Saturday’s Strip WAS Available For Preview.

Short post tonight, as I am still trying to digest all the amazing, thoughtful, literary discussions you nitters had on the last post. I kept on opening the reply tab, staring at the blinking cursor, but gradually realizing that someone else in the comments chain had already said it better than I had.

Thanks for all the kind words on the James Joyce parody. It really wasn’t as impressive as it sounded since I used the first chapter of the novel as a direct template, and only changed a few words per paragraph to turn it Funky. It’s 90% Joyce, 10% nonsense.

I am trying to organize my thoughts into something concise about Wally Vs DSH. Hope to get that out soon.

In the meantime, please enjoy the preview of Saturday’s Crankshaft I managed to hack out of GoComics.

81 thoughts on “Saturday’s Strip WAS Available For Preview.”

  1. Our lovely ComicBookHarriet,
    You wrote”…only changed a few words per paragraph to turn it Funky. It’s 90% Joyce, 10% nonsense.”
    You have to remember, we are used to reading 2 strips that are 90% nonsense and 10% Batiuk. You are a breath of fresh air during an Iowa summer. After eating all of the TB nothing burgers, we thrive on your midwestern bon mots.
    May your harvests be plenty!

      1. Any more praise like that, and my stomach will do a flippity-flop! You honor me.
        ♥️💖❤️🫂🌺💐🌹

  2. Anyone care to give odds that they’ll end up reading Lisa’s Story?

    [if I could embed videos, here’s where I’d put Jay Sherman from “The Critic” squawking, “Buy my book! Buy my book!”]

    1. Then Jay will say: “ it stinks, it stinks”.

      Yeah, it is surprising that Lisa’s Story hasn’t been featured and compared to Ulysses.

        1. Did I imagine it during some opium dream, or did Les, while writing the Lisa’s Story screenplay in his toolshed, compare himself to Hemingway? I’m pretty sure he did.
          Funny thing–I thought Hemingway was famous for using very few words to say a lot. Tommy Tuberculosis is famous for using as many words as possible to say nothing.
          Otherwise, exactly the same. “The Old Man and the Comic Book”! “The Snows of Kilimanjaro That Make Les Whine!” His book on Wally, “The Son Always Depresses”!
          And of course–“A Farewell to Left Arms”!

          1. BTS:

            My father always liked to say that Hemingway disdained adjectives in his writing, and yet wrote a most famous story called “The Short Happy Life of Francis Macomber.”

            Who shall undertake “The Long Frustrating Career of Thomas Batiuk”?

            You may write in it “A Clean, Well-Lighted Place” or near an “Indian Camp.”

            No base-running allowed!

      1. This post gets better an better. I am probably wrong, but this is my first sighting of TF Hackett in ages!
        It brings joy to my heart to see you!

    1. This, this is hilarious. I’ve never seen this before! Thank you so much for linking, BTS.

      Mort is DSH John as a child. Change my mind.

  4. My name is Les Moore, an ass-hat. A nomination wave hit and I got shot through a butthole. Now I’m lost in some distant part of the newspaper on a strip, a terrible strip, full of incredibly awful and boring characters. Hate me. Listen, please. Is there anybody out there who can nominate me? I’m being hunted by an insane awards-obsessed cartoonist. Doing everything I can to stay relevant. I’m just looking for a way to get those awards.

    1. Beckoning, are you perhaps talking about yesterday’s Reuben Awards?

      Bill Griffith won for Zippy. The Reubens are frequently for lifetime achievements. As you’re wondering, “The other nominees were Hilary B. Price (Rhymes with Orange), Jeff Smith (Bone), Will Henry (Wallace the Brave), and Mark Tatulli (Lio).”
      All worthy contenders! Did you notice a name missing?
      Well, guess what, in 2005 Tom TOTALLY WON…uh, was nominated. It’s an honor just to nominated, it says on this bathroom wall graffiti. It appears that it was his only time.

