You Should Never Have Opened That Door

Today’s Strip Link To

And today the pace hits absolute zero. Something HAS to “happen” now, as we’re at peak entropy (Batiuktropy). The laws of comic strip physics simply will not allow BatTrudge to drag this scenario out any further.

Coming tomorrow: a rare Sunday single panel strip featuring an Adeela silhouette saying “hello?”.

Monday: “Hello?”

Tuesday: “Hmmm. There doesn’t seem to be anyone here. It’s dark and scary. I will proceed further.”

Wednesday: ICE agent silently watches.

Thursday: ICE agent: “Hold tight, team, she’s almost….”.

Friday: “HOLD IT RIGHT THERE SCUMBAG!”

Saturday: shocked Adeela.

Sunday: “What is this that is happening to me?”

Prove me wrong, Mr. Pulitzer Nominee sir, prove me wrong.

43 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

43 responses to “You Should Never Have Opened That Door

  1. Captain Gladys Stoatpamphlet

    Oh my god, what if it’s Mason again?

  2. Rusty Shackleford

    And Batty wonders why his awards shelf is empty, save for the letter saying he was nominated for a Pulitzer…not sure why he was even nominated.

    I guess I’m supposed to feel sorry for Adeela? If she gets deported then that is one less character for Batty to ignore. But who knows, we might see her sitting at the Thanksgiving table again this year as if nothing happened.

  3. Banana Jr. 6000

    Adeela looks like Dark Helmet, if he put on 75 pounds and got the bad nose job he threatened Princess Vespa with.

  4. I can imagine Batiuk telling the “Why does a fireman wear red suspenders?” joke.

    Then, the listener says, “I don’t know, why?”

    And Batiuk goes off on a history of fire fighter uniforms (filled with inaccuracies, BTW) that goes on for several hours before finally getting to the punchline (which he completely butchers).

    “Because otherwise, he might have to wear robin’s-egg blue ones, or some other color he might prefer, in order for his uniform to work!”

  5. By the way, is today’s title a reference to the Ramones?

    • Epicus Doomus

      Adeela, with the pizza order
      She’s here, right here on the first floor
      She should never have opened that door
      Now we’re never gonna see her no more
      You don’t know what she can do with this slice
      Two-for-one Fridays, cannot beat Montoni’s price!

  6. William Thompson

    Am I suppose to feel apprehensive for Adeela or the ICE agent? Which one is carrying the deadlier weapon?

  7. Cabbage Jack

    Batiuk trying to get to the point is a proof for Zeno’s Paradox.

  8. Count of Tower Grove

    I still say Adeela’s expression will be the “Fungy misses the last second layup while making cocoa.”

    • ComicBookHarriet

      Think it’ll be traced? Or just subconsciously, unintentionally, the same. Like an elderly dog who can’t remember why he walks from the door to the food bowl to the bed, he’s just retreading the lines he’s indelibly worn into what’s left of his poor doggy mind.

  9. Gerard Plourde

    This arc is ridiculous. If Adeela is on some wanted list, ICE would not have to go through this complicated and nonsensical plot to apprehend her. If they had a warrant they could have walked into Montoni’s and arrested her there or waited until she exited the building and arrested her on the sidewalk.

    And what rational adult would walk into a totally dark building to deliver a pizza? Even before COVID pizzas were delivered to your door, not into your house.

  10. J.J. O'Malley

    Tomorrow’s Horizontal One-Panel Strip: “Surprise! Happy Birthday to You! Happy Birthday to You! Happy Birthday, Ar-deeela! Happy Birthday to You!
    This ICE-themed party was all Funky’s idea! Hope you like it!”

    Seriously, the government must have known she was a college student, she’s working a “regular” job, which means she’s paying taxes under her own name, and THIS is how Battyuk thinks they would go about bringing her in for whatever contrived miscarriage of justice his febrile brain has cooked up for dramatic tension? Feh!

    • William Thompson

      Batiuk could have given Adeela a boyfriend/cousin/imam who got into trouble with ICE, but that would have meant (1) creating a new character while (2) making us care about him and (3) care about Adeela while (4) dealing in a realistic way with (5) a credible problem with (6) uncomfortable consequences that (7) make the other characters think. That’s enough strikes to almost end the inning right there.

      What’s going to happen is that Batiuk will lose interest in this story and drop it, probably because someone didn’t file the right paperwork.

  11. billytheskink

    Let’s review ICE’s apparent plan to arrest Adeela again:
    – Ordered pizzas from Montoni’s until they got Adeela as a delivery driver
    – Had an agent on stakeout across the street from Montoni’s to confirm that Adeela was delivering
    – Rented out what appears to be an empty retail space to pose as Adeela’s delivery destination
    – Waited in said retail space with all of the lights off like they are hosting a surprise party in a cheesy sitcom for Adeela to walk through the door

    Good grief this is a scheme so idiotically and unnecessarily complex that Rube Goldberg would blush (and being a cartoonist himself, Goldberg is already plenty embarrassed by the existence of TB’s work). Heck, I’ve met John Birchers who would read this and say “ehhhhh, seems kinda far-fetched for a government agency.”

