Funky is by far the Most Powerful Man In Westview…a pizza kingpin AND chairman of the local chamber of commerce…so if anyone can get ol’ Adeela out of this pickle, surely he can. Guffaw. And getting that busybody Holly involved guarantees she’ll play some vital role in all of this. Maybe next week he could get Morty and Funky’s mother-in-law involved too. Weren’t they a thing a few years back?
I’ve just about had it with Adeela, Wally, Rachel and the whole damn lot of them so it’s time to turn this plodding exercise in time-killing over to our resident Funkstorian, billytheskink, who’ll be steering you through both the jailhouse visit AND the week where they all talk about the jailhouse visit. This one is even worse than the tornado siren arc and it might even turn out to be longer, which just boggles the mind.
Son of Stuck Funky 
Yeah, Adeela is the cornerstone of the Funkyverse, if she’s removed, the entire place collapses!
(shaking my head. shaking it until I get brain damage)
He should have had two people answering their phones and saying “Adeela? I’ll be right there!”, then four, then eight and so on until the entire town had gathered at Montoni’s to volunteer their support. When one of Westview’s pizza deliverers goes down, the entire community feels it.
“Mommy, is there a chance that Adeela will finally be delivering tonight’s pizza?”
“(Nervously) We’re not sure yet, dear, we’re just not sure. (begins biting her nail)”
And yet, sadly, Montoni’s heretofore unseen and unnamed other delivery person–who suddenly sprang to life two weeks or so ago–has likewise vanished off the streets of Westview, yet no one even notices.
Adeela seems to be admitting guilt here. Too bad we don’t get the next line from the guard: “Do you see me giving a shit?”
Quick, to Montoni’s!
No, you idiot, call Wally back and tell him to meet us here. What the fuck are we going to do at Montoni’s?
Wipe down the counter? Cory does some of his best thinking while wiping.
This can only mean one thing: he’s going to take over writing the strip when Batiuk retires.
What the fuck are they gonna do anywhere? They can’t visit her. They can’t bail her out. It’s obvious they need to get her a lawyer, but they have go down to Montoni’s and have a goddamn meeting about it first.
And pizza, lots and lots of pizza. It’s the grease that moves Westview’s gears.
Merely hiring a lawyer (who will work pro bonehead) is too much for these assclowns. They’ll have to do something incredibly stupid as well, probably so spectacularly stupid that it will bring in Les Moore. I’m going to guess he’ll use his A/V club to generate media interbuzz as Cooty, Rocky and Wally visit ICE in their Class A uniforms.
Bring in Less. He’ll call Masone Jarre, who will call Marianne Seasonable,who will come to Worstview made up as Lisa and take on ICE in court, mega!
Sorry Les, this years 5K is going to be a fundraiser for Dilly Bar’s legal representation.
Drink coffee, of course!
Jack Bauer: “We don’t have much time, Adeela, so listen closely. You’re going to have to blast your way out. The pepperoni IS the C4. Cory will arm the device when he delivers the pie. There will be a pizza delivery van parked outside, they’ll bring you to a safe house!”
Adeela: “But…but…my citizenship test! I would very much like to stay in this country after this snafu borne of computers and ignorance is corrected and…”
Jack Bauer: “DAMMIT ADEELA THERE’S NO TIME! Millions of innocent lives are at stake!”
Oh great, now fat Holly is going to be walking around like she knows what is going on. My goodness this is garbage.
Oh no, not Adeela, our star employee who spent time learning to drive instead of working.
But kudos to Batty for dragging this out for almost a month. I hope he gets an award for this.
“Are you not seeing the irony here?” Ummm… no! I’m not! Nothing here meets any definition of the word!
Ironically, today’s strip could well contain the worst pop culture attempt at depicting “irony” since Alanis Morissette’s “Ironic.”
Poor argument, Adeela. ICE isn’t going to believe that anyone WANTS to stay in Westview, everyone arrested there is a flight risk.
Did I miss the arc where Funky went to law school, passed the bar exam, was admitted to practice, and opened a firm specializing in immigration law?
It was right after the one where Les showered Cayla with attention and praise and right before the one where Becky’s mom finally came down from the scissor lift.
I wonder if they’ll have to strip search her. That’d get rid of the local ICE office as they’d all go into a catatonic state. Like the Star Trek TOS episode, she’s so ugly if you saw her naked you’d be driven insane.
