Not a Kneeslapper

I’m not sure how great it is of Funky to be getting Holly something for her knees, if he’s known about this for a while and it literally took her breaking her leg for him to do something to help her. Also, iff her knees have been bothering her, I’m not sure why her doctor didn’t recommend something..
I really don’t get why Holly cares that the pills are made from pigs’ feet (other than to set up the weak punchline). Given that the majority of her diet is probably Montoni’s pizza, I don’t think she’s too picky about what she puts in her body. Unless the majority of pepperoni and sausage Montoni’s buys is made from pigs’ feet and she’s concerned about there being a scarcity.
Oh, and we finally learn what the actual injury was. A broken leg. Not that it matters, but it sure seemed like the cracking sound game from her foot, and it sure looked like an ankle injury.
And it also makes Funky’s “break a leg” joke even less funny, since she actually did break a leg.


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

52 responses to “Not a Kneeslapper

  1. The Duck of Death

    1. Hydrolyzed collagen is not made from “pigs’ feet.” It is typically made from connective tissue of cows, chicken, sheep, or fish.
    2. Pigs’ feet are not only edible, they are considered a delicacy in some places. So I don’t know why Holly would freak out about their use in a supplement.
    3. Does Holly know that gelatin, a common additive in food, is made from horses’ hooves?
    4. Does Holly realize where sausage and pepperoni come from?… She doesn’t, does she? Sigh.

    • J.J. O'Malley

      I believe it was Otto von Bismarck who said, “Funky Winkerbean jokes are like sausages. It is better not to see them being made.”

    • Anonymous Sparrow

      Sam Spade and Sgt. Tom Polhaus eat pickled pigs’ feet in Chapter 15 of *The Maltese Falcon.*

      Maybe Batiuk was thinking of this:

      Farmer Jones got out of his car and while heading for his friend’s door, noticed a pig with a wooden leg. His curiosity roused, he asked, “Fred, how’d that pig get him a wooden leg?”

      “Well, Michael, that’s a mighty special pig! A while back a wild boar attacked me while I was walking in the woods. That pig there came a runnin’, went after that boar and chased him away. Saved my life!”

      “And the boar tore up his leg?”

      “No he was fine after that. But a bit later we had that fire. Started in the shed up against the barn. Well, that ole pig started squealin’ like he was stuck, woke us up, and ‘fore we got out here, the darn thing had herded the other animals out of the barn and saved ’em all!”

      “So that’s when he hurt his leg, huh, Fred?”

      “No, Michael. He was a might winded, though. When my tractor hit a rock and rolled down the hill into the pond I was knocked clean out. When I came to, that pig had dove into the pond and dragged me out ‘fore I drownded. Sure did save my life.”

      “And that was when he hurt his leg?”

      “Oh no, he was fine. Cleaned him up, too.”

      “OK, Fred. So just tell me. How did he get the wooden leg?”

      “Well”, the farmer tells him, “A pig like that, you don’t want to eat all at once!”

  2. Epicus Doomus

    No, but I once saw a dog with a bum’s knee. Those police dogs are nothing to f*ck around with. Anyhow, yeah, not only is he completely out of leg injury material here, he’s out of “out of material” material too. The way these little stories of his inevitably just peter out into nothingness is amazing. And it’s all of them, every single time.

    • spacemanspiff85

      Nothingness is too much credit. They keep going right on into negative numbers or anti-stories or whatever you want to call them.

      • Epicus Doomus

        He spent weeks on old photographs, Dinkle and baton practice, only to end up here, with painfully weak gags about OTC arthritis supplements. The whole thing was all for absolutely nothing, unless you consider crushing Holly’s sad little dreams, injuring her for no reason then turning her into a punchline “something”, which I do not.

        • be ware of eve hill

          Why is this downvoted? You nailed it. I like the way you summed up a five-week story arc with one short paragraph. Batiuk is a “storyteller”, my fanny.

          I can’t wait for tomorrow’s FW strip. The best strip in a multi-week Batiuk story arc is always the last one.

