Oh This Week, Thou Art Wrong

Link To The Sunday Strip

Oh yeah, the funeral! I totally forgot all about that during last week’s nauseating little detour. Which is unusual, as it was the entire premise of the story. No one else on the planet “writes” like this, sometimes it’s like a weird piece of surrealistic abstract art that means whatever you want it to mean, but you don’t understand what that means, so you just ignore it. Know what I mean?

Anyhow, yeah, of course Dinkle pulled it off without a hitch, because “music” is his thing, you see. Look at him, high-stepping around in his little outfit. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to kill him more than I do today. The funniest thing about this arc was that the main protagonist, who started the whole ball rolling, was never identified by name and is dead. Again, no one else writes like this.


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

25 responses to “Oh This Week, Thou Art Wrong

  1. Tom Batiuk is the worst writer in the history of writing.

    • William Thompson

      He’s one for the books.

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      The story spends a week talking in circles about itself, a week on a crass subplot that goes nowhere, and then skips the last 90% of the story to show the ending. Because the only thing that matters is glorifying Harry friggin’ Dinkle, because he’s going to be in the friggin’ Rose Parade. Tom Batiuk seems to think this is going to do for his career what Ed Sullivan did for the Beatles. Has anybody ever tried to talk sense into this man?

    • ComicBookHarriet

      I’m not saying you’re wrong…but have you read “The Last Vampire On Earth” by Mandie L. Abraham?

  2. William Thompson

    What? Lady, your husband is lucky he’s dead, because this crap would have killed him.

  3. J.J. O'Malley

    Ah, yes, the beloved New Orleans-style jazz favorite, “Just a Closer Walk with Thee.” What a fitting capstone to the past two weeks of this foolishness. Now what fun-filled enterprise will Dinkle take part in next week to get him a little bit closer to New Year’s Day in Pasadena? The Internet waits in breathless anticipation, like a trumpet player on oxygen.

    • Mr. A

      Actually, “Just a Closer Walk with Thee” seems to be a fairly common song in the New Orleans jazz repertoire (if Grandpa Google is to be trusted). Though it doesn’t seem like a very good marching song—it’s a pretty slow tempo.

  4. The Duck of Death

    I assume they got those uniforms, hats, and umbrellas on a day’s notice from the Westview New Orleans Funeral Marching Band Outfitting Company. It’s handy that they have all sizes, and a staff of tailors that can do alterations while you wait.

    It’s impossible for me to see that idiotic march down the aisle in memory of ol Whatzisface J. Whocares without thinking of this:

  5. Sourbelly

    The only character I liked in this arc was the nameless, faceless corpse.

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      Well, he’s the most interesting character, isn’t he? Not that Funky Winkerbean sets a high bar for “interesting.”

      But what person would (a) live in Bumblefart, Ohio, (b) want a New Orleans jazz funeral for himself, (c) not know anyone who can play that kind of music, (d) be married to Cindy clone #76 in the front row here, and (e) have Neil Degrasse Tyson as the only black person at his funeral?

      I mean, I’m sure this was someone who lived a fascinating life, and not just a punch of piss-poor, culturally ignorant writing by a two-time Pulitzer nominee.

  6. Rusty Shackleford

    Ah ok, so now we know Batty definitely traveled to NOLA a couple years ago.

    Dumb, dumb, dumb, dum, dum…..

  7. The Duck of Death

    I’m surprised, and frankly disappointed, that there wasn’t a subplot involving Funky being asked to cater the funeral, then inventing pizza gumbo and serving it at the funeral by handing full bowls down the pews, to such acclaim that he decides to put it on the Montoni’s menu with great fanfare, after which it is never be seen or mentioned again.

    That way Tom could get two thrilling plots out of his trip to New Orleans WHICH WAS TOTALLY A LEGIT, TAX DEDUCTIBLE BUSINESS TRIP, BTW.

    • Hannibal’s Lectern

      Be careful what you wish for… I can see tomorrow’s strip flashing back a week, just for that plot [sic] development. In the Batiukverse, no “story” is ever entirely finished.

    • batgirl

      Probably not, because TB hates Funky and wouldn’t allow him that success.

      • The Duck of Death

        You’re so right. How ’bout this? Funky could open a large Gumbo shop on Bourbon St, which could then fail, and then he can leave his successful Ohio pizza shop at 6 every Tuesday to go complain that the sky is falling, he’s so unlucky, world going to hell in handbasket, etc etc, to an ever-smaller coterie of AA members white-knuckling it through his litany of woes. Then he can drag ass to his sprawling McMansion to mope, surrounded by his treadmill and last DiscMan in the galaxy and great big digital TV and kitchen “reno.”


  8. I’m so glad this fee-ble arc is o’er.

  9. Mela

    I thought the rollicking upbeat marching in a New Orleans funeral occurred after the service, once the solemnity of the event had been observed.

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      Yeah, and not in the church during the ceremony. I thought the marching in such a funeral was supposed to be a sort of procession. I could Google it, but why bother? If the artist doesn’t care, and his employers don’t care that he doesn’t care, why should I care?

      • Gerard Plourde

        Here’s a video of how it’s done. And the upbeat music occurs on the return from the cemetery.

        • The Duck of Death

          How strange that at the beginning the leader says, “Play for that money, boys.” It was my understanding that huge bands, with clean, matching uniforms and caps and instruments, all rehearsed and ready to go, would always give up days of their time play and march for free just for the pleasure of assuaging the grief of ol’ Widder Random J. Actualwho.

          Isn’t that how it works in Cathepiscopresbyterian churches?

  10. Hitorque

    Uh… The march doesn’t go *in* the church, you sacrilegious idiots… But then Batiuk can’t imagine his wheezy seniors walking along the street for a couple of miles

  11. Meant to share this yesterday but got distracted. My first memory of a New Orleans Funeral.