Leaping Lapses.

Link to today’s strip

Oh no.
No one saw this coming.

That was sarcasm.

And on such a unique day too. February 29th. Leap day. Nearly every four years our calendars use a little curiosity of nature -that a year doesn’t have an even number of days- to give us an extra day. One more day to go out there an achieve something great.

It didn’t used to be like that. The ancient Romans used to get whole extra months! In a normal year they had 12 month, 355 day, years. But every few years the pontifex maximus of Rome would throw in an extra month, and make the year 377 days, just to keep things evened out. Only problem was, the Pontifex would decide this just… whenevs yo, and sometimes folx out in the boonies couldn’t even be sure what date it was.

Mack Daddy Dictator Julius Caesar didn’t like this, so he instituted the Julian Calendar. One leap year, one extra day, every four years, BAM. Simple.

OR WAS IT?
No. Because the actual length of a year is 365.2425 days long. The Julian calendar actually judged years as LONGER at 365.25. That decimal place may seem insignificant, but this is SCIENCE AND HISTORY. And the Julian year was almost ELEVEN MINUTES too long.

Over the centuries those minutes added up into days. The calendar kept falling further and further back, and the equinoxes that herald the seasons were not matching with the days.

So what?

Jesus, that’s what. He was crucified at Passover. A Jewish holiday determined at the time by the equinox, specifically after the first full moon occurring on or after the vernal equinox. And early Christians decided to celebrate Easter on the first Sunday following that. From that point forward, the Easter date depended on the ecclesiastical approximation of March 21 for the vernal equinox.

But now March 21 and Vernal Equinox no worky together.

So in 1582 Pope Gregory XIII has some of his popealicious scientists come up with a simple plan. So simple I had to copy it from Wikipedia directly. “Every year that is exactly divisible by four is a leap year, except for years that are exactly divisible by 100, but these centurial years are leap years if they are exactly divisible by 400. For example, the years 1700, 1800, and 1900 are not leap years, but the years 1600 and 2000 are.”

Only one problem left. The calendar still wasn’t currently fixed. The day on the chart still didn’t match the actual season they were experiencing.

So, Greg decided to DELETE TEN DAYS. People went to sleep on Thursday, October 4th and woke up on Friday October 15. Poof, one man’s decision and all those poor Italians had lost more than a week of their lives they’d never get back.

Kinda like all of us reading this stupid arc.

HAPPY LEAP YEAR EVERY BODY!

24 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

24 responses to “Leaping Lapses.

  1. Thank you very much for the education, CBH.

  2. Epicus Doomus

    That’s the most disturbing Les face I’ve seen in a long, long time. I feel sick.

  3. William Thompson

    “Relax, Funky,” Cayla says. “Les will find it in a few hours. Meanwhile, let’s check out the TV in the guest room. Les said something about recording a movie that was perfect for you?”

    “What movie?”

    “‘Gaslight.'”

  4. Epicus Doomus

    Previous Act III Leap year arcs

    2016: Emily and Amelia, twins from Centerville, transfer to Westview High School and are given the tour by Nate and Linda.

    2012: The Westview girls’ basketball team, led by assistant coach Fishstick Annie, head to the state championships.

    2008: Pizza World magazine visits Montoni’s.

    And this year’s…Funky misses game winning shot multiple times. On TV. Yes, it has been a long downward slide, but not as steep as you might think.

    • billytheskink

      – Here is every other one –

      2004: Sunday strip! Bull and Dinkle sit in the teacher’s lounge… Bull struggles to decide which talented baseball player should play first base while Dinkle claims to have the same problem (deciding on “first bass”, it is implied).

      2000: Tony has decided to start investing in the stock market, Funky and Crazy muse that it is time to get out of the stock market. Crankshaft Bonus – Ralph Meckler took his Alzheimer’s-suffering wife, without telling her caregiving facility, to New York City to see his original King Kong poster get auctioned at Sotheby’s for $273,000.

      1996: Mercedes “Sadie” Summers wonders aloud about the value of state-mandated standardized testing while taking said state-mandated standardized test.

      1992: Dinkle threatens to camel the elementary school flutophone band’s tour of Europe as they are slow to learn a new piece.

      1988: Dinkle and Fred are excited that the band has been invited to play at Carnegie Hall, which Dinkle considers a great honor… for Carnegie Hall.

      1984: Time is kept at Westview High basketball games with an hourglass operated by Billy the Scapegoat, with a goose performing the horn’s duties.

      1980: Dinkle, fresh off of winning a shiny trophy, tries to convince the principal to call Life magazine to see if they want to take his photo for the cover but ultimately winds up asking if the school paper will print a sketch of him when the principal refuses his first request.

      1976: Crazy operates an unlicensed CB radio out of his locker, drawing the attention of the police.

      • Epicus Doomus

        Fantastic, it is SO helpful having a Licensed Batiukistorian on staff. That one from 1984 sounds amazing.

