Rhino in Name Only

Banana Jr. 6000
February 14, 2020 at 6:09 am
Oh, God, there’s going to be a third week of this, isn’t there?

No one, @Banana Jr. 6000, is more appalled than is yours truly. All but the first two days of this month have been taken up with this lame-ass Atomik Komix fantasy.

So everyone here read Chester’s question as “Have you ever tried RHINO?”, right? And then tried to parse this as an acronym for Riding Home With The Owner? RHWO (or RHWTO to be precise). Does he spell out the acronym, or is he asking “Have you ever tried ‘Arrhuwoh‘?” This is another Batty staple: having a character utter a pun or wisecrack that only makes sense in writing.

39 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

39 responses to “Rhino in Name Only

  1. William Thompson

    And Chester winds up blowing his own horn.

  2. Epicus Doomus

    “No, I feel my transformation into Miss American coming on and I don’t want it to happen on the bus.”

    “No, I’m a pickpocket who preys on helpful Boy Scouts.”

    “No, I’m just checking out the security in our building. Seems kinda lax.”

    I mean uh…duh. The only noteworthy thing about this one is that you rarely see two “new-ish” FW characters interacting alone like this, as usually there’s a regular around too. Chester has been around for a while but the AK version is sort of new and as of today we know exactly one thing about Ruby, who looks more and more like a Crankshaft refugee with each appearance. I’m trying to remember Act III arcs featuring two new characters interacting like this and all I’m coming up with is the one where Mason and Marianne were hanging out (but I remember Cindy and Frankie lurking around) and maybe Mason and Cliff during the SJ movie arc, but that’s about it.

    Imagine if you stopped reading FW for five years and started again today. You’d be absolutely baffled. “Hey, that’s the dickhead comic book asshole who tried to f*ck over Holly, but who’s the old bag? Is this a Crankshaft crossover or something?”.

  3. You know, these stories could very easily be interesting. But they aren’t, they never are. Why does Batiuk refuse to be entertaining, even a little bit? What’s wrong with him?

    • William Thompson

      Cut-rate embalming fluid?

    • Epicus Doomus

      He seems to have reverse daydream syndrome, where your fantasies are way duller than your reality is. As a teenager he probably kept winter coat and parka catalogs under his mattress so he could ogle the heavily-clothed models. He’s the kind of guy who goes to ballgames and roots for the umpires to have an efficient and easy day. On the 4th of July he was thrilled by the dud bottle rockets.

    • spacemanspiff85

      Since I’ve been watching a ton of Star Trek, I’ll say he had his entertaining chip removed and is incapable of it. Which honestly would be a generous explanation.

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      I have a pet theory that Batiuk is doing some kind of “Springtime For Hitler” thing. He’s making the strip as banal and unlikeable as possible in hopes of getting it cancelled, or at least getting out of his syndicate contract. But the comics page has such low standards for legacy strips that this scheme will never work.

    • Cabbage Jack

      Based on his blog, I blame the unhealthy obsession with gorillas in comics.

  4. William Thompson

    I hope this week gets worse as Chester torques her off with his crappy puns. After which she yanks off her old lady disguise, reveals she is Octobriana and gets all Lubyanka on his ass. “Puns, you zhopnik?!” she says as she punches his mouth. “Swallow this mug of–Internation Ale!”

  5. CRM114

    While over on the BattyBlog he shows off another of his book signing fans. Last time it was the big kid who was lost….now it’s the Kent State mascot.

  6. Jimmy

    Did anyone else take this as Chester hitting on his employee?

    • William Thompson

      And clumsily. But what choice does he have? His right hand is no longer on speaking terms with him, and his left hand knoweth not his right hand’s Biblical ways.

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      I thought maybe “rhino” was a drug. You know, like “horse.”

  7. billytheskink

    Ruby takes an Uber to work every day? I couldn’t afford to do that, and I live within walking distance (on a nice day) of my place of employment.

    • Epicus Doomus

      When they dragged Cliff out of retirement to do a comic book movie they paid his rent for a year and found his old girlfriend for him. When they dragged Ruby out of retirement she blew 75% of her social security check on Uber rides. Class and gender discrimination is alive and well in the comic book mills of mid-central Ohio.

      • hitorque

        Free rent for a year in exchange for playing a supporting role in the biggest billion-dollar movie in the history of forever? Cliffe is stupid as shit, but even he still remembered enough about making movies to find an agent, right??

  8. Gerard Plourde

    I read RHINO and also cringed at the inappropriateness of the ride offer. TomBa’s lack of direct contact with these situations is on full display here.

  9. spacemanspiff85

    I really wonder if Batiuk overheard something about Me Too in the news about a year ago and thought “Inappropriate workplace advances? I bet I can get a week’s worth of strips out of that!” and thus this strip was born.

  10. Doghouse Reilly

    So, we’re actually revving up for a third straight week of “Wacky Comic Book Publishing Studio” hi-jinks, after all? Shouldn’t Funky be out pushing Lincoln-shaped pizzas for President’s Day, or Dinkle pestering Becky about her playlist for the Westview High Spring Band Recital, or Les prepping for another book signing tour, or something else just as “amusing”?

