The only creature that knows of death, and its inevitability

Link to the Sunday Mourning strip.

I’m writing this before the Sunday strip becomes available, as is usual for Sunday and Funky Winkerbean.  Thus, I have no idea what it might be.  I have a feeling we’ll be seeing more trivia associated with the upchucking upcoming Lisa’s Story movie, but we might get Funky and Holly at home, or–in a massive middle finger to “continuity”–Funky and Les out for a morning run.   Remember the time Les flew to Africa, then flew back to Ohio in the middle of his trek up Mount Kilimanjaro so he could comment on Funky’s new car?  He then immediately flew back and ended up back with his tour group.  Lucky for them, huh?  Probably, that’ll be revised so that it was Mason’s private plane doing all that plague bacillus transporting, even though Mason was but a glimmer in Batiul’s eye back then, because when you have awards to win, tiny little details like telling a coherent story are totally unimportant.

UPDATE:  Oh my goodness, Lisa’s Story is the most tragic and heart-rending story every told.   Every detail is just more piteous and disturbing.  Why?  Is it because her suffering reaches deep into the soul, and illustrates the grand scheme of life in all its glory, which is then only cut from us cruelly, and discarded, along with all our dreams?

No, it’s because it gave an asshole like Les Moore the gateway to fame and respect–two things that should never have come close to this utterly loathsome gibbering slime-sheet.  I would give–(checks pocket change)–$1.78 if Mason would just dump Les into the fountain and say, “What a waste of space you are.  Good luck getting an airline ticket out of here; after I use my enormous fame to blacken your reputation forever, no one will want to touch you.”

Heck, I could go as high as $2.56.  Let me check under the couch cushions, and I might be able to sweeten that even more!

And…that’s all from me for this go-round.  Thank you all for your indulgence and for being a great audience.  Your contributions make this site what it is.  And please, a warm round of applause for Epicus Doomus, who takes over the center seat starting Monday.  Excelsior!


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

23 responses to “The only creature that knows of death, and its inevitability

  1. William Thompson

    You should have used that lucky quarter and not that wheat-sheaf penny, tightwad. Just think of how your life might have been different! Think of that brave new world where Lisa wrote Les’s story and married Principal Nate!

  2. Epicus Doomus

    Good Lord what a pile of horseshit. This is as cringe-worthy as any post-”Lisa’s Story” strip he’s ever done. Lisa died twenty-three years ago (in strip time), since then Les got re-married and became a best-selling author, yet he’s STILL a maudlin irritating drip. I’d like to grab him by the back of his smug head and hold him under that fountain water until he stops struggling and joins her. What a dick.

    • Charles

      His world-weary face in the title panel is enough to have him killed. Oh, how none of us can understand his suffering! He’s almost inured to it by now!

    • comicbookharriet

      Unseen last panel. Les says to the fountain, “And now I’m stuck with that boring Cayla woman.”

  3. Doghouse Reilly

    Well, Lisa got her wish, at least…she got away from you.

    Meanwhile, you keep snapping those pics, Masonne. After all, no movie studio research department could possibly have reference photos of New York’s Central Park.

  4. Charles

    (continuing a discussion from yesterday since few of you would see it otherwise)

    I can imagine Summer saying “Why did mom spend so much time making those stupid tapes when she could have been hugging me?” Because Summer comes across as someone who was deprived of affection as a child and doesn’t know how to relate to other people.

    The way Batiuk handled the “video tape saga” is such a testament to what a terrible writer he is. He only used it to invoke Lisa, and to bring her back for special occasions, reminding us of how he wrote the seminal comic strip work of a woman dying from breast cancer. And he apparently thought that was enough. Simply reminding us that Lisa existed was enough for him, especially in special moments in the lives of her family.

    Imagine instead if Summer were watching a Lisa videotape for the first time on her 21st birthday or something, and in it Lisa talks about how Summer gave her a picture she had drawn of Les, and went on to describe the scene where she helped the 4 year-old Summer draw Les’s tie properly. And then she mentions how she’s sure Summer a wonderful artist now and is well on her way to a successful career in the arts, or something.