          • hitorque

            Corny, but at least there’s some creativity and some honest-to-god HEART in the old strips…

            Remember when leaves used to talk? Remember when that big spray-painted rock in front of school used to talk? Remember when the school building itself used to talk??

  5. Captain Gladys Stoatpamphlet

    The nonsense will be worth it when Funky kills Les in a rage and is sent to prison for 15 years for 2nd degree murder to bring Funky Winkerbean to an end.

    • Gerard Plourde

      Given Les’ snarky abuse of the entire population of Westview at one time or another no jury would convict. (It’s even possible that charges wouldn’t even be brought.)

  6. Double Sided Scooby Snack

    Do all the yokie headed hicks in Ohio have 24” televisions on a coffee table that they sit three feet away from? And is the “rewind” button right next to the “delete” button?

    Coming next: Another time jump takes us 20 years into the future. Fuckwit Wankerbean still has never seen the end of this game. He’s been foiled more times than Lucy has yanked the football away from Charlie Brown. 100 year old Funky is on his deathbed. Cindy now 12 years old, comes to visit.

    “The… shot… the……. shot…” is all Funky can mumble.

    So she shot him. Next panel is black as…

    The curtain falls. GOODNIGHT, EVERYBODY!!

    • Double Sided Scooby Snack

      Then in a Very Special Funky Reunion in Heaven, Les and Funky meet up.

      “I still owe you that reacharound, Funkman!”

      “We have an eternity to do it, so let’s go! Drop ‘em!”

      “Aaaah! Manly ghey sex has never been so heavenly! WOMAN, hold my white mug. I need Hands Free Operation here. Howzat, Funkman?”

      “Keep jigglin’, sweet Les, keep jigglin’…”

      “Some children were left behind, but I’d never leave your behind alone!”

      “EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”

      [Again, I apologize – sincerely. I know this hits home with several of you. But I assure you this account is fictional. I was NOT looking in your window last night.]

  7. Paul Jones

    Surely Funky has other, less stupid friends to turn to. Bull’s dead and his brain is on microscope slides but he’s still smarter than Dick Facey is so, yeah, why did he go to the dumbest son of a bitch he knows? Didn’t he remember that Les’s identity is being a simpleton?

  8. Count of Those Grove

    Whaditellya? Whaditellya? Whaditellya? Todd did indeed pinch this loaf once more for leap day!

  9. gleeb

    That’s not the whole rest of the story. The Church had gone through at least 2 schisms before that, so there were vast areas where people regarded Papa Greg as no more than “that Roman guy with the funny hat”. So when George Washington was born, Virginia was still using the Julian calendar, and the records say he was born on Feb 11. During his lifetime, English people lost 11 days, and referred to dates like Washington’s birth as O.S., Old Style.

    Meanwhile, over in Istanbul, the Greek patriarch has never adopted a calendar reform. The looser organization of the Orthodox churches means that some finally did in the last century, although it uses a different rule for dealing with leap days. I think they lost about 13 days. Even then, the Patriarchs of Jerusalem and Moscow have never adopted it, and are still Julians.

    So if you are traveling from Rome to Istanbul to Moscow around this time of year, it can be hard to tell if it is or is not Lent yet. Better just have a green salad.

    • comicbookharriet

      I was wanting SOO HARD to explain that the Gregorian calendar wasn’t adopted universally or right away, or go into the fact the Orthodox Church STILL uses the Julian calendar, which is why their Christmas and Easter are different than the western churches, and why their holidays are every so gradually slipping further from ours. They celebrate Christmas on January 7th, but in 2100 they’ll start celebrating it on January 8.

  10. Don

    And next week, ESPN manages to lose every copy of the shot that it has, while every recording of the shot that was posted to Facebook has been taken down for copyright reasons

    • William Thompson

      In Week Three, a temporal vortex escapes Crazy Harry’s Time Piddle, erasing every trace of sportsball. Only Funky’s memory escapes the effect. Everyone ignores him except, oh, Skunkhead or Chester or some other dimwit, who picks up the idea of sportsball and gets wealthy as he markets it to the comic-book industry.

  11. Banana Jr. 6000

    “Les does this all the time! Tee-hee!” That’s one hell of a remark coming from Cayla, considering Les forced her and Summer to watch videos of his dead ex-wife. He didn’t accidentally erase any of THOSE, did he? Nor can he seem to lose the manuscript of that movie he doesn’t want to make. Hell, the very concept of recoded video should make Cayla violently ill, like Alex in A Clockwork Orange.

  12. Hitorque

    1. Les is a dick — No way in hell is this “accident” not intentional…

    2. JUST TURN TO SPORTSCENTER OR THE NBA NETWORK YOU BRAIN DEAD SMALL-TOWN YOKEL ASSHOLES!!

    3. I guess tomorrow the world’s internet and entire Telecom infrastructure will magically fail somehow preventing Funkmaster from watching on his phone?

    4. And fuck you Cayla for enabling your dear husband’s fuckwittery… I hope he “accidentally” deletes your wedding video next!