Wally’s Not All That Blows

So . . . Lisa still lives, and her and Les have an adopted Hispanic son? The title will still be Lust for Lisa? That all was great? Literally the only thing wrong with it was that Les wrote the script? I know it’s an incredibly pointless question, but I really wonder if Batiuk even thinks about this stuff while he’s writing it, let alone going back and reviewing it once it’s done.

25 Comments

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25 responses to “Wally’s Not All That Blows

  1. Epicus Doomus

    Sigh. Les fretting over the “Lisa’s Story” movie…it’s a panel for panel reboot of the original screenplay-option arc, right down to the angst. Does he even realize he’s done this before? Would he even care if he did realize it? I think we’re at a point where we might need to ask the Ohio police to do a welfare check.

    • spacemanspiff85

      This time he’s doing it right! Batton Thomas will come in and save the day and write the script for Les!

  2. CRM114

    ” Lisa Does Dallas” has a nice ring.

  3. William Thompson

    Les! Show some courage! Remember, you’re a fucking hero!

  4. William Thompson

    So that’s why Mopey Pete is sitting in the background. He’s going to write the script! Now wonder Les just wet his pants. One of his students is now going to show Hollywood how much he learned from Les during his seven years in the Lord of Language’s English class. Suddenly Les feels like those old-time leaves being blown away by a member of Westview’s next degeneration.

  5. Montoni's Gave Me Food Poisoning

    If he says “You’re going to direct” my fist may go through a computer screen.

    • spacemanspiff85

      Nothing that silly, Les just gets to run the casting couch.

    • Jim in Wisc.

      I wouldn’t be surprised if you’ve called it. And of course, Leslie will win the Oscar, the Golden Globe, the People’s Choice, etc., etc.

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      Oh, my God, you’re right. I’d bet money on it.

      And here I was about to say “well, at least the story acknowledges how toxic Les was last time, and are limiting his role in the movie.”

      But yeah, let’s give Les the Director’s chair. And a pony. And a million dollars. Wasn’t this week supposed to be part of someone else’s death arc?

    • hitorque

      Don’t be silly… Lester is going to produce AND direct!

      And 20th Century Universal Disney execs will still greenlight it because of reasons…

  6. Tom Batiuk cares about one thing, and one thing only–awards, and how to win them. If continuity, logic, story-telling and strip history have to go out the window, well the window is right there and it’s open!

  7. ian'sdrunkenbeard

    In panel #1 it looks like Tony Montoni is ogling Wally’s supple young ass!

  8. billytheskink

    Les won’t be writing the script this time because Mason can plagiarize Love Story just as easily as Les did.

  9. William Thompson

    Les is scared that the rewritten story will expose the way he “accidentally” ignored the malpractice that led to Lisa’s death.

    • Professor Fate

      If memory serves he didn’t accidentally ignore it, he purposely did nothing about it. There was a clunky sunday strip that had all the signs of being forced on the author by his editor (for god’s sake Tom nobody human acts like this,) where Les explained why they weren’t suing the doctor into oblivion. It wasn’t very convincing. The next day of course it was back to cancer porn and the discovery of Boy Lisa.

  10. Paul Jones

    Yet again, Batiuk is irritated by the memory of being told that the mass audience doesn’t and shouldn’t care who writes the work they’re seeing. This is anathema to him.

    That being said, it looks as if Les is worried that someone will ruin it when he should be worried that someone will vastly improve it. The dread of having his work ruined is why Plantman blasted John Darling. The dread of being surpassed makes more sense.

    • Gerard Plourde

      You’ve just identified what would be a great Hitchcockian plot twist – Les, unable to accept someone tampering with his perfect prose, kills the Hollywood interlopers. That being said, it won’t happen. Instead we’ll have Les direct and be enshrined as the next Spielberg, Scorsese, and Bergman rolled into one.

      • Banana Jr. 6000

        I still like my idea that Les is a serial killer with some kind of Munchausen by Proxy fetish. He enjoyed the attention he got caring for Lisa, but got bored with it so he gave her the “wrong” diagnosis. He also cut Bull Bushka’s brakes, and is slowly poisoning Cayla.

  11. I don’t think Les will direct. According to Batiuk, directors are incompetent ninnies who allow school buses to wander into a closed set, and like it. Either that, or in other fields (Dinkle, Bull, Becky), people who scream their lungs out at the idiots in their charge. Can’t imagine Les screaming (though it would be comedy gold) or being shown as an idiot…at least not while Batiuk is “writing.”

    • I was expecting Mason to be the Director, but that would make too much sense, as he actually has some idea what’s involved in making a movie. It’s more fitting in the context of FW to have Less as the Director, since he has zero experience with movie making.

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      Agreed, but that’s exactly why Les *will* direct the movie: because Batiuk thinks directing a movie is a non-skill that anyone off the street can do. (Apparently he’s not familiar with Manos: The Hands of Fate and how it came to be.)

      I took a TV Production and Direction in college, and take my word, there’s a lot to it. Cameras, lighting, sound, editing, on-screen effects, knowing what shots you need, commanding a crew of several people working simultaneously in real time, and so forth. And that was for a simple, two-camera news interview show in a studio. The idea of a complete amateur doing it… well, see Manos: The Hands of Fate.

  12. William Thompson

    I’m hoping Les gets pissy over not scripting the movie and washes his hands of Hollywood. There go Mason and Cindy and Starsux Jones! Bonus points if Mopey Pete is the designated writer and Les rails against comic books. Just think of the non-characters we could lose that way, as Les turns his attention to serious literary matters like, um, drone-delivered pizzas and fiendish revenge on his high-school enemies?

  13. Professor Fate

    Yes Les like you know sooooo much about writing screenplays.
    Dear Lord are we really going to have yet another go around with Les the sensitive artist and his precious perfect creation; the most important book in the western literary cannon since Moby Dick (if not surpassing that work) vs the Philistines of Hollywood. It does look like it. Still, I’m not sure if that story line or the one suggested elsewhere where Les directs the picture would be the worst one. The second one at least will have some novelty value to it.
    In the real world the discussion would go like this
    “So Mason you have an idea for a project?”
    “Yes, have you heard of Lisa’s story”
    Long silence.
    Finally the executive speaks
    “Yes, Woman dies of cancer or some such. they tired to make into a weeper for a cable channel the Author of the book.”
    “Les Moore”
    “Yes Les Moore. Well he made himself such a colossal pain the studio killed the project and paid him to go away.”
    ‘Yes I want to do that book.”
    “Les won’t be doing the screenplay will he?”
    “No he’s going to direct.”
    “Get out. right now. OUT!”

    After Mason leaves the executive calls security to make sure Mason is never allowed back.

  14. The Dreamer

    You can see where this is going, Mason is going to hire Pete to write the script, giving him a side gig since his and Darrin’s start up comic book company can’t be making them that much money yet. After all Pete has already written the scripts for Starbuck Jones I and II