Draw, You Varmint

September 4, 2019 at 1:39 am
I’m gonna guess that Batiuk’s plan is for Ruby to be soooo inspired that this WOMAN is making a WOMAN comic character and they’ll do a collab comic because something something feminism something something give Batiuk an award.

No awards, though, for the many of you who saw this turn of events coming from a mile away. Despite the little “surprise lines” emanating from her Commie cap, Ruby Lith, too, knows this is destiny, and was only dropping Darin’s name to be polite.



Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

25 responses to “Draw, You Varmint

  1. Epicus Doomus

    So after a woman who doesn’t even work for AK somehow decided that the colorist should become a writer, the writer has apparently hired the woman who doesn’t work there as an artist! This AK is some kind of special workplace, isn’t it? People just randomly wander in and out and shuffle through work computers and papers like it’s no big deal and no one seems to mind or even notice. Forget Ruby, their next hire really ought to be a security guard.

    • Rusty Shackleford

      Yep, it’s Battys world. Something, something something, shoehorn in old person character du jour, something something, they’re bitter, young person gives second chance, all the sudden they have wild success, blah blah blah…

      Interview for local newspaper: Funky Winkerbean, more than a comic says Batiuk. Still, no awards forthcoming.

    • comicbookharriet

      Going to be the Devil’s advocate and say that this conversation is completely plausible if they’re gearing themselves up to pitch this idea to Chester or Darin or whoever wear the ‘editor’ hat. But Ruby pitching that Mindy should write it is silly since Ruby has no idea if Mindy knows how to structure a narrative in comic book form or otherwise. Of course Batiuk never lets us in on what the narratives of these comics would be. He just gives us a stupid character with a stupid name and a stupid premise. Modern comics need more than that. They need themes and arcs and pacing and rising and falling action.

      • Banana Jr. 6000

        >>Modern comics need themes and arcs and pacing and rising and falling action.

        If Tom Batiuk is going to start using such techniques, he should put them in Funky Winkerbean first.

  2. Gerard Plourde

    So it appears that, while Act 2 and early Act 3 dwelled on melodrama, we have now entered the realm of wish-fulfillment. Cliff Anger goes from bein a bitter, blacklisted recluse to a role in the Starbuck Jones reboot and marries his former co-star, who carried a torch for him for a half-century. Now we have Ruby plucked from relative obscurity in retirement to become the illustrator of what will become a wildly successful Atomik Comix title.

    • Yeah, I think it’s been straight wish-fulfillment ever since Les’ wedding failed to get an awards nod. All of Batiuk’s favorites just have everything fall into their laps.

      There’s also the negative wish-fulfillment, where the bully who tormented Les gets a crippling brain disorder…which, if the masthead here is any sign, is another thread about to rear its ugly head.

      • Epicus Doomus

        The bully gets a brain disorder, the guy who gets the “hot girl” ends up a fat divorced alcoholic, the “hot girl” is plagued by vanity and insecurity…yeah, there’s a little negative wish-fulfillment in FW history. I think at first he was just trying to have a little ironic fun with it, then as time went on it took on an uglier edge, which probably had something to do with a general lack of recognition and mass market appeal, although of course that’s just (guffaw) idle speculation.

    • Buckeye Feculence

      Yes, there has been a noticeable U-turn in the Funkyverse of late. Previously people’s efforts seemed mostly to end up in failure and disappointment. Now characters seem to succeed without much effort, experience, or training.

  3. spacemanspiff85

    This totally comes off like someone retelling how their company imploded and they went into millions of dollars in debt.
    “Oh yeah, we hired the writer’s girlfriend who had zero experience to be our colorist! And then she was wandering around an art gallery and ran into a woman who said she used to draw comics seventy years ago, so we hired her, too! And then a service dog named Buddy took a crap outside our sidewalk, and we hired him to handle our deliveries!”

    • Epicus Doomus

      One of the funniest things about the Funkyverse is how elderly retired people who’ve done nothing in their field for fifty or sixty years can suddenly resurface and begin working again without missing a beat. Cliff Anger seamlessly stepped right back into Hollywood after spending sixty years as a total recluse, now Ruby just happens to pop up out of nowhere after a sixty year absence and lands a new gig without even trying.

      Coming soon: Unfortunately for everyone involved, Mindy’s non-existent writing skills and Ruby’s crippling arthritis lead to an embarrassing title that leaves AK the laughingstock of the industry. Chester is bum-rushed from Comic-Con by an angry nerd mob, a furious Pete dumps Mindy and Boy Lisa moves back in with Les after AK goes Chapter 11.

