Mason Wants to Play Les

If there’s one skill Batiuk has, it’s always finding a new rock bottom. It’s like he listened to everyone making fun of the original Lisa’s Story Movie Storyline and his reaction was “Oh yeah, jerks? You think the Lisa worship was bad before? You got sick of Les being idolized years ago? Just you wait, you beady-eyed nitpickers!”
And the dialogue is just hideous here. Mason wants to take a selfie of him wearing what? The idea of playing Les? When exactly did Cindy come up with that idea? If you really don’t want to sleep anytime soon, let’s just assume it was in the bedroom.
“Oh, Mason, I’m getting kind of tired of you dressing up like Starbuck Jones. How about tonight you pretend to be a real hero, Les Moore?”
Honestly that’s probably less sickening than what’s actually going on in this strip. Going back to the comments recently about the incredibly minor role religion plays in this strip, if things keep going the way they’re going we’ll end up with literal Les worship soon.  That’s essentially where we are now.  Tomorrow could just be a single panel of Mason and Cindy bowing before Les and kissing his feet and it wouldn’t seem out of place at all.


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

35 responses to “Mason Wants to Play Les

  1. Epicus Doomus

    And Batiuk wonders why the Twitter tots hate on his stupid comic strip so much. Mason playing Les in a movie adaptation of “Lisa’s Story” is not a new or novel idea, it’s HOW LES AND MASON MET in the first place. This was only five years ago, which is absolutely nothing in Funkyverse time. Surely both Les and Mason remember the abortive “Lust For Lisa” project, as it led to Les collecting a hefty “kill fee” and Mason getting the SJ job too. And it was WHERE THEY MET.

    “A selfie of me wearing that…”, huh? What exactly did Cindy say? “Hey Mason, you know who’d make a good Les Moore? You, like back when you were hired to play the part that other time!”. I mean, duh. I wonder if BatBrain even realizes how incredibly insulting this is to people who’ve actually tried to follow his broken-down clown car of a comic strip through the years. He never fails to remind those readers that they’re complete suckers for even bothering to commit any plot details to memory, as he’ll either a) forget all about them for no reason or b) rehash them to death anyhow if he feels they’re still relevant, like how the cancer book is always front and center. He’s a hack who’s resorting to plagiarizing himself, which makes him a double hack, as calling him a hack and a half is being too kind.

  2. billytheskink

    Well, who better to play the most insufferable man in the world than the most insufferable actor in the world?

  3. I think I’ve figured it out. The CTE storyline wasn’t Bull…doing what he did (still no sign of suicide, by the way).

    No, the CTE storyline is going to be when Les keeps interrupting Mason’s productions with “improvements” and “concerns” and “possible areas where I could be enhanced,” to the point where Mason just beats the living Hell out of Les’ head, smashing it into a thousand pieces–but then Mason funds a research program that determines that Les has had CTE for decades.

    And everyone in Westview breathes a sigh of relief, and goes on to live happy lives, unencumbered by Les Moore.

    Hey, if Batiuk can invent fantasy wish-fulfillment worlds, so can I.

  4. CRM114

    Batuik has finally gone insane.

    • Gerard Plourde

      That’s become my working hypothesis. I find it hard to imagine that the recent story arcs are the product of a coherent thought process.

  5. William Thompson

    “I’d love to take a selfie of me–” because Mason Jarr is so self-absorbed that taking a selfie is always his first thought. Why leave it to lesser souls?

  6. William Thompson

    Mason Jarr must mean “wearing that expression.” Creepy Les fakes modesty so well that it’s enough to make an actor jealous.

  7. William Thompson

    Holly looks around in alarm. Is that booth cracking under the strain of holding three huge egos?

  8. No sooner had I decided to add this clunky turn of phrase to the Batiuktionary, then I discovered that I already had done so after Cindy had said a very similar thing to Cliff Anger back in May…

    • Epicus Doomus

      Those Hollywood folk and their crazy showbiz slang. “As much as I’d like to option that kill fee at a table read, that’s a nail that can’t be unbent”.

