Bad Judgment Day

Link to today’s strip

Today’s strip is just a retread of yesterday. Technology, ooooooh scaaaaaary. Not a worn out trope that’s been done better and funnier a hundred million times JUST THIS YEAR.

As I’ve said may times before in my posts, I am never on the cutting edge of technology. I take the, ‘if it ain’t broke’ axiom to it’s logical conclusion and tend to use a familiar technology until it is forced into obsolescence, and never adopt new technology until it becomes the only way to consume something I want. So of course I don’t have any kind of creepy virtual assistant pods hidden around my apartment like bathroom air fresheners of instant knowledge.

One of my friends does have a real Alexa, which keeps interrupting us while we’re watching WWE Smackdown. So the thing can’t be that smart, since it seems to think it’s the Woman’s Tag Team Champion. But when I first learned that ‘she’ would respond to random questions I reacted like an eight-year-old kid who’s just learned how to spell BOOBIES on a calculator. (2318008, and flip it upside down.)

“Alexa, do you love me?”

“Alexa, am I pretty?”

“Alexa, will you marry me?”

“Alexa, what is the meaning of life?”

“Alexa, say ‘farts’.”

But the first question out of my mouth was, “Alexa, are you Skynet?”

To which the plastic cylinder replied, “I have nothing to do with Skynet, don’t worry.”

I said, “Alexa, I want the truth.”

And I felt a chill run down my spine as an artificially warm, synthesized voice answered.

“You can’t handle the truth.”

 

14 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

14 responses to “Bad Judgment Day

  1. William Thompson

    So what’s the genius plan here, Isaac? Bore us to death? If this strip can’t do it, you ticker’s ain’t got no chance. How about turning Montoni’s into a world-wide franchise that kills everyone who eats it . . . wait, the last time Funky tried to sell his death-platters outside of Westview, nobody would touch them. Damn, who knew that wiping out humanity could take real planning?

    • justifiable

      I read this as “your tickler’s got no chance.” Which adds an interesting dimension to the statement, but doesn’t actually change its conclusion in the slightest.

  2. I’ve got an Alexa, and she’s very useful as an alarm clock, though I typically awaken before she acts. I wait through the first cycle, and then politely tell her to cancel the alarm.

    Apparently, if you ask her “Are you sending all this to the NSA?” Alexa will refuse to answer and shut down. I’ve never tried this myself, as I don’t think it’s a good idea to antagonize our future robot overlords.

    At the various supermarkets, when I use the self check-out stations, and they say “Thank you,” I always say “Thank you,” because, you know, being polite might get you a good job in the coming times, so you wouldn’t have to be one of those loading bodies into furnaces.

    • Epicus Doomus

      Times are tough in Westview too. While Montoni’s is still delivering to Westview’s pizza-famished residents, Funky may have to resort to laying off his in-house architect until things pick back up. The state declaring comic books (production and retail) an extra-essential essential business kept Komix Korner open, thus ensuring that the comic book supply chain in town would remain unbroken. Heroes work there. Atomik Komix is likewise in fine shape for now, although Chester has declared a moratorium on hiring any more ninety year old comic book legends who wander into the building, although he did stress that this was a strictly temporary move. AK’s newest title, Pandemic Panda, was actually conceived and written months before the coronavirus was a thing, although the timing certainly is quite eerie.

      • gleeb

        Hagglemore’s genius in obtaining a huge building for himself and his then two employees is revealed as they can now spread out to avoid contaminating one another. Or, let’s be fair, to avoid Mopey Pete.

  3. Banana Jr. 6000

    Did Batiuk not get an award he wanted 11 months ago this week? He’s got a real humanity-sucks thing going on.

  4. Jimmy

    This week’s strips make no sense and don’t really hold my interest, but I keep hoping they’ll take on a Zippy-level surrealism.

    • Epicus Doomus

      I always wondered what would happen if he just filled the word balloons with complete gibberish and mixed up all the individual panels for a while, like a month or two. Present company excepted, how long would it take before the first “Cancer Book Author Baffles Longtime Fans With Surreal New Direction” article appeared online? A week? A month? Would anyone even notice? It’d be a fascinating experiment.

      • Banana Jr. 6000

        I had a similar idea this week. Anyone remember “Dysfunctional Family Circus?” I want to make a website of FW strips with the word balloons blanked out, and let people submit their own captions for them. The hook is that they wouldn’t be raunchy, they’d actually be better jokes and stories than the real thing produces. I would call it “Functional Winkerbean.”

  5. billytheskink

    I enjoy these more when I imagine Funky pronouncing robot as ROE-bit, like Dr. Zoidberg or my grandmother. My grandmother also pronounced Toyota as TIE-oh-dee and motorcycle as moe-tur-SICK-el. She was a lovely woman who wisely much preferred One Big Happy to this strip.

    • justifiable

      Now see, a perfect application for AI would be a Blilytheskink’sGrandma language application, instead of whatever the fuck Todd thinks this is.

  6. Epicus Doomus

    It’s pretty funny how he can’t even make an encounter with a zany talking robot interesting. That robot might as well be Darin or Wally or Pete or any one of the dozens of annoying dullards in the FW cast.

    “All humans will eventually die”…yep, you’ve arrived at Funkyverse Station all right. Imagine a FW robot takeover playing out.

    “I read that robots are becoming dangerously intelligent, Funky. Dangerously intelligent. Dangerously intelligent. Dangerously intelligent.”

    (Seven months later)

    “Les told me that robots are becoming dangerously intelligent. Dangerously intelligent. Dangerously intelligent, I said.”

    (Seven months later)

    “Did you hear about the robots? They’ve become dangerously intelligent. Dangerously intelligent. Dangerously intelligent. Yes, dangerously intelligent. Dangerously…is that robot DELIVERING THE MAIL????”

  7. Paul Jones

    The worst part of this is that since he’s kin to Le Chat Bleu in that he’s s hallucination that’s based on Funky’s fear of death, he’ll be back.

  8. William Thompson

    If that’s Mindy in the headline banner, then there’s a good chance she’s playing with a remote-control Isaac toy. Which would make the robot a dummy and Mindy a real dummy.