Finally, We’re Getting More Lisa

Well, this is really nice of Batiuk. Having killed off that dumb sporto Bull, he can get back to what his audience really wants-more Lisa. And not just Lisa, but Lisa’s Story, the most amazing and significant cultural product humanity has yet produced. And not just Lisa’s Story, but Lisa’s Story: The Movie, something that has never been portrayed in this strip before.  It’s definitely good he rushed through that whole Very Serious Topical and Prestigious Storyline About CTE for this.  I bet after doing Lisa’s Story 2.0 in the form of Bull’s death, Batiuk figured he might as well just go back to his favorite plot, yet again.
As horrible as this storyline is, I’m slightly excited that something might actually be happening in this strip. But realistically, what we’re probably going to get is lots of strips with one panel of Les sitting at this booth with Cindy and Mason, and two reprinted Lisa panels from 20 years ago. And speaking of horrible, does Les really just keep a pen in his shirt pocket in case people ask him for an autograph? Also, I find it extremely hard to believe he didn’t sign that copy before he gave it to Mason-“To my bent nail buddy-you’re an actor, so keep doing that acting thing!”. But then maybe Mason didn’t pay enough for an autographed copy.

55 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

55 responses to “Finally, We’re Getting More Lisa

  1. comicbookharriet

    I’m printing out that third panel and decorating my house with it for Halloween. Nothing could be more horrifying.

  2. Epicus Doomus

    From the SoSF archives…

    May 8-21, 2011:

    Ann Apple calls Les to tell him that “Hollywood” wants to option Lisa’s Story. This sends Les into a panic as he imagines how “Hollywood” will desecrate his work. After a park bench consult with the ghost of his late wife, Les reluctantly agrees. Ann dismisses Les’ fears by telling him there’s virtually no chance the movie will ever get made.

    July 28 – August 24, 2014:

    In Hollywood, Les gets to know the actors who will portray himself and Lisa in the TV movie based (ever more loosely) on his book. As he continues “working” on the script, Les slips into a weird noir fantasy of late ’30s/early ’40’s Hollywood, where the movie’s leading lady attempts to seduce him in order to get more screentime. Les is jolted awake when he remembers that his “contract mentioned a ‘kill fee’” which somehow enables Les to walk away from the Lust for Lisa project (presumably without being sued). This and other events conspire to shut down the TV movie, and Les and Le Chat Bleu are free to resume their non-Hollywood lives.

    So apparently triggering the “kill free” also un-optioned “Lisa’s Story” as now, completely out of nowhere, Mason Jarre wants to option it yet again. So by my count this will be the fourth time Les has capitalized on his wife’s death. The book, the movie, the graphic novel “trilogy” and now this. That’s not even counting the book signings and charity comic book art auctions not to mention the Fun Run.

    I will be both astonished and not even mildly phased if he really goes ahead and does another “Lisa’s Story” movie arc. I mean, why? Is there some sort of special twelfth anniversary edition coming out or something? Does he think the recent CTE arc might have brought in some new readers who need to be brought up to speed on Lisa? Har.

    • Charles

      I don’t think Batiuk understands what an option is. If Mason options Les’s cancer porn, what that means is that for a length of time indicated in the contract, Les cannot sell the movie rights to another interest. It doesn’t mean that Mason’s going to actually make the movie. It just means that he wants to hold it out of circulation until he decides to make it or now. That’s what he’s actually paying for when he options Lisa’s Story. He gets six months or a year or three years where if Lisa’s Story gets made into a movie, it can only be by him.

      Actually buying the movie rights is an entirely different thing.

      Anyway, man is this going to be terrible. It’ll be the bloated mess of Starbuck Jones mixed in with Batiuk’s belief in his own genius. It’ll be sick.

      It’ll also take three years despite it going into production this year because he doesn’t have any idea how movie production works.

    • Charles

      I don’t think Batiuk understands what an option is. If Mason options Les’s cancer porn, what that means is that for a length of time indicated in the contract, Les cannot sell the movie rights to another interest. It doesn’t mean that Mason’s going to actually make the movie. It just means that he wants to hold it out of circulation until he decides to make it or now. That’s what he’s actually paying for when he options Lisa’s Story. He gets six months or a year or three years where if Lisa’s Story gets made into a movie, it can only be by him.

