–but I fear, tomorrow, I’ll be crying.
Well, we all knew the horrors were upon us when Harry Dinkle showed up.
So instead of contemplating the Unnamable, how about something that should go right into Tom Batiuk’s “women are unappreciated” shtick?
In honor (honor, not horror) of Harriet Dinkle, I give you Sally Cruikshank’s “Face Like a Frog,” a five minute slice of absolute brilliance, with a score (and song) by Danny Elfman. Hey, he wrote for Batman movies!
Ms. Cruikshank, in my opinion, is one of the greatest animators ever–male or female. Her work is entirely based on talent, rather than demanding appreciation because of her sex. And there’s more creativity and imagination (and humor) here than exists in all of Batiukland. Enjoy!
And to answer the obvious question, yes, that is the late, great Dick Miller as the voice of the main character.
Son of Stuck Funky 
Attention all SoSF staffers: remember, the eye-bleaching stations are located next to the pachinko parlor in the lobby and the thorazine dispenser by the fourth floor nap station. Use it liberally, as we order it by the fifty gallon drum. I didn’t know what “embouchure” meant, so I looked it up. Big mistake, as that’s a mental image that’ll leave some scars. If the goal here was to make me choke back my own vomit, well done.
I really, genuinely dislike his “horny old coot” gags intensely, especially if they involve Dinkle, as it’s already been established that his “marriage” has been nothing but a huge and lengthy sham. He didn’t even take his wife on a honeymoon until they’d been married for fifty f*cking years, now he’s a Viagra ad? Blech.
Yup. Dinkle and Ol’ Mort Winkerbean, two elderly men that Batiuk had to let us know love taking ED medication before boning down.
You done with that eyewash station yet, Epicus?
Alas, BatHack’s ED medication will just make him back over mailboxes and verbally abuse women on his bowling team.
It will have the same effect on Harry.
Tom Batiuk makes sex disgusting no matter who’s doing it. Les wants to visit the amusement park before it’s closed for repairs. Max and Min from Crankshaft screw in their movie theater, give birth in it, make the baby sit in the same seat, and then sell the theater to a strip club, all while watching Radio Ranch. And they’re not even the only couple with that fetish. Mort Winkerbean thought the Beside Manorisms tour made him into Bret Michaels, with worse pickup lines and dementia. Mopey Pete couldn’t find Mindy’s girly bits with a team of sherpa guides, and she’s not going to be any help. 100-year-old Ed Crankshaft takes his 95-year-old girlfriend to the drive-in, and whines about his mortality. All high school dates end in rape. Funderoos are considered intimate wear. Other married couples’ sex lives are too off-putting to even contemplate. And, today we learn that Dinkle uses his wife’s orifices to practice playing the clarinet.
Hey “Saluting Band Directors”, how are you enjoying that Funky Winkerbean partnership right now?
I do like how Batiuk’s female characters, especially blondes, are so interchangeable that you now have Max banging his sister instead of his wife.
You’ve supposedly changed your legal name to include “The World’s Greatest Band Director”. If your lantern maw wasn’t stopping you, you’d be able to lick your own colon. Your embouchure is fine.
At first I thought that Batiuk meant “debauchery,” which filled my head with images of him groping band turkeys while clad only in his Belgian chocolate medal. Then I looked up “embouchure” and my imagination slapped me across the face.
Today’s Funky Winkerbean was guest written by Tom Green.
“Face Like A Frog” is as cool as early Betty Boop.
Harry likes to use fancy words like “embouchure” to show off what a cunning linguist he is.
So I “got the references” to King Crimson and Samuel Beckett, Beckoningchasm. But I hadn’t heard of Sally Cruikshank before. Thanks for that. Cool stuff. I wonder if “going to the basement” is going to be one of Dinkle’s embouchure exercises. Oh gawd, I’m going to be sick.
This reminds me of the joke about the woman who dated a French horn player, but I wouldn’t tell that one in mixed company. Or unmixed company, to be honest.
Also, I stand by what I said yesterday. Dinkle doesn’t need to strengthen his embouchure, because he will not be playing a wind instrument in the parade, because Batiuk will make him the bandleader. I mean, what else would Batiuk do? Put Dinkle into a situation where he’s not the most important person in the group and can’t run his mouth at will? Nah.
C R I N G E
Exactly. Good thing I was reading this on the can. Really thought I was going to vomit.
I played trombone when I was in middle school. They teach you how to put your mouth on the instrument, and… well, they don’t teach you how to kiss it. It’s not the same mouth technique at all And shouldn’t Mister World’s Greatest Band Director know how to blow into an instrument? This is nauseating AND stupid.
Thanks for the info on Sally. Nice to see a true artist for a change.
The saddest thing about these strips where imagines himself being “racy and boundary stretching” is how adolescent they are. But definitely unsurprising.
Today’s feature is proof that neither the syndicate nor the newspapers do any kind of editing.
Really. This strip is absolutely vile.
I forgive Batiuk for this drek, since it encouraged me to listen to some King Crimson.
Forgive him all you want, but he still needs to atone. Unfortunately he’s atone-deaf.
I really hope TomBat adheres to his principle of tell don’t show. If not, that will be one heck of a Sideways Sunday. I’ll stock up on eye bleach just in case.
Maybe if he’d give “lip service” (sorry folks) to Harriet a little more often instead of just when he wants to celebrate some achievement of his, he might not need to work up that “embouchere” so much.
He should be featuring the current band director in all of this nonsense. Do you think Becky will get to go?
As William Daniels once said on “St. Elsewhere,” “Put roses on the piano and tulips on the organ.”
If you were trying to be more offputting than today’s strip, you succeeded. Hggg.