Chateau Boring

Link To Today’s Strip

I am scared by what “Pink Entertainment” could possibly be. In the real world it would undoubtedly be an adult film studio, but there’s no way this strip would ever be that interesting. Among the many things I dislike about Batiuk’s writing, his tendency to name drop Hollywood restaurants and hotels is pretty high up there. I’m pretty sure he’s mentioned Chateau Marmont before. I’m sure he thinks it’s adding realism to his comic, and maybe fifty years ago that would’ve worked, but now anybody can search for a Hollywood restaurant name in ten seconds, so it’s not really impressive anymore.

Who do you think Les is so excited to see? My money is the guy who reads the obituaries on the nightly news, because of course in the Batiukverse that would be a thing, and it would be the highlight of Les’s day.


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

42 responses to “Chateau Boring

  1. Epicus Doomus

    My worst fears are being realized. This is going to go on forever, the rest of 2020 at a minimum and probably way, way beyond. He is going to use every single detail of the movie business to bask in his disdain for Hollywood. Weeks and weeks of Big Pitch Meetings, months and months of casting, years and years of screenplay revisions and the theme of every one of these weekly arcs is going to be exactly the same…”poor poor Les”. The darkness has returned and it’s descending.

    And lest we forget, Les himself was a guest at this same hotel for WEEKS just a few years ago. So f*ck you, Tom, unlike you I actually read the f*cking thing.

  2. William Thompson

    “Pink Entertainment?” I hope it’s some women’s-lib establishment of the type that terrifies the Batiuks of the world. I want to hear a woman say “We like Lisa’s Story, but our core audience would like it a lot better without the Les Moore character. If they wanted losers who neglect their wife, they’d get married! Ah, here comes the moo goo gai pan!”

    • justifiable

      I’m betting “pink” as in Suan G. Komen breast cancer pink.

      • William Thompson

        And Les is their hero because, um, he didn’t dump Lisa and he organized the Lisa Lunacy Run? I think you called it. Somehow, reducing Lisa to a plot device in her own story has a nauseating inevitability to it.

      • Epicus Doomus

        If it’s anything else I’ll be stunned. I am also assuming that Cassidy will bond with Les over their mutual love of cancer. That was such an odd sentence to write.

        Then again, that scenario kind of borders on being too complicated for FW, this could very well be another tedious bit about Big Hollywood pandering to China or something. I always overestimate BatNard, even when I think I’m not.

        • William Thompson

          Yeah . . . a girly-girly studio turns it down because they don’t think there ‘s ever been a heroic he-man like Lisa-Loving Les. Plus, India is a big market, too.

        • Count of Tower Grove

          Huzzah for self reflection!

    • Charles

      “Pink Entertainment” sounds more like one of those ridiculous “women-oriented” companies that are bankrolled and run by patronizing and paternalistic men. You know, the one where depending on the age bracket they’re trying to appeal to, they address (in ascending order) celebrity gossip, makeup and hair, clothes that look good at home and at the office, clothes that look good working out or laying about, romance, weddings, child care and finally, home-based activities for empty nesters. Oh, and if they address health topics, it always involves breasts and vaginas, because women don’t have any other body parts, you see.

      I’d much prefer Pink & Stink Entertainment: “It’s Shocking!”

  3. William Thompson

    Um, Messon? Les already knows about the Hotel Marmoset. Just hope the staff doesn’t remember him.

  4. “Hey is that the guy…who wanted to make ‘Lisa’s Story’ into something commercial? Where it had relevance to actual people? And it wasn’t a shine to me and my magnificence? Can I urinate on that guy? Because clearly they’re the enemy!”

  5. billytheskink

    Eh, Mason’s just sore that literally no one in the history of this strip has ever gone “Hey, is that…?” when they saw him despite the apparent smash success that was Starbuck Jones.

    Besides, we all know the name Les is “Hey, is that…?”-ing. It’s Lisa.

    • Epicus Doomus

      “Hey, that’s the guy who saved Pookie!”.

      Maybe “Starbuck Jones” was like the comic book, sometimes a global mega-franchise and sometimes an obscure cult classic. And this is “obscure” week. It’s plausible, given how reality in the Funkyverse twists and warps.

    • Hitorque

      That’s why celebrity status in the Funkyverse makes no sense whatsoever, since by every account Sarsux Jonsey was “Black Panther plus Infinity War times The Last Jedi” big… Masone Jarre’s face and voice should be known to *everybody* in the Western world just from the merchandising alone. And yet he walked all around midtown Manhattan in broad daylight and nobody recognized him… Even in comics-mad Westview, not one person has asked Masone for an autograph.

      • Maxine of Arc

        I always thought he was supposed to be like Chris Evans (Pratt, Hemsworth… some kinda Chris) but literally no one acts like this dude is a movie star, much less a COMIX movie star. No one approaches him on the street in New York, hell, I don’t think they even asked him to sign a headshot in Montoni’s. Of course the wardrobe of pastel polo shirts does tamp down the star wattage considerably.

