A tip of the SoSF turban to Comic Book Harriet, who never fails to spin enlightening and entertaining gold from Tom Batiuk’s dreary dross.
The usually exposition-happy TB cuts us a little slack today: without any kind of setup, we rejoin the interminable Kitchen Reno, already in progress. Maybe “progress” isn’t the right word…Funky and Holly’s kitchen is still a complete shambles. But what a lovingly depicted shambles. Clearly, Tom “Write what you know” Batiuk (or maybe Chuck “Really just the penciler” Ayers) must have experienced a kitchen renovation a couple years ago, and was “inspired” to subject Funky (and us all) to a similar ordeal. I’m surprised the FW blog hasn’t been featuring “reference photos” of a gutted Kartoon Kastle kitchen. Willya look at all the details! Every outlet cover has been removed (I thought the bare outlet in the upper left was emitting sparks, but that’s just today’s date). Tools and extension cords are strewn about, plastic sheeting hangs in the doorway, and the floor is covered with a (poorly taped!) dropcloth.
Enjoy Every Sandwich
Filed under Son of Stuck Funky
Son of Stuck Funky 
All that lovingly-rendered detail and not a gag to be had anywhere. And a single panel strip on a Monday DOES NOT bode well for the rest of the week. No sir, it doesn’t bode well at all. Sigh.
I wonder if Batiuk ever loses legitimate readers because of this. It’s an incontrovertible rule of Planet Batiuk that all arcs must be exactly 6 days in length. So when Monday is something this dull, people can just tune out and check back in on Sunday.
“No, dude, this is my chair. I needed a good seat for my lunch break, and as I expected those Spanish-Inquisition relics you bought just aren’t comfy. By the way, you know all the asbestos that was in your walls? It ruined my Shop-Vac and I’m charging you for a new one.”
‘Yeah, and this plastic sheeting on the floor isn’t the carpet you picked out. What’s your point, old man?”
Seriously, shouldn’t Funky be either upstairs, listening to Air Supply on his sole surviving Discman while running on the treadmill, or at Montoni’s, pouring cups of coffee for Crazy?
Lovingly depicted, and without a single interesting detail.
Like a still life painting of a normal colonoscopy.
What perfect and vivid description!
All the hosts and all the commentors here deliver exemplary work. They put way more effort into analyzing this strip than someone I might name does. And yeah, I am expecting a downvote here.
Agreed! I had a friend ask me why so many people would expend so much time analyzing something they didn’t think was good. I told her that I’ve gotten more enjoyment out of complaining about Funky Winkerbean than watching any decent Marvel movie.
ComicBookHarriet, you must remind your friend of the stirring words spoken by President John F. Kennedy, who said on September 12, 1962:
“But why, some say, snark on Funky Winkerbean? Why choose this as our goal? And they may well ask, why climb the highest mountain? Why, thirty-five years ago, fly the Atlantic? Why does Rice play Texas?
“We choose to make fun of Funky Winkerbean. We choose to mock Tom Batiuk in this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard, because that goal will serve to organize and measure the best of our energies and skills, because that challenge is one that we are willing to accept, one we are unwilling to postpone, and one which we intend to win, and the others, too.”
Now that is the kind of speech to send Les running down the street shouting, “USA! USA!”
There’s a decent Marvel movie?
I will defend CA: Winter Soldier unto death. Which probably just means I’ll be a very boring old lady.
I liked the Guardians of the Galaxy movies. I also enjoyed CA The First Avenger, but mostly because it was such a love letter to the War Propaganda of the Golden Age of comics.
Nothing warms my heart like Star Spangled Superheroes asking me to buy War Bonds.
I enjoyed the heck out of Black Panther.
Trying to explain our hate/more hate relationship with FW to a “normal” is always futile. The second you say “Funky Winkerbean” they’ll either zone out completely or slap you.
Give the guy his lunch break, Funky, he’s still working harder than anyone at Atomic Komix or any of your employees at Montoni’s.
There’s that mild low-key disdain for anyone “just doing their job”. Rip you off, target you with snide remarks and or get rid of you as soon as possible, that’s just how it is in the Funkyverse. Contractors, doctors, lawyers, directors, immigration agents, sales clerks, it doesn’t matter as they’re all the same. Ohio must be one tough place, man.
Is Funky trying to make a joke? He has the facial expression of a man who doesn’t know what laughter is.
That really threw me as well. After further review I think it’s supposed to be conveying Funky’s sad-sack weariness at having to deal with these lazy contractors, which is odd as this is the first we’re hearing of the contractors’ laziness. If he looked a little more angry it’d establish that we’re dealing with a lazy contractor here and just like that a plot point would be introduced and I’d get the joke right away.
I think you’re right. And that makes me wonder whether we’re getting an unintentional revelation of what it’s like to do a job for TomBa..
That’s the facial expression of a man who’s desperately trying to sell a joke he doesn’t know isn’t funny.