This is Tom Batiuk’s idea of a heroic moment. Watch Funky and Holly LEAP out of bed in the middle of the night to run down to Montoni’s! …where they can’t do anything helpful until the morning anyway. The important thing is, look at them dropping what they’re doing! Reminds me of “southern hospitality,” where they put on a big show but aren’t actually that hospitable.
They will all be shown sitting at the counter ( all pizza shops have this) while Holly pours coffee for everyone. Too bad he killed Lisa off, tomorrow’s strip would show her arguing in front of the Supreme Court . The scowling justices would finally relent and release Adeela while Lisa stands there smirking.
According to Batty, ICE has a center in Cancerville, that not only takes detainees, but also is capable of receiving planes to transport people to their country of origin. Also have to love the other people in the… what is it? Cancerville jail? Airport? ICE center? Local mall? Reality, thy name is Batty.
Actually, ICE uses local prisons to store arrestees. See https://www.ice.gov/detention-facilities . So she’s probably just at the county lockup. Doesn’t explain why all the staff there has POLICE ICE jackets though.
Because Todd’s a “storyteller.”
I just noticed the “meanwhile” in the stip. That’s the level of Batty’s storytelling: state the obvious.
So she doesn’t even get a chance to produce the paperwork that proves her identity and legal residency? We’re just going to be forced to endure this plodding, dumbed down Funkyverse version of “Brazil”?
And is she an official citizen or not? If she is she should be calling USCIS I guess and if she isn’t she should be calling the Iraqi Consulate
Yes, and this raises another problem with the story. If Adeela does have legal right to be in the U.S., and they deport her because they think she’s someone else, she can just come back!
She’d have to work her way through the bureaucracy, as you suggest. But she should be able to show proof of residency, and convince them ICE screwed up. This is easier than it sounds, because every government agency thinks every other government agency are idiots. COVID would also complicate things, but COVID doesn’t exist yet in this world. But it could be done, which rather lowers the stakes of this story.
“Tom Batiuk doesn’t care enough t make this story realistic! Do you not see the irony here?”
Batty is on fall holiday. Over at Crankshaft, we have another one-panel space waster. https://www.comicskingdom.com/crankshaft/2020-10-11
Over on Mary Worth, the fancy restaurant has now become a crappy dinner as Brandy says no to Tommy’s proposal for the 10th day in a row.
They started off here: https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-q309iEx6v9U/X3Cb-aMOeTI/AAAAAAAAU4o/N9W8DFqKIzUrMmt6i8XtGIUfXkY5fi6PACLcBGAsYHQ/s758/3472.jpg
But now are eating here: https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-9NNbQKiiE2U/X3xN8K5AVoI/AAAAAAAAU6Y/QE67x-BcGZcr4CoSyA_qBueY_ZyZ0NC5gCLcBGAsYHQ/s887/3474.jpg
Sorry to bring in Mary Worth, but Batty’s stuff is just too boring to comment on.
I wonder if Montonis has onion rings on the menu.
Probably, since I doubt Cooty wipes off the menus.
I miss snarking on Mary Worth… Fun times
Snarking on Mary Worth is fun and less anger inducing—because Moy and Brigman aren’t chasing awards and they don’t seem to take themselves seriously and so it feels like they are in on the joke.
Pompous Batty on the other hand, is like Les and thinks his words are made of gold.
Site note: sorry, no politics regardless of “sides”. This is not arbitrary or open for debate, it applies to everyone. There’s a very good reason for this, one based on experience. Same goes for personal attacks. Thanks as always for your cooperation.
Cue Neal Hefti “Batman.”
Those matching facial expressions in panels two and four. Funky should just dress up as Adeela to be transported in her place.
Is Adeela at ICE or POLICE ICE or POLICE headquarters? The guy at the counter has ICE on the back of his shirt, but the guy talking to her in profile has ICE on the left half of his cap, which only works if the unseen half has POL.
Or some other 3-letter unit. A SLICE (of Montoni’s pizza)? DRY ICE (it could be a refrigeration plant). SO NICE? SPLICE? NO DICE?
Today’s installment of John Darling is really something. It’s a man talking to his hand puppet, and the caption says “Chippy, the hand puppet of Phil the Forecaster, ran for president intending to install a puppet regime.” Maybe show us that instead, Mr. Storyteller?
Hell why not bring Holly’s Mother – isn’t she staying with Funky? And with any luck they’ll all be deported except for Adeela.
Funky is now drawn to resemble Archie Bunker.