I Can Think Of One Person Who Isn’t

This is Batiuk attempting witty sitcom style dialogue. And it is painful. “So what brings?” is not something a human would say. And the way Funky is poking into the second panel saying his little line reminds me of a cheesy sitcom character chiming in with his trademark catchphrase. Also, if you go to a pizza place and just order “the pizza”, I think it’s maybe not a great pizza place.
Why in the world anyone would want to meet Les is beyond me, although it does seem like the kind of thing you’d do after a funeral. “Oh, we spent the past hour or so thinking about death, I wonder what Les is up to?”  Bull’s dead and barely cold in the ground, so I guess that just means more time for Les.  Yippee.


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

44 responses to “I Can Think Of One Person Who Isn’t

  1. Lord Flatulence

    You forgot to include a link so that we could feast our eyes on his wonderful creation.

  2. Epicus Doomus

    Pizza, Les, wry banter…all we need now are comic books. My guess is that Cindy is working on a new documentary centering around Cliff Anger’s take on “Lisa’s Story” and she flew to Ohio to grab a fresh copy from Les’ supply in the garage. Or maybe Mason is working on “SJ4 – Rise Of The Oncologists” and they want Les to do a re-write. In any event, it’s nice to see Bull’s death being put to good use like this, otherwise Cindy might have had to resort to calling or texting Les like how normal people do.

    Yeah, Cindy’s cutesy snarky act gets really tired after a panel or two of it. Just order the goddamned pizza with the pepperoni slices already and stop f*cking around. “Meeting with Les”…sweet Jesus no. Obviously this cannot be anything but a nauseating development no matter where it goes, which won’t be anyplace pleasant I’ll tell you what. All this recent tragedy must have gotten his Les (ugh) juices flowing (ewwww) again. Lucky us.

    In panel one it looks like Mason’s protruding hair point is stabbing Cindy in the head. I’ve thought about doing that so many times, but to Les and for real. Mason’s hair has really deteriorated over the years, it’s like the Boy Lisa’s nose of FW hair.

    • Gerard Plourde

      Not to be missed also in panel 1 is the size of Funky’s head which looks like a bad Photoshop cut and paste.

      • Hannibal's Lectern

        Not to mention the shape of his head, which looks about the same as Bull’s after a few weeks of decomposition.

    • ian'sdrunkenbeard

      Oh no! They’re here to get right of first refusal on “Grass Stain on the Brain: The Bull Bushka Story”. They hope that Less will not take the kill fee.

    • comicbookharriet

      Funny how Mason caught Cindy’s old protruding hair point like some kind of coiffure STD.

  3. Banana Jr. 6000

    Why is Cindy asking what’s good here? She’s grew up in this stupid town! Give Mason Jar that line. Then panel 3 makes a teensy bit more sense, with Cindy sarcastically agreeing and Mason confirming it on Yelp.

    • Cabbage Jack

      She’s being sarcastic. We all know nothing is good there.

      • Banana Jr. 6000

        That would make sense, but she’s drawn looking intently at the menu, and isn’t making the standard Funky Winkerbean “I’m so witty!” face that normally indicates sarcasm. Then again, making sense isn’t a requirement in this strip.

        If she’s not being sarcastic, then Funky’s being a dick to a customer for no reason. But unmotivated dickishness isn’t off the menu either.

        This strip can drive you mad if you think about it too much.

    • Not only did Cindy grow up in Westview, but she and Mason have been to Montoni’s multiple times.

    • billytheskink

      Not only did she grow up in Westview, she and Funky owned a stake in Montoni’s when they were married! Outside of breakfast pizza, I doubt the menu has changed much since then…

    • Hannibal's Lectern

      When she asks what’s good, the proper response is, “good for what?” Obviously not good for eating, as this is Montoni’s, but… good for emesis? Good as a laxative? (Obviously the last two are not exclusive) Good for replacing worn out Space Shuttle tiles? Good for inducing massive flatulence? Good for convincing your date that you have terrible taste in restaurants? Good for mashing into Les Moore’s face, preferably fresh out of the oven and dripping with 400-degree grease?

      See? Lots of things Montoni’s is good for!

