Trust Issues

Jeff M.
August 4, 2022 at 3:06 pm
The speaker is *terrible*. If I went to an estate planning seminar and he started out with a sustained “Jack and Jill” metaphor, I’d be steamed, too. He sucks.

Doesn’t excuse Funky’s aggressive passive-aggressivity, though. Yesterday I thought Holly was doing an awkward facepalm, but in today’s panel 2 we see that she was tearing out her eyes in a fit of Funky-induced fremdschämen (hat tip Maxine of Arc). Seminar Guy in panel three is ready to give up the ghost, and assumes a crucifixion pose.



Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

45 responses to “Trust Issues

  1. Epicus Doomus

    Like I always say, this BatYam guy must be a blast at parties.

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      I just wonder about his ideas of human interaction. He seems to think it’s everyone else’s duty to go quiet so he can be witty, no matter how much of an unfunny, unlikable, rude jackass he is. Sometimes you do have to put up with it, because the person is your superior, or for other social reasons. But not all the time, as the social dynamics of the Funkyverse suggest. Nobody would tolerate his characters’ behavior. Especially not when they have a vested interest in not letting the characters interrupt their own work.

  2. William Thompson

    Funky, it’s time for you to learn a first language. I suggest English.

  3. billytheskink

    If you’re gonna steal Gallagher routines, Funky, at least have the decency to bring watermelon for everybody.

  4. Ah, another trenchant observation by Batdick. It’s almost like the English language isn’t perfectly consistent in its pronunciations! Mind. Blown.

  5. RudimentaryLathe?

    Jesus, Mary, and Joe Strummer.
    Holly is LITERALLY Funky in a wig, and Funky is the same age as his father. WHAT. IS. THIS.
    And Sales/Strawman Guy is losing my sympathy here. Throw this pedantic jerk out already! Nobody else who chose to be here wants to hear this shit!

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      It’s already too late to throw him out. The speaker failed to respond appropriately, and has yielded all credibility. You really think Funky’s going to leave now? He’ll just say “no” and his behavior will get even worse. The speaker is basically a dancing monkey at this point.

      • Maxine of Arc

        I am sincerely interested in hearing more about heckler school!

        • Banana Jr. 6000

          I wrote most of what I know over the course of this week. If you’re the designated speaker, you can’t let somebody else talk over you. That is your room, and it’s no one’s right to take it from you. Defend your turf, or the audience will lose respect for you.

          Like most bullies, hecklers will back down when you make it clear you’re willing to hit back. A subtle warning or two is usually enough. But if you must go to war, launch the heavy artillery immediately. This speaker was too passive for too long, indulged this obvious nuisance too much, and now has zero credibility.

          I saw a woman try to heckle George Carlin once. To put it mildly, this did not go well for her. He did not give her any warnings. He made security escort her out of the theater about two minutes into his show. And was irritated that they didn’t do it quickly enough. The audience heartily approved, just like they would have if this guy had thrown Funky out when he should have.

  6. William Thompson

    I’m morbidly curious as to how Funky can get even more childish, Will the sales guy talk about baby-boomers and cringe as Funky Winkerbeavis says “Heh heh, I just made a boomer in my shorts!” Will a mention of portfolios bring “It’s pronounced cornholio, dufus!”

    • RudimentaryLathe?

      Oh now don’t besmirch Beavis & Butthead like that. B&B actually had some clever things to say about pop culture; Batty is the embodiment of Old Man Yells At Cloud, and it isn’t even ironically funny.

  7. Y. Knott

    Why is it spelled “Funky Winkerbean” when it’s pronounced “Worthless Sack Of Crap”?

    • billytheskink

      It’s not even a proper joke… it’s polystyrene.

    • Anonymous Sparrow

      Only Raymond Luxury-Yacht (pronounced “Throatwobbler Mangrove”) knows for sure.

      Or Sir Not Appearing in This Picture (ever aptly named).

  8. Their old estate planning guy wouldn’t have put up with Funky’s antics, I’ll tell ya whut

    • ComicBookHarriet

      Brilliant edit here. So many lovingly rendered bricks.

    • Bob Baloney

      Just think of how much better the Funkyverse would be if every strip ended with someone being defenestrated.

      • William Thompson

        And ending like the 1618 Defenestration of Prague (or at least the way legend says it ended) with the guests of honor plummeting into a dung heap.

    • Jeff M.

      Nice to have that third panel handy for Funky’s next AA meeting.

  9. Rusty Shackleford

    This recycled arc isn’t worth my time, so no comment about that. I am more interested in this week’s Crankshaft, and by interested I mean confused. When did Max and Hannah ever work at Channel One? And what is causing Mitch to age so rapidly?

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      So their solution to their 24-hour Phantom Empire theater failing – which was like a year ago at this point – is to get back the old jobs we never knew they had? And the station desperately wants them back? News flash, Tom Batiuk: young people with broadcast journalism degrees and/or video skills are NOT in short supply.

      • Bad wolf

        Doesn’t/didn’t Batiuk’s real life son work for a local station? If so a weird way to wish fullfilment fantasize his family. How about “Mitch quits whatever he’d been working on and becomes a ghost writer for Thomas Batton’s legacy comic strip!” ?

        • Banana Jr. 6000

          Pretty much the entire cast of the Funkyverse has media jobs of some sort. All the comic book publishers (Flash, Phil, Ruby, Darrin, Pete, Mindy, Chester); all the authors (Les, Batton Thomas, Lillian, Dinkle, Holly, and Pam wanted to be one); the TV news reporter (Cindy); the documentary makers (Cindy again, and Jessica), the Hollywood actors (Mason Jarre, Marriane Winters); the kids who went through Les’ “The Bleat” program (Bernie, Malcolm, Malcolm’s mall date whose name I’ve already forgotten); the art dealer/gallery owner (Kitsch Swoon); the corporate mascot (Pizza Box monster); the guy who directs six different musical groups (Dinkle); one of who, was signed to major record label (Bedside Mannerisms); the guy who makes DVDs (Crazy Harry) and this movie theater-owning couple.