      Actually buying the movie rights is an entirely different thing.

      Anyway, man is this going to be terrible. It’ll be the bloated mess of Starbuck Jones mixed in with Batiuk’s belief in his own genius. It’ll be sick.

      It’ll also take three years despite it going into production this year because he doesn’t have any idea how movie production works.

  3. This is horrifyingly tasteless. It’s the most tasteless Batiuk has ever been, and he, personally, has sunk once more in my opinion. (I try to separate the man from the work, but he makes this really difficult.)

    “Thanks to the NY Times article on me, I now have more eyes on my strip. Time to tell them the story I really want to tell!”

    This is both pathetic and horrifying at the same time. Yeah, he killed off Bull…and no one cares, the strip doesn’t react or change in the slightest. It means nothing, except as an excuse to increase the readership, maybe, to bring the focus back to the thing that LOST a Pulitzer Prize.

    Batiuk, you are becoming disgusting.

  4. William Thompson

    This is going to jump from Dead Fucking Lisa to Very Meaningful Talk about Bull, CTE and suicide. Les will begin to pontificate on the twenty-first, so if the Pulitzer people don’t nominate him by the twentieth, they’ll have missed the chance to honor the most moving story since the invention of the laxative. Won’t that leave a horrible stain on their reputations!

  5. billytheskink

    There is only one grave in Westview, and now that Bull is occupying it they had to dig up Lisa. *sigh*

    • William Thompson

      All those other headstones are decorations, because nobody else would be caught dead in Westview.

  6. William Thompson

    “That’s a splendid idea, Mason,” Creepy Les pompouses. “But as a practical matter, let’s remember that CTE is now topical. Let’s do a movie about Bull, which will present my writing powers to the movie-going world, and ensure a bigger audience–and bigger revenues!–for the St. Lisa of the Tumor movie!”

  7. spacemanspiff85

    I really, really wanted this to be the entirety of my post today but figured I should write something. This seemed pretty much perfect though:

  8. William Thompson

    Remember how the Starsux Jones movie ended up? After all the fuss and other over the filming–as interminable as Lisa’s cancer–we saw Variety do a headline about its boffo box office, just before the paper was tossed away. Let’s skip to the tossing part, Batiuk. You’re an expert tosser.

  9. Tom Batiuk: “Now that I have New York Times readers looking at my strip, time to fish out the ‘Lisa’s Story’ book so that some Hollywood NYT reader will decide it’s ready to be produced for the big screen!

    “Hello, what? Bull? CTE? Suicide? What are you talking about? Lisa didn’t commit suicide, she didn’t have CTE, and that’s no bull! I bet I’m going to get an Oscar this time. Time to dust that award shelf!”

    Seriously, I feel so disgusted by this turn of events. It’s nauseating, and worse, it’s deliberately, calculatingly so.

    • Epicus Doomus

      It seems difficult to believe he’d do another story about “Hollywood” tainting his masterpiece, but I certainly wouldn’t put it past him either. Les could also say “thanks but no” but it seems too practical for FW and too merciful in general. That leaves “Mason does “Lisa’s Story” right”, which would have the potential to be the worst FW arc ever, if executed properly.

  10. ComicTrek

    Well, I’ve lost it! 😡 As for that second panel, I have NO words.

  11. Chyron HR

    “Bull’s Story: Lisa’s Story Resumes”

  12. Paul Jones

    Yes, Mason. Tell the story of a vain nitwit who stood there like a shivering pillar of shit trying to figure out what was going on when his wife just gave up on life and slowly committed suicide.

    • 7dials

      Now that sounds like it could actually be an interesting movie: a seemingly-functional young couple receive a devastating diagnosis and spend the rest of the film unraveling at the seams as buried resentments are unearthed, and long-hidden truths come to the fore now neither has anything left to lose. Think ‘Revolutionary Road’, only even uglier and more venal. Of course the sub-Lifetime drivel that is the actual Lisa’s Story won’t be anything like that…

  13. Gerard Plourde

    I’m not sure which would be worse, the likely and totally unnecessary revisit to “Lisa’s Story” or Les writing and producing a movie about CTE.