  6. Banana Jr. 6000

    “Still a traditional and still-warm”? Is this like one of those trick-you-eye puzzles where you don’t notice the same word is on consecutive lines?

    What is “and still-warm” supposed to convey, anyway? He could have just omitted it.

    • justifiable

      The traditional “power lunch” supposedly died when the Four Seasons closed last year, so “still warm” is Todd’s way of telling you that the body isn;t quite cold yet. Tee hee, get it? See, Todd somehow knows that powerbroker extraordinaire (who can’t pitch for shit) Masonne can get garden seating…at a hotel where you have to book weeks in advance, unless you happen to be staying there.

      This is old-man Todd’s out-of-touch fantasy – no doubt the Brown Derby will be next. No one in Hollywood under the age of 40 takes lunch these days, and the younger ones all are vegans, to boot.

      • Banana Jr. 6000

        “Traditional ‘Power lunches’ still happen here, so…”

        Seven words. Conveys all the information. Sounds like a real person talking. Took thirty seconds to write.

        • justifiable

          Yeah, but it’s not punny! Or word-player-y. Or some fucking thing.

          Todd spends a great deal of time reminding everyone what a “storyteller” he is – because for damn sure no one else is ever gonna hang that tag on him. Not unless they have a loaded gun held to their head.

  7. justifiable

    I hate to be that guy, but you got typos: “Chateau” in your title, and it’s Marmont, not Mormont. It’s actually a legendary hotel on Sunset, and as it has an indoor dining room, garden terrace seating and bar onsite, it’s convenient if you’re a celebrity staying in the “safe haven” of one of the rooms or private bungalows for…uh…whatever reason. (John Belushi OD’d in one of their bungalows back in ’82.)

    Todd has definitely named-dropped this one before – and I can tell for a fact he’s never been there. Unless you’re a guest, you can’t just waltz in and get a table – even lunch requires a reservation, and you have to book in advance.

    • spacemanspiff85

      That could explain Batiuk’s fixation with it. He tried eating here, they told him he had to have a reservation, and he’s resented it as the “Hollywood insider” place ever since.

      • justifiable

        That makes perfect sense – and after being rebuffed, I’m sure he tried Chasen’s.

      • Epicus Doomus

        (Lights corncob pipe)

        “Well sir, I’m from the mid-central Ohio valley, the Pizza Belt, born and raised. I don’t know much about show people and their highfalutin Hollywood ways, but a fella like me will take a booth at the local pizzeria over some snooty trendy Hollywood hot spot any ol’ day o’ the week. I’d rather die smothered in pepperoni than live while trying to look good eating a cucumber sandwich, I’ll tell you what.”

    • William Thompson

      Think of the actual jokes that can be made here! “The Battle of Chateau Leery” because Kerr is wary of Less and Mess. “Chateau d’Ip” when Less feels he’s being held captive against his will. “Chateaunooga Chew Chu” when Les is railroaded into including a Chinese character.

  8. Doghouse Reilly (Philadelphia)

    Okay, so I assume for THIS week’s run on the “Nobody in Hollywood Understands the Deep, Meaningful Meaning I Instilled into ‘Lisa’s Story’ and They’re Trying to Turn My Art into a Product” treadmill we’re to be treated to a gurrrlll producer. Will this mean that she’ll reject it after getting a look at Les and thinking “Wait a minute…THAT’S this story’s second most-important character?” After that, I can only hope that Les will return to the Marmont in order to perform a full Belushi.

    Good to see that Masonne is getting more and more peeved with “Little Miss Givings,” no doubt thinking to himself “Geez, why didn’t I get a shopping agreement for “A Confederacy of Dunces” and start fattening up to play Ignatius J. Reilly (no relation) instead?”

  9. Epicus Doomus

    Also remember that when Les was in Hollywood “punching up” the “Lust For Lisa” script he was less “starstruck tourist” then he was “smug annoying jerk”. Why would Les, who holds nothing but disdain for Hollywood and everything it represents, be bowled over by (or even recognize) a “movie star”? Especially considering that he’s WITH ONE, right now.

  10. comicbookharriet

    Cliff Anger used to work for Pink Entertainment. They’ve certainly moved up from the old days of recruiting on tramp steamers.

  11. Paul Jones

    Given the name, it’s kind of obvious that Tom is about to have at Lifetime and the people who make films for it.

  12. Hitorque

    1. Well, they’re finally going to get a woman’s opinion, assuming the “Pink” in Pink Entertainment isn’t GLBT related and “Cassidy Kerr” isn’t a drag queen or something… Regardless, I’m thinking this is the part where our feckless heroes finally hit pay dirt. EDIT: Uncle Google just informed me that a joint called “Pink Taco Sunset” is right across the street from the hotel, so that’s where the name comes from.

    2. “Cassidy Kerr?” Did Batiuk run out of punny names, or is this the sign that we’re supposed to take her 100% serious?

