Locked And Bloated

Link To Today’s Strip

Well you definitely won’t laugh,

Or be entertained

Reading this thing is rotting my brain

Tom Batiuk is coming to town….

As always special thanks to TFH, the real brains behind this nutty operation! If you only knew what’s involved in making fun of this dopey comic strip…

It’s an extremely rare Sunday-into-Monday arc this week. He only saves those for the really groundbreaking stories. The idea well must have been running pretty dry when he dreamed this one up. I’m (sigh) roughly the same age as (sigh) Funky is supposed to be and I think about high school once a year, if that, on average. But Funky is still having gross sweaty fevered dreams about something he hasn’t done in thirty-five years, even though he has way, way, way more than enough post-high school trauma to draw nightmare fodder from. Perhaps he’ll decide enough is enough and drive his car off a cliff, although we’ve all seen his car and it seems unlikely that it’d go fast enough to do much damage. Still, though, it might be pretty amusing anyway.

In my decrepit 1980s-era high school, the first thing we did on the first day back was kick the locker door at the bottom, after which it’d just open with a kick and a pull. They weren’t exactly top-of-the-line lockers. The convenience far outweighed the lack of security. That’s what the gym lockers were for, as they were these big iron prison-issue things. People (ahem, cough cough Tom Batiuk) like to look back nostalgically and pretend everything was “better” way back then but in reality we were all surrounded by junk. Everything was really crappy and cheap and don’t let any cartoonists tell you otherwise.


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

17 responses to “Locked And Bloated

  1. William Thompson

    No, Batiuk, there should be an expiration date on these things, Headstones are a good example.

  2. William Thompson

    Can this nightmare please, just this once, have something to do with Funky’s present-day life existence? Can he be haunted by Melinda’s disappearance, and the growing realization that his alter-ego emerged one night, killed her and hid her body in that abandoned old house he visited? And that he wasted a perfectly good murder on her because he couldn’t find Les Moore? Dream on!

    • spacemanspiff85

      What, you’re saying high school doesn’t have anything to do with the present-day existence of a 60-80 year old man?
      Also, if Funky murdered anyone, he would definitely dispose of the body by serving it in pepperoni or sausage form at Montoni’s. And then we’d have a week of Crazy Harry talking about how the pizza was better than ever, and Funky smirking slyly.

  3. spacemanspiff85

    What are the odds that over a year ago, Batiuk overhead “statute of limitations” being discussed in relation to the Kavanaugh confirmation, thought “Hey, that’s a phrase that means something! Let me add it to my big “list of phrases that mean something” I use for 99% of the humor in Crankshaft and more and more of the storylines in Funky Winkerbean!”. And then he immediately tied it to high school, because that’s what he does with everything, and then bam, another week (at least) killed.

    • William Thompson

      Batiuk used “statute of limitations” in a Crankshaft arc. Kiester-man had gone to a lawyer about suing Crankshaft for repeated destruction of his mailboxes. The lawyer changed his mind about taking the case with some lame-ass wordplay about the “statue” of limitations. I only remember that much because I ran short of brain bleach that week.

      • Doghouse Reilly (Minneapolis)

        He pulled out a replica of the Statue of Liberty from his desk as he made his lame-ass wordplay. Funky fell to his knees and shouted, “You finally went and did it!”

  4. erdmann

    I don’t think I’ve dreamed of high school in years. I do, however, still dream of being on my old college campus from time to time. I think the fact that I have two sons attending my alma mater is to blame, however, and fully expect those dreams to be replaced with nightmares about repaying student loans after they graduate next year.

    Any way, apropos of nothing, while en route Saturday to visit my in-laws, I stopped by a comic book shop in Indiana. To my dismay, the guy behind the counter was the very image of Crazy Harry. I made my purchase and fled.

  5. William Thompson

    Is this going to turn into another PTSD story? I hope so. I want to see what sort of service animal cures Funky. A chihuahua? A pizza-stealing rat? A mutant cockroach? Les Moore–oops, just repeated myself there.

  6. Paul Jones

    Watch him try to be ‘deep’ and have young Funky dream about being a fat, bitter old man.

    • billytheskink

      Young Funky dreaming that everything from Act II on is one long nightmare is extremely rote… and also quite believable. It’s been one long nightmare for the readers for certain sure.

  7. comicbookharriet

    I loled, at the locker reminiscing. I went to the same highschool as my parents. And I’ll never forget my mom pointing out her old locker in a hallway one day, and then going over to the locker and opening it. They hadn’t changed the combination in thirty years.

  8. Rusty Shackleford

    I enjoyed the strip yesterday, but now he ruins it by dragging it out for another day.

    Then again, the theme last week was about lazy cartoonists, so I guess that theme continues this week.

  9. Banana Jr. 6000

    So far, I don’t hate this storyline. It’s a human-relatable topic for once. I think most people get the “school nightmare” or something similar to it.

    I’ll start hating it when the characters decide these dreams are Deeply Meaningful Insights Into The Role of High School In Adult Life, and go on an exploration that will inevitably end with “high school follows you.”

    Holly’s already hinting at this, by asking if he had that dream “again,” suggesting this is a problem that needs solving. It’s not. It’s just another quirky aspect of the human condition.

  10. Buckeye Feculence

    I have to admit that I occasionally had as similar dream, though I never woke up in a panic over it. I think the anxiety was reinforced by my older brother actually having this happen to him one Monday morning and ending up late for first period class.

    But the last time I had such a dream was probably 5-10 years after graduating (a long time ago now).

  11. Count of Tower Grove

    I sometimes have dreams of being in army basic training. The trainees and drill sergeants are wearing the current fatigue uniform, I’m in my OD’s. I have my beard and know I need to shave. The drill sergeants seem oblivious to it and treat me with deference, perhaps because I was an NCO.
    I have other service dreams. I’m on a Facebook page for a unit I was assigned to and asked if anyone else has such dreams. The responses I’ve gotten was from older guys who were in Vietnam.
    We don’t however, have such dreams successively.