Bury Dinkle, Please

Cultivating: to loosen or break up the soil about (growing plants). Nothing to do with burying. Or planting. Yes, this is basically all the reaction I had to today’s lame strip. Other than noticing the weirdly non-specific sign in the background. After specifically and obviously being the Ohio MEA for years it makes me wonder if either Batiuk thinks he somehow has a global audience and needs to be non-specific or maybe he’s mad at the OMEA or what. Maybe if the strip was even slightly more interesting I wouldn’t be wondering about this.
I just love Becky’s “my soul died twenty years ago” expression in the second panel. Like, this gag is supposed to be funny, right? So shouldn’t be smiling? If not, if it’s supposed to be lame, shouldn’t she be rolling or eyes or looking exasperated? I mean the guiding philosophy behind this strip has been “I don’t care anymore” but it really doesn’t need to be seeping into the actual facial expressions of the characters.

30 Comments

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30 responses to “Bury Dinkle, Please

    • Epicus Doomus

      Spoiler alert: the answer is NEVER! I would wager that he has at least forty years worth of these in the can, ready to be unleashed at a moment’s notice. Just imagine the band gags he DIDN’T use over the years…(shudder).

  1. Batiuk really cannot write, especially dialog. Why is Dinkle saying “Ah!” like he just now discovered where he was supposed to be delivering a talk? Did none of the organizers contact him and show him the floor plan? Of course not, you’re just supposed to walk into the convention and stumble around until you happen upon it.

    That’s beyond stupid. He should have said, “And here’s my session.” Problem avoided.

    And we’re in for a few days of Claude Barlow…well, I guess they could be called “puns” but that’s doing a real disservice to the lowest form of humor.

    • Epicus Doomus

      I totally missed that. The world’s biggest Barlow fan is not only not hosting the seminar, he doesn’t even know where it is? Uh, sure Tom, whatever you say.

      • Banana Jr. 6000

        It is exactly like a Funky Winkerbean character to travel to a convention filled with speakers, and then go to the one topic they’re obsessed with. If the whole cast went to The Louvre, they’d walk past it looking for the nearest comic book store, Montoni’s restaurant, and place to mourn Lisa.

    • William Thompson

      Yes, Batiuk, bury Barlow, and Dinkle as well. It’s about time this strip stopped doing humor such a grave disservice and did it a grave service.

      • Miskatonic Sophomore

        My first reaction to today’s strip was to ask myself, “How deep to bury Dinkle?” I answered myself: “Trick question. Leave him in the forest; let the scavengers pick his goddamn bones clean.”

        The thing is, he’ll never die. Not in the Funkyverse, he won’t.

      • Professor Fate

        Yes by all means bury Dinkle but remember not only to bury him with a wooden stake through his heart, but to cut his head off and fill the mouth full of garlic. People tend to forget that last important bit.

        • William Thompson

          They also forget that the stake has to go through the body and penetrate deep into the soil at the bottom of the grave. This is to pin the corpse (and its possessing spirit) in place and prevent roaming. I blame Bram Stoker for glossing over that vital detail and leaving evil free to escape. Sometimes I think that he and Batiuk worked for the same infernal employer.

  2. billytheskink

    The United States has had 8 presidents since TB started doing Dinkle-Claude Barlow gags. No, really, he’s been doing them longer than Jim Davis has had Garfield eating lasagna and hating Mondays. He’s approaching Charlie Brown trying to kick the football territory.

    • Epicus Doomus

      Astronauts were still walking on the moon, SNL had not yet debuted, cable television and VCRs were still a few years away, you could still smoke on planes, Tony Orlando and Dawn were TV stars and everyone was already tired of Claude Barlow gags.

      • billytheskink

        “People in America ask me, ‘Yakov, is there anything in Russia that you miss?’ Well, in my country, Pravda only print comic strip that venerate megalomaniacal dictator. Imagine entire comic section is Funky Winkerbean but without Claude Barlow jokes. That… that is only thing I miss.”

        – Yakov Smirnoff, from a 1984 show at the Funny Bone in Columbus, OH

        • Epicus Doomus

          “Well, as Les Moore always says…(turns head, deadpan stare into camera)”

          – Ronald Reagan, address to Congress, 1982

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      Except that people have heard of Charlie Brown and Garfield. The world doesn’t know Claude Barlow any more than they know the recurring gags in The Fusco Brothers.

  3. William Thompson

    Welcome to “Signs,” by M. Night Shyabrain.

  4. William Thompson

    Look, there’s a background sign that says “Music Educators Conference!” But is it the Ohio conference? What if Clefty and Lefty got lost and landed in Iowa?

  5. spacemanspiff85

    In the latest entry on his blog, talking about Pajama Diaries ending, Batiuk says “The beleaguered newspaper comics section can ill afford the loss of a strip of this craftsmanship.”. When he says things like that it just amazes me. He just did a week straight of one woman bemoaning her fading sexiness to another woman, and is now doing a week of “funny” band convention signs. The fact that he can say things like that proves he’s either the least self-aware person ever or doesn’t give a single crap what anyone else thinks.

    • And of course he has to shoehorn his own work in there. Amazing.

      • spacemanspiff85

        I kind of wonder if that’s the only reason he mentioned it. Like he felt obligated since she wrote in his book. Or he thought “Hey, someone’s career is over, sounds like a good marketing opportunity!”.

        • CRM114

          She ran in his Lisa Thing race. Ughh. “(and if you don’t think Terri is a competitor, ask her to show you the medal she won at a past Lisa’s Legacy run)” Ugh.

    • Saturnino

      Bathack wishes he could reach the level of being a pimple on Terri’s a**

    • hitorque

      1. So they’re literally going to spend the entire convention doing laps around the floor and reading seminar signs?

      2. Don’t these two mooks have any friends in this industry? Especially Dinkle, who has been coming to these conventions since before Ohio was granted statehood… Nobody there is happy to see them?

      3. And WHY isn’t Dinkle getting more adulation? Last year he was given the highest civilian honor from the Belgian Government(!) for being such a legendary band candy hustler…

      • Banana Jr. 6000

        Dinkle, who has been coming to these conventions since before Ohio was granted statehood

        Since 1953? That would make him over 90 years old, but it’s plausible.

    • hitorque

      I was today years old when I even learned about “Pajama Diaries”… I don’t ever recall seeing it in any paper i’ve ever read…

  6. Paul Jones

    It’s telling that Batiuk didn’t get why the Round-Headed Kid was fixated on another terrible baseball player. Schulz wanted to highlight that Blockhead had a tendency to blunder into trouble because he’s not that bright; Batiuk is just a fan of terrible things.

  7. Banana Jr. 6000

    Batiuk’s really outdone himself with this one. Not only does this strip require you to know some ancient bit of FW lore – that Claude Barlow is a bad composer who Dinkle is obsessed with – if you do know that, it doesn’t even help.

  8. Count of Tower Grove

    Becky is amused. She just found a turd in the cookie jar.