      If curious, here are the winners. I recognize almost every name. They’re deserving, although I bet Cathy made it through breaking the glass ceiling (her parents owned the syndicate), and Dilbert for First Cartoonist to Believe in the NPC Theory.
      https://nationalcartoonists.com/awards/

      1. I’m most surprised to see Mell Lazarasus’s name on there a few times. I’ve always felt that Momma was a terrible strip both in terms of art and writing ever since I was a child (and yes there was at least that other one but I never saw it in print), but I guess he knew how to be a chum among the clique.

        TBs omission anywhere is glaring and speaks volumes. It honestly makes me personally feel like I’m a little less crazy about everything in respect of Tom’s work, and the global response to it.

        1. I generally thought that Mel Lazarus’s strips–“Momma” and “Miss Peach”–were pretty much the worst strips out there, but to give him his due, he at least tried to make each episode funny, and he never buried his talents in order to win awards. Aiming for Funny and falling short is far more admirable than aiming for Bathos and missing every available mark through sheer talentless blindness.

          1. Well, Chester Gould’s on there twice.
            Chester Gould would gleefully depict the killing of everyone on this page.
            For just existing.

        2. I guess he knew how to be a chum among the clique
          This means “plays a lot of golf.” It’s really quite amazing how old white male cartoonists put Golf in their strips right up to this day. And, for a few years in the mid-70s/early 80s, tennis. Even Schulz did this.
          No wonder that right now, so many Old Man Strips are complaining how hard pickle ball is.

      3. I can’t help but notice the cartoonist whose reputation Batiuk besmirched is a past Golden Reuben Award winner.

        Batiuk: *sputter* Hal Foster?! The guy’s an art thief! (seethe)

        Only because you made him one in your comic strip, Tom. Only in Funky Winkerbean.

      4. What a great group of nominees Bill Griffith won over.

        While they didn’t win the Golden Reuben, some of the other nominees did take home an award.

        Will Henry (Wallace the Brave) took home the ‘Annual Divisional Reuben Award’ (Silver Reuben) for Best Newspaper Comic. I will not be leading a riot.
        😁

        Hilary B. Price (Rhymes with Orange) took home The Elzie Segar Award for “unique and outstanding contribution to the profession of cartooning.” Essentially, this award is chosen by the Kings Feature Syndicate. All the past winners seem to have been with that syndicate.

        Here’s the complete list of winners.

        —————————-

        As some of you know, I’m not really into comic books. Not familiar with Jeff Smith or Bone, I looked up his name. Speaking of awards, check out the awards section of Jeff Smith’s Wiki article. Yowzers.

        Hey, Tom Batiuk, ever hear of the Eisner or Harvey awards? Aw, cheer up. I’m sure you have that Inkpot Award prominently displayed somewhere.

        The Wiki article mentioned Jeff Smith suffered cardiac arrest last month. Hoping for a speedy recovery.
        ————————

        I’ve read Mark Tatulli’s Lio for years. I still read Heart of the City, but no offense to Steenz, the feature hasn’t been the same since Mark left the strip.
        ———————–

        Finally, in closing, perhaps I should be reading Zippy the Pinhead. Maybe I’ll read Zippy instead of the comic strip that used to be Crankshaft.

        1. I am not a Bill Griffith [Zippy] fan. Yet the fault is with me, not Bill. Bill tries hard. He even has a well round author avatar. If I don’t find the strip funny, it’s because the humor is way beyond me, not way beneath me. Compare Crankshaft: There are times that TB is funny. Few and far. I defy anyone that can find a commenter on ArcaMax or Go Comics that considers Crankshaft daily funny.

          1. Until I subscribed to the Comics Kingdom last year, I’d never heard of Zippy the Pinhead. I read Zippy for a couple of weeks last year but dropped it from my favorites because I thought it was too weird, too wordy, and the handwritten font was difficult to read.

            Perhaps, as with some unique things that are popular, Zippy is an acquired taste.

            I looked through the list of winners from the Reubens and added a few comics to my lists. Winners and runners-up.

            “Crankshaft” this year has been a huge disappointment. Even when you think the story is going somewhere, it quickly fizzles out.

