Fortunately Bull Died And Saved Us A Trip

This is pretty hilarious, especially by Funky Winkerbean standards. Cindy and Mason fly out to Ohio every other month, so the thought that these people hardly ever see each other is pretty funny. So is the fact that apparently whatever they had to talk to Les about they had to do in person. I can’t imagine a good reason for wanting to talk to Les, but I definitely wouldn’t want to do it in person. It’s also kind of funny how Les’s line makes it seem like they’re family. “Oh yes, it’s so sad that it takes funerals to reunite me with the hot girl from high school who never talked to me and her husband I once gave a bent nail to.”.


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

40 responses to “Fortunately Bull Died And Saved Us A Trip

  1. Epicus Doomus

    “Hi, Les!” my ass. So is Mason actually saying that he had already planned to fly out to Westview to talk to Les BEFORE Bull’s death? So what, did they just move up the trip and decide to kill two birds with one stone? Why would he have needed to fly to Ohio just to “talk with” Les? What does he mean by “come back”?

    “It sure is sad how it took Bull’s tragic death to bring us all together.”

    “Yeah yeah yeah, sad. Now for the REAL reason for my visit!!”

    Wow, that’s ice cold even by recent Batom standards. Some good WILL come out of Bull’s horrible death…for Les f*cking Moore. It wasn’t enough that he lived to bury his hated bully, now he has to use his passing as a stepping stone to success too. Just unbelievable.

    • Hitorque

      FWIW, I don’t think Masone ever met Bull, and we all know Cindy didn’t give a shit; she just saw the opportunity to show off her Hollywood husband to the old hometown yet again and low-key brag about how awesome her life is living in Malibu on the beach and how she can still rock a string bikini with zero percent sag/wrinkles/cellulite at 58 years old…

  2. William Thompson

    This is so stupid, I’m hoping that the background guy in the green shirt is Mopey Pete, and that he’s pissy-assed drunk on near-beer. I want to see him fight Creepy Les over who’s the worse writer.

    • CRM114

      Oh, nooooo. Do I see a Les does Hollywood again arc in the future? PleasePlease no!

      • William Thompson

        They’re filming Mason Jar’s life story and he wants Creepy Les to play him. Batiuk will finally win that coveted Razzie award.

  3. The artwork today is god-awful. Everyone is melting because no one, no one, cares at all.

    • ComicTrek

      Mason in particular looks like he’s aged 50 years! Maybe there WAS a time skip after all! Except we won’t hear about it until there’s a “____ years later…” header.

  4. William Thompson

    Gods damn you, Mason Jar, did you have to cast a summoning spell for Creepy Les? Couldn’t you have just killed yourself like normal people do?

  5. billytheskink

    Linda uses a cell phone to call Bull while thinking he was in the house. Mason flies from California to Ohio to talk to Les.

    Classic Batiukverse.

  6. William Thompson

    A funeral that was a sad occasion? Who else died? Did they stop at a pet cemetery to say goodbye to Les’s pet scorpion?

  7. William Thompson

    “Les, Cindy wants to do a documentary on CTE, and she thinks you’re the right person to describe the effects it had on your good friend Bull. Would you mind talking about him, just a little?”

    “Why, not at all, Mason. In fact I’ve spent the past few hours doing extensive research on Bull for my next book, and I have hundreds of pages of notes spread on my bedroom floor. Tell Cindy I have some interesting theories to discuss!”

  8. ComicTrek

    If this has anything to do with “Lisa’s Story”, I’m gonna lose it.

    • Epicus Doomus

      Coming this week: Mason and Cindy announce their next project, a “mockumentary” based on the life of that cranky old school bus driver from back in the day, starring Cliff Anger in the titular role…and they want Les and Pete to write it, Jessica to film it and Boy Lisa and Ruby to storyboard it. It will be filmed on location in Westview (some scenes in Centerville), of course. Frankie attempts to thwart filming by claiming he is in fact the cranky bus driver’s real bio-son but is exposed as a charlatan by the content’s of Gramp’s old secret journal which Mindy found under a pile of old comic books in his attic.

  9. Double Sided Scooby Snack

    “Les, I needed to drop everything in California and drive all the way to Ahia so that I could talk with you. Golly, if only there were telephones, texts, emails, Skype, or some other way to converse with someone without needing to travel thousands of miles to see them. Maybe one day. Anywayz, I’m still deeply afraid of doing table reads. Got any more bent nails?”

