Nope-A-Dope

Link To Today’s Strip

Who knew there was this much sexual innuendo in “Lisa’s Story”? “Big boy”??? Who wrote this, Mae West? I mean seriously, what the hell is this? I’ve never said this before but even a comic book cover would beat whatever this was supposed to be. Yuck.

39 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

39 responses to “Nope-A-Dope

  1. Gerard Plourde

    If this dialogue is any indication of the length of the script, it’s clear that Les, like his creator, could benefit from an editor. Is he planning to film the entire trilogy in all its excruciating detail?

  2. Banana Jr. 6000

    Well, that’s nice that one of the absolute worst moments in the history of Funky Winkerbean is going to be a key scene in the movie. And that Les still hates everything.

  3. Oh my God, that is so nauseating…Batiuk has to be trolling everyone, right? Does he honestly think THIS is going to open the awards floodgate?

  4. erdmann

    Cindy: Anything?
    erdmann: Yep. [Proceeds to go “Mr. Creosote” all over the studio.]

  5. William Thompson

    On this day in history, Les realized that everything he wrote was an utter, pathetic turn-off. Unfortunately his lack of self-awareness ruined it for everyone.

    • I’m willing to bet that Kenneth McMillan’s Baron Harkonen is far more sexually attractive than Les and Lisa put together.

      • comicbookharriet

        I’ve seen sunbleached cardboard cutouts of Ronald Reagan that are more sexually attractive than Les and Lisa put together.

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      “Who can resist a siren song like that”? Pretty much anyone, Les. Pretty much anyone.

    • Epicus Doomus

      Ugh. I have no recollection of that one at all. Not that I’m complaining. Is there any detail of Lisa’s life that’s NOT in “LS”? How long IS that book?

    • Weird timeline…he apparently tweeted this last Thursday, well before any of us could see the Sunday strip. Yet he knew he’d need this one. Does the Curmudgeon have an inside source or something?

  6. Rusty Shackleford

    Oh man. Good thing I’m 4 Manhattans in at this point, For those just joining this monstrosity, this was a real strip. Yeah, I know, Batty is mental. The fact that he still has a strip tells you all you need to know about newspaper syndication.

  7. billytheskink

    Masone needs to go all Harrison Ford here:

    “Les! You can type this $%*#, but you sure can’t say it! Move your mouth when you’re typing!”

  8. Doghouse Reilly (Philadelphia)

    Geez Louise, with steamy dialogue like that, it’s hard to see how “Lisa’s Story Take 2: The Wrath of Moore” is going to avoid getting an NC-17 rating from the MPAA. Seriously, I heard better entendres in reruns of “The Ropers.”

    Also, shouldn’t Cindy be looking down at Les’s crotch-al nether region as she asks him “Anything?,” just to see if he’s telling the truth?

  9. Paul Jones

    Since I know Les lacks self-awareness, I know that he’s reacting to the actresses and not the horrible travesty of a come-on line he and Lisa delivered.

  10. Professor Fate

    1) It would be wonderful if one of the actors stopped speaking for a moment looked at the script and then said – to quote Backadder “who wrote this drivel?” and then everybody turns to stare daggers at Les who looks like he’d like to tunnel his way out
    2) One must also note Les has no problem with a 6 ft plus action star leading man playing HIM a skinny whiny nebbish.
    3) alert reader Myrtle over the The Comics Curmudgeon asks the question – grandparents? As I understand it Lisa’s Parents are long gone and we’ve never seen Les’ parents who i’m guessing are pretending to be dead in France just to keep away from him.
    4) And shades of the Talking Murder Chimp – here is a headline from the Daily Mail Website (I won’t vouch for how accurate this is as it’s the Daily Mail – “Alcoholic killer monkey leaves one man dead and 250 injured after going on rampage when his booze supply dried up.”

    • Epicus Doomus

      If I remember correctly, Lisa’s parents shunned her for some reason. I don’t believe Les’ parents were ever seen.

      • William Thompson

        They had moved to England, where they starred in that little-known Hammer Horror series “Meet the Frankensteins.” The make-up humanized their appearance to the point where nobody could tell they were related to Les.

  11. comicbookharriet

    Nice that they let Michelle Obama try out for the role of Lisa.

  12. Banana Jr. 6000

    I cannot fathom why anyone would think this dialogue is uplifting, romantic, inspirational, or anything other than violently disgusting.

  13. Double Sided Scooby Snack

    Im dead (Lisa) serious: What the eff is going on here? They look like they are holding scripts. IS THAT THE ACTUAL DIALOGUE??? Holy crap…

    If not, what the frick are they doing? Improvising? Is this what a “chemistry read” is?? Where’s the director? What’s the star’s flippin’ girlfriend doing there??

