It’s Funny Because He’s Fat, Get It?

Link to today’s strip

What a great way to follow a big prestige serious storyline you bragged about, with a total waste of space. “Hi!” “Hi!” “You’re fat!” I guess coming up with a week of ways to show how dumb Bull was must’ve really taxed Batiuk’s talent.
This is one of my least favorite things about this strip (the list of things I’ve described that way would be very long). Literally all Funky does in this strip is work and work out, and yet he’s still fat. And people make fun of him for it. And since Bull’s dead, he’s this strip’s fattest, dumbest character, so he’d better watch out, I guess.

30 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

30 responses to “It’s Funny Because He’s Fat, Get It?

  1. Epicus Doomus

    Bull may be dead after his horrific and still-unexplained accident, but frisky wry banter is, as always, alive and well in the Funkyverse. One can only imagine where this could be leading, by Wednesday they could be filming “Starbuck Jones 3: Fall of Phobos” in Montoni’s kitchen for all I know. I was just starting to get used to the randomly-placed flashbacks, too. It was, if nothing else, a bold new format that certainly held some, uh, promise, I guess.

    Coming this week: Cindy announces that she will be directing the new SJ movie which features a SJ origin story involving radioactive pizza and a puncture wound from a comic book staple. The entire town is invited to participate. Halfway through the arc it abruptly shifts to becoming a story about Pete and Mindy’s planned comic book-themed wedding. It is held outside, in the gazebo. It rains. Everyone heads to Montoni’s for pizza.

  2. William Thompson

    The Ten Weeks of Torment decreed by the prophets have not yet passed; the preordained Deathline of Pulitzer has yet to be reached. This day’s burnt offering is but a minor tribulation before the demon L’esl’ee Mhor’bid bursts forth from the Anus of Hell.

  3. “Tom! Tom Batiuk! You’re fat!”
    Tom Batiuk looks at himself, sees no obvious fat…
    “In the head, Tom! You are fat in the head!”

  4. billytheskink

    If Funky really wanted to stand out, he should have just said “I work”.

    I remain fascinated by the framed pictures at Montoni’s. Do celebrities really eat there and sign their photos? (he asked in a strip where an alleged celebrity is eating there). I hope Funky was careful when framing Mason’s photo, that nose could cut rebar.

    • William Thompson

      Those aren’t celebrities, they’re survivors. Which I suppose is what passes for celebrities in Westview.

  5. Deadl E. Cheese

    Funky has been shown to be exercising more than almost every other post-timeskip character combined (including Corey, who is a soldier, and everyone in the band) so we can only conclude one of two things:
    A) Funky has a problem with his thyroid or his metabolism in general which is making him artificially pack on weight.
    B) Funky is eating so much that it outweighs the weight burning from exercising. He owns a pizza parlor and we never see him fussing about his diet the way he does about his exercise so that’s plausible.

    There’s no way Batiuk would let the opportunity for pathos to slip by (along with further shitting on Funky’s bad luck) with A), so we’re going to have to assume B.

    Thing is, diet is much more important to long-term weight loss than exercise. Burning 400 calories a day from pure exercise requires 2+ hours of moderate-intensity jogging and you can easily destroy it with a couple of slices of pizza. I wish someone would bring this point up.

    • Charles

      Yeah, I’ve noted before that if Funky eats pizza at about the same clip as all the other puds in this strip, his physical shape is one of the few things the strip gets right.

      What isn’t realistic is Mason and Cindy eating pizza as often as they’re shown and still keeping fit despite never being shown working out or acknowledging pizza as a cheat day. Maybe they purge after going to Montoni’s. That’d make a lot of sense, actually.

  6. Epicus Doomus

    If you really want to feel queasy consider the possibility that the post-divorce relationship between Cindy and Funky is possibly the most normal relationship in the strip right now. They seem to exchange wry banter with affection as opposed to dripping with snide sarcasm like everyone else does. I could be misreading that, though. But in a strip where, for example, Becky looks sadly at Wally once every five years and Les spent fifteen years talking to his dead wife’s ghost, it’s jarring to see two characters with their tragic back story just goofing around in jest.

    Not that I LIKE them or anything, mind you. But after that Bull/Linda dynamic we just saw, Cindy and Funky are like Bogart and Bacall. Westview has some weird f*cking couples, man. The creepy Bull/Linda pairing, Dinkle’s wife sitting alone in that stupid house with the treble clef on it while Dinkle hovers over Lefty who does anything she can to avoid her husband who spends all his time with Crazy, the loveless Fairgoods, Boy Lisa/Jessica and that whole continuing nightmare, Les and his affable doormat Cayla…it’s pretty dark and twisted stuff.

    • Gerard Plourde

      I agree. I think that this is part of a larger issue. He really seem to have no idea how to portray human interaction. Most of his characters are as unlikable as the Seinfeld cast but, even worse, his stories lack the humorous spin that made the show successful. And when he does try humor now, it mostly takes the form of cutting put-downs.

