Courtesy of that blog of his. For one brief, magical moment, I thought that maybe this was some sort of fantastical custom FW-themed “Monopoly” board, featuring all the FW locations we’ve come to know, love, then forget. Oh, because that would be freaking spectacular.
“You will never pass GO, you will never collect $200.”
“Awesome, the pizzeria! I own the comic book store and the sandwich shop, if I land on the travel agency, I’ll own ALL the utilities!”
“Cool, the cemetery! I’ll buy that, and put up two headstones! Once you’re up to four headstones, you can buy a crypt!”
“Hey, why is Les Moore’s house the most expensive property on the board?”
The Montoni’s apartment would be Baltic Ave., and Funky’s house would be Park Place. And jail would be the cancer ward. And “Free Parking” would be “Free Park Bench”! Oh, I’d actually physically fight him for it if such a wonderful thing existed. I’d buy one right now if only that was possible.
Have a Merry Christmas, all, and a nice, relatively Crankshaft-free New Year, too!
Son of Stuck Funky 
Would the board’s final space be called “Bored Walk”?
I like it. I like it a lot.
Merry Christmas, Epicus! And to all of you reading this, too numerous to name and I’d accidentally neglect someone.
My, how is it that collegiate art major Tom Batiuk is so determined to never take a photograph that properly centers and frames the subject? I am not exaggerating when I say that the very first photograph that I’ve ever taken in my life – at age 2; yes, really – captured my parents better than what he has done in these shots from the past few days. I don’t understand.
Carrying over a topic that billthesplut talked about yesterday. He asked if die hard Crankshaft fans like the funkafication of the strip.
I’ve known a few of those fans over the years and none of them read FW, too depressing they would say. So I can only assume other die hard fans feel the same way. They just want a quick laugh.
I think the player pieces for a Funky Winkerbean-themed Monopoly would be:
Crankshaft’s bus
Act II Les crying in the rain
Harry Dinkle yelling
Owen and Cody
The Lord of The Late
Darin punching Frankie in the face
Heather “Chien” Parks
TIMEMOP!
Wally Winkerbean
Funky smirking
Act III Les waddling off in anger
If you use objects instead of people for playing pieces, you could have a green pitcher, band baton, park bench, videotape, and a comic book.
I think that both items and characters are good for playing pieces in a FW-themed monopoly game
also, more player pieces:
Dead Saint Lisa sitting on a park bench
Act I Wally’s crib
Act I Holly Budd being set ablaze
Act I Les in a desk with a mini-gun
John Darling, Who Was Murdered, lying on the ground
Frankie Pierce with a evil grin on his face, and is holding a camera
Keesterman holding one of his destroyed mailboxes
Bull Bushka’s Football helmet
John Howard being handcuffed by Sam Catchem
Dick Tracy beating up Chester Hagglemore
Cody Fletcher (Cody canonically doesn’t have a confirmed surname, I think it’s Fletcher) walking with a sullen look on his face
2005 Act II Wally standing still with the “thousand-yard stare” expression on his face
Eric “Mooch” Myers with that facial expression from the 2nd panel of 04/05/2007 Crankshaft strip
Funky’s heavily damaged car
Jeff Murdoch jogging while wearing a KSU hoodie and a beanie cap
A wall of bricks
Darin Fairgood on his knees and screaming towards thr sky
Masone Jarre as Starbuck Jones talking to Marianne Winters while a really pissed off Cindy Summers looks on
Act II Funky (wearing a brown jacket and heavily drunk) strangling Crankshaft
Elderly Crankshaft a wheelchair
Le Chat Bleu in their cat form, walking while looking extremely insufferable
Masky McDeath
Lillian McKenzie staggering while holding a basket of rum balls
Act I Les’s broken glasses
Ameila and Emily
Act II Jim Kablichnick holding a shotgun while wearing an helmet
Nice job, csroberto2854! These are great. How about Skyler’s toy spaceship created from the melted down pistol that was used to kill John Darling, who was murdered.
Ooh! Here’s another. Les Moore’s hall monitor machine gun.
How about one piece being living Phil Holt and one being dead Phil Holt and a third being reincarnated Phil Holt?