  14. Banana Jr. 6000

    As much as we all saw this coming, it’s still disgusting.

    Aren’t these strips produced months in advance? And if they are, wasn’t Tom Batiuk lying when he told the New York Times he had a 10-week arc about Bull’s suicide? We only got 5 weeks, one of those weeks was devoted entirely to opening a letter, and the story never bothered with the suicide.

    It’s week six, Bull’s not even stiff yet, and here we are back on the goddam Dead Lisa train again. The strip of her death was in 2007, and there’s been a ten-year time jump since then, so she’s been dead for TWENTY-TWO YEARS. Can we call this chapter Lisa’s Story: Get Over It Already?

    And look at Les’ punchable face in Panel 2. What kind of smug egomaniac asks someone significantly more famous than them if they want an autograph? And brings a pen to do it? Ugh.

    Who of course, is getting even more money and fame thrown at him over his maudlin, masturbatory misery porn. Even though we already had this exact story arc before, where Les acted like a jackass, destroyed the project, and somehow got paid twice.

    This is all just disgusting.

    • William Thompson

      This is week six of ten? Face it, Batiuk has made another major error. This is a springboard to Creepy Les farting out talk about CTE and discovering that Bull killed himself on purpose. A real writer would have ditched the springboard and have these characters walk the plank.

  15. Can you impeach a cartoonist?

  16. bigd1992

    This confirms it: WE are his audience, and he loves to mess with us.

  17. Eldon of Galt

    A second attempt at Lisa’s Story: The Movie. This could play out for years. There’s a lot of talk at this site about the countdown to Funky Winkerbean’s 50th anniversary. I think some people have come to believe that the strip will end then, but it won’t. All that happens in March 2022 is that Batiuk gets an award from the cartoonist’s society, and maybe a celebratory dinner. The
    strip will just stagger on and on.
    Each story seems to worse than the previous one. It’s fascinating to think of just how much more of a terrible, mind-melting mess it will in five or six years.

  18. Maxine of Arc

    OH FFS. I have NO WORDS. Jumping from Bull’s extremely ambiguous suicide to LISA’S EFFING STORY? AGAIN? Capslock hardly seems sufficient. Lisa’s story wasn’t that interesting in the first place, and it’s done. Dunzo. The horse, it is dead. What the hell would a “Lisa’s Story” movie even look like? The only thing I can think of is something like “Beaches,” back when cancer misery was all over weepie movies…. thirty years ago.

    • Hitorque

      Cayla *HAS* to have a divorce attorney on speed dial at this point, right??

      Or, maybe she’d wait for the movie to be a success so she can walk away with a piece of those monies?

  19. Ray

    http://www.musicboxcle.com/event/tom-batiuk/

    Just saw this. If you’re in the area and so inclined. Or have a jet at your disposal like Māsoon Jarre.

    • Perfect Tommy

      I saw that as well. My favorite part of the blog was Tommy saying that the questions were his favorite part. Hoo boy he must get hanging curves over the plate. Can you imagine him getting grilled by people from here?
      We should go fund me a select crew to attend.
      Vengeful Questioners: So, Mr. Batiuk, what’s the deal with that talking chimp? Why was that comic lady from the 50’s so awful?
      Why an entire week to open an envelope? Why did Linda call Bull for dinner? Why does Les suck so bad?
      An increasing nervous Tommy: Well, uh, I mean, um…………….
      It’s called writing damn it!!!! (Angerly storms out.)

      • Epicus Doomus

        He have you thrown right the hell out of there, guaranteed. He wants questions like “so what’s it like being a cartoonist?”…”where do you get your ideas from?…”will you be doing another Lisa’s Story?” and so forth. If you dared to ask him a real question he’d ignore it and summon security.

  20. Professor Fate

    Dear lord he has to be kidding – this spring has long since gone dry. Nobody cares about Lisa. ahhhhhhhh. Sorry had to vent. my only guess and lord this does the author no good at all is that he figures with all the “new readers’ he got from the CTE arc’s mention in the times, it’s the time to hook them forever by bringing St Lisa into their lives. I suspect they will refuse the gift.
    Honestly after all these years he still manages to shock you with the stupid first the Talking Murder Chimp and now the return of Lisa – something i would say most FW readers view with the same sort of dread one feels for the return of Cthulhu.

