So You Can Take that Cookie

William Thompson
August 4, 2022 at 11:12 pm
I’m morbidly curious as to how Funky can get even more childish…

Even more embarrassing than childish: Funky’s coming off as an thrifty old pensioner. One could  expect Ed Crankshaft or Funky’s dad Mort to make such a chintzy request. But we know Funky to be a man of sufficient means to buy all the stale cookies he wants. I suspect that Batiuk is channeling a line from his hero Woody Allen: “Boy, the food at this place is really terrible.” “Yeah, I know; and such small portions.”

24 Comments

Filed under Son of Stuck Funky

24 responses to “So You Can Take that Cookie

  1. Banana Jr. 6000

    I think Funky’s less offensive than the speaker on this one. Seriously, buddy, you think anyone’s going to pay $250 for consulting, and trust you with their retirement, after that shitshow?

    • be ware of eve hill

      Agreed. The no-account sissypants speaker is getting exactly what he deserves. People can’t take advantage of you unless you let them. (Who said that, Ann Landers?)

      As you have pointed out several times in the comments, Batiuk often requires an “enabler” like the speaker to play straight man for his Marty Sue characters.

      Sorry, Estate Planning Guy. You’re getting exactly what you deserve.

      Wuss.

      • Banana Jr. 6000

        The Funkyverse is a world of enablers. Nobody will tell Les to get over his wife’s death – least of all his second wife. Nobody will tell Dinkle he’s an overdemanding jackass, refuse to be ordered around like 14-year-olds, or refuse to give a shit about his ego projects. And Holly wouldn’t tell her idiot husband to stop embarrassing her, and ruining the presentation *she* wanted to go to.

        I just wonder what the Batiuks’ family life was like.

  2. billytheskink

    Panel 3:

    I’ll take “things people do and don’t say about Montoni’s” for $400, Alex.

  3. It’s an old Mel Brooks joke. “The food here is so terrible!” “Yes–and such small portions!”

    • billytheskink

      What is believed to be the first recorded instance of this old joke actually occurred in a comic, printed in Harry Hershfield’s Bronx Ballads in 1927 and later that same year in The New Yorker, though I would guess it pre-dates even that.

      “You don’t like the eating at the ‘Benjamin Arms’, Mrs. Margolies?”

      “No! It was terrible! Every mouthful was positively poison — and what small portions they give you of it.”

    • Anonymous Sparrow

      Speaking of Woody Allen, here’s another gem from “Annie Hall,” where the two ladies complain about bad food and small portions:

      “It reminds me of that old joke- you know, a guy walks into a psychiatrist’s office and says, hey doc, my brother’s crazy! He thinks he’s a chicken. Then the doc says, why don’t you turn him in? Then the guy says, I would but I need the eggs. I guess that’s how I feel about relationships. They’re totally crazy, irrational, and absurd, but we keep going through it because we need the eggs.”

      ― Woody Allen, Annie Hall: Screenplay

      Some eggs, alas, are curate’s eggs, partly good and partly bad.

  4. William Thompson

    I’m surprised Funky didn’t threaten to sue him over that giant hair in his coffee. Seriously, who serves hot coffee on a summer day? Wouldn’t they offer red punch or purple kool-ade?

  5. The return of pubic steam! And…Funkface is an idiot.

  6. Dood

    What are the estate and testamentary rules and laws regarding ghosts such as Lisa Moore and Phil Holt?

  7. be ware of eve hill

    I wasn’t going to post a comment today, but I was rather surprised to see only 14 comments had been posted,

    I agree. This story arc has hardly been worthy of my snark. How many times can we post “Funky is an asshole?”

    According to the S.O.S.F. banner, the most hated man in comics is on deck. While I never look forward to a FW story arc featuring Leslie Moore, I do know he’s a snark magnet.

    • William Thompson

      “Funky is an asshole” takes some getting used to, but it gets us out of the well-worn “Les is an asshole” rut.

      • be ware of eve hill

        God. I can’t stand the snippy Funky story arcs. I want to reach into my monitor and throttle him.

        Nothing would make me happier than to see the Monty Python 16 ton weight drop on top of him.

    • Epicus Doomus

      You get FW arcs like this every once in a while. It’s awful, but in a really boring and dull way. There’s nothing there to really go after. I mean, he did TWO DAYS on the “Jack And Jill” nursery rhyme, which most of us tired of by the time we were two years old.

      • be ware of eve hill

        It’s not uncommon that the filler is worse than the usual dreck, but this takes the cake. This is… dull… dull… dull.

        You read a strip like this and wonder, “Where is your pride, Tom?” When did creating this strip become a chore and just a paycheck?

        Nursery rhymes? Really? SMH.

    • Y. Knott

      I haven’t commented for essentially the same reason.

      I suppose it’s impressive, though, that Batiuk can suck in a number of different ways. This week, we’ve been treated to the “Diet Crankshaft” flavour of sucking. Next week, get ready for “Classic Les Moore” flavour!

  8. batgirl

    If Funkyverse characters had any consistency at all, or if this were similar to the real world, Funky’s weirdly aggressive heckling would make me wonder if he was having a stroke or in the early stages of dementia.
    But I guess TB has already done that prestige arc with Bull.
    The trouble with TB occasionally tackling serious-gimme-the-award topics l is that it’s so similar to the ‘humour’.
    Bull puts the cream cheese into the soap drawer? OMG Linda how can you bear it? Crankshaft smears butter in the roof gutters? Ha, Pam, your dad sure is a character!
    I can’t even remember who was bullied in the bullying arc, but Les and Crankshaft routinely bully service workers, and now Funky is joining them – but it’s ‘funny’ so it’s okay.

    • Banana Jr. 6000

      Or if anything mattered at all. Les and Funky and Dinkle act however they want to at all times, and there’s never any repercussions or conflict over it.