Lovely! But missing:
Les’ award for being such an adorably fetching and feminine actress
Holtron
Lillian-Bot from the Village Booksmith, as seen in Funky Winkerbean in the 24th-and-a-Half Century!
Flash’s Ferkakte Cosmic Dreadmill
Zanzibar brandishing ray gun
a few more
Act III Darin’s corpse with Skyler’s Toy Ship lodged into his skull
Phil Holt’s grave with zombie Phil Holt rising from the grave
Pop Clutch’s corpse (which is missing his head) with a pair of hearing aids lying next to his neck
The PBM attempting to summon Cthulhu, but an dull blue-furred anthropomorphic hedgehog (with black eyes and bleeding red blood from the eyes) comes out of it
The Lord of the Late grabbing Pete by the throat
Funky whacking Dick Facey in the face with a bottle
Les being run over by a bus
Crankshaft being hit in the face by a rock
Crankshaft in a fistfight with Sgt. Snorkel (from Beetle Bailey)
Les about to be hit by a train
Early Act II Wally playing the trombone
Act II Bull Bushka being burned at the stake
Act II Funky wearing Neo’s clothing and dodging bullets
Danny Madison on a chair with his head on fire
Crankshaft being dragged to hell by demons
Les carrying Mariannes body
Act I Les struggling to read “Lisa’s Story”
Act III Cindy looking in a mirror and noticed she gained both a gray hair and a wrinkle and is about to flip out
Zanzibar The Murder Monkey Holding an revolver and is about to shoot Elderly Cliff Anger
2001 Act II Funky lying down on the floor, completely shitfaced and covered in vomit and snow
Frankie and Darin trying to kill each other while Jessica tries to stop them
Act II Funky (who’s drunk) punching Les in the face
Horse Ass Head John walking towards Becky (who’s holding an baseball bat
Act I Funky (with a mullet), Les (who’s about to pass out from the cold) Roland (who’s baked out of his mind) and Livina singing christmas songs
Chien typing on a computer
A few more
Lillian The Lizard being set ablaze by both Ed Crankshaft and the Pyro from TF2
Wally and Mark Trail punching Flattop Jones, Khan, Anthony Caine and Les Moore
an destroyed charcoal griller floating in space
Dick Facey and Anthony Caine having an contest on who’s the most loathsome piece of shit in comic strip history
Zanzibar The Murder Monkey shooting Mitchell Knox in the head with the gun that killed John Darling, Who Was Murdered
Crankshaft with a extremely angry expression and is wearing a dunce cap
Les holding the “Best Actress” award like Gollum
Jim Kablichnick yelling at Chien, Mooch Myers and Jessica Darling
DCH John being arrested by the Westview police
Mopey Pete dressed up as Raimiverse Spiderman
Wally Winkerbean on a toilet
Crankshaft having his spine ripped out by an Yautja
Dick Facey and Lizard Lil smirking at each other
the “aged and creamy” Starbuck Jones comic book that DSH John owned
Les Moore dressed up as Ebenezer Scrooge and is being dragged to hell by Pop Clutch (who’s dressed up as Jacob Marley)
Act I Les beating the hell out of Act III Les while Act II Les tries to break it up
@csroberto2854
About an item on your latest list.
I’m sorry, but if any Batiukverse character deserves to be burned at the stake, it’s Loathsome Lillian.
BURN THE WITCH!!!
Has anyone talked about whar the Chance and Community Chest cards would be? “You have first place at the Oscars. Collect $10.” “John Howard gives you a free comic book. Collect $200.”
Wait, the Pizza Monster is becoming a co-owner of Montoni’s? And they’re only signing the paperwork now?
I admit it: I’m mildly amused by the idea that this person somehow managed to get a checking account for their dumb secret identity, and is now signing all the legal documents “P. Monster”.
You know, I think the “elegant solution” actually made Tom Batiuk’s writing even worse. I daresay he used to have a non-zero commitment to realism and making sense. But i can just hear him trying to justify this arc with “Nudge!”
Pete doesn’t have to know anything about pizza! A fictional character can be your silent partner, and write you a huge check for literally doing nothing instead of writing it to the person you bought the venture from (never mind all the problems with that)! Also, people still write checks!
