We have Always been Allies with Eastasia.

Link to today’s strip

I hope no one expected much out of me this shift, because I literally cannot see the screen through my seething rage. There’s nothing more I can possibly say that others haven’t said better. In case anyone out there doesn’t read the amazing comments provided everyday by our Funkysnark crew, here are couple that show we know Batiuk better than any New York Times reporter. I promise tomorrow, when I’ve had time to process my anger, I’ll attempt to mold it into something of my own creation, rather than plagiarize the hilarity of others.


Batiuk is going to make Bull’s death All About Les, isn’t he? Good GOD, is there no depth to which this man will not sink to promote The Worst Character In The Entire World?

Banana Jr. 6000
Let’s cut to the chase here… this is going to be about Les getting over being bullied, isn’t it? Even though they had a friendship for many years in adulthood, that extended to Bull helping Les’ daughter rehab her knee, and Bull managing Les’ precious Lisa’s Legacy run. But no, as we saw at the funeral, Les just isn’t over it yet.

It’s creepy how much the town of Westview indulges Les’ bizarre psychological needs. Like with the new Lisa’s Story movie, he didn’t even start it – Mason Jar did! And then a random person came up to say yes, Lisa’s Story is a universal tale that must be seen by all. Now Linda invites him over to show him this picture when he should be the one consoling her.

Les’ life is like the part in Being John Malkovich where John Malkovich takes the passageway into his own head, and all the dialog in the world is just “Malkovich Malkovich Malkovich Malkovich Malkovich.” Which should be horrifying, but Les’ ego is so huge it seems perfectly normal to him.

Epicus Doomus
Sometimes I seriously believe that BatYap is writing this shit just for us and amusing himself by our consistently outraged, bored and disgusted reactions. “Heh heh, watch them freak out when I have Bull and Les sharing a water bottle on the football practice field, they’ll lose their minds!”.

See above. Now it’s not only not about CTE or suicide anymore, it’s not even about Bull OR Linda, but LES! Apparently this old and totally implausible photograph that Linda lovingly shared with Les triggers Les’ memories about what a disgusting slobbering animal Bull was, all sweaty and gross and germ-laden. That’s some truly touching and timely stuff right there. I’m wagering that he didn’t share this part of his big prestige arc with the NYT people.


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

27 responses to “We have Always been Allies with Eastasia.

  1. William Thompson

    “And because he thought of you as a friend, Les, I want you to write about his life and his struggle with CTE! I know you’ll be kind and generous to his memory!”

  2. William Thompson

    Bull always admired Les and always thought of him as a friend? There goes the theory that the NFL is responsible for Bull’s brain damage. His parents must have dribbled his head like a basketball.

  3. Epicus Doomus

    LOL no. Bull did not consider Les a “friend” back in (sigh) high school. Why Batiuk couldn’t reference their lengthy post-high school friendship is one of those FW mysteries best left unsolved.

    Oh wait, it’s actually not a mystery at all. It’s just that this story was “written” by a lazy madman who incredibly managed to reference an ancient long-forgotten arc from the mid-1970s while simultaneously ignoring a solid thirty years of FW history. Sigh.

    Coming next week: Cindy at long last acts on her long-repressed romantic longings for Les, which she’s harbored since high school. Crazy Harry reveals that those pizzas he used to spin on his turntable were just pizza-shaped picture discs. Dinkle reflects on his days as lead singer for Grand Funk. Wally begins his new foghorn testing job. And in the Sunday strip, Linda’s new career as a stand-up comic begins to take off.

  4. billytheskink

    I’d argue that Bull was more of a friend to Les in high school than Les was to Bull during these past 4 years. Friends may fight, but they don’t ignore each other.

    “But he still thought of you as a friend” is one of the saddest things ever uttered in this strip…

    • hitorque

      Words like that SHOULD strike Les right in his soul, but we all know he doesn’t have one…

      Especially when IIRC, the last Les+Bull exclusive mini-storyline had to do with them playing tennis (and Bull getting so mad over losing I though he was going to die on the spot then) while Les kept on chirping and waving that shit in his face…

  5. William Thompson

    Will this arc ever wander back to CTE and suicide? Is Linda now going to show Les a video deposition, with Bull apologizing to Les if his suicide hurt his tender feelings? Or revealing that Bull’s proudest achievement was to get Les kicked off the team, to spare him the horrors of the brain damage that already plagued him? Can Les fake sympathy for Bull without causing the universe to implode?

  6. Gerard Plourde

    TomBa is unwittingly (?) disclosing how pathological Les actually is. Only someone who has no concept of friendship would be as clueless as Les is. They played tennis regularly. Bull took over Summer’s rehabilitation so that she could play basketball again and qualify for an athletic scholarship. (I know I’m repeating what most of us who frequent this site already know. But I share CBH’s frustration and ire at this mess. This isn’t retconning. It’s “what do I have to crank out for the syndicate today so I can get back to my Silver Age Flash and my cookies and hot chocolate?”)