    • J.J. O'Malley

      Fun Fact: Rube Goldberg is the namesake of the National Cartoonist Society’s highest honor, The Reuben Award, given annually to the Outstanding Cartoonist of the Year. The “Who’s Who” list of men and women who’ve won Reubens since 1946 includes such greats as Milton Caniff, Al Capp, Walt Kelly, Mort Walker, Bil Keane, Lynn Johnston, Jim Davis, and Stephan Pastis. Charles Schulz, Bill Watterson, and Gary Larson are among the two-time honorees. Guess who’s NEVER won a Reuben. Go on, guess.

      • Perfect Tommy

        The guy that does the JUMBLE?

        • Rusty Shackleford

          Well at least I get a lot of enjoyment out of doing the Jumble. I sent large print collections to my elderly friends who were stuck inside during the early days of COVID-19 and they all enjoyed doing them as well.

          In fairness, most of them also enjoy Crankshaft. But all can’t understand FW.

        • The Jumble did make me laugh yesterday. Jeff Knurek loves his puns, that’s for sure.

  12. Boots Gandalf

    Not to be too controversial, but I really feel for these ICE agents. They had to order from Montoni’s.

  13. Adeela’s presence in the strip has always been gratuitous. She was introduced really with the sole purpose of triggering Wally’s PTSD and the ensuing hilarity that followed when they were forced to work together on a project. TB could have discarded her as a character after they both graduated and she went on to pursue a career in architecture (maybe giving her a cameo every now and then, since it could be possible that there are people in Westview who do not work in the pizza/comics/high school educator industry). But nooooooo, he had to shoehorn her into an assistant manager position at Montoni’s. Maybe this is his way of getting rid of a character and at the same time make a stab at some topic that is sort of relevant.

    • Rusty Shackleford

      This is why this strip fails on so many levels. None of the characters is believable or has any authenticity. They are all just cheap props for whatever goofy idea Batty is currently pushing.

      • Banana Jr. 6000

        If we knew more about what Adeela’s story, what she left behind, and why she wants to stay in America, watching her be taken away by ICE would have some emotional weight. Instead, the story spent a week and a half taking about a stupid pizza date. Last Sunday’s strip, where Adeela turns into yet another Westview schlub parroting Tom Batiuk’s personal tastes, didn’t help either.

  14. Double Sided Scooby Snack

    ICE POLICE! FREEZE!!

  15. Smirks 'R Us

    I can’t wait for the strip in the distant future where Adeela is thrown into a cell at the ICE detention center. She quietly weeps and curses her fate, just then she glances to her right and etched into the cell wall…”Khan was here”, Shawshank-style. One mystery solved.

  16. Sully

    Note to Battock: In order for what few readers you have left to get caught up in the suspense and foreshadowing of a plot, they must first care about the protagonist, at least on some level other than ambivalence or outright disdain. Unless you plan to have the big bad ICE squad shoot Abdhulla down, or at least work her over, before deporting her on the next available trawler, there can be no satisfactory conclusion to this exercise in stupidity.

  17. Professor Fate

    “I’ll take ‘Lack of Suspense” for $400 Alex”
    Arggg. If this strip moved any slower it would be moving backwards in time.
    (which it did once to no purpose). The whole arc is an exercise in glacial pacing (no insult to glaciers intended) and absurd plotting with Plot holes big enough to hold a school bus.
    Of course this is the strip that took a week to open a letter. And we thought that was the utter naidar of his pacing. How foolish we were.

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      The slow pacing isn’t the worst thing here. In a movie, when a character is walking into an ambush, going step-by-step can be effective. Here, the pace is slow for a stupid reason: so it can show us the intimate details of how a pizza gets delivered.

      Also, we already know what’s going to happen. Again, if we hadn’t seen ICE last Friday, this arc would at least have one thing going for it: we’d all be wondering what’s behind that door.

  18. Rusty Shackleford

    Ha, many people at Comics Kingdom haven’t realized that they are still viewing Friday’s strip! Oh well, as we can see, they may as well run the same strip all next week, it’s not like anything else is going to happen anyways.

    • Hannibal's Lectern

      I confess to being one of them! Didn’t realize I was re-reading yesterday’s strip till I got to “Zits.” Seems a lot of the comics (Funky, Crankshat, Mary Wurst, Judge Packer, Retch Moron, Phandumb) are all stuck in some kind of incredible story slowdown. Is this some kind of work-slowdown protest by the Comic Writers’ Union?

  19. batgirl

    Surely the scariest part of ICE is that they can charge into your workplace or home and haul you off in full view of everyone, because they are ‘the law’ and you have no recourse?
    The only reason for an elaborate setup like this is to entrap someone into doing something illegal or incriminating, which is simply not possible here – they can’t even get her for breaking and entering, because the cell phone records would show that she was speaking with someone inside.

    My own prediction for the, um, plot? is that the ID shown on the ICE screen was for someone else entirely who really is wanted, and the staffer misidentified her. (Also, how did they trace Adeela to Montoni’s from seeing her buying fabric? Did she use a staff credit card or something?)

  20. Hitorque

    Who the hell are the POLICE ICE??

  21. Mela

    Maybe Les will show up and carry Adeela out of the ICE headquarters and save her too.