          And almost all of them have been courted by major outlets, interviewed, won awards, given autographs, been grossly overpaid, and got called geniuses.

          Plus all the comic book collecting arcs, movie production arcs, the “Wit” school play arc, the Lisa tapes, all the other times Phantom Empire has been brought up, the somebody-gets-famous arcs like Dinkle being in the Rose Parade.

          Yeah, it’s pretty clear what’s on Tom Batiuk’s mind.

        • Anonymous Sparrow

          Would that be *Three O’Clock Higher*?

      • ComicBookHarriet

        Naw, they were clearly established as working at Channel 1 before buying The Valentine in 2016. It checks out.

        What DOESN’T make sense is Mitch aging SEVEN YEARS since January.

        • Rusty Shackleford

          Thanks CBH, I totally forgot about that arc. Ah well, it wasn’t worth remembering.

        • hitorque

          1. Given how much Max+Hanna liked to get their rocks off in the balcony of the Valentine Theatre while the movie was going on, in my headcanon they were asked to leave Channel One after being caught getting it on in the break room…

          2. God, like those two suburban milquetoast pinheads ever listened to anything loud in their lives…

        • billytheskink

          TB did say he was moving Crankshaft‘s timeline from being in the past in Funky to the present… which is going to result in either weird aging, weird lack of aging, or weird de-aging. Or, knowing TB, all three.

          • ComicBookHarriet

            He said that, but he really CAN’T. Because characters like the Crankshaft Twins have literally graduated from high school in Funky, but are still precocious children no older than 12 or 13 in Crankshaft. Is Mindy suddenly going to show up with Pete in tow? Talking all about her job at Atomik Komix?

            When Batiuk shattered the temporal pane between Westview and Centerview, that is when the entire universe really started to crumble. It is impossible for him to make it make sense at this point.

          • J.J. O'Malley

            So Ed himself is now Schrodinger’s Bus Driver, a hale and hearty bowler/gardener in one strip and an oxygen-snorting Bedside Manor resident in the other. Makes perfect sense to combine two worlds when no one cares about either. He could have at least had a month-long “Crisis on Infinite Funkys” crossover arc to merge them.

      • hitorque

        Yeah, as a former reporter I’ll confidently say the media industry does NOT work that way…

        But then again I remind myself that this is the Funkyverse which means the station director or the person in charge of hiring is ALMOST CERTAINLY Max or Hannah’s neighbor/cousin/uncle/grandmother/brother-in-law/stepsister/high school classmate or maybe it’s just a fellow sci-fi geek who really really REALLY loves “The Phantom Empire”..

        Remember, the Funkyverse Nepotism Mafia **ALWAYS** takes care of their own… Everybody fails upward. So not only have Max+Hannah’s jobs been kept warm for the past 3-4 years, but they’ll almost certainly get raises, a signing bonus and a promotion to make up for lost time.

  10. Banana Jr. 6000

    Would somebody please tell Batiuk that you can’t do pronunciation jokes in printed text? This is as bad as “Ultima Thule.”

    And while you’re there, point out to him that not everybody in the world will suffer in silence while your Mary Sue self-insert character acts like an asshole. Especially not in New York or Hollywood. Or if they’re married to that character.

    • hitorque

      Any time a Batiuk joke has to be explained to me, it pisses me off even more…

      “Ultima Thule” was a monumental crock of bullshit because all my life I’d never heard or used any pronunciation other than “TOO-lee”… I still don’t know how that science teacher got “Thor” out of his punchline…

      (and please… if you’re about to try to explain it to me again, please don’t)

  11. The Duck of Death

    Once again, Tom refuses to consult the internet, or even a plain ol’ dictionary.

    The standard US pronunciation is “REVocable.” Thus, “irREVocable.”

    Why isn’t he embarrassed to put out this hateful, ignorant, and boring dreck? Why isn’t he body-cringingly, face-scrunchingly, anus-puckeringly embarrassed to see this run in newspapers with his name beside it?

  12. Perfect Tommy

    Later, financial planning guy goes home and cuts himself.
    Just to feel something.

  13. Will

    The part of Holly is being played by Melvin Belli today.

    • Will

      Welp. I botched the link. Anyway, do an image search for Melvin Belli as the Gorgan from Star Trek, and you’ll see. It matches — right down to the shower curtain both of them are wearing.

    • Margaret

      Melvin Belli was a guest star in the Original Star Trek episode, “The Children Shall Lead”. He was absolutely terrible, which is one reason the episode is so bad, although only one among many. Later on he said that if he hadn’t been a lawyer he could’ve been a great actor. Somehow that seems so appropriate for Funky Winkerbean.

  14. Anonymous Sparrow

    A healthy drink of tranya and Belli might have surprised us all!

    In introducing an episode of “Mystery!,” Vincent Price speaks of a lawyer who began as an actor and then moved into law. Apparently, he thought it would be better to fail on the stage and go to the bar than to fail at the law and go on the stage.

    Beat of nine, Mr. Rumpole, beat of nine.

  15. Rusty Shackleford

    Congratulations to our own Banana Jr for making it to the finals for comment of the week over at Comics Curmudgeon! Nicely done!

    “‘Oh, you think the names Jack and Jill are inherently funny, do you? What’s your name, sir?’ ‘Funky Winkerbean.’ ‘Get out.’” –Banana Jr. 6000