      • gleeb

        Zippy syndrome, a/k/a Griffith’s disease.

  3. “You know the comic strip Funky Winkerbean is made of dehydrated chimpanzee feces.”
    “Have you ever seen a chimpanzee not act like a bearded dick with ears?”

    That would make more sense than this idiocy.

    • The Duck of Death

      Yes, a callback to Zanzibar would indeed make a lot more sense. Plus, I think we all agree he was the best character to make an appearance since the end of Act I.

      • Maxine of Arc


      • be ware of eve hill

        I thought your favorite FW character was the rag Cory used to wipe the counter nonstop at Montoni’s? Rubbed the shine right off that countertop!

        Or was the insulated pizza bag your favorite at the time?

        • The Duck of Death

          THE RAG! was only my second favorite character, alas. Sorry, THE RAG!. Even though your scintillating personality far outshines (LOL) any of your human counterparts, you can’t compete with the thrilling presence of an Oedipal, English-speaking, sharpshooting murder chimp wreaking havoc in the Golden Age of Hollywood.

        • The green pitcher is my favorite character. Despite all the other glaring inconsistencies, the colorists always get the green pitcher correct.

  4. J.J. O'Malley

    May I just point out that we are now on Day Three of Funky unpacking his pharmacy haul. He really should put those free ice cream cartons in the freezer if he intends to keep going at this rate.

    The scariest thing in today’s post, however, is Cayla’s face up in the blog banner. A worshipful gaze like that from the Second, Not-Dead Mrs. Moore can only mean that Lester looms on the horizon.

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      Day Three of Funky unpacking his pharmacy haul… and Holly still doesn’t have any medication yet.

    • Naughty Boy

      It’s like Cayla is patiently and admiringly waiting for Les to finish on her face.

    • We are getting into Lisa’s Legacy Run season, so I’m guessing that next week’s arc has something to do with that.

      • Mr. A

        Prediction: the characters will talk about how the run was canceled last year, because of the lockdown, and how much they missed it.

        • The Duck of Death

          Do you think we’ll see a redux of Psylocibin McSprinklermachine, the enormous jogging robot that accompanied Funky on his practice runs a couple years ago?

  5. I think she originally broke her ankle, and the doctors accidentally broke her leg during surgery. And of course the Winkerbeans wouldn’t sue or anything, because that’s just life, you know.

  6. billytheskink

    Oh ho ho, look who’s kosher just because she has a broken leg!

  7. Mr. A

    I’m trying to remember the last time I saw a pig in real life. I know I saw some at a state fair in 2008 or thereabouts… I can’t dredge up anything more recent than that.

    • be ware of eve hill

      Sorry, It looks like I made a boo-boo. I thought I replied to you yesterday about Adeela vs. I.C.E., but it didn’t go through. Don’t know if I simply forgot to post the comment or if there was a connectivity issue. The comment was waiting for me when I opened my browser today.

      I resent the reply, and it’s there if you want to read it. 😉

      • Mr. A

        Oh, no worries. In fact, I had a similar problem with the very comment you replied to; it didn’t show up after I submitted it, and it still hadn’t shown up several hours later. (I assume it got trapped in the spam filter, and someone had to go in later and approve it manually.) Though now that it has shown up, I see that it is “backdated” to when I originally submitted it.

  8. William Thompson

    “No, but when you turned around I saw a pig’s bum!”

  9. Sourbelly

    So pigs have a special chemical in their feet that protects them from bum knees? Is that the joke I’m supposed to be laughing at?

  10. LeRoy, NY

    How about some Jell-O??? Buuuwahahaha

  11. Gerard Plourde

    While it is true that Hydrolyzed Collagen can be sourced from both cows and pigs, its relevance to the current storyline, like yesterday’s detour to ice cream day, eludes me.

  12. ComicBookHarriet

    Yes. I have.
    Not often, but that’s not because pigs don’t get arthritis. But because pigs are generally kept in confinements.