I wondered what name PBM was signing on the check…
It’s a fatal blow to the story. There’s no way the PBM could sign financial documents without everyone knowing very well who he is. But i know the story will continue to pretend he’s a mystery. Which makes Pete and Mindy incredibly foolish for partnering with him. They’re begging to get scammed. They won’t, but they should.
Actually not. It is legal to use a nom de plume for transactions, provided you are not trying to do anything illegal like evade taxes on the transaction or defraud the other party. Of course, the other party (and their financial institution) must agree to accept a nom de plume. And I suspect the funds from the Pizza BM’s check will not show up in Flunky’s account until the check is actually paid.
Which brings us to another point: one does not usually buy a business with a personal check. If Pizza BM showed up with a check, it should have been a cashier’s check, which would mean his own financial institution effectively guarantees it; the thing could have had any name (or no name at all beyond the bank’s) on it.
I have checks, just to pay my town taxes. I haven’t used any since the town went to an online system for direct billing. There’s a 50 cent fee, which is less than a check, envelope and stamp.
Speaking as a 45 year veteran of the Retail Wars, by the late 90s checks were obsolete. My coworker/bestie got fired for taking a check that bounced from Hartford. For those not from CT: “Where the Black people live.” She didn’t call a manager, because…she was one. “We always need to look at checks from Hartford!” said the owners.
“Since when? We were both here for 2 years, and you never said that!” They sputtered that they always did. My friend, being a single mom, was worried about the loss of income, but got a better job 2 days later.
The owners approved a check written by 2 sweet little old (WHITE) ladies a month later. Turns out that the checks were for an imaginary account, and run off their PC printer.
The owners could’ve said “We were wrong,” or they could’ve banned checks. Oh, take a guess what they did.
Checks have made a modest comeback at many of the retail stores around here. No drawn-out verification anymore; the clerk just scans the check right there at the register and the store’s bank does an immediate electronic transfer. It either clears or it bounces before the customer leaves the checkout lane. I don’t think the paper checks are even retained and sent to the bank anymore. “Checking” has become a paper debit card.
Because I can’t edit comments (or even copy, delete, edit and repost), one more thing: biggest purchase I ever made by personal check was an $8000 motorcycle, eight years ago. I bought it on Veterans Day and forgot the bank was closed so I couldn’t get a cashier’s check. Called the dealer to re-schedule, and he said “no problem, just bring in a personal check.” That’s when I learned about scanning a personal check and turning it into an immediate EFT.
They do things a little differently in Westview. There, it is customary to first move in, furnish, decorate, and supply a restaurant, and begin cooking, advertising, and distributing coupons.
Only once you begin to serve customers do you actually buy the restaurant or lease the space.
Tom Batiuk: This person had their name legally changed to Pizza Monster. So there!
*Proud smirk* (performs a self-high-five)
You’re probably right, but it Still wouldn’t actually solve the problem.
I’m afraid we’ve got some bad news, bwoeh…
Ugh. JFC. 😩
I come up with the lamest reason possible, and it’s the one Batiuk uses.
Sorry about the “JFC”, SorialPromise. 😳
Is this an attempt to slide back into Act I “sentient computer and hall monitor machine gun” whimsy? But with Act III depressives and weirdos along for the ride?
Wait a farkin’ minute. A couple of weeks ago, Mopey was concerned about not having the finances necessary to buy his share of Montoni’s. Now it appears he bought the whole enchilada and the pizza monster is paying him back for its share. Does Batiuk forget about details immediately after he writes them?
They’re just signing the papers now? What if the pizza monster decided to back out of the deal? What if either party decides not to honor their part of the deal?
What about lawyers? A Notary public? Nothing to provide legal protection? Hello!
Good business sense. Add that to the list of things Tom Batiuk knows nothing about.
Does Batiuk forget about details immediately after he writes them?
Of course not. He forgets about details before he writes them.
? What are these “details” of which you speak?
Batiuk has taught you well. Soon, Epicus … soon you will be ready for The Burnings….
Tom Batiuk has bought at least one house. He’s negotiated and signed plenty of contracts with publishers and syndicates.
I’ll bet a jillion bucks that when it’s his labor on the line, he operates on a “I don’t give you anything till the contract’s vetted by my lawyer and everyone has signed on the dotted line” basis.
But Pete will get an entire restaurant kitted out and up and running just on spec.
Pete is an idiot.
So is the guy who writes him.