            A few weeks ago, someone in the “Crankshaft” comments took up the “J.J. O’Malley Challenge”. They actually wrote a nice, well-thought-out, complimentary reason why they enjoyed the strip. It’s too bad the comment was deleted along with a dozen others when the moderator deleted J.J.’s original post. Wish I did a screen grab.

          2. I wonder why GoComics deleted a complimentary comment for Crankshaft? I see that GC has 2022 strips of CS, but they couldn’t upload any of the Comics Kingdom comments. I have never seen a nice, well-thought-out, complimentary reason for enjoying this strip. That would be extremely rare. Like having snow in July in Kansas City. It probably happens in the mountains of New Mexico. I know that in Colorado in July, there is snow and ice on the top of their mountains.
            Deleting a complimentary comment? That’s like the people that sent out a scientist to find the remaining Carolina parakeet, and killing the one he found to take back to a museum.
            You have been hitting on all cylinders this week. I have enjoyed your comments and conversations.
            May your week be filled with happy news!
            ♥️💖❤️🫂🌺💐🌹

          4. I believe the gist of the complimentary comment was, as an older person, they appreciated Ed experiencing many of the same things they were. Multiple prescriptions, visits to the doctor’s office, meeting friends for breakfast, etc.

            As for the comment being deleted, when the original comment is deleted, all the replies are deleted with it. Much like when you cut down a tree, all the branches go with it.

            One of the things I love about SoSF is the comradery. When you post a question, someone usually replies. It’s the only Funky Winkerbean bashing I’ve got left, man. Sometimes I need a fix!

            Love your emoji train.

          6. @beckoningchasm

            Ooh! That was a good thought. I always forget archive.org. That would be worth a look.

            Unfortunately, I need an archive.org for my brain. I don’t remember the date or what the comic strip was about.

            Sometimes, I just feel like my memory is going.
            ♫Daisy, Daisy, give me your… answer……. dooooo ♫
            (my brain performing a HAL 3000)

          7. The thing about Zippy is that it’s purpose isn’t to make you laugh, but make you think. If you read it that way, it does make you laugh. Not every day, but a hell of a lot more often than a half-century of Bats will.

          8. I will have to give Zippy another try. You are so right about TB, but BtS, it is a very low bar. I also think my knee surgery made me laugh more than a half-century of Bats.
            You are very enjoyable to read. Besides here, I read you on GoComics, and I think also on ArcaMax. You have a wry sense of humor. (I almost wrote ‘rye’. Which could still be true, but it makes me hungry for a sandwich!)

  5. I encourage everyone to go look at today’s Crankshaft.

    Lillian, holding up “Ulysses”:

    P1, P2: Oh my… look at the time! That was certainly an entertaining discussion, ladies!

    P3: Hopefully, next time we can get to the book itself!

    Actually, a pretty good strip. Has setup and punchline, is coherent and moderately amusing.

    I’m no good at image editing, and I can’t post images here. But if I could I would have replaced “ladies” with “folks,” and “book” with “strip,” and put the CBH avatar head on Lillian — and it would have been a perfect encapsulation of this place since 1/1/23.

    1. Spends a week setting up a book club meeting story, then skips the actual meeting. Just… wow.

    2. I agree with Duck that the real Saturday strip was tolerable, dare I say relatable.

      And, because we can’t have nice things without punishment, Sunday’s strip was absolutely insufferable.

  6. I actually red Finnegans Wake many years ago. After a while, you kind of “get into it.” The retelling of “The Ant and the Grasshopper” was kind of cool.

    1. Put ‘er there, beckoningchasm! Did you read *Finnegans Awake* aloud as I did in your best brogue? And do you know the Sean Kelly parody which appeared in *National Lampoon* and was reprinted in *This Side of Parodies*?

      My favorite version of “The Ant and the Grasshopper” is Harvey Kurtzman’s (in which the insects get reversed). I’m also partial to Ambrose Bierce’s spin on it, which also puts the grasshopper before the ant:

      One day in winter a hungry Grasshopper applied to an Ant for some of the food which they had stored.

      “Why,” said the Ant, “did you not store up some food for yourself, instead of singing all the time?”

