Meet Cindy Sparks

Link To Today’s Strip

This one took a few seconds longer than usual to parse thanks to the incredibly clunky dialog. When these two fools start with the Westviewian banter it’s like trying to roll a dumpster up a flight of stairs. I concluded that Cindy must mean that if Mason has too much “chemistry” with whatever shameless harlot he’s working with she will make his life a vicious living hell when he gets home. Sounds about right. Describing Cindy and Mason’s marriage as “highly reductive” is being way too kind. And she’s supposedly the mature one.

“Are you OK with them looking to see who has good chemistry with Mason?”…wow. Maybe it’s grammatically correct but if it is it shouldn’t be. “Sure, because I can still make sparks happen when he gets back from the lab”…did I read this wrong? Is she talking about sex here? These two sentences should be in textbooks. Chapter Ten: Not So Good, This Is.

Coming next week: Les is mildly surprised to learn that Cindy carved “Mason + Cindy 4 Eva” into Mason’s chest with a Swiss Army knife corkscrew while he slept. No one else is.

22 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

22 responses to “Meet Cindy Sparks

  1. Doghouse Reilly (Philadelphia)

    Tomorrow’s strip: Les’s fondest wish comes true when production is halted on “Lisa’s Story: The Motionless Picture,” after a jealousy-soaked Cindy proves she can “make sparks happen” by dousing a sleeping Masonne with gasoline and setting their bed on fire following a day of intense “chemistry reads.” And the crowd goes wild.

  2. Charles

    So Les buys into the whole “if Mason works well with a woman he’s probably going to cheat on Cindy with her” notion too. Everyone is seven years old to Batiuk.

    Also, considering the width of the tires in panel 3, shouldn’t Cindy’s vehicle tip over every time she goes around a corner?

    • billytheskink

      Cindy has one of those new plug-in electric cars. Plugs right into a giant socket in the ground.

  3. William Thompson

    Why are Les and Cindy going to “Hollywoodland Productions?” Wasn’t the studio named “Pink something-or-other?” Fortunately they’re nattering over their petty fears and jealousies, so we know they’re in the pink.

    • justifiable

      Candace Kerr must’ve surrendered the Pink.

    • Doghouse Reilly (Philadelphia)

      Cassidy Kerr’s Pink Whatever is, I assume, the production company that will be handling financing, casting, and other logistics for Masonne and Les. Nowadays, most producers work independently from the filmmaking studios (Disney, Universal, Warner Bros. and so forth), so our “artistes” here would have to either rent studio space or make some sort of releasing agreement with a studio and then shoot there.

      • Y. Knott

        *IS* Doghouse Reilly giving far too much credit to our hero’s research skills, comprehension of Hollywood production realities, and memory for detail? *WILL* the production company name change yet again the next time it’s mentioned? *CAN* Lisa’s Story somehow be retconned into being a film made by the motion picture arm of Atomix Comix?

        *ALL* this — and so much Les — in the riveting next six months of Funky Winkerbean!

  4. Hitorque

    1. “No I’m not worried because I’m a grown ass woman who’s confident in herself and her marriage…” Seriously, how hard is that?

    2. Les KNOWS his question is dumb, irrelevant and borderline trolling with Cindye’s infamous jealous paranoia and he asks it anyway just as some passive-aggressive revenge for that other bullshit conversion last time she gave him a ride…

    3. Does TomBa have a fetish for awkwardly worded sentences nobody would say in real life? It’s like his dialogue has been run through google translate…

  5. Hitorque

    4. Sorry but I still can’t get over the fact that an actor who was in a BILLION DOLLAR MOVIE LAST YEAR has to ask his neurotic wife for “permission” to conduct chemistry reads, so I’m assuming in Funkyverse Hollywood “chemistry reads” means “license to fuck” or “casting couch”…

  6. Hitorque

    5. Silly me for ever daring to think that making movies and being part of “the process” would be incredible fun for industry outsiders… But Les, Pete and Darrin have shown it’s endless drudgery about as enjoyable as getting anal probed with a cactus…

  7. Paul Jones

    The truly sad part is how predictable the threat of mayhem and vitriol directed Mason’s way is. Batiuk wants a Cindy in her middle fifties (who should be comfortable with her husband talking to pretty girls without it affecting their relationship) who acts like the shrill, vain and jealous teenybopper with the gelled-up hair. Every day, one must ask the musical question “Why did he bother ageing the characters? He was in his element as a second-tier Mort Walker.”

    • Rusty Shackleford

      Yeah, back then he was able to create a couple of good characters. But after act 1, it’s all misery and Lisa. Nobody but Batty thinks Lisa was a good character.

      • Banana Jr. 6000

        Yeah really. In the 1980s, Batiuk latched onto and commercialized Dinkle, because that character legitimately caught on. Did Dead Lisa ever really make that much of a impact? The “she’s gone” strip is memorable, but other than that I don’t recall the story ever getting much attention.

        • Rusty Shackleford

          And he ruined Dinkle too… after the time jump Dinkle should have left the stage, but no, Batty desperately needed him when he found out he painted himself into a corner and couldn’t create a compelling new character.

          • Banana Jr. 6000

            I’ve said this before, but Batiuk blew a great ending for Dinkle. After losing his hearing (back when the strip cared about such petty details), Dinkle put together that nursing home band. Despite losing his ability, he found a way to continue doing what he loves, while also cheering up some old, sad lives. He could even still appear in the strip occasionally. What a great ending that would have been, for a character who deserved one.

            But because of Tom Batiuk’s pathological need for validation, the nursing home band got a recording contract. And a CD. And a tour. And merchandise. And a boring-ass three-month arc about it. Because Lord knows the “ordinary person in Westview becomes an overnight media success despite no discernible talent or effort” storyline has never been done before.

  8. Maxine of Arc

    I think she’s talking about sex, which means I have now spent 14 nanoseconds thinking about the sex lives of Funky Winkerbean characters, which is 25 nanoseconds too damn many.

  9. Banana Jr. 6000

    So Mason, Les, and Cindy all don’t want to go to the audition for their own stupid reasons. The logical next step in this story would be that every woman who auditions doesn’t want to be there either. “My agent made me try out for this.” “I have to keep my actor’s guild card.” “I’m here to make sure my friend doesn’t get scammed.” “Can I list you as an application on my unemployment claim?”

  10. Banana Jr. 6000

    After the “Cindy yells cut” incident, every studio in Hollywood should have a picture of her by the gate with instructions not to let her in. And Les should have one that says “shoot on sight.”

  11. Perfect Tommy

    Only Les can turn a life-changing event like a movie deal into a problem.

  12. Banana Jr. 6000

    BTW I like the reference to Meet Wally Sparks. How can a movie with Rodney Dangerfield as a 90s trash TV host, and Burt Reynolds, not be awesome? But it wasn’t.