    • hitorque

      Are you REALLY in that much of a rush to get back to (in order of probability):

      1. Les bitching and moaning about how awful his life is trying to write a script so the book about his dead wife can be made into an Oscar winning movie? (And don’t get me started on the goddamned Oscars after they shut out “The Irishman”)…

      2. Cindy Sommers-Winkerbeane Jarre crying about how she’s getting old and no man will want her and she’s going to die as an withered unloved spinster…

      2a. Cindy discovers that evil movie studio has the unmitigated GALL to cast a woman opposite of Masone who is younger and tighter than she is, and her rage dial gets turned to 11.

      3. Funky tries to get in shape and ends up in the emergency room again

      4. A character walks into Montoni’s Pizza and hijinks ensue.

      5. The taco truck run by Darrin’s bio-dad shows up in the movie lot again so he can once again either leak production details to the tabloids, or demand a piece of the action since this is partly his story, too.

      6. Another sepia-toned flashback to the comics industry circa 1957

      7. Dumb shenanigans at Komixxx Korner

      8. Westview band fundraiser

      9. Does Batiuk dare introduce us to a new Westview football coach? If he does, it’ll have to be a woman, right? Women football coaches are all the rage now, only 30+ years after Goldie Hawn lit the pathway….

      • Rusty Shackleford

        Yeah, Batty would pander to women like that…so number 9 is definitely possible.

        10. Ghost Lisa gives a thumbs up when she hears Cayla is leaving Les for a real man.

  11. Banana Jr. 6000

    How do you get “Rhino” out of “riding home with the owner”? This doesn’t make sense visually, phonetically, or spelling-wise. Not even if you change “the” to “an” or make other concessions. Did Batiuk have a stroke exactly 11 months ago?

  12. Paul Jones

    A nonsense acronym will be the least of our concerns by Saturday. Will he remember he used to be called the Chiseler? Does he remember what his last name means? Does anyone care?

    • William Thompson

      Will he, in the isolation of his limo’s passenger compartment, tell Rubella that her contract may give her the rights to her characters, but she’s only allowed to sell her works to Chester. “And I only buy them if they’re as banal and chauvinistic as they were in the Fifties! So give me what I want or else!”

  13. hitorque

    Saturday: “Lawyers downstairs”? Chester the Molester retains a full legal staff for a four-person publishing house?? Do Funkyverse characters EVER have to worry about mere mortal concerns like, you know, actually making a profit?

    Saturday pt. 2: At least now over two years later do we have some confirmation that Chester *DOES* have more than four employees at this big-assed nine-story converted warehouse, which means Chester bought the entire building and isn’t just renting floor space.

    Saturday pt. 3: I looked up Cleveland’s famed “Warehouse District” thinking it was some decayed derelict sector of the city that had recently become trendy and was in the early stages of gentrification… Not so — Evidently it’s been “established” since the 1980s which means the real estate prices are sky-high which makes Chester’s decision to place such a risky business venture there all the more puzzling.

    Sunday: God, I hate this art… Makes some of the earlier Sunday covers from 2-3 years ago look like masterpieces in retrospect.

    Sunday pt. 2: “The Secret Super Science of Nazi Germany”, up to and including necromancy, interplanetary travel and colonization, cloning, harnessing the power of ancient mysticism, supercomputers and ten-foot mechas is so played out as a trope that you can’t even have a Nazi Germany storyline *without* it these days. SEE: Wolfenstein game franchise.

    Today: I thought Chester took a limo everywhere? Or better yet, wouldn’t he have a helicopter? Batiuk is going to have his billionaire manchild driving a generic Hondissan just to show he’s like any other working stiff, isn’t he?

    Today pt. 2: It’s funny because if you remove the dialogue from the bubbles, there’s no way Chester isn’t suggesting some perverted after-hours fun… Being a billionaire, you know it’s some really sick shit, too…

    • William Thompson

      Chester’s whole business arrangement–the lawyers who just happen to rent office space in his renovated warehouse, the obsessive purchasing of rights to worthless old characters, the goofball artsy-fartsy staff of idlers, and above all the lack of customers or fans–make it look like Chester is running a scam.

      Personally, I love those dumbshit Nazi super-science stories, and the bogus documentaries about them. They’re good for laughs.

      • Gerard Plourde

        That would make a great (and plausible) storyline. And that’s exactly why it would never occur to TomBa.

  14. hitorque

    RHWO = “Raw Humping Without O_____”?

  15. So, are Chester and Ruby going to become a couple, just like Cliff Anger and…and…okay, I forgot the name. And she had such an impact on the strip, too!

    • Gerard Plourde

      Although it’s never been explicitly stated, the impression I have is that there should be at least a ten year age difference between Chester and Ruby. Around the time she was writing Miss American he was still in grade school skimming titles for his collection out of the remainder shipment.

      • hitorque

        To be fair, there’s also at least a ten-year difference between Cindy and Masone (and probably closer to 15-20)