      “So I did,” said the Grasshopper; “so I did; but you fellows broke in and carried it all away.”

      Bitter Bierce wrote Fantastic Fables!

  8. Lordy Lou, he’s at it again. More “climate damage” blather today. Ralph informs the gang that “climate damage” is happening quicker. Crankshaft says he’s glad: “I was afraid I was gonna miss the end of the world.”

    So “climate damage” is going to extinguish all life on earth in Crankshaft’s (very limited) lifetime. Yet the conversation about this is casual and joking in tone.

    Just as we were discussing in the comments about the last entry: The unexplained disconnect between subject matter and tone is really offputting, and so Batiukian.

      1. I hear it as rhyming with “Kentuckian.”

        No offense intended to those who dwell in the Bluegrass State.

      2. I’m with SP, I hear it as rhyming with “Vatican.” It honors the correct pronunciation of “Batiuk” which is the same as the first two syllables of “Vatican.”

        1. Vatican has no second i (ie, Vatician).

          I figured it would be pronounced in the same way as other things that end in -ian.

          But this is the internet, not Les Moore’s English class or Jim Kablichnik’s lectures on the word Thule.

          Pronounce it any way you choose!

  9. Since Mel Lazarus is being discussed, I guess I get to go on at some length with this:

    I never much cared for the writing or art on “Momma”, but I have some affection for Lazarus because of a video I once saw him in.

    Some background: Tom Gammill is a very experienced and funny television writer. He also does a comic strip called “The Doozies” (although GoComics hasn’t featured any of it since April 2022). “The Doozies” is well-written, but with very limited artwork, which is part of the joke. Gammill also did a series of videos called “How to Draw”, which often had Gammill interacting with better-known cartoonists.

    One video featured a visit with Lazarus, which ended up with Lazurus on his back, with his leg stuck in a stuffed alligator’s mouth, and Lazarus exclaiming: “What have you done? What have you done?”

    I liked that. I thought of it when [O] talked about how Lazarus maybe knew “how to be a chum among the clique.” Could be he was a good sport and a likable guy.

    1. It feels like “being a chum” isn’t that hard in the comic strip world. It’s a small community, and artists seem to get on pretty well with each other. They frequently collaborate on crossovers, give loving tributes to each other, and there are barely any known cases of artists openly disliking each other. Even though a lot of comic strip artists are known to be introverts and loners.

      And this is the world Tom Batiuk doesn’t seem to get along with. Not one comic strip acknowledged his 50th anniversary or the end of Funky Winkerbean. That says a lot. I’ve known people like this, people who just couldn’t get along with the chummiest, most accepting crowds you’ll ever meet.

      And like those people, I bet Batiuk thinks it’s a virtue. I can see him sitting around his studio, fuming at not being invited to yet another award ceremony, thinking he doesn’t get awards because “he doesn”t play the game.” It dovetails perfectly with his “i’m an unappreciated genius” belief. Which was another trait those people tended to have.

    1. Because he wants to be the guy who invented the word for it. Like cancer and everything else, it’s not about illuminating the problem or even telling a story. It’s about branding himself as the #1 provider of wry, smirky doom. Climate Damage Story in attractive leather slipcase, available now for only $59.99!

      1. Here’s a fun story. I was close friends with a much older woman. Back in the 60s or 70s, while working with an activist group, she had coined a very famous term (about as famous as “climate change”) referring to a subject that remains controversial to this day. Note that her term didn’t replace someone else’s; it was the first.

        I never knew this till I googled her name. She never mentioned it. She didn’t make royalties; she wasn’t namechecked, ever, when the term was used. She lived a quiet and ordinary life, except for being sharper in her 90s than most people in their 20s.

        So what’s the profit in trying to replace existing language? Maybe he figures that since “climate change” supplanted “global warming,” third time’s a charm. Does he think he’ll go down in the history books and be an honored guest at global summit meetings? What’s the endgame here?

        1. Does he think he’ll go down in the history books and be an honored guest at global summit meetings?

          He might. Tom Batiuk wants to be a kind of writing superstar that doesn’t actually exist. So Lord knows what path he thinks will achieve it.