      • ian'sdrunkenbeard

        I thought I could speak and read English, but now I’m not so sure. I’ve been speaking with a student from China lately, and I had to explain what the expressions “wet your whistle” and “shake a leg” meant. Now I know how she feels.

        Somebody should tell TB to stop trying to make “fetch” happen.

    • hitorque

      I missed what happened in May… What the hell possible reason is Cliffe Angere being dragged back out for?

      • He knew the drunken talking murder chimp.

        • ian'sdrunkenbeard

          He not only knew him, they were drinking buddies!
          I really miss him. He was like Magilla Gorilla for adults.
          How many possibly interesting plot lines have fizzled out? I wanted to see the nefarious Frankie wreak havoc with the food truck from hell. The talking murder chimp. Bull’s “suicide”…
          I’m afraid this current story will lead to endless commercials like the last time TB used the strip to shill for his cancer book every f-ing day for weeks on end. The whole book signing arc where the cover of the book was shown in nearly every strip.

  9. Banana Jr. 6000

    That “Lust For Luea” thing was so goddam stupid. PEOPLE MAKING A MOVIE CALLED “LUST FOR LISA” WOULD NOT BUY A SCRIPT ABOUT A WOMAN WHO DIES OF CANCER. They would buy a script that has something to do with their desired premise! Sheesh.

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      Of course I meant “Lust For Lisa”, not “Luea.”

    • William Thompson

      Batiuk’s idea was that the CME studio bought “Lisa’s Story,” then rewrote it and retitled it “Lust For Lisa.” Which still makes no sense, but which gave Batiuk a chance to whine about what Hollywood would do if it ever filmed “Lisa’s Story.” His paranoia has been growing for years.

  10. ComicTrek

    Okay, Cindy and Mason had to have gotten hammered after the funeral. They definitely look like it!

  11. Paul Jones

    It’s kind of obvious that somewhere on the top of Batiuk’s Great Big List Of Things Computer People Do That He Hates is “baffling tendency of computer people to go on computers and complain about the slang expressions.”

    It’s as if he’s a small-town kid who doesn’t understand that the slang expressions he picked up in his childhood aren’t even current in the place he lives any longer.

  12. Count of Tower Grove

    Todd must’ve watched a lot of Leave it to Beaver. Wally and Beav often asked mom for “a hunk of cake” to snack on. No one ever said that.

  13. Count of Tower Grove

    Masone has grown large canines.

  14. Perfect Tommy

    Huh. I clicked on the Blog link only to get a warning that it might be impersonating a real site. So even the blog is pretending to be something it’s not.

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      Looks like his security certificate expired. I’d point and laugh, but my website has the same problem at the moment.

  15. Professor Fate

    Argggg. Honestly I had forgotten that Mason Jarr was going to play Les in the TV movie version of Lisa’s story. So not wise enough to know he’d dodged a bullet he wants to that Now.? Lord god we are reaching new depths here.
    I know it can get worse from here but I can’t imagine how. That’s what’s frightening.
    And really how is a book about a woman dying of cancer a movie? And how does Les become the hero of the piece? Oh never mind I don’t want to know. My only hope and it’s a faint one at that is that after Saturday this story arc vanishes into the ether and never hear about it again.
    Oh yes by by there Tom, what about that Article in Sports Illustrated? Did that ever pan out of did they actually read the strip?

    As far a the dialogue well I just assumed someone is having a stroke and the others are too self absorbed to notice. I rather like that idea.

    • I remember that when the movie was going to be made, Summer wondered if they’d shoot it in 3-D.

      I can imagine John Candy thrusting the x-rays at the camera. “Would you like some more…incorrect results?!”

      • Epicus Doomus

        That might have been Summer’s most unintentionally funny line ever. “And when the life force left her body it was like it was COMING RIGHT AT ME!”.

  16. The Dreamer

    Mason is too old to play Les! He’s in his fifties and Les is at least twenty years younger in the original Lisa’s Story arc (before the ten year time jump)

  17. Merry Pookster

    Cindy can play Lisa…. she’s young enough.

  18. Gerard Plourde

    TomBa’s entire site is down.

  19. Gerard Plourde

    The site is back up – except for the blog.