    Arthritis is a huge problem with pigs, because pigs are kept inside on harder floors for most of their lives. With feeder pigs, their rapid growth can can be hard on the connective tissue in their joints. During the early covid meatprocessing crisis, when hundreds of thousands of pigs were backlogged in farms and kept for months longer than normal, lameness was a concern.

    And breeding sows have to be carefully chosen for confirmation to make sure their legs can hold up in the long term.

    Up to 10 percent of all breeding sows culled are culled for lameness.

    And this is Comic Book Harriet, with your useless farm fact report. For a boring You Tube video on choosing your own replacement gilts (maiden sow)

  13. sgtsaunders

    He should have brought in a jar of pickled pig’s feet from the Piggly Wiggly.

  14. The Duck of Death

    “OK, where was I? Broken ankle. Broken foot? I can’t remember. What did Chuck draw? Oh, that looks like a thingy on her leg. Okay, leg. Broken leg, broken leg…. right… wonder if the new Flash comic is out? Okay, Tommy, focus. Focus on getting that Pulitzer. Look at that mantle with the Pulitzer-sized empty spot, all dusted and waiting. Okay. Let’s get that Pulitzer.

    Broken leg. Broken leg. Focus. Come on, brain — give me some more of those million-dollar ideas! I guess I’ll check my email. Probably lots of good ideas there. Dammit, I hate these popup ads. “Sooper Flex”? What the hell is that? A collagen supplement? Don’t they make those from pig feet? THERE IT IS! Pigs’ feet! Another great day of storytelling in the can from the Lord of Language. I think I’ve earned a hot cocoa.”

  15. Banana Jr. 6000

    When you have a broken bone, all you care about is making the pain stop. And you’re a lot more short-tempered than usual. If this shitshow was really happening, Holly would be smashing the universe’s one remaining Walkman over Funky’s fat, stupid head. Not bemusedly sorting through the list of random things he brought home instead.

    And I still can’t get over the Advil thing. How the hell do you go to the pharmacy and fail to buy Advil? How stupid do you have to be not to realize that you can buy multiple containers of it, if one container isn’t large enough? What happened to Holly’s prescription from the hospital, and the first pharmacy trip a week ago? Why isn’t this raising any questions, especially with considering Funky being a recovered alcohol abuser? Why can’t Funky perform this simple task after he spent all of last Saturday white-knighting himself for it?

    • The Duck of Death

      As I’ve noted before, Batiuk lovingly detailed yowls of agony before and after Funky’s cornea surgery, including days spent complaining of the TORTURE of using eye drops 3 times a day. Funky, in a politically incorrect move I would think ol’ woke Tommy would have avoided, compared using the drops to waterboarding.

      Holly breaks her leg with some kind of awful, unnatural torsion, egged on by her own mother, and now has to confront the inexorable aging of her once-lithe cheerleader body AND the dangerous toxicity of her relationship with her mother. All this while dealing with the pain of a broken bone probably set with screws.

      I’ve had cornea surgery, with local anesthetic, and had the bandaged eye, and used the eye drops for a couple weeks. It really wasn’t that bad. In the scheme of things, it was nothing, and it solved my eye problem and I’m fine now and I’m grateful I had access to this safe and effective medical care. I’ve also had orthopedic surgery. There is no comparison. Even thinking of a comparison is laughable.

      I have a theory. I think Tom has actually had eye surgery, so to him it’s about as shockingly horrifying as a hemicorporectomy. But he has never broken a bone, and he’s incapable of imagining someone else’s experience, so he figures it’s probably no biggie.

      BTW, apropos of nothing: I’ve never heard of a boot being put on a surgically repaired bone right after surgery. Why doesn’t she have a cast? The boot is usually for when you’re resuming mobility.

      • Banana Jr. 6000

        Tom has actually had eye surgery, so to him it’s about as shockingly horrifying as a hemicorporectomy. But he has never broken a bone, and he’s incapable of imagining someone else’s experience, so he figures it’s probably no biggie.

        That is really spot-on. Funky Winkerbean seems to have no theory of mind. Every character is just another Tom Batiuk walking around, with the same interests, experiences, and prejudices.