  21. hitorque

    I called this years ago… No way in hell was Lester not going to get a second shot at Hollywood greatness when Mason+Cindy’s “OFFICIAL HOLLYWOOD NEPOTISM PIPELINE” literally got every legacy character in Westview, Ahia on the payroll for that billion-dollar budget “Starsux Jones: The Prequel” except for Bull and Les… Don’t worry about Batiuk not knowing what “kill fees” are, or the fact that the old studio from 2014 still owns the legal rights to his book, or the fact that no studio would work with Les after he kneecapped the last project (while somehow still keeping the money) or the fact that Mason would presumably be way too busy with Starsux Jones, Parts II – XII in the pipeline, or the fact that Masone Jarre can somehow make management decisions at Universal 20th Century Disney…

    I don’t want to see some dumbassed ghost cat, or the Lord of the Late, or endless sepia-toned throwbacks to character avatars in the 30s/40s/50s or fat, cigar-chomping producers or Les yukking it up with dolly grips or Les losing his shit when the studio has the unmitigated gall to cast some 40DD-cup hottie who is a million times better looking than Lisa or Cindy calling “CUT” when the script calls for Masone to hug or kiss his co-star…

    Can we just fucking fast-forward to 2022 when Les is crying at the podium accepting his award at Cannes or the Oscars? Because that’s where we’re going with this. Hell, Dinkle got honored by the government of Belgium just for selling candy and there’s no chance Lester doesn’t get his moment at the mountaintop before Batiuk hangs up his sketchpad for good…

  22. Hitorque

    Can I say for the millionth time how infuriating it is to see Masone to freely go wherever he wants without ever being recognized by fans and comics nerds despite being the star of the Funkyverse equivalent of “Avengers: Endgame”?

    As an aside, how have those brain-dead moron over at Komixxx Korner never thought to have Masone over for an autograph signing?? Not only is he a frequent visitor to Westview, he’d happily waive his appearance fees for a couple of pizza slices and Komixxx Korner would rake in more cash in an afternoon than they make in a full year…?

  23. bayoustu

    If Les tied one on after getting a second large Hollywood payment for “Lust For Lisa” or whatever it’s called, then stumbled drunkenly into a murky swamp where he slept partially submerged in the fetid water for 48 hours and then viewed himself in a funhouse mirror after being run over by a truck driven by a chimpanzee- panel 2 is what he’d see.

  24. Smirks 'R Us

    tomorrow’s strip:

    Mason Jarre: “so Less, what do you say? You’ll be an executive producer and we’ll call our company Bent Nail Productions!”
    Cindy not Jarre: “I’m sure you want to talk it over with your wife before making such a huge life-changing decision”
    Less: “Who?..Oh her. No, I’m good”

  25. hitorque

    Krankenschaaften: “Remember senior year back when we were at Akron and on your birthday I got you more wasted than you had ever been and passed you around the frat house and you did all my brothers three at a time??” Why oh why didn’t I videotape that!?

  26. The Dreamer

    If TomBat is being realistic and Mason is optioning Lisa’s Story, he should have Mason produce but NOT star as Les. Mason is in his 50’s, he is too old to play the 20’a/30’s Les of the Lisa’s Story arc. But Mason probably wants to play Les himself and give Cindy’s big break by casting her as her younger self. Which would work in Cindy’s case as she hasn’t aged since she was 25

  27. Double Sided Scooby Snack

    For Goatee Boy, Dead Lisa is the cash register that keeps on a-ringin’! Ka-Chinggg!

    And do you get the idea that wherever Creepy Punchable Les goes, he’s waiting for someone to ask him for an autograph?

    I wonder what Leslie told that woman who hangs around his house. Probably something like, “Yeah, I’m going down to Montoni’s to share a pie with MASON JARR(E), the Famous Hollywood Movie Actor. No need for you to come along. I’m sure you have a lot of sweeping up to do. White mugs to wash. You’d only interrupt the convo, like you interrupt ME when I’m thinking about Lisa. Dang it, where are the keys to the Batyuckmobile. Did you hide them again??”

  28. Banana Jr. 6000

    My first attempt at a Photoshop: