and “dolly”.

      Still pathetic, especially as in early Act III we see that Pete has a storage unit full of comics, some of them valuable enough (Spiderman #1!!!) that he pulled them out before he let the friends who helped him move go through them and pick out one to keep for themselves.

      As we have seen with Funky and Cory, selling comic books can raise enough money to pay business expenses and rent or buy an engagement ring.

  6. erdmann

    I’ve always had a tough time expressing my feelings, so when I decided to pop the question to my girlfriend i spent a couple weeks preparing. I still bungled it badly. Despite that, she somehow understood what I was trying to say (thrusting a ring at her as if I were warding off a vampire with a crucifix may have tipped her off) and said yes.
    My point is, compared to Dopey here, I was Laurence Olivier delivering an impassioned recitation of a Shakespearean sonnet.

    • Epicus Doomus

      Bear in mind that this isn’t even close to the worst FW proposal of all time, which was when Les brought Cayla to the exact spot where his dead first wife first discovered her cancer to pop the question. That’s one mighty low bar right there.

      • Banana Jr. 6000

        Ugh, you’re right. I think the Les-Cayla relationship is even worse than this one, because Cayla has (or at least had) a personality that would never put up with Les’ bullshit.

  7. Paul Jones

    Oh, my God. Something worse than Lizardbreath and Assthony glumly guessing that they were engaged followed by her shouting YAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! like Howard Dean. Thanks for the sour persimmons, Bathack. Now go to Hell and take your felt tip with you.

  8. Gerard Plourde

    Where to begin? Pete and Mindy at the fair combines every ingredient: unsympathetic characters acting like idiots in a recurring but undeveloped TomBa setting. The only remaining question is what’s the end of the arc reveal? Crankshaft, Lisa, and Phil Holt looking on from The Great Beyond while Mindy and Pete are interviewed by the twins for The Bleat/Westview Gazette coverage?

  9. Banana Jr. 6000

    How much money can you even lose at a carnie booth in one night? $500? That must have been one cheap ring to begin with.

    You know what would have been a good story arc? Mindy rejects this pathetic proposal (as any real woman would), forcing Pete to grow up, come back later and do it right. That could have played out for weeks, given some depth to an unlikeable character, and still married them off.

    But in FW the unlikeable characters get everything they want, no matter how unrealistic that is.

  10. billytheskink

    We need to remember that we are not dealing with ordinary people here, and as such, this spate of utter awfulness actually makes perfect sense.

    Pete is perpetually mopey and yet Mindy is attracted to him, so it would stand to (inexplicable) reason that she is attracted to his mopey-ness. That his proposal consists of him moping harder than he has ever moped is unsurprising, and so is the fact that she excitedly accepted.

    Of course, sense does not equal good.

  11. Maxine of Arc

    On the one hand, I’d personally prefer a stuffed tiger to a diamond; neither retains any real monetary value. On the other, Mindy’s ecstatic expression upon being handed said tiger because the carny is sick of looking at them is about as absurd as the notion of her attraction to Mopey McMoperson, who has literally not talked about anything other than comic books in YEARS.

    Still better than the Settleocalypse, though.

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      If you mean the Liz-Anthony marriage, I think this is actually worse.

      Anthony in FBOW was an a bad character forced by the author, but she at least tried to make the whole story seem realistic. There was a time frame, and a thought process we saw the characters go through. (And hey, who of us hasn’t been advised to date someone awful? Or been talked into someone we had no chemistry with?)

      This is just… insulting. In one sentence Pete tells Dim Mindy that’s he’s cheap, bad with money, bad with sensitive topics, and bad at rising to challenges. And there’s been absolutely no buildup of this relationship. In fact, two days ago she was challenging him to the low-level task of winning a carnival prize. Not a goddamn wedding ring. Ugh. Pete makes Jon Arbuckle look suave.

      This is so, so tacky, and Dim Mindy just eats it up. But this is what happens when your characters are little more than author avatars and wish-fulfiilment tools for them.

      • Charles

        Yeah, Liz and Anthony seemed inevitable and terrible, but it was never perfunctory. That was something that Johnston wanted, no matter how poorly it went. This is happening because Batiuk can’t come up with anything else for these losers to do.

  12. CRM114

    I think we’re being way to hard on lil Pete. HSN has a “diamond” quartz ring on faux gold band for $99.95 w. a 6 payments @ $16.66 plan available. Sniff. He lost a payment on the game. And surely he won’t sell off his Elvis on Black Velvet collection of art to pay for it…so he mopes.

  13. Professor Fate

    If the Author suggesting that Westview is populated by lizard people? because dear lord human beings don’t act like this. Not one bit. I mean seriously he was going to propose NOW but he had not bought the ring? What was he figuring on saving a few bucks if she said No? And that whole thing came out of left field – we have rarely seen them together and the times we have more often than not Boy Lisa’s been there.
    Seriously in this strip the Author has dragged the idea of storytelling into a back alley and has beaten it senseless with socks filled with sand.
    I do remember the foobacypse as noted at least she tried to make it seem plausible – she failed because Blandthony was irredeemable. but it’s high are compared to this nonsense.
    So where will the wedding be – the crappy pizza place or the run down movie theater?

  14. Charles

    “Why do you look so sad?”
    “Because I embarrassed myself so much for so long that the carny got sick of me, and bribed me with this tiger so he could go home and not have to deal with me anymore. Think that might be a little humiliating? Fuck’s sake lady, use what little brain you have left.”

    But no, he wanted to propose and blew so much money trying to impress her with something so stupid that he can’t afford a ring anymore.

    I take very little satisfaction in saying that I called it, baby. I said that once Batiuk had them regularly dating he wouldn’t have anything else for them to do but get married. Next it’ll be their wedding, and then it’ll be the two of them continuing the sunken-chest mopey cranky guy bloodline. God help that universe.