Why is PBM giving Pete money? That makes no sense, unless Pete fronted the entire purchase price and PBM reimbursed Pete for his half. Or, Pete’s contribution was buying the restaurant and PBM’s contribution was the operating capital.
But we were told at the start Pete wasn’t sure he’d have enough money, which goes against either of those interpretations.
And why is Mindy acting like they won the lottery? “He can drop a check off any time!” He won’t. This is a one-time arrangement by its nature. You’re supposed to start selling pizza to get income, Mindy. That’s how this works.
The fact is, after being with Pete, Mindy longs for the sënsuous caresses of someone warmer, more romantic, more vibrant. Someone more real, more human than Pete could ever be. That’s why she’s flirting openly with a pile of cardboard boxes.
In Worstview, a mate made of cardboard boxes is considered the ultimate “get.”
I thought Les Moore was considered the ultimate “get” in Worstview.
Funy. Wht s wron wth m keybard? Cn a Kybord gt sik? Mayb I shldnt hve typd tha.
As I mentioned below, Tom Batiuk has entered into plenty of contracts, and so have I. Part of the deal is that the signatories have to show ID and their identity has to be confirmed by whoever is acting as notary.
No way anyone signs a contract with no lawyers or notaries present. Nor does anyone sign in a burqa, ski mask, full clown facepaint, or a costume where their face is fully hidden by ski masks.
This could work if it were the old, lighthearted FW, where the computer was sentient and Crazy Harry lived in a spacious apartment inside his locker.
But mixing dreary real life stories like “Covid caused Funky’s business to fail and there had to be a bankruptcy sale” with jocular magic realism like “A heap of cardboard is a legal signatory to a contract” simply doesn’t work.
Add “tone” to the bafflingly large list of things TB used to understand perfectly well and somehow completely lost his grip on.
Sorry, that should have been “… a costume where their face is fully hidden by cardboard boxes.” Although for all we know there’s a ski mask under there too. For all we know, it’s a kangaroo with flesh-tone gloves, or Zanzibar.
We may never know who’s in that costume(?), but one thing’s for sure: No one cares.
I spent 20 years managing liquor stores (“packies” as we call them here). Our least favorite time of year was Halloween. You come dressed in a way that hides your face–Sorry, we can’t sell to you if we can’t ID you.
Back before there was the MCU (yes, Virginia, there was such a time), I spotted a college kid from across the store. “He’s Captain America!” I thought. He looked the part; not super tall, but handsome with blond hair and inflatable muscles.
He came to me and I ID’d him. “Hey,” I said, “this doesn’t say Steve Rogers!” He turned to his other costumed friends and said “See?! You SEE?!” Clearly they thought no one would recognize him. He asked me “Who was his sidekick?” “Bucky…Barnes. So, Bucky, did you like him better when he was dead or alive?” “Oh, dead, sure!” As he left, I said “Punch Hitler for me!”
You can’t buy a 6 pack if we can’t ID you. But you can get a major business loan, sure. Quarter inch from my ass, Tom.
I bet Mason Jarre is displeased. Montoni’s reopens and the Channel 1 News team is there to cover it.
Meanwhile, Mason reopens the Valentine Theater. The only news person to cover that story was a one-armed newspaper reporter with a smart phone.
Yeah really. Max and Hannah are working harder for Montoni’s than they ever did for the theater they’re being paid to run.
And if they have not set signed the papers, meaning they don’t yet own the place, how are they practically living in the restaurant, decorating the place, baking that one pizza, granting interviews, giving out coupons to their one day maybe grand opening?
The minor irritating inconsistencies don’t do a good job of disguising the major ones. Inept taping and poorly composed photos are visual shorthand for inept storytelling and poorly composed ideas.
And have you noticed the expressions don’t match the dialog, even by Funkyverse standards? People are way too enthusiastically making simple statements to advance the plot.
Or they have that weird half-smirk that means…What does it mean? Are they amused? Annoyed? Looking around to see if anyone noticed they farted a slice of Montoni’s?
Half of us predicted this gag that the pizza guy would sign under his alias. It being his changed legal name is quite the escalation though, and it says something that I completely forgot that Funky had a rivalry to try and unmask the guy or whatever.
