Actually, No, You Don’t Have It, Maddie’s Adopted

(If you saw a different post earlier, it’s because you’re getting caught in a time vortex and totally not that I got my days mixed up.)

So Young Harry, who was completely baffled by the concept of “comic book store”, can think of nothing more important to ask his future self than “does my mom throw away all my comic books?”.  And Old Harry’s response is basically “no, but your wife does, because wives are just like moms, basically, making you get rid of what really brings you joy”.

I could really do without that last panel, honestly.  I know they’re technically the same person, but a teenager talking about sex with a strange old man he just met is a bit uncomfortable, and Young Harry’s face really does not help it.


Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

32 responses to “Actually, No, You Don’t Have It, Maddie’s Adopted

  1. Y. Knott

    No, I think we can give Batiuk this one — ‘spoliers’ in the sense that Harry is using it would not have been a mainstream term on April 15, 1980, and an April 15, 1980 listener may well have been confused by its usage.

    April 16? Well, yes, by April 16 — at about 2:47 PM — it would have been mainstream. But Batiuk carefully set the date to April 15 for just this reason! ALL THIS STUFF IS CAREFULLY RESEARCHED, DAMMIT!

  2. Epicus Doomus

    It’d have been way funnier if Young Crazy said something like “you mean…I’ll actually HAVE SEX?”, but that might have outraged the kind of people who still write letters to the editor and WE CANNOT HAVE THAT. Oh well. Note how he tells Young Crazy that his wife MADE HIM sell his precious, precious comic books, as “gurls” are, of course, joyless domineering shrews, at least after you marry them. Oh well.

  3. billytheskink

    Donna made Crazy sell his comics but not his entire room of antique video equipment?

    Not buying it… unless she was just trying to get back at him for stepping on her Colecovision or something.

    • Epicus Doomus

      It’s interesting (not really but humor me here) how BatHam has seemingly expunged Crazy’s USPS career from the strip. Time was when Harry was always in uniform, it was the basis for a lot of old Act II & Act III gags. But alas, now it’s totally forgotten in favor of the dumb charity job John gave him. How much could he possibly be making at Komix Korner (or Corner, as the case may be)? Maybe thirty or forty bucks a day?

      • spacemanspiff85

        I just always assumed John wasn’t even paying him, but just letting him read comics during down time, or maybe just giving him a discount.

        • Bad wolf

          This was a thing in comic stores. Hiring (usually kids) for maybe a discount on their week’s pull list. I guess a retiree has a second income source and can take a job that’s mostly volunteer work but you know: community center, church, things like that used to be the preferred option.

          • Banana Jr. 6000

            My headcanon is that Westview’s financial system is entirely comic book-based. You don’t have a retirement plan; when you get a job you get comic books, and when it’s time to retire, you sell them. Want to get married? Sell your comic books! Want to take an expensive trip? Sell your comic books! Need to pay medical expenses? Sell your comic books! For all the misery in his town, you’ll notice nobody ever has financial problems.

    • ComicBookHarriet

      Maybe he gets paid to convert VHS to digital. I know a couple people that made a little side business doing that.

      • Banana Jr. 6000

        Les Moore alone could keep someone in that business full-time.

        • billytheskink

          Hahaha, no way Crazy got paid to convert the Lisa tapes.

          Les doesn’t pay his friends… no, they pay him in favors for the privilege of existing near him. Bull rehabbed Summer’s knee, taught Summer to drive, and managed the Lisa’s Legacy Run all for free… Masone has given Les who knows how many free trips to California… The high school pretends like his book tours have never resulted in him taking a sick day… Durwood apparently donated his artwork to the cause of Les’ book/graphic novel (depending on what day of the week it was) and explicitly donated Phil Holt’s artwork to the Lisa’s Legacy fund… Funky, Cindy, Cayla (before they were even dating) etc. all gave Les free rides to the airport on at least one occaision… Funky organized the fundraiser to save Summer’s basketball season, Funky forced Cory to take Summer on a “mercy date”, heck Funky even hired Les and Summer both at one point… the complete opposite of Les paying.

          • Epicus Doomus

            The knee rehab story was hilarious. Les was a best-selling author who’d optioned his story to be made into a screenplay and his daughter was a hotshot high school basketball star whose entire future was riding on getting a basketball scholarship, so Les entrusted her rehab to Bull, the town’s biggest buffoon, a guy Les didn’t entirely trust even after he was dead.

          • hitorque

            And all that still wasn’t enough, so a Hollywood superstar had to show up on his doorstep and personally hand-deliver her “Best Actress” Oscar to go on his mantle…

          • hitorque

            I don’t know what’s a bigger crock of bullshit — The fact that bestselling author Lester O. Moore was too much of a fucking cheapskate to send the fruit of St. Lisa’s loins to goddamned University of Toledo (with in-state resident tuition), or the fact that he somehow twisted Jerry Bushka’s arm into providing free injury rehab (Yeah, because Bull is a professional certified physical therapist) because he was too much of a fucking cheapskate to get his own daughter some proper healthcare, OR the fact that GOD DAMN IT I SPECIFICALLY REMEMBER LESTER SAYING HE USED THE BULK OF THE MONEY FROM THE FIRST TIME HE SOLD ST. LISA’S STORY RIGHTS TO HOLLYWOOD FOR THE COLLEGE BILLS OF SUMMER AND HER UNNAMED STEPSISTER

          • Banana Jr. 6000

            Don’t you mean Kent State? These people would eat pizza other than Montoni’s before they’d go to UT.

