Hey! Art Teacher! Leave Them Kids Alone!

Link To Today’s

Ha, ha ha! He’s screwing with the students’ educations and undermining his fellow faculty members! Just to suit his own needs! Isn’t that HILARIOUS? Comedy f*cking gold right there, folks! What a guy! No wonder eleven or twelve Ohioian band directors love Dinkle and tape these Dinkle strips to the side of their office filing cabinets! Haphazardly, too, no doubt. Then, after they inevitably retire, those same strips are scraped away with a razor knife and become more floor sweepings, quickly forgotten floor sweepings. It’s kind of sad, really.

I’d give just about anything if this arc would just abruptly stop and suddenly go into, I don’t know, a few strips where Funky works out or Holly uses the credit card or something. Anything. Dinkle being felled by a massive coronary would be good too, but then there’d be a flashback-packed funeral arc that’d drag on for weeks, and no one wants that. And as we all know, it wouldn’t necessarily mean he was really, permanently dead, as people return from the dead all the time in the Funkyverse. So really there’s just no practical way to get rid of him, ever. BatHam likes him and he’s going to feature him twelve weeks every year whether we like it or not.



Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

39 responses to “Hey! Art Teacher! Leave Them Kids Alone!

  1. Captain Gladys Stoatpamphlet

    What is the point of this arc? Just to reuse old material? Nothing is happening. There is no reason for these two to reminisce at each other.

    • Y. Knott

      It’s Batiuk. First thought = best thought (and also only thought). So this is what the remaining synapses came up with the morning this was due.

      Fun fact: we can assume that somehow, there wasn’t a comic book in Batiuk’s line of vision the morning he ‘wrote’ this. Because otherwise, that’s where his mind would have gone.

    • ComicBookHarriet

      It makes us appreciate the arcs where Dinkle HAS a goal. Like buying choir robes or making sure Mort doesn’t shag Lillian in the Bedside Manor van.

      Seriously. There is nothing worse than the recycled reminiscence weeks. It’s the worst parts of the gag-a-day weeks and the continuity porn weeks smooshed together.

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      And about such banal things. “Remember when we were band directors? And we had to do band director things? Like teach all those students how to play instruments? And deal with scheduling conflicts?” For as much as this strip relies on band directing for material, it has amazingly little to say about it.

  2. William Thompson

    “Rotate the pod, Holtron.”
    “I’m afraid I can’t do that, Harry. Go rotate yourself.”

  3. RudimentaryLathe?

    Well this strip gets one thing right: there is absolutely nothing about Harry Dinkle that falls under the definition of “art”.

  4. KMD

    So middle aged/early senior characters like Crazy Harry have no idea how smartphones work. But Dinkle was listening to and talking to AIs at least four decades ago. What is the point of divergence between our world or Funky’s? Did the Roman emperor Jovian serve longer? Did Jack Dempsey beat Gene Tunney? Did TB follow PKD’s example and have John Bricker sit in the Oval Office. Don’t be silly. The point of divergence came with General Zod debuting in Action Comics in 1960 instead of 1961 to plague Superman. TB is gonna TB.

    • Gerard Plourde

      The running joke in Act 1 was that the school computer (which had not yet acquired the name “Holtron” yet) was sentient and a Star Trek fan. The principal (pre-Fairgood who at that time was the guidance counselor) dressed in an Original Series Starfleet uniform (wearing a blue shirt if memory serves) in order to communicate with it. It was amusing. Of course that was also before TomBa decided to tackle “serious topics” and move the strip “an inch away from reality”.

    • ComicBookHarriet

      I can actually tell you that. And it came from the ‘Strike Four!’ book I bought.

      In Crankshaft in the late 90’s, Cayla’s father, Smokey Williams pitched the Cleveland Indians to a World Series victory.

      In our universe the Cleveland Indians last won the World Series in 1948, and never will again.

    • Anonymous Sparrow

      Not sure about John Bricker, but I suspect that Thomas Dewey, his running mate in 1944, defeated Harry Truman in 1948.

  5. sorialpromise

    I miss you, ComicBookHarriet.
    Is it busy on the farm?
    Come back to us!

    • Our ComicBookHarriet will be coming up soon in the rotation…but stay tuned when we introduce a new guest author next Monday!

      • sorialpromise

        Thank you, TF!

      • Y. Knott

        Wait … is it me?

        [checks e-mail]

        Whew! Dodged a bullet there!

        • be ware of eve hill

          I think we all dodged a bullet there. (Just kidding!)😁

          • Y. Knott

            No, I agree! I have no idea how I’d write “This braindead strip once again suckity-suck-suck-sucks” in seven or fourteen different and entertaining ways. The folks who manage it have my deep respect!

      • be ware of eve hill

        Is the new guest author being added to the blog rotation, or is it a one-time deal?

      • be ware of eve hill

        Is @beckoningchasm gone for good? If I’m not mistaken, they haven’t written the blog since February.

        Good night @beckoningchasm wherever you are.