  10. Double Sided Scooby Snack

    What a fresh and original thing to say: It’s too bad it takes a funo to bring us together.

    Gosh, I can’t recall anyone ever expressing such a thought!

    That’s called writing. Write that down.

    When is the part where Goatee Boy calls over to Flunky, “Speaking of which, where the fuck were YOU??”

  11. Paul Jones

    Batiuk has to Batiuk so he can’t imagine an option that isn’t either “Waste thousands on air fare to meet face-to-face” or “not discuss a proposal.”

    • William Thompson

      And Cindy is there either because she has to cling to her man, or because it’s her proposal but women need a real man to handle serious business discussions for them.

      • Paul Jones

        Again, Batiuk has to Batiuk. Trying to explain the Bechdel test to him would probably make his brains explode.

  12. Oh God…I just had a thought. Are we hearing the opening chords of Tom Batiuk’s Greatest Hit again?

  13. Banana Jr. 6000

    I seem to remember the last time Les was involved in Hollywood, he was such a jackass about Lisa’s Story: The Movie that they torpedoed the project and paid him a kill fee to go away. Why would anyone do business with him again?

    • Paul Jones

      For the same reason Mike Patterson got a book deal instead of a public lynching after pissing himself in terror, resigning in disgrace and running home to Mommy when his employer told him to act like a magazine editor: (inept) writing.

      • Double Sided Scooby Snack

        Pretty sure the role of Michael Patterson was played by a 70 year old Canadian Woman. Remember when Lynnuck made the mistake of revealing excerpts of Mike’s “writing?” No life form with attached testicles writes like that.

  14. This isn’t about the Lisa movie again, is it?

  15. William Thompson

    It’s got to be about Bull, CTE and suicide. They could have discussed this at Bull’s funeral but that would have interfered with insulting Bull’s memory.

  16. Professor Fate

    Yes this is cold ‘Shame about old what’s his name dying. Anyway let’s talk about the real reason I flew here.”

  17. Merry Pookster

    Bull is my Hero…. he found a way out!

  18. erdmann

    Mason want Les to write the companion coffee table book to Cindy’s latest documentary, “Starbuck Jones and the Talking Murder Chimp.”

    • The Dreamer

      There is one reason Mason wants to talk to Les– Mason has probably optioned the long dead Lisa’s Story movie out of turnaround purgatory and wants Les’s blessing to try again to do the movie. This time as an independent movie to be streamed on Netflix. It is Mason’s dream to finally play Les on the big screen and he’s got some big star lined up to play St. Lisa

      • William Thompson

        It’s my dream to play the guy who takes the bent nail, straightens it out and helps nail Les to the cross.

        • Double Sided Scooby Snack

          Am I evil because I busted out laughing at this? Yeah, probably…




          “Very good. Crucifixion?”


          “Very good. Crucifixion?”


          “Oh, well off you go, then!”

          “Awww I’m just joking! YES, crucifixion.”

  19. The Dreamer

    There is one reason Mason wants to talk to Les– Mason has probably optioned the long dead Lisa’s Story movie out of turnaround purgatory and wants Les’s blessing to try again to do the movie. This time as an independent movie to be streamed on Netflix. It is Mason’s dream to finally play Les on the big screen and he’s got some big star lined up to play St. Lisa

      • William Thompson

        Can we hope that by now she’s become a man-eating A-list actress who steals her costars from their hapless girlfriends? I don’t care what happens to Cindy; I just want to see Mason go away forever.

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      Normally, when a kill fee is paid (as it was to Les), that project is deader than dead. It effectively terminates the entire contract. The whole process would have to start from the beginning. And the only thing less realistic than Hollywood paying to option Lisa’s Story is Hollywood paying to option Lisa’s Story twice.

      Not that any of this will be an obstacle in the Funkyverse,of course.

  20. William Thompson

    Look, Cindy and Mason are drinking Westview’s favorite diet drink, Copro Lite. But why aren’t those wacky kids sharing a single drink with two straws in it?

  21. hitorque

    Krankenschaaften: “Remember senior year back when we were at Akron and on your birthday I got you more wasted than you had ever been and passed you around the frat house and you did all my brothers three at a time??” Why oh why didn’t I videotape that!?