Ashes To Ashes, Funk To Funky

Link To Today’s Atrocity

Sigh. Once again Dick Facey is forced to defend the sanctity and honor of his cancer book, which as always makes one wonder why he keeps agreeing to these adaptations. No one cares about the time Les littered Central Park with Lisa’s mortal remains (which is probably illegal anyhow), why Mason would need to include that bit of morbidity in his stupid movie is anyone’s guess. I’m pretty sure that precise historical accuracy isn’t really necessary to properly tell Lisa’s f*cking story…again…but TomLes never could resist an opportunity to snuggle his masterpiece firmly to his bosom and screech “MINE!” at anyone attempting to soil or defame it. This is definitely FW’s most annoying recurring theme and there are plenty of those to choose from, believe you me.

26 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

26 responses to “Ashes To Ashes, Funk To Funky

  1. NYC Parks allows for the scattering of cremated remains on its land. We ask that you observe our guidelines in order to spread ashes in a public park.” Who knew? Great Bowie reference in today’s post title.

    • Epicus Doomus

      What’s the significance of the statue? I don’t remember the original arc. Is that Les’ great-great grandfather A. Little Moore?

      • Grandpa Wikipedia tells us that Irish poet Thomas Moore “is often considered Ireland’s national bard, and is to Ireland what Robert Burns is to Scotland.” Les (assisted by Funky) read a selection from his poetical works at Lisa’s graveside.

        • Count of Tower Grove

          Masone will pester Less until he relents and this strip will be rerun with photo mounts. Photo mounts! Triangles of the gods!

  2. What the hell is Les’ rejoinder supposed to mean?

    • Doghouse Reilly

      Beck has a point. Just what the heck does Les mean by “Don’t ask!”? The incident is obviously included in The Perfect Book, or else Masonne wouldn’t know about it. It was okay for Les to feature it in his self-serving hagiography, but don’t dare besmirch the memory of it in “Lust for Lisa II: Electric Boogaloo”? Come on!

    • Charles

      Don’t ask where I scattered Lisa’s ashes! I will not allow your filthy Hollywood hands to befoul the sanctity of this place!

  3. billytheskink

    Les volunteered this information and now he doesn’t want Mason to ask him any questions about it?

    Yeah, that’s the Les we all know and hate.

  4. Doghouse Reilly

    Mason in Panel Four: “Okay, then. Don’t tell.”

    • William Thompson

      “And don’t show. This strip has standards, damn it!”

      • CRM114

        I’m hoping, in the Funkyverse, as Les bends over to lovingly scatter the ashes, the Parks Cleaning Staff waits, shakes their heads, goes over with a dust pan and broom, sweeps Lisa up, puts her in a bag with other things like dog droppings and vomit from drunks and cigarette butts, and she’s then reunited with all crap in a landfill for all eternity. Just saying…

        • Epicus Doomus

          And right now Lisa is leaching into the Arthur Kill, by the summer she’ll be washing up in Keansburg NJ just in time for tourist season.

  5. William Thompson

    He wasn’t asking, Louse.

  6. William Thompson

    “What I didn’t mention in the book was, I tripped over a Mets pennant, took a header and scattered her ashes in the gutter. Life’s funny that way, isn’t it?”

  7. Cabbage Jack

    A second week of this. Jesus, this is looking like the worst movie ever made. How did Batiuk nearly win a prize for this crap?

  8. ian'sdrunkenbeard

    A post from last Thursday:
    “Saturnino
    March 19, 2020 at 7:53 am
    WAIT!!! Who is that statuesque gray figure by the Montoni’s sign?
    Could it be that Less will have his own Commendatore scene, finally?”

    Come on, Less! Invite that statue to dinner!
    “Le-e-e-ss Mo-ore, I’ve come to dinner!”

  9. Double Sided Scooby Snack

    “So Lisa caught the cancer?”

    “Don’t ask.”

    “And it caused you great pain and inconvenience?”

    “Don’t ask.”

    “And the doctors mixed up the records?”

    “Don’t ask.”

    “And Masky McDeath came and took her to heaven?”

    “Don’t ask.”

    “Basically, she died.”

    “Don’t ask.”

    “You’re not much help, are you, Les? How am I supposed to know what to put in the coming movie I’m producing, writing, and starring in??”

    “Don’t ask. READ MY BOOK!! I happen to have a copy with me. Here. $20, please.”

  10. Paul Jones

    It seems almost like a good thing that Les wants to keep his story to himself. This is because if people reason things out for themselves, they’ll end up realizing that we’re dealing with the story of a sanctimonious twit who just gave up so she could die in a futile, theatrical manner and how her story was hijacked by a morose twinkie who would rather soil himself than make a decision.

  11. Banana Jr. 6000

    And there it is, folks! Our first evidence that Les intends to sabotage the movie again.

    “Is this where you scattered the ashes” is not a personal or sensitive question. Hell, it wasn’t even a question, but a statement seeking to confirm where the scattering happened.

    It’s understandable that certain locations might trigger emotions in someone who’s lost a loved one. But Les’ tone isn’t emotional. It’s hostile and petulant, as if this question was somehow disrespectful coming from someone who just lovingly documented the sidewalk where Lisa once found a quarter.

    I don’t think it’s is a coincidence that Les reacted negatively to the first thing we’ve seen that might actually be relevant enough to put in a movie.

  12. William Thompson

    Everyone has known all along that Les will find a way to scuttle the movie, and he’ll do it by being a vile failure of a human being–or, in Batiukian, a saintly hero. The question is, how will he destroy the project this time?

  13. If you didn’t want Mason to ask the question, why the fuck did you bring him to the location where you did it? What question did you expect him to ask, asshole?

  14. William Thompson

    “Can you tell me much, much more about what you want me to know?”

  15. Charles

    Les is something of a paradox.

    I’m always surprised yet never surprised at how rude he is. Here he is, talking to an enormously successful man, who should have one hell of an ego, and he’s being palpably rude and contemptuous of him. And Mason has no doubt paid for this whole trip for Les and is shoveling money at him in order to further aggrandize Les’s book. And yet Mason never says word one about how much of a shithead Les is to him.

    I don’t think that bent nail story to ease Mason’s anxiety over a table read gave Les so much goodwill with Mason that Mason would tolerate Les behaving like this. At what point would Mason’s ego demand that he push back against all this?

    • Hitorque

      Yeah I’ve pointed out that Batiuk has no idea whatsoever how the star of last summer’s $2 billion grossing movie would would react to such a worthless and patronizing waste of time… But as we’ve all noted, Masone only exists for fairy godfather wish fulfillment, ala Chester Hagglemore… (And when are we ever going to have a serious discussion about character names in the Funkyverse??)

      I’m hard pressed to see anything in Lisa’s story or romance that audiences would flock to see, anyway…

  16. Gerard Plourde

    More evidence that TomBa has no idea how ordinary people act. Mason hasn’t asked a question yet. Is Loser Les preempting the perfectly natural question for an actor to ask what significance the act had for Lisa?

    This is just stupid.

  17. Hitorque

    As for Sunday’s installment, Les *really* has to kill the mindset that he’s the only person in recorded history to lose someone before their time…

    Someone in Westview years ago should have given Les a backhand across the face and told him to move the fuck on… It’s funny because this is the same asshole who didn’t even mourn for 30 seconds over Bull Bushka