    • spacemanspiff85

      I really don’t know why he just doesn’t make every strip a panel of Les sitting at a computer typing, and paste in the Flash crap he writes from his blog as a blog Les is writing.

    • William Thompson

      And Les vanished from Bull’s life when the CTE became a problem three years ago. Granted, most of us would love to see Les out of our lives, but what about Bull, who never once seemed to miss seeing his high-school idol . . . oh. Linda said “apparently,” which means she can’t explain this crap, either.

  7. Double Sided Scooby Snack

    Next week, we find out Goatee Boy was actually class president and class stud. In high school, he fucked anything that moved, and a few that didn’t. He had forgotten that wonderful part of his life because of a head injury sustained on the football field when he won The Big Game. It all comes back to him, including the part where Cindy was a homely loner.

    Then Les brings Bullo back to life from DNA found in the helmet, sprouts wings, and flies off to Fairyland!

    All of which is much more plausible than today’s horseshit.

  8. Paul Jones

    Back in the day, Les’s being a stupid gonk who never met a social norm he could ever hope to figure out was amusing in a rather nasty way. He was the disturbed and disturbing proof that there’s no such animal as a lovable loser. Now that we’re expected to indulge his reverse infallibility and see him as a figure of pity instead of well-deserved scorn, it’s an unsightly mess.

  9. Banana Jr. 6000

    This plot thread should have been addressed in the 1990s. Not just plastered over with one implausible line of “I bullied you so other kids wouldn’t bully you worse.” Or simply dropped after the time jump between high school and adulthood, like happens to these things for normal people.

    The strip could have made this story interesting. For a bully to explore his own feelings, understand them, and apologize to his victim later in life, is powerful stuff. But Bull never faces up to his actions, and Les never gets over it, but they have a friendship anyway.

    This strip always takes the easy way out. It never really faces the misery it inflicts upon itself.

  10. Count of Tower Grove

    Johnny: Lindumb’s hair part is so wide–
    Audience: How wide is it?
    Johnny: Lindumb’s hair part is so wide that the Verrazanno Bridge could span it!

  11. You know, this strip could save lives. Seriously. If someone were to swallow poison or some other harmful chemical, show them this strip. It’s a perfect emetic.

  12. Count of Tower Grove

    Recton going on here. Coloretcon, that is.

  13. Perfect Tommy

    With all the media attention on bullying lately, is Batiuk trying to belatedly apologize for Bull’s Act I behavior? Dude, it was forty years ago. Let it go and move on. I’ve never seen anyone wallow in the past like this guy.

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      The sad thing is, he could have actually had a story arc about it. Maybe their adult friendship had an “unspoken past” aspect to it, where Bull never really owned up to the pain he inflicted on Les. (And I mean that sincerely, Bull was pretty cruel in Act I.)

      Instead Batiuk pointlessly kills off Bull, and lets Les find an old, meaningless picture that somehow makes everything okay. Even the flashbacks prove that it’s meaningless! We don’t see Bull trying to teach Les about football – something that would make sense if he secretly liked Les, and Les once tried out for the team. They have no interaction at all. Even the water bottle is passed via another kid!

      Again, this strip uses fetish objects in lieu of actual emotions. The photo. The envelope. The helmet. And not a single tear or other feeling seen.

  14. timbuys

    The only way Linda’s lines make any sense is if she is luring Les up to the attic to murder him. Hopefully, by literally burying a hatchet in his goatee besmirched noggin.

  15. Count of Tower Grove

    “Apparently, even way back then. . . he admired you more than you realized. . . boy, you apparently could take it as bottom bitch.”

  16. Just out of curiosity, what id it about Act I Les that Bull could “admire”? It would be different if Les was portrayed as a smart kid, but he wasn’t as I recall–he was always copying Funky’s homework.

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      I can see Bull’s violence towards Les as being borne out of jealousy. Les’ parents didn’t abuse him. Les didn’t constantly have to prove himself in ritualized combat. Les seemed headed for a better life despite his obvious shortcomings. And obviously, Les is an easy target. But the strip refuses to explore any of this.

  17. hitorque

    “Why did Bull hang on to this picture after all these years??”


    In addition to helmets, uniforms, gameballs, and photos, Bull probably has all his old stat sheets, 8mm game films, playbooks, rolls of tape, eye black, newspaper clippings, etc, etc… Hell, the mook went out and got a new, modern Arizona Cardinals helmet to commemorate the two weeks he spent at training camp for the old St. Louis NFL Cardinals before being cut in circa 1980…

    I mean FFS, he newfound best friend Hank Hill still wears his goddamned varsity letterman jacket from BWT everywhere so you can see the mindset we’re dealing with here. As an aside, the fact that Hank Hill has vanished off the planet after the funeral despite being a *DAILY* visitor to the Bushka household during Bull’s retirement officially confirms my hypothesis that he was either a complete figment of Bull’s CTE-addled imagination, or a ghost, or a Tyler Durden-esque alter ego…