    And Summer immediately begins crying, because it’s a raw, immediate reminder of a moment from 17 years ago that she had completely forgotten over the years, but remembers now, that reveals that her mom loved her. And that she’s gone.

    It also reminds her that her mother hasn’t been around for 16 years, and no longer knows the woman Summer is. Her knowledge of Summer ended when she was five years old or so. Summer hasn’t done any art by her own volition since she was seven, and her mother knows nothing about this or the significant accomplishments she’s had in her basketball career. Lisa knows nothing about Summer after age five, and her remarks in the video reflect that. That shows Summer just how much was lost, and reminds her what it truly means that her mother never got to see her grow up because of breast cancer.

    But no, all those video tapes just had boring, generic messages that could have applied to anything, and as such, are meaningless. There was no human or maternal connection in any of them.

    Just like these scenes of Lisa finding a quarter, or going to New York City on their honeymoon. There’s not one single individual human element in any of it.

    That’s why Batiuk’s a terrible writer.

  5. billytheskink

    Les: “We went to New York City for our honeymoon and did the things that every tourist does.”

    Masone: (in his best Merv Griffin Show voice) “FASCINATING!”

    • Epicus Doomus

      “Then we had some of that world famous Sbarro’s pizza, then we stopped off at the Times Square TGI Friday’s for a Long Island Iced Tea!”. Even Les’ most treasured memories are boring as f*ck.

  6. erdmann

    And Les recalls all of this perfectly, in excruciating detail, after all these years because of course he does. “Here’s where we saw a little girl in a ‘Star Wars’ t-shirt. Here’s where we watched a pigeon poop…”
    Here’s what I remember from my honeymoon (or at least the parts I’m willing to share publicly):
    1) We married on the warmest, nicest February day in decades. We returned home to sleet. (Les would remember the exact temperature at the moment he and Lisa were declared husband and wife)
    2) On the wall of our hotel room was a random, framed newspaper clipping about a mill fire that occurred in 1937. I was shocked because I had grown up less than a mile from the scene of the fire and the mill’s ruins played a big role in my childhood. (Les would remember the newspaper the clipping came from, the name of the reporter who wrote the store and the fact that he later worked in Hollywood, writing for Butter Brinkle films)
    3) I came face to face with a badger in the woods, although they aren’t indigenous to the area. It turned and trundled away. Thankfully. (Lisa would remember how she became a widow when the rabid badger shredded Les like cheap toilet paper)

  7. Paul Jones

    Not only is he a maudlin drip, he’s a maudlin drip with a poor sense of causality. It wasn’t a ‘defective’ coin that made his wish not come true, it was the ineptitude of some data entry clerk some place. My guess is that somewhere out there in the heartland, some woman is suing the lab because of a false positive. I’d like to hear HER story.

  8. AmigoLupus

    I’m morbidly curious, what did Les and Lisa wish for? Because the most Batiuksian scenario I can think of is that Lisa already had cancer before she and Les got married, so the wish they made was for Lisa to get cured. Cue today’s strip where Les makes a sadsack remark about how the wish “didn’t work” so Mason can continue worshiping the very air he breathes.

  9. William Thompson

    “I wished that Lisa and I could be together forever.” In your dreams, Les, or your books? Or as a ghost? One way or the other you got that wish.

  10. Professor Fate

    God what a piece of maudlin tripe this is. Actually in real life folks would be wishing that Les would move on and stop his creepy obsession with his dead wife and stop trying to make a buck out of it as well.
    And who get’s upset with a fountain that you tossed a coin in? If you want to blame somebody blame the doctor who got the test results mixed up and well that and the fact that Lisa pretty much gave up rolled over and died.
    This is not the tragic love story of the ages – this is the story of two boring people one of whom died.

  11. gleeb

    Why do you carry around so much loose change?

  12. This has to be the opening scene of the movie. It totally sets the tone.

  13. William Thompson

    One cliche that won’t make the script: Les saying “I’m a much better person now.” Because he’ll never admit he was ever less than perfect.

  14. bigd1992

    Lisa can die but once, but this strip can die a thousand times.

  15. comicbookharriet

    Thanks for a great shift BC! You had two weeks of depressing prestige death fallout and handled it masterfully.