24 responses to “Cataract Ranch

  1. Epicus Doomus

    Yeah, I initially failed to recognize Cory too, but that’s understandable, as he’s barely even a character. And what’s all this about Funky not ordinarily having high blood pressure? I mean, duh.

    Thank God that band convention arc is over, though. That one was pretty much the nadir of the last two or three months and THAT is a bold, bold statement. Even BatHam seemed to lose interest almost instantly. At least with this cataract arc something is actually happening, albeit very, very slowly.

    • J.J. O'Malley

      The band arc is over? Then, if I may politely inquire…What the FRACK made Battyuk have Becky Five Fingers haul a busload or two of students down to Columbus for the conference, and then abandon them in the convention center lobby so that she and the omnipresent Dinkleberg could spend the rest of the week wandering the halls and smirking at bad music-related puns?

      As far as today’s eye-opening exploits, never mind recognizing Corey and Wally. I was wondering why Funky’s father was in the hospital getting his blood pressure checked.

      Here’s hoping Tuesday’s laughfest features clip art of the most famous scene from “Un Chien Andalou.”

      • Rusty Shackleford

        The OMEA virtual event is happening this week, so I am surprised that Batty isn’t dragging this out. But maybe this is because Batty will not be there in person to hand out his annual chapbook and so he dropped this arc early.

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      Funky has normal blood presure, just like Les has all those unused vacation days.

  2. Banana Jr. 6000

    This would be okay if Funky spoke the real problem: “only when someone is going to cut my eye open.” That’s a legit thing to be worried about. But as usual, Tom Baituk uses understatement and implication in place of doing any actual writing.

  3. William Thompson

    The technician sniffs the air. “Mr. Winkerbean, this procedure doesn’t require you to give us a stool or urine specimen, much less both!”

    • billytheskink

      Cory stopped when even TB didn’t think readers would remember who he is. And TB is the guy that thinks we all remember details about John Darling.

      Cory calling his parents by their first names actually would have worked with sullen, delinquent teen Cory… but that ship sailed when the military turned him into a bland upstanding taxpayer.

      • Epicus Doomus

        He also obviously assumes that we don’t remember the events of one week ago, as evidenced by the immediate premise rehash/reminder he felt his readers needed to get back up to speed.

      • Banana Jr. 6000

        Yeah really. What adult child doesn’t know their parent is going in for surgery? Especially when they work together every single day? Where was Cory yesterday when Holly was telling Crazy Harry about it? Must have been Cory’s day off.

        The exposition panel should have been someone in Funky’s family saying that he’s going in for surgery, not asking where he is. Or, someone not in the family who might not know, like Adeela, asking about it.

  4. ComicBookHarriet

    Today, the part of Holly Winkerbean will be played by Dinkle in a bad wig.

  5. ...and Jerry Mathers as The Beaver

    This has been shit, but, man, it’s sure less of an ordeal than that asinine Hollywood-is-burning arc.

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      I wonder if somebody told Batiuk he can’t keep dragging that “Les goes to Hollywood” story on forever, so he burned down California out of spite. It would be consistent with what he did to John Darling. He murdered the title character just so no one else could ever use it. And that was 30 years ago.

  6. This HAS to be something that happened to Batiuk in real life.

  7. Count of Tower Grove

    Hey-Zeus Key-riste. Is this reflective of Todd’s experience? What a baby.
    Chops to William Thompson for his olfactory-evacuate joke!

  8. Banana Jr. 6000

    Thanks to SpacemanSpiff for reminding me of a great old Chris LeDoux song:

    Can tomorrow’s title be “Guitars, Cataracts” by Dwight Yoakam?

  9. Don

    Did we really need Holly’s line in the last panel? Should’ve ended on the joke

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      Or, Holly could say something useful, like complete Funky’s sentence with “…goes anywhere near his body.” That would reveal Funky’s squeamishness in a more interesting way. You’re right that what she says now adds nothing to the story.

  10. Perfect Tommy

    I remember Corey getting all snotty when Rachel asked him where Wally was. Well turnabout is fair play dickweed!

  11. When Lisa gets a medical problem: OH NO POOR BABY

    When people who are not Lisa get a medical problem: LOL YOU DUMB BABY IT’S JUST A NEEDLE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYEBALL AND BACK OUT

  12. Quarter mile from reality. At least.

    What really happens when you have cataract surgery is that they dose you with some nice relaxing drug that leaves you conscious and unable to worry. Actual thought process during the operation: “Oh look, there’s a knife approaching my eye. I bet it’s what they’re going to use to cut my eyeball open. That’s interesting…”