          He really wants to be Les Moore or Pete Roberts-Reynolds. He thinks everybody should fawn over him and give him piles of money and complete editorial control just for existing. Which wouldn’t happen even if he were a good writer. Writers in Hollywood are an annoyance, to be paid for their work and gotten rid of as quickly as possible. The idea that they’d give Les veto power over the movie to “tell Lisa’s story correctly” is ludicrous. Even if you ignore how self-serving his idea of “correct” is, and his efforts to sabotage the project at every turn. But I bet that’s what Batiuk wanted for Crankshaft, and a major reason why no studio wanted it.

          1. It also betrays a cloth ear.

            Film is a visual medium. Many acclaimed films have been made with no “writing” whatsoever, just visuals edited together. Acting and music/sound, sets and composition of shots — it’s all part of making a great film.

            Every medium has different requirements. Even within a medium, different works require different things. What works for XKCD would not have worked for Prince Valiant.

            A cartoonist most likely knows nothing about making films. This is quadruply true of Puff Batty, because even though he’s certainly seen many classic films, he seems incapable of analyzing things he likes.

            Could he tell you the fundamental differences between “The Phantom Empire,” “Annie Hall,” and “Casablanca”? I’d bet the price of a Luigi’s pizza that if you asked him, he’d just tell you the differences in plot. I don’t think he can analyze any deeper than that.

            The thought of TB — who has studied the best yet still can’t lay out an interesting superhero cover, even with the help of pro artists — trying to horn in on making a film… well, there’s a premise for a black comedy.

          3. Can an FW archivist pinpoint when Batiuk first used the term? A very quick Google search has the Washington Post using it in 2018.

            (November 23, 2018: “In another major step, the authors of the new report have begun to put dollar signs next to projected climate damage…”)

          4. Don’t forget Darrin, who thought that he should get money when he learned that his father had been married before and had a daughter.

            “I helped with the delivery.” — Fred Fairgood.

          5. (November 23, 2018: “In another major step, the authors of the new report have begun to put dollar signs next to projected climate damage…”)

            That’s in a sensible context, though. When you’re trying to put a price tag on the amount of harm caused by man-made environmental neglect, it makes sense to call it “damage,” because that’s what the law is concerned with. Batbrain’s trying to make it a one-size-fits-all term for “climate change” or “global warming,” because he thinks it sounds more writer-y.

            Batiuk is constantly conflating words that aren’t interchangeable, because they contain nuanced shades of meaning. Many of his alleged gags have this flaw. Today’s Crankshaft is a perfect example. As Duck said below, “dying breed” has nothing to do with your death, and shouldn’t be interpreted as such. Especially coming from someone who’s 40 years older than you!

  11. Well, Leroy, Automod strikes again.

    Is it because I use a gmail address?

    My fellow posters, can you help me? Are you using a gmaïl address for your WordPress login? If so, do you constantly getautomodded or relegated to the sꝤäm folder?

    1. I checked, and (I’m guessing) for the reasons of previous problematic posters the word ‘Ralph’ was the trigger.

      Given the current wonderful state of the blog comments section, I’ve removed ‘Ralph’ from auto-purgatory. TFH can correct if I unknowingly have released the Ralphpocalypse.

    2. I’m logging into WordPress with a Gmail address. Had some trouble with the sꝤäm filter earlier this year, but not so much lately. I have no trouble posting images or YouTube movies.

      A comment of mine went into moderation earlier this week. Not sure if the cause was the b-word (that rhymes with witch) or because I named a certain politician whose name begins with “T”.

      Wish I could help you more.

      1. A short list of prominent politicians are on the naughty list. Doesn’t mean you can’t use them in the context you did, (apolitically referencing a fact/event etc) just be aware that comment will go under mod before one of us looks and goes, “BWOEH? Okily Dokily Artichokially”

        1. SOSF…new words added daily to our lexicon:
          1. Climate damage-big fail!
          2. Batiukian-Oh yeah. Big yes!
          3. “BWOEH? Okily Dokily Artichokially” it brings a tear to my brown Irish eyes.

