He Did It All For The Cookie

Link To Today’s Strip

Garbage dump month continues in Funkytown as BatNard dumps the last of his fat jokes on the table. I have to admit, there are far worse FW outcomes than a week’s worth of “Funky is fat” gags. It’d be cool if they were FUNNY “Funky is fat” gags but you know how that goes. Just not being deeply annoying and intensely grating counts as entertainment around here, or at least a reasonable facsimile thereof.

But on the other hand, yeah, a week of “Funky is fat” gags. Sigh. Maybe it’ll be one of those grab-bag garbage dump weeks where weird characters pop in and out. But alas, it appears that he got stuck on Funky and Holly as he closed out the 2020 strips back on the second weekend of January 2019.


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

22 responses to “He Did It All For The Cookie

  1. William Thompson

    What happened? Did somebody tell Batiuk “Write what you know!” After he strained his mind over that, did he go to the kitchen, see a bag of Oreos, and said “You know how I used to snag an extra cookie when mom was watching? Behold, another day’s strip!

  2. Is that his mother-in-law? Washing dishes? I’d have thought such work was below her.

    But yeah, Batiuk, show how much you hate your title character. Hate him with a passion. Unlike Les, who should be hated more than any character ever on the comics page–no, show him being worshiped.

    No wonder he’s pissing away any kind of legacy he might have had.

    • Rusty Shackleford

      Would love to see a misery arc that features Les dying in the most embarrassing and painful fashion.

      • William Thompson

        Same here, except for the “dying” part. I want his agony to draw out as long as possible, in as interminable and excruciating a way as possible, until even the Marquis de Sade would say “Enough already!”. You know, like a typical Starbuck Jones arc.

      • Westview Radiology

        A Dead Saint Lisa tape lodged up his A** which causes a bowel blockage.

    • batgirl

      My guess would be that MiL is checking a pot on the stove rather than washing dishes. Which means Funky is Spoiling His Dinner, so I’m surprised that isn’t being brought up, especially since it was sort of done on Crankshaft.
      I’m trying to decide whether Funky’s behaviour here is more or less irritating than the people who make a big point of saying they are “stealing” or “yoinking” a cookie or sandwich from a plate that has been brought for everyone to eat.

  3. billytheskink

    Good grief, I thought that was Mort! Try harder Ayers.

    • Rusty Shackleford

      Well over in Crankshaft they just ran an arc where Ed is sneaking popcorn from a holiday tin and so the real surprise is that Funky doesn’t look like Ed.

  4. J.J. O'Malley

    What’s the big deal? It’s just Mort announcing he’s going to sample Melinda’s cookies, a crude metaphor for…huh? What’s that? That’s not Mort, that’s Funky, who’s supposed to be at least 18 or 20 years younger than his dad? Good Lord, man, stop devouring those cookies!

    Frankly, I’m not 100 percent sure that’s not Holly in today’s strip. It seems as through in Westview once you reach the age of 60 or so you’ll look the same for the remainder of your days.

    Speaking of looks, though, I have to confess I do enjoy the “Oooooh noooo! I’m going to die!” Mr. Bill look on the Santa cookie’s punim in panel three.

  5. Aurora Snorealis

    What’s with those “cookies”? One looks like half of Satan’s face, another looks like a pig snout, and another looks like Kermit the Frog got caught in a press then shot five times.

  6. Mr. A

    I’m trying to parse the differences in the cookie plate between panel 1 and panel 2. What happened to the green thing that was under the snowman? (Not the one with the white spots; the other one.) It just vanished.

    Also, did Funky seriously expect that he could engage in the dietary virtue-signaling of “I’m just having one,” and then not get called out for immediately contradicting himself? Heck, Melinda wasn’t even facing in his direction! He could have grabbed as many cookies as he wanted and gotten away scot-free, but he chose to deliberately call attention to his own behavior. And when he snagged the second cookie, did he acknowledge it with a cry of “Oh, just one more”, like a normal human? No, he seemed to believe that Melinda either wouldn’t notice or wouldn’t care. It’s so weird.

    • Rusty Shackleford

      It’s not weird if you are a lazy cartoonist that just wants to get another strip done. He just ran a similar bit in Crankshaft.

      Really wish the syndicate would cancel FW.

    • William Thompson

      Why didn’t Funky say “Mmmm, those cookies smell good!” then snag one, eat it, and say “Man, who can resist something this good?” That’s two panels of normal human behavior (flatter the cook, dude, and pre-empt the criticism). Then, in panel three, show Funky thinking “Man, the shit I say to score some cookies from that old hag.”

      Still not funny, but still Funky Winkerbean.

  7. Banana Jr. 6000

    This is a great example of unmotivated behavior.

    Funky has no motivation to limit himself to one cookie. Even if he did, he has no motivation to tell Melinda of this limit. In fact, Funky has a motivation NOT to say anything, because it would allow him to eat cookies free of judgment. Melinda has no motivation to care how many cookies Funky eats. There’s no ongoing plot or underlying character reasons for this scene to happen. And the timing makes no sense: the first week of a new year is when people set resolutions and limits on themselves, not December 28th! And all this nothing was building to “warm-up cookie”?

    • Gerard Plourde

      “And all this nothing was building to ‘warm-up cookie’?”

      Your observation about lack of motivation is spot-on. Sometimes I wonder if TomBa hears snippets of dialogue in real life that he finds funny and incorporates them into the strip. He doesn’t seem to realize that humor requires context.

      • Banana Jr. 6000

        No, I don’t believe Batiukian lines like “you never count the warm-up cookie” were ever spoken by any human being. I’ve heard excuses like “Christmas calories don’t count” and “it’s not new year’s yet.” This isn’t even a repurposing of a common phrase: Grandpa Google has nothing for the phrase “you never count the warm-up”. Literally 0 matching results.

        If anything, Batiuk needs to get out of his studio and listen to how human beings actually talk. He spends way too much time in his own head, and strips like this are the result.

        • Rusty Shackleford

          He isn’t trying to capture realistic speech, he is trying to show how smart he is by using big words and awkward patterns. Putting that old KSU degree to work.

  8. Perfect Tommy

    Suddenly, Flunky’s workout instructor staggers in pain. “It’s as if dozens of Christmas cookies cried out at once”. “I feel something terrible is going to happen to me next week”!

  9. Dirk Meatwhistle

    What happened to Funkys (I assume its Funky) face between the first and last panel?!?

  10. batgirl

    FWIW, I think the green spotted thing is a Christmas tree cookie (having just come off a 7 dozen cookie decorating binge). I dunno about the other green thing – holly leaf maybe?
    Has Holly’s mother been established as sniping at Funky over food/weight issues? That would give some context to this interaction, but it reads more as if Funky is drawing attention to his actions to irritate her, given his “FU, bitch” face in the last panel.

  11. Westview Radiology

    Is that Mort or Funky? Funky is drawn to look 85. The old hag should mind her B.I. Business !!