      • Banana Jr. 6000

        The problem is, the abuse always goes in one direction. It wouldn’t be so bad if the recipient of a put-down ever gave it back. Like, “Yeah, Cindy, but unlike you, I don’t lose my entire career if I put on five pounds. Look at this beautiful calzone. Nom nom nom. Want half a bite?”

  7. William Thompson

    Yes, Mason Jar, you’re a lucky man to have caught the woman Funky lost. I haven’t seen a man this lucky since they shut the lid on Bull’s coffin.

  8. Paul Jones

    And here we are, about to see high school cliquishness taken to an absurd, stupid, insane and anti-human extreme. “Funky cannot care about the death of a sporto! He is a pizza guy!!”

  9. AmigoLupus

    So that’s it then? The funeral ended and we didn’t even get to see Linda’s thoughts on it, much less see her and Bull’s kids reacting to their dad being dead?! I figured that since FW characters love making everything to be about themselves, then it would make a ton of sense for Batiuk to make Linda Les 2.0. But no, Batiuk keeps finding new lows as a writer.

  10. Banana Jr. 6000

    “I can’t wait to hang out with my ex-wife and her husband, right after I don’t go to my lifelong friend’s sudden funeral,” thought Funky Winkerbean and no other man in human history.

  11. Charles

    It’s kind of amazing how Mason’s supposed to be this hugely successful actor with gobs of liquid cash and the financial ability to do anything, and Batiuk draws him as if he gets all his casual clothes out of remainder bins from clothing stores at insolvent malls.

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      One of this strip’s more obnoxious conceits is how much attention Westview gets from Hollywood. There’s been a Starbuck Jones movie, a Lisa’s Story movie (which was scuttled by Les, because he has that kind of clout), a Butter Brinkel documentary, other documentaries, several published books by Les and that hateful old woman in Crankshaft, a national news anchor, and a comic book publisher that routinely gets visitors from legendary comicbook artists. And in today’s installment, a famous actor who has nothing better to do than go to a funeral in Westview for someone even his wife didn’t know.

    • Maxine of Arc

      To be fair, Ryan Reynolds and Chris Evans dress pretty much exactly like that.

      • Charles

        I personally haven’t seen it myself, but I’m not going to dismiss your claim. I will note that they may go with “hobo chic” because they’re rich enough to not give a shit. Mason’s look is much more “I got a great deal on this thing once Old Navy realized they weren’t gonna sell it!”

    • hitorque

      Yeah, I had pointed out the same a few years back…

      Batiuk has been really awful in pretending he has the first clue about the lives of wealthy celebrities…

  12. Wow…just wow! This woman is such a passive-aggressive work of art. Sadly, she is so typical of TB’s Westview residents.

  13. hitorque

    Cindy is a petty vindictive bitch, Chapter Infinity…

  14. bigd1992

    It’s as if he’s TRYING to make his characters as loathsome as possible

  15. Andrew

    Honestly Funky feels like the biggest tragedy of the strip. He’s aged into an unrecognizable old fart, looks like a grandfather to his son than a regular dad even before said son left high school, his “main character” status is hijacked by Les the sleek cancer author man, and he gets a car accident where his collider is never caught.
    Like, c’mon Tom. I know life really can be this shitty, but you call yourself one-eighth inch away from reality anyways (mostly to be able to ignore “nitpicks” about you portray EMTs, the VA, publishers, doctors, the military, etc. for the sake of your “drama”). Why even put him through all this? All he did was get born into a family with a weird surname.

    • William Thompson

      Funky also had the strip named after him. Now that Creepy Les is Batiuk’s vision of himself, Batty resents Funky for depriving Les Moore of the title role. Some day I’ll check Bathack’s website and see if he’s peddling Funky voodoo dolls.

  16. The Dreamer

    So Cindy and Mason fly all the way across the country to attend Bull’s funeral, but Funky can’t even bother to get someone to cover for him at Montoni’s for the morning so he can attend, even though he’s known Bull all his life…

  17. Professor Fate

    Actually I get the uneasy feeling that this is only the prologue to an extended discussion of Bull’s life featuring Funky and Les ‘s (who will come in shortly) memoires. Again they will all concentrate on how this has effected THEM.

  18. I’m curious, though not enough to search, but have Funky and Bull ever interacted in Act III? I can’t seem to recall any occasions where the two were together. Maybe they weren’t friends.

    • Epicus Doomus

      I remember Funky being at Bull’s last game/retirement/whatever it was, he was in the crowd with Les, making sarcastic “observations” while Les smirked accordingly. But otherwise I don’t think so, as every Bull arc always involved sports or Les, at least as far as I can remember. It seems sort of weird that Bull wasn’t a Montoni’s regular, but then again who could blame him?