  4. Cabbage Jack

    “So what brings?”
    “Oh, that guy we graduated with who drove off a cliff.”

    • Thanks for the votes. If only *one* person voted “no” I was prepared to ignore it, but if *two* people have heard it, maybe it’s something people say.

  5. William Thompson

    As spoken by the deranged prophet Yunameit Ah-hazredit, the eldritch monster L’eslee Mohr’bid draws nigh! The unwitting shall speak dread secrets, sentences shall be mauled into pizza topping, and the Demon Sultan of Smirk shall pull predictable answers from each of his seven rectums!

  6. billytheskink

    I’m not sure if Cindy is showing off who she chose instead of Funky, if Funky is showing off what he chose over Cindy (Funky refusing to leave Montoni’s and move to New York was key in their divorce), or both.

  7. William Thompson

    Whoah! Mason Jerk mentioned Yelp? Since when does Batiuk use real-world names in the Funkyverse? Or does he think there’s a joke behind the name–“You Yelp in pain as you give a bad review!”–and Mason Jar is too dense to realize it?

  8. spacemanspiff85

    Maybe it’s just me, but I wouldn’t mind this “wry banter” nearly as much if it wasn’t the whole content of the strip. Like, if the banter was just one panel, and the plot actually advanced, it wouldn’t be so bad. But a lot of the annoying things Batiuk does are even worse because he fills up a whole strip with them, or a week (opening a letter?) and it just is hard to interpret as anything but stalling or wasting space.

    • William Thompson

      Batiuk thinks every major development should be prefaced with some tragic relief.

    • Epicus Doomus

      It’s not just you, believe you me. The mere fact that Funky is asking them “what brings?” is ludicrous, as there’s no way he WOULDN’T know that they were in town for Bull’s funeral. The guy drove off a cliff, it would obviously have been all anyone in town talked about for days on end.

      He obviously has some sort of really weak asinine premise here and maybe a day and a half worth of cromulent story, if that, so it’s stalling time again. Instead of opening mail or chatting online, it’s Funky and Cindy’s sitcom-esque frisky wry banter, that delightful back & forth dynamic they have that’s been sickening FW readers ever since the network fired her for being so old and haggard.

  9. Paul Jones

    Yet again, it looks as if Funky is in the dark about Bull’s passing and is about to make a horrible fool of himself.

  10. William Thompson

    Doesn’t everyone yelp after tasting Montoni’s pizza?

  11. Chyron HR

    When nobody’s a comedian, everybody is.

  12. Banana Jr. 6000

    Wait a minute. Why is Cindy having lunch with Les? Are they even friends? And whatever happened to “high school follows you”, since Cindy was the popular girl and Les was the school punching bag?

  13. Professor Fate

    “What Bulls dead? When did this happen?”

  14. Gerard Plourde

    I may be wrong, but I wonder if “So, what brings?” is some sort of regionalism.

    I mention this because western Pennsylvania has some odd ones that creep over into Ohio (or vice versa). One is dropping words out of phrases- “needs to be washed” becomes “needs washed”, “needs to be replaced” becomes “needs replaced”.

    According to a post dealing with Southern Ohioisms in a blog from members of the staff of the Institute for Research in Cognitive Science at the University of Pennsylvania called Language Log, waiters and waitresses in restaurants around Gatlinburg, Tennessee similarly use “beyall” for the phrase “Will that be all?”

    It would be consistent with TomBa’s style to include something like this which would be incomprehensible to nonresidents of his area.

  15. bayoustu

    Is that octogenarian with an avian-esque beak for a nose flirting with that teenage girl?!

    • William Thompson

      That “teen girl” is so much older than the octogenarian that the other vampires call her “the cradle-robber.”

  16. Double Sided Scooby Snack

    “So what brings?”



    “Have you been under a rock?? Bull Bullsquat is dead! Total accident. Definitely not suicide, or CTE related. We were just at the funo. Where were you??”

    “Aw heck, I didn’t know!”

    “How could you not know?? It was in Batty’s stupid comic every day for weeks!”

    “Hmmff… I don’t bother reading that crap anymore. I’m the title character, and I’m never in it. It’s just stupid komix all the time. I need to find a web site where I can snark on it.”