So, this now begs the question of what the Sunday Christmas Eve strip will depict. Will it show off the great Montoni’s reopening just in time for St Nick’s pizza? Or something banal that tells us Pete’s a little more practical on the reopening timeline and is just way into the season despite not being open yet? Or better yet, maybe we’ll skip past Montoni’s entirely and return to Crankshaft drunk off his ass on rum balls going on a rampage in Lillian’s bookstore?
Or the PBM will be revealed as… some character no one cared about who appeared in the background of 7 strips and was last seen in 1979!
Are we getting another year-end Custodius Ex Machina like we got last year?
Boy, I bet millions of newspaper readers are on the edge of their seats right now, waiting for the big….zzzzzzz
I think the PBM might be a character that hasn’t appeared since 2007, 2002, or 2016
I think it’s Timemop. You know he’s coming back for The Burnings, so this is probably Batiuk’s trojan horse.
I completely forgot that Funky had a rivalry to try and unmask the guy or whatever.
“Okay, Pete, I just need one more document to finalize the sale of Montoni’s to you both. And it’s… his birth certificate.”
Mystery solved.
Not “Sure, i’ll sell you my life’s work so i can read the buyer’s name off the contract.” That is stupid beyond words.
You can’t get around the Know Your Customer laws just by changing your name. But never mind that: Funky has all the power here. If PBM wants to own Montoni’s, Funky can refuse to sell it to him until he tells Funky what he wants to know. PBM could try to sue Funky for something like discrimination, but guess PBM he has to do then? Reveal who he is.
This is an Idiot Plot. Funky’s an idiot if he can’t figure out to leverage this situation to get what he wants. On top of all the contrivances it’s built on. Pete quitting his beloved comic book industry: buying Montoni’s when there’s nothing to buy or any need to buy it; Funky being irrationally scared of PBM; the PBM having no reason to exist in a realistic world: none of this having anything to do with Crankshaft.
I’m chuted again, so I’m just testing something. My longer posts always clog, but the short ones don’t. Anyway, can you imagine some Burnings-level dystopia where TB won that Pulitzer? What unknown levels of pretentiousness would’ve come from THAT?
Yep. The short ones go through.
The filter doesn’t like you for some mysterious reason. I wish I knew why. But I promise, you will not be forgotten!
But I promise, you will not be forgotten!
Umm…thanks? That sounds like something an 80s action hero would say as he threw the bad guy from a skyscraper. “But I promise, you will not be forgotten! The stain you make on the pavement will be there for MONTHS.”
It’s weird. For the last year or so, the filter has had almost no spam to filter. Yet it flags you, and a couple other regulars. If I can figure out how to make it stop, I most definitely will. But I have no clue.
Not for nothin’, but I tried changing my email address and tweaking my username, and neither worked. But when I changed my username to something quite different, that was the magic bullet. Suddenly I can do things that used to be mere pipe dreams: post images, write long posts, even post links!
Might be worth substantively changing your username if the situation is frustrating enough to you. Personally, if I’d known it was that simple to mollify the mad spam-detection bot, I would have done it ages ago.
Anonymous Sparrow 🎂🍺 Be Ware of Eve Hill,
I address you both. (and I wish “Merry Christmas” to both of you.) BWOEH, you are running on all cylinders for this post! Epicus must inspire you. ( As he should, and does!)
I watched a show last night that made me think of both you and Anonymous. It is Rod Serling’s “A Carol for Another Christmas” 1964, directed by Joseph Mankiewicz. It stars one of your favorites, Eve, Sterling Hayden. Powerful cast of costars, such as Steve Lawrence, Peter Sellers, Robert Shaw, but the 2 that steal the show are Percy Rodrigues, and Pat Hingle. In that crowd, it was an amazing task. It is a wonder how memories tie a film together. Hayden said his boy dies on Christmas Eve 1944. That made me think of “White Christmas”, their Act 1 performance is set on that same date. Rod Serling had a lot of hope for the United Nations in 1964. I remember that Stan Lee and Jack Kirby at Marvel did also.
Robert Shaw reminded me of Edward Woodward in the 1984 version of Christmas Carol. Different roles, yet great acting.
Tomorrow is Christmas Eve. I am getting together with family for the next 2 days. I hope both of you are doing the same.
I wish nothing but Joy and Happiness to everyone at SOSF.
Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas! 🎄🦌⛄️ 🎭
SP:
Lee and Kirby had Captain America struck by the many flags at the United Nations building in *Avengers* #4.
In 2023, I saw the play *The Shark Is Broken,* which deals with the making of “Jaws” from the perspective of Richard Dreyfuss, Roy Scheider and Robert Shaw. It caused me to look into Shaw’s credits (he was Henry the Eighth, he was, he was, in “A Man for All Seasons”), but I missed “A Carol for Another Christmas.” (There’s a “Suspense” episode called “Christmas for
Carole.”)
This is the opening verse of “White Christmas,” which most people don’t sing:
The sun is shining, the grass is green,
The orange and palm trees sway.
There’s never been such a day
in Beverly Hills, L.A.
But it’s December the twenty-fourth,—
And I am longing to be up North
Robert Wells and Mel Torme wrote “The Christmas Song” on a very hot day in California.
Better chestnuts roasting on an open fire than a Dinkle at your door…
…or Jack Frost nipping at your nose than Claude Barlow on your stereo…
Time for Phil Spector’s Christmas Gift, in which Darlene Love does sing of green grass, and then to write to Suzan in Australia, where she may surf on sunny Christmas Day, if she should so choose.
I woke up early today on Christmas Day, and turned on all the holiday lights. She especially likes snowman globes. Then washed last night’s dishes, and received your missive.
Merry Christmas, my friend.
Your note made me look up Robert Shaw on IMDB. (Perhaps it was also due to me remembering the tune, but not the title to the great acting in “the Sting”.)
I had also forgotten his part in “From Russia with Love”, and also the “Battle of the Bulge”.
My Dad told me that he couldn’t remember any more of the film, “the Deep” after seeing Jacqueline Bisset’s opening underwater scene. I replied, “Your opinion has merit.”
I read that Shaw was a novelist. I must check him out. You are loved and appreciated, my friend.
Frohe Weihnachten!
Hello, SorialPromise! I’m having a delightful holiday season. So busy that I’m replying to this comment five days late. We get to see my son’s family this year! YaY! The little ones are having a blast. Father and son having fun doing manly men stuff. Father and son assembling toys into the wee hours of the morning. My DIL (the Captain) and I are enjoying each other’s company. I’ll corrupt her yet. 😂
I’ll have to add “A Carol for Another Christmas” to my watchlist. It’s amazing that I’ve never heard of this movie. Sterling Hayden, Peter Sellers and Robert Shaw? What’s not to like? Joseph L. Mankiewicz, uncle to my favorite TCM host, Ben Mankiewicz.
Hope Cheers
I consider this my first birthday present. I have exactly 116 minutes to be 69 years old for the last time. Then I officially turn the big 7-0. LaDonna and my granddaughter are making me a red velvet cake tomorrow.
So happy to hear you enjoying your family. Keep corrupting your DIL!
Love,
SorialPromise
Here are the Firestone High School Madrigal Singers. How many of you can still sing your part in these songs?
Merry Christmas and Seasons Greetings to everyone!
Oh sweet Jeebus, today’s strip somehow managed to be even more moronic than yesterday’s. (Note to self: never, ever think “This can’t possibly get any stupider”; Batiuk WILL go out of his way to ensure it can.)
FFS, one could excuse Funky selling the lamp at the auction on the cheap because he didn’t think it was legit, but Lillian KNOWS what it’s worth. And she’s just… giving it back?
It looks like that one lady bought most of the pictures from the wall (presumably not the one of John Darling Who Was Murdered), although I can’t imagine why anyone would even want most of them. (But I guess we know why they didn’t bother to repaint the walls to cover the obvious spots where the pictures used to be; now they know EXACTLY where to put them!)
And, of course… it’s back. The friggin’ band box is back, like we all knew it would be.
I don’t recall anyone quite predicting THIS turn of events, so at least we can be thankful for not getting too far gone into the “thinking like Batiuk” madness (yet)?
If it’s got the same interior desecrations (bad wordplay actually intentional) and it’s operated by a different shnook who’s the same lousy businessmen Funky and it has the same customer base of dough-head suburbanites who let muscle memory guide them to the same gas-station quality pizza served in the same oppressive setting, closing it was a folly. The last arc of Winkerbean should have been touched off by Funky selling the place to Pete.
