Turkey Trot

Today’s strip, when it drops.

Today’s strip wasn’t available for preview. I asked my Zoltar machine about it, and he quoted Macbeth, “It is a tale. Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, Signifying nothing.”

Then he turned me into Tom Hanks.

As boring as the perfunctory band strips are, at least they’re only depressing in an abstract way.

32 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

32 responses to “Turkey Trot

  1. Epicus Doomus

    Band turkey flashback sequences…sigh. The zaniness wore off that premise a solid forty years ago. And what’s with Dinkle and the turkey-touching? It’s starting to get seriously creepy now.

  2. William Thompson

    In those flashbacks, Dinkle looks just like a Nazi agent out of some WW II movie: “You vill buy band turkeys und you vill enjoy them!” Hey, did I accidentally discover his earlier career?

  3. William Thompson

    Come on, Lefty, what’s the catch? How does this sales strategy find an unexpected way to spread misery in Westview?

  4. The Batiuk Method: When you don’t have a story, just keep repeating yourself and maybe no one will notice.

    • Epicus Doomus

      Hey, repeating the premise five times is the difference between having that year’s strips done on the second week of January as opposed to the third and given his packed schedule I can’t fault him too much for wanting to save time wherever he can. Those cancer books aren’t just going to sign themselves, you know. Mrs. B has been hectoring him for years to get those damn boxes out of the garage and one of these days he just might make that happen.

      • CRM114

        Flashback from 2 years ago: “Hey, Becky, thanks for coming down to help us unload this year’s band turkeys from the refrigerated truck. Here, catch. (whump…thud). Oops. Lemme help you back up. Sorry, Becky.”

  5. erdmann

    Note that in the flashback, Dinkle is carrying the unwrapped frozen turkey in his bare hands. I suspect yesterday’s post suggesting he has some truly twisted frozen turkey fetish may be spot on. He’s actually aghast at the thought of never again experiencing the thrill of lugging around frosty poultry.

    Also, three days, three “Bandigogo” name drops. It wasn’t funny the first time and hasn’t improved with repetition.

    • spacemanspiff85

      Like an awful lot of Batiuk’s storylines, I have a feeling “Bandigogo” popped into his head, he thought it was hilarious, and thought up a quick, crappy band storyline so he could repeat it as much as possible.

  6. spacemanspiff85

    Actually Dinkle, I really hope to God you never touched the turkeys in Ye Olden Days either, because usually when people buy turkeys they’re wrapped in plastic.
    And maybe it’s just me, but the lame filler strips like the band ones are far more depressing to me than the Les ones. I at least get the feeling Batiuk gives a tiny crap about Les still. I feel that this arc is just going to be an exercise in how many days Batiuk can fill up with one band director saying “Bandigogo handles our band turkey sales!” and the other saying “Never touch a turkey . . . “.

    • spacemanspiff85

      I was planning on predicting tomorrow’s strip would be a photo border panel of Dinkle at a candle-lit table with a turkey in the other chair, two glasses of wine and “Claude Barlow Conducts A Marching Band Medley of Barry White” on the record player with Dinkle narrating “People who never touch turkeys don’t know what they’re missing!”. I’m not sure if yours or mine is more disturbing.

  7. billytheskink

    Not even Ayers can convince TB that the point of a comic strip “clip show” is to reprint, not redraw. I used to give TB kudos for this, but after all these years its just kinda sad that there is such discord between the effort in the art and the effort in the writing.

  8. ComicTrek

    Is Dinkle having a stroke?

  9. Paul Jones

    This is a man who clearly enjoys the amazingly stupid way he does things. If she starts selling turkeys the sane, intelligent way that doesn’t look totally pathetic, who knows what else she might do? She might concede that the football team needs more practice. She might check weather forecasts on the day of performances. Hell, she might even cancel performances in case of extreme weather!!

  10. Banana Jr. 6000

    You know what this story is missing? A story.

  11. Count of Tower Grove

    Filler. Reminds me of reading Dondi when I was a kid. Irwin Hasen could redraw a month’s worth of filler as the characters repeated themselves ad nauseum.

  12. Professor Fate

    Reading today’s strip I get the sense that what Dinkle really misses about the Band Turkey sales is the chance for him to harass and creep out Westview Housewives. As far as the never touch a turkey line being repeated I get a bad feeling that we will find out that Turkey fondling is somehow necessary to increasing sales showing Dinkle’s superior wisdom.