        • sorialpromise

          I am counting the hours to “Be Ware of Eve Hill Essay Friday!”
          I have my soft drinks, my snacks, and a homemade bacon sandwich. I am sitting in my recliner, fully dressed, anticipating greatness.
          Bring it on, BWOEH. So give it to me straight, doctor. I can take it.
          (No pressure.)

          • be ware of eve hill

            God bless you, @sorialpromise. So nice of you to say. I appreciate it.

            Sorry in advance if I let you down. The @bewareofevehill rant was on late Tuesday this week. And to lesser extent, today (see bottom of web page reply to BJr6000).


    • ComicBookHarriet

      I did the magic rain dance of leaving my windows rolled down last night. Only got a tenth of an inch. The corn is rolled tighter than a hundred dollar bill in the nose of a coke fiend.

      • ComicBookHarriet

        Rained for two hours this morning. BEAUTIFUL.

        Dad says I’ve got to start parking my truck with the windows open at the fields we need the most rain.

  6. I’m really disappointed that Batiuk and Ayers can’t be bothered to bring back the cool looking if hard to read “digital” font for the computer’s speech.

    • RudimentaryLathe?

      That font definitely adds to Holtron’s personality. Act 1 wasn’t “Peanuts” or”Calvin & Hobbes” quality, but it was fun and had some interesting social satire. The current run is somehow try-hard and half-assed at the same time.

    • When I looked at the strip image, and that Holtron wasn’t speaking in Check Routing Number Gothic, I thought it was a Son Of Stuck Funky rewritten-captions gag, and thought it was really weird that you all didn’t get the typeface correct. (Or at least reasonably correct; the exact extrapolation might not be available.) That would have been the sort of unforced error Son Of Stuck Funky doesn’t make.

  7. Never mind the nonsensical business of talking to a 1970s computer as though it were speech-activated. It seems like the message Batdick is trying to convey is, “Dinkhole was a full-blown psychopath, Hell-bent on getting his way in terms of scheduling, even if (or especially if) it meant ruining another teacher’s career.” Is Batdick trying to make Dinkhole as despicable as possible? Or does he somehow think his tiny audience of band directors will find this likable and relatable? The Occam’s Razor approach suggests none, and all, of the above.

    • Gerard Plourde

      TomBa’s treatment of Dinkle is puzzling but I think Y, Knott’s theory stated above -“First thought = best thought (and also only thought).” makes the most sense.

  8. billytheskink

    C’mon Dinkle, be creative! You want kids to avoid art class? Don’t fire the teacher, just replace them with Batton Thomas.

    Problem solved. Now your piccolo section is 40-deep.

  9. J.J. O'Malley

    This arc is going to end with Dinkleberg and Aging Stan Freberg trying to pay for their afternoon repast with an old gym sock filled with pennies, isn’t it? As long as it does end, I’ll be satisfied.

    • Maxine of Arc

      Thanks, this guy is now Aging Stan Freberg in my brain forevermore. The resemblance is striking, though. It’s the hair. There’s where it ends, because Actual Stan Freberg was often funny.

      • J.J. O'Malley

        True, Maxine, and never forget Stan gave us that classic late 1960s Jeno’s Pizza Rolls commercial that managed to spoof Lark Cigarettes ads and featured cameos by Clayton Moore and Jay Silverheels (see it on UTube).

  10. Dood

    How the eff did this martinet get a line of marching band shoes named after him? How much do the royalties from said “brand” add to the author’s annual income?

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      Dinkle’s focus has never been clear. In Act I he was like Dilbert‘s Pointy Haired Boss in that he was a bad example of his profession. But there are no Pointy Haired Boss-branded office supplies. Nobody wants to emulate the character, except for reasons that play along with what he satirizes. It’s as if Batiuk doesn’t get his own character. And it’s the only good character he’s ever created in his life.

      Dinkle had those band room posters that nagged kids to keep their instruments clean or whatever. That’s fine. It serves a purpose, with some levity, and is a tacit admission by whoever posted it that “yeah, okay, I admit this guy is basically me.”

      But athletic shoes, a product where you’d would care a lot about quality? For your own child? Named after a character whose one joke is that he abuses the children under him? Seems very, very mis-aimed.

      My guess is that Dinkles are really good. Or they’re really cheap, and school districts buy them for that reason.

      • none

        My firsthand experience – they were cheap.

      • be ware of eve hill

        Batty seems to enjoy the cruelty towards children theme. Act I Dinkle was known for marching his students through adverse weather conditions and long hours.

        Another example. How about Ed Crankshaft getting his jollies by making school kids miss the bus, delaying their arrival at school, ruining their field trips, and even stealing their lunches. Do I even need to mention the School bus driver’s rodeo? I’m grateful Batty doesn’t feature kids in his strips more often. Adults making school kids miserable. Comedy gold!

        It makes me wonder if Batty had difficulties with students as a teacher.

        Attorney: Mr. Batiuk, can you please show the court on this doll where those nasty students hurt you?
        Batty: (pointing to his heart) They hurt me in the feels! *sob*

  11. Green Luthor

    Aw, no more header image of Les getting throttled?