    BAW HAW HAW HAW, BatHack. We get it. Icky Hollywood Gorls are untalented dimwits, and they all fall short of the pure saintliness of the Blessed Holy Lisa.

    There are only two ways this can go: An actress who is an actual cancer patient shows up, and she’s “perfect.” Or – God help us all – they get fed up with these terrible actresses and ask 20 year old Cyndi to give it a whirl. Why not. Sure, she’s never been a professional actress, but she’s been a News Babe, and is currently the star of Buddy Blog, whatever that’s supposed to be. I’m sure she was in a play in high school. Cyndi is perfect. She gets the role. She wins an Emmy. Batty does a victory lap around his mom’s attic, wearing a blanket as a cape, stopping only to high five himself in the mirror. The end.

    Oh, by the way… Black Lisa?? Oooooookay………

  14. Barnaby Scones

    I suspect this happens whenever Les and Cayla “have relations,”

    LES: Anything?

    CAYLA: Nope.

  15. Jimmy

    Does anyone have the phone number for the Hague? I need to discuss something with them.

  16. Margaret

    Is that true that we’ve never seen Les’ parents? Not even back in the 70s when he was a high school student? That’s odd. He was the star of the strip as a teenager and there was nothing at all ever about his home life? Did the strip ever show his house, even? I can’t understand why, but it does make me curious.

    • batgirl

      I used to read the strip in the 70s, and don’t recall any parents – the strip was based around the high school, teachers and students. That made it a bit unusual, since many strips were based around home life and family.
      Les wasn’t so much a star – he was Funky’s friend and he and Crazy Harry were the counterparts, with Funky being the everykid, Les the nerd and Harry the stoner.
      Les presumably did have parents, though. Lisa’s parents kicked her out during her pregnancy, I think, and didn’t forgive her until her death, or maybe showed up at the funeral?
      My personal theory is that they’ve dropped Summer off with the Fairgoods, the default caretakers for all the negligent parents in the strip.

  17. batgirl

    The only way this storyline could be redeemed is if it turned out to be a remake of Takashi Miike’s film The Audition.

    “This disturbing Japanese thriller follows Aoyama (Ryo Ishibashi), a widower who decides to start dating again. Aided by a film-producer friend (Jun Kunimura), Aoyama uses auditions for a fake production to function as a dating service. When Aoyama becomes intrigued by the withdrawn, gorgeous Asami (Eihi Shiina), they begin a relationship. However, he begins to realize that Asami isn’t as reserved as she appears to be, leading to gradually increased tension and a harrowing climax.”

    • Hitorque

      I’m desperate enough in my dating life that I might actually try that…

      • batgirl

        Check out the Audition trailer before you go that route. I didn’t link to it because Batiuk is enough of a strain to anyone’s nerves.

  18. Hitorque

    1. There’s a reason why amateurs aren’t giving an equal voice to experienced veterans in the decision making process… This is why the New York Mets don’t invite random fans like myself to the amateur draft and winter free-agency meetings… So I’ll ask once again: WHAT IN FUCK’S NAME IS LES EVEN DOING THERE?!

    2. As anal retentive as Les is about finding a 100% authentic Lisa, why the hell is Masone auditioning Black and Asian women for the role?

    3. As I said during the first Lisa Movie project, if Les hates hollywood so much, why does he insist on using them? It’s 2020 and folks are literally making movies with smartphones and laptops now…

    4. There’s only one way for this shitstorm to end… Les decides to kick Masone out and play himself, and the role of Lisa is played by a composite CGI hologram using her original voice…

    • Hitorque

      5. As others have noted, holy fuckin’ damn this is some god-awful dialogue and it should make Les fidget in his seat to actually hear it aloud

  19. Charles

    Well, to be fair, Les did say he didn’t want Lisa’s story to be glamorized.

    I still can’t get over how this entire thing is a sham. These women being shown this past week are all being lied to about this being a potential job for them. They’re having their time wasted. And it’s being pulled by two people who we’re supposed to view positively, to placate the strip’s hero. We’re supposed to like these people after this is all over.

    Once again, it’s evidence that if you’re not someone Batiuk cares about, you don’t matter. These women aren’t supposed to be people. They’re just props.

    He won’t even go through the obvious complicating development of Les actually liking one of the women, causing this to blow up in Mason’s face. He just wastes a week of arriving in the same place he was weeks ago.

    Plus, that blonde candidate’s face shows that she knows just how terrible this all is. They’re supposed to be flirting!

    • Charles

      As I said, this cynical deception is designed only to placate the unreasonable demands of the hero. So how stupid is Les that he ends up falling for this?