Winters Coming

Link To Today’s Strip

This one gets a “cleavage” tag for Cindy, as it’s very faintly visible if you look closely. I know, I know, it’s a problem and I’m working on it. It is kind of interesting how that’s one small detail Ayers doesn’t seem to skimp on.

And there she is, fresh off her unsuccessful suicide bid, Marianne Winters aka Jupiter Moon. Man, Hollywood has aged her terribly. Then again that Food Film arc was like twenty or thirty years ago, so there you go. So now I’m expecting a few days of phony Hollywood banter, a day of Marianne pretending to die as Mason/Les wails “nooooooo!” followed by three more days of phony Hollywood banter, followed by a week of Cindy driving Les back to the airport and telling him she’d have done him in high school. Sigh. I hate Mondays.


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

33 responses to “Winters Coming

  1. I have to admit, that nauseating Les-Lisa reprint strip had much better artwork than we’ve seen in years.

    There. I said something nice.

  2. William Thompson

    At least Marianne Winters’s mommy stopped dressing her. Or did the old bat decide her daughter is ready to turn pro?

    • Charles

      Yeah, it is kind of stunning that she’s not wearing her usual hoodie. Maybe Mason told her that would risk getting her cast as Summer.

      She also looks not a thing like the woman who was in the Starbuck Jones movie.

      • Hitorque

        Yeah, nothing about Marianne Winters ver. 1.0 appearance said “budding starlet”….

        In fact, she was indistinguishable from any number of random shorthair girls in the background at Westview High

  3. William Thompson

    Okay, Les, your hatred is stoked to a fever pitch. Let’s see you destroy the movie without getting blamed!

  4. Oh my God, I just thought of something. Please, folks, tell me this can’t happen.

    Les “approves” Marianne Winters, and she gets the job. Midway through production, she gets a call from her doctor. “I’m sorry…it’s terminal.”

    Marianne bravely goes through chemo but continues with the production, “this way, I can truly live what Lisa lived.”

    Of course, she has lost her hair due to chemo and has to wear a wig.

    Marianne films the final scene “as a tribute to Lisa, the bravest most awesomest woman who ever lived on this planet, I am so proud that I could help protect her legacy.”

    Les tells her (somewhat snarkily, because Les) “You did the best Lisa you could.”

    The day after the movie is released, Marianne dies. She is subsequently nominated for an Oscar, and wins, and Les is there to accept the award. “Marianne died so that Lisa’s legacy could continue forever.”

    Please, please tell me none of that will happen.

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      I hate how plausible this is.

    • Epicus Doomus

      Plausible, but possibly too ambitious and interesting for Batiuk. Definitely plausible, though.

    • Charles

      I agree with ED. It’s too ambitious. Every complication will be stupid and superficial. In fact, I think yesterday was a preview. A lot of panels devoted to this monstrosity will simply be retreads of old strips recreating the scene word for word and act for act. It’ll be unbelievable, but it’ll enable Batiuk’s trademark laziness.

      Your post made me wonder if all these women were told that they’d have to shave their head for this role. If Les is going to crab about the petty shit he has, there’s no way he’d go for a lumpy wrinkled bald cap for the most pivotal scenes in the movie.

      (Heh, as if any of these scenes are pivotal)

      • Epicus Doomus

        Lots of “Lisa’s Story” note-for-note rehashes, lots of “the studio wants us to…” and lots and lots of conflicted Les angst. Always the path of least resistance.

        • Banana Jr. 6000

          Lots of “the studio wants us to” without anyone from the studio actually being present. Apparently Pink Productions just gave Mason $10 million and said “break a leg.”

          There won’t even be a director. Mason saying “I want you to direct because I need someone to take the blame it fails” to his Starbuck Jones director Martin wasn’t a gag; that’s literally Martin’s only role. Apparently he’s a real-life Alan Smithee.

    • Professor Fate

      While I do agree somewhat with the folks who say that this is too complicated for the Author to attempt it’s still so bloody awful that you can’t quite dismiss the possibility.

    • LTPFTR

      Yes to the whole scenario except for the posthumous Oscar win. It’ll instead go to someone (with a punny name like Emmy Rock or Marley Streek) who starred in something more palatable to the Chinese market, and Les can stew in his misery, which is also his turn-on.