      • Charles

        Exactly, it’s as if this ninety year old woman (if she’s supposed to be the same age as the woman CBH suggested she was based on, she’s *98* years old!) was just waiting around for someone to ask her to get back into illustration. She didn’t actually retire. She just stopped and is waiting for someone to ask, undoubtedly because she was forced to quit under terrible, unspeakable circumstances.

        I mean hell, would she really want to go back into the whole deadlines/expectations/reception BS that can make illustrating a comic tedious? She can already doodle whenever she wants. She doesn’t have to make a damn publication out of everything. She doesn’t have to deal with all the crap of doing that anymore.

        I almost feel sorry for Batiuk about these types of stories, where an oldster has fallen into obscurity and still feels she/he has something to contribute despite her/his advanced age. And only Batiuk’s wonderful characters are willing to give them that chance! It’s as if it’s motivated by his own fear and recognition that his best days are behind him and that he no longer has anything relevant to contribute in his chosen field.

      • comicbookharriet

        “Unfortunately for everyone involved, Mindy’s non-existent writing skills and Ruby’s crippling arthritis lead to an embarrassing title that leaves AK the laughingstock of the industry.”

        So, basically the end of Apartment 3-G? Complete with random dog?

  4. William Thompson

    Cool idea, Mindy! Uh, has it been proven that you’re dealing with the actual Ruby Lith and not some delusional bag lady?

    • Epicus Doomus

      Same thought here. Mindy doesn’t know if this woman is actually Ruby Lith at all, yet she’s in the AK offices casually shuffling through employee’s desks and making major personnel decisions for them too like it’s no big deal. Perhaps Mindy can have her cut a few checks next, then maybe she could help herself to whatever she needs from the supply closet after that.

  5. billytheskink

    I’m actually with Mindy on this. Durwood’s got, what, two years of experience illustrating comic books? He spent more time earning that MBA he has never used.

    • Epicus Doomus

      It was never explained how the guy responsible for “Sophomoric Sightings” made the leap to becoming head artist for a “real” comic book company, especially given how he only got back into doodling a few years ago after an (at least) twenty year respite. Nor was it ever explained exactly what Boy Lisa was doing during that thirteen year period between the end of Act II to when he suddenly popped up at Les’ door back in 2011, aside from “MBA” and “crashing with friends”. Nor was it explained why he chose to visit Les based on his extremely tenuous ties to Lisa instead of going to stay at his parent’s house, who live right there in the same town. He’s possibly the most boring enigmatic character of all time.

  6. AmigoLupus

    But you see, that’s no commie cap, That’s the laser sight from Zanzibar-the-talking-chimp’s sniper rifle pointed straight at Ruby’s head. Clearly this means Butter Brinkel’s in town and we need Wayback Wendy to ask her dog if it can go back in time to check who’s supplying the chimp with all his guns. And who knows, maybe TomBat will find time to give us new Lisa retcons along the way!

    • Oh no. They’re going to make a “Wayback Wendy” movie and they need to cast Henry the 8th. Ruby just happens to know Butter Brinkle, who gets the role and is rehabilitated, despite being 130 years old.

  7. Paul Jones

    There’s a reason I didn’t want to see something I knew was coming was coming and it’s the reason why Churchy La Femme wanted the big nuclear show to come as a surprise: “If we gonna be attacked, I want it to be a surprise insteada knowin’bout it in advance an’havin’t’worry’bout it all that time.”

  8. comicbookharriet

    Because, as two women, we could never work on a comic book about a MAN! We’re still stuck in the vagina ghetto, we just don’t know it yet.

  9. Banana Jr. 6000

    Geez, it looks like Ruby is running a confidence scam. “I think you should write your own comic book (even though you’ve demonstrated no writing skill) and someone else should draw it (despite me being a famous artist).” And look at Ruby’s smile when Mindumb takes the bait. And this alll started with Ruby just happening to be at a comic book art show, and then telling Mindy how rough women have it in the business. It’s like Mindy’s being groomed.

  10. Maxine of Arc

    Here’s the current list of guests for New York Comic-Con next month: https://www.newyorkcomiccon.com/Guests/Comic-Guests/ While white men are certainly still the majority, there’s a lot more female guests (and guests of color) than there used to be. The industry has changed and is continuing to change, mostly for the better. I really think Batiuk’s heart is in the right place, but if he actually took some time to go into a comic shop and really look around, I think he’d see that this kind of script just makes him look woefully out of touch.

    Also, I refuse to forget about the Drunken Talking Murder Chimp, as he would wish me to.