      • be ware of eve hill

        It’s called a walking boot/cast for a reason. Why get a walking cast if Holly is just going to use a mobility scooter or sit on her backside for hours on end?

        You’re right. The bones should get a chance to heal before any significant weight is put on them. That’s common sense to everyone but you-know-who.

  16. Smirks 'R Us

    Meanwhile in Crankshaft, BatHack is determined to keep the purity of the time jump intact by showing what is clearly a twentysomething Funky with a leaf blower (what else). I mean FFS.

    • J.J. O'Malley

      I assumed that was Wally with the leaf blower. He’s completing the task of closing down Montoni’s outdoor bistro (Monday’s strip showed tables, chairs and folded umbrellas, Tuesday’s was just tables, and today is leaf blowing. It’s just as exciting as the conversation that’s taking place inside the restaurant. Incidentally, Skipper, what’s stopping you from setting up a local news blog that would cover all those “vital” stories you think Centerville cares about, despite direct evidence to the contrary sitting across the table from you?

  17. The Duck of Death

    Okay. Please bear with me. I just have to get a couple things off my chest that have been nagging at me.

    1. In the exam room/ER, we saw only one X-ray, which was of Holly’s forefoot only. Where were the leg X-rays? If you’re going to the trouble of showing an X-ray, why not show the pertinent one? Theory: Tom literally didn’t think it through enough to decide broadly what had been broken: Forefoot, ankle, leg, ?

    2. In a close-knit town like Westview, a bunch of cheerleaders/band members in their 50s(?) getting back together to perform at a game, with the beloved retired bandleader at the helm, should have been a big deal. Surely at least some of “the gang” were there watching. Wouldn’t you think Holly would have felt humiliation or embarrassment? Not a trace of it. And speaking of the gang, where are they? No visits or cards from Dinkle or anyone?

    3. An event like this is actually a big deal in most people’s lives, psychologically as well as physically. It precipitates a sudden confrontation with aging and mortality. You realize that you are literally no longer the person you once were. You have to start accepting that your days of doing dangerous sports or anything else that’s extremely exerting may be over, forever. You start thinking about how you’re only a couple years younger now that this or that relative was when they died, when you were a child. And they seemed so old then, but that’s how old you are now.

    Sorry if this is a bit of a downer. My point is that there are so many rich veins of psychology and relationships and culture that Batiuk could be mining with the interesting premise he stumbled on (former athlete tries to revisit past glories, fails spectacularly). And yet he took the first exit off the Highway to Meaningfulness, onto the rutted dirt road of Pig Foot Collagen Pills.

    • ComicBookHarriet

      I broadly agree with your sentiments in 1.) and 2.). It especially would have been nice to see some friends coming over to help.

      But, while 3.) is food for thought and definitely a rewarding vein of introspection and drama for a skilled author to mine, I’m pretty glad Batiuk didn’t go there. There is real value in taking things in stride, and laughing at life’s downs as well as ups, and I think that’s what Batiuk is aiming for (and not really succeeding)

      Still, I’d rather see him fail at comedy than fail at pathos. When he fails at pathos I tend to get angry.

  18. The Duck of Death

    I totally agree that themes like confronting aging or mortality — which can and should be done stoically, and/or with humor — are beyond Batiuk. But that doesn’t stop him from mining them again and again, always via his male characters. Even Lisa’s death was wholly about Les’ feelings, not Lisa’s or even Summer’s.

    I don’t read this arc as Holly refusing to let her injury get her down. I read it as Batiuk having a vague idea, not thinking through what the injury even is, and getting bored and resorting to Funky displaying random objects in search of a punch line. Holly didn’t confront her injury with humor and gumption because she didn’t confront anything because there wasn’t really anything to confront because the whole thing was a nebulous ball of dialogue and art held together with brain farts and fog.

  19. Westview Radiology

    Looks like McHolly polished off 3 gallons of pepperoni ice cream. BTW Where has Momma Matilda been?