  13. Cabbage Jack

    Worth a read this morning is Batiuk’s blog, in which he declares he is a adoring disciple of Freud (who’s theories on psychology have largely been discarded over the last century) and also compares his cartooning contract to literal chattel slavery!

    • Epicus Doomus

      Oooof-ah, that was most definitely worth a read, if for no other reason than sheer comic relief. As far as I know “slaves” don’t typically sign contracts, even shitty ones. As far as I’m concerned he’s incredibly fortunate that ANYONE is willing to pay him for this dreck he cranks out. I mean sure, the guy has every right to be protective of his “work” but seriously, it’s the comic strip business, he’s not a hard-throwing lefty relief pitcher or anything.

      • Rusty Shackleford

        It’s just another Batty humble brag.

        He mentions Freud to try and show that he reads widely and thinks about deep things.

        He was happy that the lawyers praised him because it shows that he is wise to the ways of the legal world.

        But he would be a nobody in Ohio if he hadn’t signed. The syndicate took a risk as he was unknown and they had to sell his strip to other papers. Maybe the terms were onerous, but I’m not sure what terms other similar artists received.

        As for his characters, I don’t think the syndicate would want them now anyways. They are all throwaways. (Dog poo characters in South Park)

        The way I see it, he and the syndicate have been coasting along collecting easy money and it shows. But he wants to act like he is some creator of masterpieces suffering at the hands of big evil syndicates who are just in it for the money. Would love it if he got cancelled just before earning his golden t-square.

    • “it tends to make your nether region draw up and pull the hatch shut behind it.”
      This is the best writing Batiuk has done in ten years.

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      That blog article ls really something. Did he actually type up a legal title page listing Funky Winkerbean – the fictional character – as the lead plaintiff??!! It doesn’t have a case number or date, so it doesn’t look real. But honestly, I think that makes it even more pathetic that he went to the trouble.

      #2: It’s obvious this conversation took place in Batiuk’s head, from the sheer number of times his lawyer congratulates him on his brilliant legal acumen. “Yup, a slavery contract, that’s exactly what I would call it!” said no actual lawyer ever.

      Tom is surprised that the publishing syndicate wants intellectual property rights? Umm, that’s pretty standard. Only the likes of Watterson and Schulz are heavy enough to dictate terms to the syndicate, and boy howdy, Batiuk is NOT in that weight class.

      Furthermore, the evil syndicate lets Batiuk publish and sell his stupid Lisa’s Story books from Kent State Press. So clearly they’re somewhat reasonable.

      Finally… “In 1990 I was feeling its point.” 1990??!! Why are we talking about this in almost 2020? Did you seriously sign a 30-year-plus contract? Somehow I doubt it.

    • hitorque

      There’s a reason why I’ve never fucked with Batiuk’s blog… If I ever click on it once, I know I’ll be sending Batiuk trolling hate e-mail every hour on the hour until he retires…

  14. I guess nobody edits those forewords Batiuk writes for his FW collections. Jeeze, how he does go on. “Slave” level contracts notwithstanding, I’d say he’s made a pretty good living as a cartoonist and continues to do so. Who really gives a fuck about all this inside baseball legal crap he blathers about?

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      Side note: I have all The Far Side books. Do you know who wrote the foreword for those? Stephen King, Robin Williams, Jane Goodall, and Stephen Jay Gould. Very talented and famous people, in entertainment and science, telling personal stories about how much they love the strip.

      No wonder Batiuk writes his own foreword.

    • Epicus Doomus

      Just like with his idiotic “Hollywood” stories, he’s forever David heroically battling Goliath and defending his craft against the bloodsuckers who seek to oppress his artistic vision. It’s such a load of horseshit.

  15. Charles

    “Yes sir! I would love to buy that raw turkey you’ve been carrying under your arm and wiping all over yourself all day. I’m sure that thing is fucking delicious! It’s a good thing too, because if you tried to sell me a turkey without showing me the actual raw turkey I’d be getting, I’d have absolutely no idea what it was you were trying to sell me!”

    Also, since Dinkle’s been carrying that thing around with his bare hands and rubbing it against his jacket, how bad do you think he smells? It’s got to be a combination of old man B.O. and death, right?