    3. Why the hell is Masone explaining Chateau Marmont? Didn’t Les stay there last time when he was trying to write the script for the first Lisa movie?

    4. “For once, try not to act like some Midwestern rube fresh off the turnip truck!” said the supposed Hollywood A-lister strolling into Chateau Marmont for a business lunch dressed like someone’s grandad who got lost on the way to the golf course… I hear even upscale L.A. has a pretty chill, come-as-you-are vibe, but Masone’s pale green polo with black slacks is an affront to decent taste. Whatever happened to the “Fashion Police” and the folks who tracked “Worst dressed celebrities?” Because they used to keep everyone in line.

    4a. I mean FFS, Masone… You drive a freaking Porsche Carrera GT with the top off all over the city… Don’t you want to at least dress like the kind of man who would drive such an automobile?

    5. It takes a special kind of hubris for Masone to morph back into “haughty expert on Hollywood culture” when he’s been getting the clown suit put on his ass for three consecutive weeks.

    6. Lemme guess — That’s Marianne Winters and tomorrow will be the first she’s ever hearing about headlining the title role in “Lisa’s Story”

  13. Saturnino

    “That’s Marianne Winters and tomorrow will be the first she’s ever hearing about headlining the title role in “Lisa’s Story””

    and thinking, “Who did I pißß off?????????”

  14. Gerard Plourde

    Again we have an example of the complete lack thinking about who any of these characters are. Mason is supposed to be an established working Hollywood actor who has had major, possibly starring roles in at least two movies prior to his being cast to headline the Starbuck Jones movie (and its apparently forgotten sequel that was being shot simultaneously). As such, he wouldn’t be in meetings like the ones we’ve seen. He would have an assistant who would be doing the initial selling of this script because his own time would be being spent networking his career and looking over scripts that his agent has found that he’s being considered for. He wouldn’t have time to shepherd around this obnoxious high school teacher from exurban Ohio who thinks he’s the most special snowflake in the world and who carries a chip the size of Everest on his shoulder because the world doesn’t recognize it.

    • justifiable

      Um, no. Not that Todd has any idea what a pitch is, let alone a meeting, but that’s not how it works, either.
      The days of studios setting up vanity shingles for stars who want their own production companies are over. Masonne is a typecast [ageing] action star, nothing more. If he wants to produce and star in his own vehicles, he has enough name recognition to maybe get a meeting with someone who could back that project, but he’d have to pitch it himself. Personal assistants to celebrities like Masonne fetch lunch, dry cleaning and prescriptions, make appointments and smooth out their bosses’ lives – they have zero power or authority to commit to financial or contractual obligations, which is why they never take meetings, let alone pitch projects. An exec who accepted one as proxy for the person they cater to would be a laughingstock.

      Because Masonne has never produced anything in his life, he can’t get the sort of development money a studio would give an experienced producer to option Less’s screenplay and allow him leave Less’s sorry ass at home – and that practice is also fading fast. Unless Masonne wants to pay for that option out of his own pocket, his only recourse is the shopping agreement he’s entered into, where he’s contractually tied to The Anchor Who Pisses On Everything. If he wants to produce and star in this film, he can’t do it unless Less is on board with everything. Unfortunately, because Masonne has no idea what the fuck he’s doing and is running all over town trying to flog this project to someone, anyone, regardless of suitability, in real life it would be a toxic joke. It would be hopelessly tarnished as The Property Everyone Passed on, and no one would touch it. And Masonne would be looking inexperienced, pathetic, desperate and devalued as well.

      • Hitorque

        In theory you’re right of course, but you’re forgetting the absolutely obscene amount of administrative authority Masone had on the Starsuxxx set (with ZERO oversight or accountability with regards to budget or deadlines). He made snap decisions on script, cast, shooting locations, crew hires, the director regularly deferred to HIM, when and where to promote the movie, he had the power to pause production for his multiple trips cross-country, and he made the decision to premiere this billion-dollar movie at some ratty old single-screen theater in Bumpkinsville, Ahia…

    • Hitorque

      Not just ONE sequel — Starsuxxx was greenlit for a trilogy when the original was still in theaters, iirc…

      FWIW, there is real-life precedent for this, most notably with “The Matrix”

  15. Don

    “Pink Entertainment”? Something tells me TB didn’t take a Lifetime thinking that one up. Now watch the movie rack up all sorts of Oscar nominations, but none for the woman who directed the film, because those are selected by Men Directors Who Think Women Shouldn’t Oughta Be Directing That’s Why.

  16. Pink Entertainment…Hollywood Sunset Entertainment…Mixmaster Entertainment…this is why we can’t figure out if these people they’re pitching to are studio executives, producers, or whatever. Batty uses his catchall showbiz terms when in doubt. Which is always.

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      Medium Shot Production Company
      ADR Entertainment
      Craft Services Studio
      Final Cut Productions
      Contract Pictures

  17. Y. Knott

    Forgive me if this is a common question, and/or direct me to where it’s been discussed previously: Why is “Todd” the preferred name for T. Batiuk?