That’s just the thing ’bout
today’s strip… things never seem
To be going anywhere…

“Until all of a
Sudden they do” Mason says
Such bloviating

Appropriate, though
Bloviation was first coined
In, yep, Ohio

Dangerously sharp
Mason’s nose proves fertile ground
For growing palm trees

Les thought the deal died?
It’s not even been three months
Since they discussed it

Les is clearly pissed
That this movie could happen
Will be a looooooooooooooong week…


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

27 responses to “Hai-tide

  1. bayoustu

    I wish Les was dead in the water.

  2. William Thompson

    Is Jason Marr talking about “Lisa’s Story” or dysentery?

  3. William Thompson

    “And we’ll start filming your movie after my current movie wraps! I’m starring in the new Penguin movie!”

  4. Epicus Doomus

    Batiuk’s Hollywood: a vile den of amoral soul-raping profiteers who turn art into trash, populated with sincere good-hearted actor folk who just want to make quality films, dammit. It makes as much sense as any of his other weird sub-universes do.

  5. Double Sided Scooby Snack

    Finally, these morons are sitting around, having the conversation they could have had on the phone about a week ago. But in Batty’s pointy little bald head, conversations can’t take place unless they’re face to face. Someone has to drive over and knock on your door — or fly all the way across the country.

    “So, Movie Duuuhhhren, why did you also invite this woman who hangs around my house and nags me for clothes?”

    “No reason. I just wanted to see her face while we blather on endlessly about Lisa.”

  6. ian'sdrunkenbeard

    “Dead in the water”?
    I thought Lisa died of cancer.

  7. Gerard Plourde

    So just to confirm the timeline. Mason spoke to Les and Cayla about shopping the LS concept around after Bull’s funeral in the fall. Mason sends airline tickets to them just after New Year’s. They fly out and Mason tells them that there’s interest in it. In what universe other than TomBa’s would anyone think that getting interest within three months is a long time?

  8. Double Sided Scooby Snack

    It’s Lust for Lisa!
    The movie that just won’t die.
    Gimme dat kill fee.

    Lisa died just once.
    Her movie died seven times.
    Recycled filler.

    Out in Hollywood
    Everyone lives on a beach
    In Batty’s bald head.

    • Rusty Shackleford

      Well Les, you know Hollywood these days. Women this, women that…blah blah blah. So I’m happy to say we are retconning Lisa to be a black, lesbian married to a confused transgendered person. This has everything, we are sure to win an award. The final scene will show Lisa, lifeless on the bed while her friends look on and smirk.

  9. Banana Jr. 6000

    Les thought the movie was dead after 3 months? It took him a week to decide to get on a plane.

  10. Charles

    That hair, it’s as if Ed Grimley bleached himself and then came into contact with a total boner killer. Does Batiuk think that having Mason ape Superman’s spit curl in this sad, pitiful little fashion makes him look heroic?

    Anyway, looking at this relationship between Mason and Les, I realize that Batiuk has given Les his own pet Hollywood star. I’d call Mason Les’s Deus Ex Machina, but Les has such palpable disdain for him that that wouldn’t be appropriate.

  11. Doghouse Reilly

    You know, I was wondering about those two trees springing out of Mason’s panel-three schnoz myself. Yes, of course it’s supposed to be far-off background detail, but look under his nostril…there’s no sign of trees or land, just blue sky above the oddly dotted ocean. I don’t know if he should see a rhinoplasty expert or a tree surgeon.

  12. Paul Jones

    What has always bothered me about Les’s obsessive need to control Lisa’s Story is that he is clearly the worst person to tell it. I remember things better than Batiuk or Les care to and what do I remember? Les being Les: a dumb son of a bitch standing around in the background like a shivering pillar of shit because he has no idea what’s going on around him.

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      And here’s what I hate about Les’ obsessive need to control Lisa’s story: he can’t. Whether it’s something you wrote or your own life, when you sign rights to it over to Hollywood, they own it, and can do what they want with it. Some people haven’t been pleased with the results.

      Les either needs to accept other people’s involvement, or refuse to allow the movie to be made. But no, we’ll all be dragged along to listen to him wangst about it until the end of time. He’ll never make a decision, or tell us what the problem is.

      • Rusty Shackleford

        Batty is stuck in the past. He thinks you need to work with a brand name publisher if you want to write a book, you must work with a Hollywood if you want to make a movie.

        He doesn’t realize that times have changed, you can self-publish a book, or go with a smaller publisher, you can work with smaller studios to produce a show or movie. If your work is good, it will find an audience.

        But that’s the rub, Batty’s work isn’t that good and nobody is interested in it. But it’s easier to blame greedy syndicates and heartless Hollywood rather than admit that your work has evolved into total crap. Yes Batty, your earlier gag a day stuff was much better than this reality based, awards chasing BS.

  13. Count of Tower Grove

    Even in sunny southern Californy, the foliage is as black as the Christmas decor in Worstview.

  14. Miskatonic Sophomore

    Mason’s nose palms, an error of lazy cartooning, are the most interesting part of today’s strip.

    It’s a shame Batty would never run with it. Mason Jarre, desperate to restore flexibility to a face frozen by years of Botox treatments, applies an experimental cosmetic containing radioactive Bikini Atoll palm oil, and now a tropical biome has sprouted out of his face!

    I mean, it’s not *good,* but anything is better than what we’re getting.

    • Gerard Plourde

      If he wanted to be topical, the marketing company could be a wholistic one partially owned by a Hollywood actress.

  15. Maxine of Arc

    I still can’t figure out what this movie would look like or who would want to see it. There’s no conflict or drama. Some stuff happened and St. Lisa died. Not even a lawsuit over the swapped test results.

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      There have been movies about dying people, like Six Weeks. But there’s something more to them: they strike up a relationship with someone, or their death is part of a bigger story. There’s nothing interesting about Lisa’s story, except that it happened to Les. Which is all that matters in this universe.

      • William Thompson

        Would it help if the final scene showed God looking down on Les and saying “Missed!” ?

      • timbuys

        Holy crap I just read the plot summary to Six Weeks. I don’t think I’ll be firing that one up anytime soon.

        • Banana Jr. 6000

          I was trying to think of My Life with Michael Keaton. He’s dying of kidney cancer, and makes videos for his yet-to-be-born son to see, like dying Lisa does in FW (in case you thought that was an original idea). He also seeks reconciliation with his estranged parents and brother. It got non-terrible reviews, so this sort of thing can work.

          The problem is Batiuk’s complete inability to tell a story, or even a story-within-a-story.

    • Batgirl

      Given his vintage, TB may well be thinking of “Love Story” as his model. In which case, part of the appeal is the, um, love story part of the story, made poignant by the audience’s knowledge of its tragic end.
      So “Lisa’s Story” would be that model of Manic Pixie Dream Girl devoting her short life and touching death to the enlightenment of the Tragic-by-proxy Hero, who gets to use her as his Tragic Backstory. Whee.
      Hey, interesting article on the AV Club about the subgenre of slowly-dying-love-interest movies. https://film.avclub.com/coughing-radiant-and-disposable-the-return-of-the-co-1798267695
      “Lisa’s Story” might make a better movie than a book, not that that’s saying much.

  16. louder

    I wonder what the “elevator talk” is for the film? Woman dies of cancer as seen from the eyes of a self-centered ahole husband, and this happens over ten years ago. Wow! Mason must have got full backing from that intriguing spiel!

  17. Professor Fate

    Les looks like he is about to start complaining about air travel again.

    So here in Hollywood nothing happens until something does. Whereas in FW nothing happens, in great detail, for a long time, until the focus moves to another nothing.