Poultry Predilection.

Link to today’s strip

Becky is preening with pride today. So smug at having found a great, time and hassle saving, idea that Dinkle never considered. I wonder how much this Bandigogo service takes away from their fundraising bottom line? The employees at the frozen turkey warehouse distribution center need their pay, as do the desk drones processing these orders, and the numerous fast talking sale pitch charlatans who undoubtedly prowl the band conferences looking for harried Band Directors juggling too much one-handed who can be persuaded to outsource.

But on the other hand, they’re probably saving a bundle in people suing the school for attempted negligent manslaughter due to virulent food poisoning.

Look at Dinkle in panel three though. He’s saying amazing, but something about his facial expression tells me that he’s secrectly repulsed by the idea of never touching a frozen turkey again.

Never feeling that rock hard, frostbittten flesh slowly defrost beneath his plying fingers as the glistening breastmeat becomes pliable and eventually supple with the warmth of his wrinkled hand. Freezing and thawing, freezing and thawing, over and over again.

He can’t imagine life without a freezer full of round blobs of pink dead flesh in his basement, a box of death resisting decay, ready to melt in his grasp.


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

22 responses to “Poultry Predilection.

  1. Plus, the community never has to suffer a parade of nitwits going door to door.

  2. William Thompson

    “Never actually have to touch a turkey!” That’s why Batiuk hired an apprentice to do the drawing and lettering.

  3. Epicus Doomus

    The funny part is that Dinkle, who’s worked in a suburban high school for five hundred years, is completely amazed by the internet. This particular gag might have played better in, say, 2003 or something, but here in 2019 it’s kind of outdated.

  4. William Thompson

    Never have to touch a turkey? Like Skynet, Dinkle becomes self-aware and accidentally destroys this strip.

  5. billytheskink

    Dinkle doesn’t understand any of this because it doesn’t involve torturing band students.

  6. I like to think Dinkle doesn’t finish his sentence because he died.

    • Epicus Doomus

      From the “Death Of Dinkle” arc, coming in 2021.

      • Rusty Shackleford

        Oh no that is not going to happen. Batty needs Dinkle around so he can do these arcs for his annual trip to the OMEA convention. He is an honored guest there and he usually provides a collection of Dinkle comics as a gift to the band directors in attendance.

        Lefty never caught on so Dinkle can never go away. (Shudders)

  7. spacemanspiff85

    If Becky never has to touch a turkey, then what exactly are she and Dinkle doing together all the time?

    • William Thompson

      This confusing behavior is a perfect example of “the left hand doesn’t know what the right hand is doing”–sorry, Becky!

  8. Gerard Plourde

    I am left wondering where this arc can go over the next four days. Does something go wrong with Becky’s plan, requiring Dinkle to employ his decades of experience to save the day?,

  9. ian'sdrunkenbeard

    What a depraved commentary, CBH! You must be under the sway of those eeevil comic books!


  10. Paul Jones

    There’s something that isn’t the “impersonal” nature of it that he’ll object to. I’m convinced that he’s convinced that the band members love doing the door-to-door thing.

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      Sounds about right. Dinkle will come in and fix something that isn’t broken, resulting in an Act I-style fundraising fiasco. Dinkle will face no repercussions for this. Not even being asked to leave the current band director alone.

      Maybe it could be a crossover with Pluggers: “To raise money, Pluggers knock on doors, not websites.” Because that’s just what FW needs: self-righteous moralizing about how old people did things in their day.

  11. Banana Jr. 6000

    Also: aren’t you DEAF, Dinkle? Seems to me you csm hear Becky fine. Good thing, because she can’t exactly use sign language.

  12. Count of Tower Grove

    “On the other hand, . . .” BWAWHAWHAWHAWHAW!. . . sorry, Becky.

  13. Let me guess, Dinkle says the “hands on” approach is best and convinces them to drop the new-fangled computer stuff. Old man yells at cloud.

  14. Epicus Doomus

    IMO the entire thing will consist of Dinkle being amazed and baffled by all this “newfangled” technology and nothing more. “Why, in MY day…” and so forth. With FW the premise is usually the whole story which is why it’s so consistently vexing, as no one else tells “stories” like that.

  15. Merry Pookster

    Next thing will be dropping the turkey’s from a helicopter.
    It’s an Ohio thing.

    • William Thompson

      No, they’ll be dropped by that leftover drone from the “drone-delivered pizzas” week. Because Batiuk can’t resist recycling idiocies.

  16. hitorque

    All the band storylines suck harder than the New York Knicks because the bottom line is Batiuk doesn’t trust Becky (or in other words his writing skills) to carry the comedic weight by herself… Ironically, with Bull dead and Les unofficially not teaching anymore, THIS is the place for a kooky, eccentric freshman band student to bounce jokes and other antics off of the “straight man” Becky… That way he can put Dink on the shelf for good, and only bring him out But sadly, it’s clear TB lost his fastball ages ago when it comes to writing teenage characters and we won’t be seeing any more ever again…

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      He’s right, though. Act I Dinkle worked as a comic character because he was so over the top, and yet very believable to anyone who’s ever dealt with a marching band director. Becky’s personality offers zero comic possibilities. As does the rest of the cast, come to think of it.

      25 years of cancer, divorce, death, and misery and Batiuk wonders why he has to drag out Dinkle just to do a band joke.