  5. Doghouse Reilly (Philadelphia)

    Isn’t Les going to comment on how Marianne’s hair color is something you see on a freshly-macadamed roadway?

    Also, are she and Masonne sucking out each other’s souls in panel two? I assume that’s what those two little wisps coming out of their mouths are.

  6. William Thompson

    Marianne Winters should get an Oscar, just for acting like she wants to be in this flustercluck of a movie.

  7. Hitorque

    1. If that girl who Les saw on the Disney channel was too young, then certainly Marianne would also be too young because at the most she’s still just 22 or 23… Oh, and for the record her hair is also the color of some yarn I saw at the store…

    1a. Of course Marianne today also looks way older than Cindye because reasons…

    2. Marianne Winters was the co-star of a billion dollar blockbuster 18 months ago in Funkyverse time… But now she’s acting this this audition is a huge favor from an old friend and a Godsend since evidently neither she not Martin the director got a single call or offer of work from anybody…

    3. Jesus Fuckin’ Christ does TomBa think Hollywood people still do “air kisses”? I mean, I know everyone is afraid of Cindye going on a jealousy rampage, but seriously?

    3a. Cindye is about to totally fuck up this audition, isn’t she?

    4. Why is Masone trying to weasel a free dinner out of Marianne? Is he that much of a cheapskate? Has he forgotten that Marianne literally lives with her mother and has to bum a ride to the studio every day?

    • William Thompson

      How did Marianne get to the studio today? Somehow I can’t imagine her successfully channeling Claudette Colbert.

      • Hitorque

        Public transit I guess… Since she’s way too authentic and humble to drive a freaking Porsche Carrera GT all over town…

  8. billytheskink

    If Marianne owes Masone dinner for roping her into Lisa’s Story then TB owes me at least the entire Chili’s menu for reading this.

  9. Paul Jones

    One thing isn’t a mystery: Les is too stupid to realize that all of this has been staged to gain his approval of a foregone conclusion.

  10. Rusty Shackleford

    What kind of vision problem does Cindy have where she doesn’t need glasses for driving, but needs them to see what is on stage?

    Maybe they are just a fashion accessory?

    It does look like Mason paid for her to get new cans, nice ones, not like the half priced double lefties Les bought Lisa after her double mastectomy.

  11. louder

    This is so dumb! Chemistry reads are call-backs, not the first audition, and usually on camera, with directors and/or executive producers on hand. Not this fairyland of Less, & Mason, with Cindy just watching. As usual, I want to rip my eyes out for the shear stupidity of it all.

  12. Count of Tower Grove

    If only this strip is . . . Done.

  13. Professor Fate

    Well does Cindy or Les freak out here? Or maybe both – yes I can see that Cindy’s absurd jealousy and Les’ hatred of the entire process as soiling the memory of dead Saint Lisa erupt at the same time and wackiness ensues.
    One has to wonder just who the Author thought would find this whole nonsense interesting. And because of the Author’s clumsy handling of the story you do wonder whose point of view we are supposed to be siding with. While one must assume it’s Les’ but his behavior is so whiny and ill tempered just plain hateful that any reader is going to find this a tough go. Meantime Masonne is being a manipulative jerk as this whole charade is simply a ploy to get the actor he wanted in the first place – that Les seems to hate for no reason that is understandable – in the part. So we are presented with two repellant personalities each being awful. Meantime Cindy is a stew of unlikeable insecurity. Ms. Winter is walking into a snake pit – it’s best she walks out. Won’t happen but at least then someone would have human reaction to what is going on.

  14. Banana Jr. 6000

    Remember when Cindy was all jealous about Mason doing this chemistry read? Today, an attractively-drawn starlet shows up and needlessly kisses her husband, and Cindy look like she’s being shown a magic trick. She should be reacting to this! I know she’s small and in the background, but if Batiuk and Ayers can give her a cleavage line, they can give her a face consistent with an emotion they spent a week setting up.

    And why is Les making a face like “Hmm, I can’t instantly think of anything bad to say about her”? Even though this is the one actress he was dead-set against from the start, looks nothing like Dead Lisa, and is the most glamorous of the ones we’ve seen.

    • Hitorque

      Why would Batiuk tip his hand now when he can drag this out for an epic blow-up in full color on Sunday?

    • Hitorque

      Not only that, but it’s GODDAMNED air kisses, which no red blooded hetero American male ever did, even when it was a “fad”