  4. William Thompson

    “You mean I’ll get married and . . . I’ll be the daddy, so my wife won’t be able to order me to bathe an’ do my homework? She’ll even have to make my bed for me?”

  5. Hitorque


    Harold literally seems more shocked about this than he was when learning about the existence of comic book stores….

    • Bad wolf

      Really hearing a lot of ‘grooming’ stuff out there this week and how they always start with ‘talking to youngsters about inappropriate topics’.

      That’s it. That’s the origin story.

    • Green Luthor

      “Yep, you get to see a real live nekkid lady. In fact, I have a picture of her in my wallet, look!”

      “Oh. Um. Did… did she always look like a doughy guy in a wig?”

  6. ComicBookHarriet

    Um. Wat. I thought he had to sell his comic collection when he lost his job in 2012? His wife Donna seemed okay with it for most of their marriage.

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      Didn’t he also have to sell his comic books to pay for his honeymoon? I remember some character had to do that.

      • ComicBookHarriet

        I think he willingly sold some of his comics to pay for the honeymoon. Wonder Woman comics I believe.

  7. The Dreamer

    Soon Young Crazy and Old Crazy will go find Lisa and give her the helmet a and convince her to zap into the future ‘Lisa, if you stay in this timeline you will get date raped, have an unwanted pregnancy and have to give the kis up for adoption You will get blown up by a bomb at the post office. You end up marrying *Les Moore* and get cancer not once but twice, and you die slowly and painfully. Get the hell out of this timeline Lisa and go straight to the future!! ‘

    Young Lisa puts on the helmet and zaps ahead forty years. Old Crazy
    sighs in relief Then he realizes in horror ‘Oh no!! We’ve just erased Summer and Darrin!!

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      Yeah really. Why does nobody ever do that? This what, is three time travel stories now, and nobody’s ever lifted a finger to protect or even warn Lisa about her horrible future. And we all know why. It’s because Tom Batiuk is an incompetent, gutless writer who can’t even conceive a story that would have any emotional weight. It’s why he did his precious time skips rather than put Les through any difficulty in life.

  8. Banana Jr. 6000

    I think today’s strip is downright refreshing. Teenaged Harry being more interested in sex and his own future than comic books is a correct set of priorities for once. In Funky Winkerbean, it’s usually the other way around:

    • Sourbelly

      Agreed. If my high school loser self met my old married self, my reaction would definitely be like young Harry’s. “You mean some day I really will…you know!”

  9. be ware of eve hill

    I kind of get a kick out of Old Crazy Harry’s proud facial expression in panel #3.

    Old Crazy Harry: Yeah, Uh-huh. Yep yep. We dood it with a girl. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge. Say no more. (performs hand gesture indicating penetrating sex.)

    Now, Old Crazy Harry, tell young Harry he has three kids. 😱

  10. be ware of eve hill


    When you have to work with a story arc as slow-moving and mundane as this, a mixup of days is not unexpected. The artwork in the last few days has been almost identical


  11. Banana Jr. 6000

    I want to talk about that 9-11 strip some more. (Warning, long rant)

    In the first days after the attacks, do you remember how some media figures were trying to make themselves the face of it? They were trying to give it names that didn’t catch on, like “Black Tuesday”, and publishing all these What It All Means For America wankpieces that didn’t resonate. What strikes me about that FW strip is how blatantly Tom Batiuk is doing this. Here it is again:

    Does this capture anybody’s feelings at the time, or any real-life sentiment that existed? No! It doesn’t even capture the frightened-but-unified national mood of the time, like a lot of post-9/11 material does without even trying. We were still in the “they hate our freedoms” phase of processing it. Nobody thought the attacks happened because people didn’t have adequately inquisitive minds! This comic strip is so misaimed, it’s actually more appropriate for 2021 than 2001.

    A lot of reactions to 9/11 have held up really well, like that great South Park episode. It rings true for how we all felt at the time. This comic strip is nonsense now, and it was nonsense the day it came out. Any content creator would look back at this and realize it isn’t their best work.

    Not Tom Batiuk! 20 years later, he’s PROUD of that strip. He wants you to know how much he deviated from his precious 11-month lead time, threw what he’d already written for that week, and inconvenienced newspapers all over America who were already busy enough, just so you could see… that.

    This strip captures something, though: it captures everything that’s wrong with Funky Winkerbean. This comic strip demands to be the ringleader of the misery parade. But when it gets the microphone, it’s got nothing to say. Same with cancer, CTE, date rape, suicide, and everything else. All of those stories are just as empty and misaimed as this 9/11 strip.

    Tom Batiuk doesn’t want to talk about serious issues. Tom Batiuk wants you to think he’s a Guy Who Talks about Serious Issues, and that you’ll keep Tom Batiuk in mind when making your Pulitzer nominations. He’s a fame whore, like Logan Paul or the Kardashians. Except that Logan Paul and the Kardashians can create viable content.