Snappy Answers To Pizza Questions

Link To The Thing

“No, it’s what’s left of my dignity. I’m taking it out to the dumpster.”

“No, obviously they’re comic books, YOU CLOD!”

“No, it’s an IED. Now excuse me, I have to get to the post office.”

It’s impossible not to laugh at panel one, as it’s SUCH an imbecilic question. They work in a pizzeria, Cory is holding a pizza delivery bag and he’s walking toward the exit. What the f*ck else would it be? Something tells me that Adeela might not be pizzeria manager material.

“Use my driver’s license”…hmmm, I never really thought about it like that before. And who the f*ck is their “driver”? You mean there’s ANOTHER as-yet-unknown Montoni’s employee out there? How is that even possible? And they work together, why wouldn’t they call this “driver” by his or her name? Who speaks like this? Am I to believe this situation NEVER arose before now? How is THAT even possible?

33 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

33 responses to “Snappy Answers To Pizza Questions

  1. SeaCountry

    Well, never mind my thought about the phone call. I guess someone won’t be getting their pizza instead. No wonder Montoni’s isn’t exactly a swinging place!

  2. A reference to Al Jaffee? Get out of my mind, ED!

    • William Thompson

      Welcome to Funky Winkerbean, or, “Fails Guaranteed to Drive You MAD.”

    • Epicus Doomus

      Coming soon: Dave Berg’s “The Lighter Side Of…Deportation”.

      • I’m honestly looking forward to the “Don Martin Dept” episode.

        • Epicus Doomus

          Or the fold-in. There’d be a swirling collage of comic books and pizzas and the caption would read “What malevolent force is capable of slowing down the funny page to continental shift-like speeds on a daily basis?”. Then you’d fold it and it’d be a picture of Adeela and the caption “This arc”.

        • Banana Jr. 6000

          BRNNGT BRNNGT
          RAHOOOM
          SKREEEEEEEEEEEEKT
          ZIKKA ZAZZIK ZIK ZIK ZIK ZIK ZAZIK ZIK ZIZZAK
          BING BONG
          NOK NOK NOK
          RRRRR
          WAWKLE!!! PRAWK!!! BLOF BREEDEET GRAWK!!!
          SKRIBBLE SKRAZITZ SKRAZATZ
          WEEEOOOOWEEEOOOO WEEEOOOO WEEOOOOO WEEEOOOOWEEEEE

  3. William Thompson

    “Good idea, Adeela! You just got your license today, and we were so surprised that we haven’t had time to add you to our auto insurance plan. So, drive away!”

  4. Captain Gladys Stoatpamphlet

    Yesterday: “Go. I have everything covered.”
    Today: “I must get out of this pit.” [paraphrasing]

  5. William Thompson

    So . . . Adeela gets stopped while delivering a mysterious package, which leads to investigation by the CIA, NSA, DHS and EIEIO. Vast energies are brought to bear on her interrogation while the scientific resources of the Free World analyze the package. Opinion is divided on Adeela and her deadly package until The Cheef looks out his office door and says “Hey! Why is my pizza late?”

    • Rusty Shackleford

      Yeah, it will be this stupid. But of course Batty will scold his readers and do a little preaching too. It’s called writing.

    • Epicus Doomus

      Surly obnoxious Cory would be a welcome addition to the strip. He’s just Aerogel now…there, but barely. And I’m so sick of Adeela already I almost wish she’d fall in love with Les so she could be permanently banished.

  6. Banana Jr. 6000

    To be fair, a Montoni’s customer is such a rare thing I can understand Adeela’s confusion here.

  7. J.J. O'Malley

    Well, I for one can understand Adeela’s surprise:
    “Is that a pizza delivery, Corey? You mean someone actually is willing to pay good money for the cardboard-based chazerai that gets spewed out of our oven?”
    “Yeah, and I have to handle it because Wally’s dog Buddy is busy running two bottles of Orange Fanta upstairs to the Komix Korner! This is cutting into my valuable counter-wiping time!”
    “Well, I can deliver it. That will allow me to show off my new driver’s license, even though I already used it to drive to work here and will use it a few more customer-free hours from now to drive home! What could possibly go wrong?”

  8. “A pizza delivery? Well, like that old guy who used to drive a bus when my parents went to high school said, `I didn’t even know pizza was expecting’!”

  9. billytheskink

    When Cory says their driver is on a run, he means the driver is literally out jogging around town. If Wally doesn’t have to work his entire shift, why should the driver?

    • Or maybe when he says their driver is on a run, that means that he ate some of the pizza earlier and has been in the bathroom for the past two hours.

  10. Gerard Plourde

    An actual pizza delivery using the Montoni’s Plotnix! I thought that that equipment was reserved solely for rushing characters in labor to the hospital.

  11. Professor Harlan Grankle

    I’m on board if we get Adeela driving like Steve McQueen at some point in this lame arc.

    • Epicus Doomus

      He should have just done an arc where Crankshaft teaches Adeela how to drive. I realize that in the Funkyverse he’s a hundred and twelve and barely alive but so what? Morty Winkerbean had advanced Alzheimer’s and he toured with a jazz band. It could have been done.

    • Dood

      I’m afraid we’re more likely to get Butterfly McQueen as Adeela discovers she doesn’t know nothing about delivering.

  12. Jimmy

    I saw this line
    Now excuse me, I have to get to the post office
    and immediately thought, “USA! USA!”

  13. Double Sided Scooby Snack

    Adillydilly “heppps wiv th d’livvry” today. Driving down the road, a black car starts following her. She makes extra turns to try to lose it! Black car is right on her tail!

    Eventually, she can’t take it anymore! She pulls a Les Moore – She stops, gets out, goes back, and confronts the driver. IT’S MARSOONE JARRE AGAIN!! Christ!

    Just then, the ICE van screeches to a stop.

    “FREEZE!!”

    BLAAM BLAAM BLAAM!!!

    “YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT… oh…”

    • Double Sided Scooby Snack

      The ICE agents step over Adillyo’s dead body.

      “Nice shot!”

      “Thanks! Oh crap!!”

      “What…??”

      “Aw, the damn pizza’s cold!”

      “No tip for YOU, dead terrorist gurl.”

  14. Don

    Wait, don’t tell me, let me guess: for some incredibly strange reason, ICE shows up at Montoni’s while Adeela is making the delivery, and somehow, somebody texts her a warning. (I was going to say, “ICE shows up at Montoni’s even though it could go to the BMV and get her home address,” but if Ohio is anything like California, the BMV is mandated by state law not to cooperate with ICE – otherwise, they show up at every California DMV office with orders to find the names and addresses of everybody with an “AB-60” license.)

    • Gerard Plourde

      As a further plot twist, Adeela will go to Les’s house. Because it is the headquarters of the cult of St. Lisa of the Cancer Chew Toy, official religion of Westview, she will seek and be afforded sanctuary there. ICE will refrain from acting because it is a “sensitive location” under its policy guidelines.

  15. Merry Pookster

    Thanks Adeela, the address is 1435 Ruby Ridge drive

  16. Well, played, everyone.

    I’m going to finish my coffee and go for a walk.

  17. Professor Fate

    Yes as everybody else has noted who is the driver? The Stig? What?
    Second – Cory’s expressions in the first two panels seems to be saying “well i was going to commit suicide but I have this pizza to deliver.”
    To call the story telling ham handed is and insult to ham.

  18. bigd1992

    These plots remind me of getting stuck behind the slowest foursome at the golf course and they won’t let you play through.