Allowing Funky to sell Montoni’s simply so he can enjoy a well earned retirement definitely would have been a much more positive send off for the title character.
I didn’t expect it myself, but with the speculation about the band box and stuff it felt somewhat inevitable. Rolled my eyes so hard when I checked into GoComics this morning.
It’s the perfect form of narrative reversal all wrapped up in a wholesome “spirit of Christmas” message. Monotoni’s gets to fully become its old self again bar a few things, all under new management who don’t have silly little war PTSD or ICE profiling problems. All they need left is to fine where the delivery cars with the “new snow tires” went.
And take note of Davis’s lackluster illustration direction: Instead of reacting with a shocked, surprised or grateful facial expression at all these classic Montoni’s interior fixtures being gifted back to them for free, Pete and Mindy are looking at a scene with resigned-eyes and “oh that scallywag” Funkyverse Smirks ™ as if Les just let out one of his classic wisecracks about the children that were left behind.
Merry Christmas Eve, everyone, we may be in for a Funky 2024 yet.
I groaned out loud, but you’re right. it was inevitable. Montoni’s has never been about tasty pizza, it has always been the decor.
Merry Christmas and a joyous holiday to everyone! Be safe and enjoy!
Yep, the Band Box is back. And the die hard fans are lashing out at the critics. They never give a reason why they like the strip, nor do they acknowledge the slow transition of Crankshaft into FW.
Last year Montoni’s was closing, this year it’s open. Maybe Batty is just mad at the syndicate for dropping FW instead of Crankshaft and so now he is being spiteful and cramming in a bunch of FW crap.
With the bandbox back, you know it’s only a matter of time before Dinkle and Les return.
When my son was about 2 or 3, he discovered that I was able to fix many broken toys with glue or jerry-rigging. He went through a brief phase of apparently breaking toys just to come into my room and watch intently as I fixed them. This kind of thing is a normal developmental phase for babies and toddlers — throw things on the floor just for the joy of someone picking them up and giving them back, knock down blocks just so you can pile them back up, etc.
I’m afraid Tom Batiuk, in his declining years, has regressed to this stage. He smashed his Montoni’s toy set to pieces, for no reason at all, and now he’s reassembling the broken pieces to try and make it just as it was, again for no reason at all.
In a baby, it’s tiring but kind of cute. In an adult, it’s boring, and oddly depressing.
I just read Crankshaft for the comments below. It never gets old.
Merry Christmas everyone.
It’s almost like Batiuk is trolling us.
I think Moy and Brigman troll their readers with Mary Worth. It’s kind of fun. Batty would never do that though, he is way too serious.
This week’s MW arc has been truly special. Four obnoxious people at dinner, and none of them are Mary.
I think the locations for a FW themed Monopoly would be:
Montoni’s
Westview High School
The Centerville Bus District
Margo’s Lane
The Valentine’s Theater
Taj-Moore-Hal
Joe’s Roastery (from Pearls Before Swine)
The Lord of The Late’s Castle
St. Spires
The Komix Korner
Westview High School’s Band Room (led by Harry L. Dinkle) (which would be Jail)
Happy New Year’s Eve, everyone!
12/24:
Is this written by a child? “And then, and then, they all gived big good presents to the wonderful Bag-Eyes! He loved comical books so he gets good stuff! For FREE! Then, God tortures people! Like he’ll torture you, MOM, for not constantly bringing me cookies all the time! And not letting me eat ice cream for breakfast! I HATE YOU WAAAH!”
That’s pretty much his whole range. He’s like the creepy billionaire’s kid in “Monty.” If you’re a Tom-vatar in his strip, all good flows to you unbidden. If you aren’t, untold misery falls upon you, so that Les can mope about it, making it all about himself again.
Aww, CHUTE!
(bet this one goes through)
So Pete and Mindy have taken on the Pizza Monster as their silent co owner of Montonis. They said he legally his name to Pizza Monster. Okay Now I know why I don’t read Crankshaft more often…
First Christmas (or is it Christams?) without Funky Winkerbean. It’s kinda like the first Christmas without a relative that you never much cared for… not necessarily bad, but weird, not the same. And their wannabe younger sibling (Crankshaft) is no replacement.