          Confession time: I searched ArcaMax and GoComics trying to understand why our Saturday Crankshaft didn’t match the ones on those other two. I really thought CS was censored again.
          To quote Bugs Bunny: What a maroon!

        2. I’ve seen some of the posts that get rejected by the spam filter. There’s nothing remotely naughty about them. The most benign statements using the most basic words still get caught in it for some reason. Don’t try to figure it out, you’ll just drive yourself nuts.

        3. Another one of my comments went into moderation in late August. It seems my complaints about the GoComics moderator went into moderation here. Rather ironic.

        4. Nice to know my respectful comments get a swift official SoSF Okey-dokey. (salute!)

          Thanks

      2. Yep, the “T” did it. The moderators don’t cotton to folks who might be making fun of William Howard Taft.

        1. Who’s the three-hundred-and-forty pound president that’s a sex machine to all the chicks?

          Taft!

          You’re damn right.

          1. You have to love a man who when Yale’s law school offered him a Chair of Law after his defeat for re-election in 1912 thought that a Sofa of Law would be more appropriate for a man of his girth.

            My favorite assessment of Taft is that he gave the country a good administration and a poor show.

            On the “Batman” show, Dick Grayson attended Woodrow Roosevelt High. I believe his term was before that of Theodore Howard Wilson.

            Do you think Batiuk resents Taft for getting to be President and Chief Justice?

  12. I watched the MST3K version of Deathstalker and the Warriors From Hell today. A scene features Deathstalker strapped down to a table being tortured. Crow says, “I will now read every Crankshaft ever published.”

    Sounds like torture to me.

    1. someone in the MST3k crew must have been traumatized by Crankshaft at some point. There was also a Crankshaft reference in the Rifftrax episode that they released for free on youtube last month

      1. Ooh, which one? I’m still trying to remember which RiffTrax Live event had the line “This movie is more depressing than a Funky Winkerbean comic!” In both the in-theater audience and the live one in Nashville, it got both the biggest laugh and the smallest. If you got it, you laughed! The ones that didn’t–the friend I was with didn’t laugh, just looked a combination of confused and annoyed.

        1. Such is the nature of the MST3K/Rifftrax oeuvre. Either you get the reference or you don’t, and they’re not going to stop to explain it to you.

  13. Is it considered gauche, or dare I even say jejune to repeat GC comments here? Oh…it is? Too dagnabbit bad, consarn ye! Cause this one’s going to be gone by 8AM EDT 9/12/23:
    “Tom’s that old man shrieking at the 16 year old cashier in the express lane because his ‘50% off a Moons Over My Hammy’ Denny’s coupon that expired when Bush was president isn’t being honored in the Publix for his Metamucil.”

  14. For as much doom and gloom as the Funkyverse runs on, the main characters seem to know they’re in a bubble that will protect them from anything bad actually happening to them. Tom Batiuk raises plot armor to the level of omniscience.

    Today’s Crankshaft is a perfect example. “As a grandmother, you’re part of a dying breed” he says, even though he himself is at least 104 years old. And he’s going to live another ten years besides. Real elderly people aren’t so tactless about the subject of mortality, because they know the reaper is coming for them too. Hell, it’s a medical miracle this man can even function, much less drive a school bus and get up to everything else he does.

    Another good example was Les starting the road rage incident with Masone Jarre, somehow knowing the driver wasn’t someone who would actually hurt him.

    1. Please, for the love of all that’s holy, don’t let this be the start of an ol’-folks romance arc.

      Grammar nitpick, Tom: “Dying” refers to the breed, not the person. No sane person would assume otherwise. But then, this is Centerville, where there is no sane person.

    2. I’m 60 and half the grandparents I know are younger than me.
      Cranky’s been driving that bus for 50 years. Granny was probably one of his passengers at one point.

    1. The previous John Darling #385 entry has an typo–claiming the strip ran from 1989 to 1990. Surely he would have long since run out of reprints if that was the case.

      1. Yeah, it should have said 1979. But Tom don’t need none of them fancy “proofreaders” beadily-eyed nitpicking his perfection.

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