There’s a great early episode of The Simpsons: “War Of The Simpsons”. (The one where Homer sneaks out of marriage counseling to try and catch the fish General Sherman.) Anyway, Homer his a dream sequence where he imagines he’s incredibly witty and charming, but he’s just saying all the same stupid shit he usually does:
This is how I imagine Tom Batiuk. He thinks every thing he writes is side-splitting comedy gold, when it doesn’t even reach the level of annoying. But look at the worker’s face. He’s actually confused by this. He appears to be thinking “oh, crap, are these really the wrong chairs?” Of course that’s not the chair Funky ordered, you moron, it’s a $20 Wal-Mart cloth chair with beer coozie holders! It’s not even believable enough to be briefly amusing. And look at Funky. You can just see him thinking “okay, I’ve got to time this just…. right…” Even though George Carlin, Lenny Bruce, Tommy Wiseau, and an exploding clown car couldn’t make this funny.
“DOES ANYBODY REMEMBER LAUGHTER?”
At first glance I didn’t really get what was going on here, then I realized it’s supposed to be a dig at the lazy slob contractor who’s ripping Funky off while rather impertinently loafing around eating a huge sandwich on a folding chair he presumably kept in the work van for this very purpose. The startle-lines around the lazy contractor’s head definitely indicate surprise and embarrassment, which I didn’t notice at first glance either. And Funky’s beleaguered cynicism seems to indicate that this sort of thing is nothing new, because we all know how lazy these sandwich-eating contractors can be.
The alarming thing is that in spite of having read this thing every day for way longer than I’m willing to admit sometimes he still just completely loses me. My concern is that perhaps I’m the one who’s losing it and…no, no, you’re right. It’s the strip that’s wrong, like it always is. Man, I feel so much better now.
I guess TomBa intends Funky’s stupid and unprompted comment to be an attempt at humor (and he may even have run the imaginary bases at the thought of his cleverness).
The Motherfunker, laying into that lazy laborer! The Funkface McMansion needs its reno down NOW! “Put down that lettuce sando, that vendo bag of Andy Capp’s Hot Fries, and thermo of water. The missus won’;t shut up until this reno is done-do!”
It’s 1:58 AM EDT and Debby Downvoter is at work! Neener-neener-neener, troll boy! Don’t forget to downvote me!
I do like the worker’s “Oh great, this asshole again” expression, however.
I hope to God this contractor tacks an additional 12% to the final cost just for Funkman’s sheer audacity
As others have already pointed out, Funkmeister demands a better work ethic from a random contractor than he ever did for his army of nepotism hires over at Montoni’s (who are all slacking off in an empty pizzeria during lunch hour yakking about comic books or some bullshit)
Love the Zevon reference TFH. And it makes me sad at the same time remembering the context in which he said it. Oh yeah, and today’s “comic” sucks.
Thanks @SmirksRUs
It’s probably the first time this guy has sat down since 7AM if he’s like the people who worked on our kitchen. He didn’t even take the time to remove the pencil from behind his ear (though I guess the comics rules require always depicting a contractor with a pencil behind their ear, to distinguish them from a plumber or an electrician). Anyway, Funky, it’s generally not a good idea to taunt people who are doing work for you, at least before they’re finished.
And once again, the time warp rears its head. The Funky AA Discman arc established the timeline as post-pandemic, where they were talking about it as a thing of the past, meaning that several months have passed by. But the kitchen reno was in motion well before there was any indication the pandemic was coming.
Nice Warren Zevon reference in the title today!
As stupid as the St. Spires fundraising story was, at least it gave us an opportunity for discussion and some of CBH’s very finest deep dives. I sure hope we’re not going to get a week of dunking on blue collar workers for having the audacity to want to eat food or sit down.
Ah, the Hobson’s choice of Tom Batiuk’s comics. Choose only one:
a. Jump into an arc in media res. Where are we? What are we doing? You might be able to figure it out if you’ve carefully read every strip for the last year or more… or it just might be totally inscrutable.
b. Have the same thing explained once a day for a week or more. The cat catches mice! Yes, sir, that cat, Bingo, sure does catch mice. A real mouser, that Bingo! And the Discman? It’s the second-to-last Discman on earth and it’s falling! Falling off the treadmill! The second-to-last Discman on earth! Falling off the treadmill! Being seen by Funky as it’s falling, off the treadmill!
And then, having established the second-to-last Discman, he gives his audience no hint of its fate. Just more “Women, am I right?” stuff.
I assume the Discman went to the scissors-lift, right next to Becky’s mom.
A boring, ugly jerk confronts a blue-collar worker and complains about–nothing. Next, the boring, ugly jerk will meet his boring, ugly friends and they’ll all complain about blue-collar workers. This is like watching Seinfeld, only without the ability to change the channel.
I think the joke is this: as part of his reno, Funky ordered a new table and new chairs. Here, he is jesting with the guy doing the electrical/plumbing/sheetrock or whatever, as if the fellow was delivering the new chairs!
Of course, people making jokes don’t usually look like they want to hang themselves (unless they’re Steven Wright), but I’m sure Ayers was told “Never draw Funky happy. Never. Not even neutral, either. His every appearance should be a portrait of misery incarnate.”